What Up Blood: Last Encounter (Hopefully!)

I decided not to write about other minor uneventful incidents which have occurred involving the gang culture. These events consisted of “ice grills” from gang members with facial tattoos and such trivial chance meetings; I don’t feel the need to waste anyone’s time with these tales. This last encounter will hopefully be my last post on the subject, until I ultimately achieve my life’s goal of ending gang violence in the city of Los Angeles. I don’t know why I was chosen to be the savior, but I was so I will fulfill my duty.
In the previous post, I mentioned how it didn’t make any sense for red to be the only banned color, but I eventually gained an understanding as to why. Blue represents the infamous Crips gang. Yet, blue is a universal color and tends to blend in. Most people wear blue on a regular basis, so it would be tedious to police the color. (By policing the color, I mean harassing anyone who wears it! I’m just speaking the truth. I’m not a gang member, but I have had several run-ins with Los Angeles’ least finest, and I must say that I am not a fan. NWA has a song called Fuck Tha Police…I don’t know why I mentioned that!) Crip members wear a blue flag to show their allegiance to their gang. They may also wear blue laces to be identifiable.
Red on the other hand is a color that stands out, which makes wearing red more of a statement. The more important reason for the ban on red is the fact that the Bloods are vastly outnumbered in the city of Los Angeles. If not for Crip on Crip violence, the Bloods would have a tough time surviving in the city. People who wear red are placing their safety on the line.
Usually, I am traveling by myself or with a woman, so I think gang members tend to give me a pass. This is just a hypothesis, since I don’t know for certain why I haven’t been in more incidents. I may just be lucky.
One day, my cousin came down from the valley to hang out for the afternoon. We decided to go get some Popeye’s for lunch. (We all know that white people eat chicken too, let’s not play that game.) I had on a gray Red Sox hat and red sneakers. My cousin had a traditional Red Sox hat and some black Jordans with red laces. (They really shouldn’t sell sneakers with red laces in Los Angeles, but who am I to make such an intelligent suggestion.)
I pulled into a parking space and we stepped out of the car. I heard someone yelling from across the parking lot, but I paid him no mind, because people are always yelling. We started to walk towards the entrance and the yelling became a bit louder and seemed to be directed towards us. I turned around and saw a guy standing by a car yelling at the two of us. I couldn’t make out what he was saying, so I stopped and attempted to make out his words. There was a girl sitting in her car directly in front of me so I assumed he was attempting to get her attention, so I pointed towards her, as if to say, “are you talking to her?” He pointed at me and yelled what I thought was, “bird gang,” but I really had no idea what he was saying. I gestured with both hands up in the air to let him know that I couldn’t understand him. He yelled again, and I was certain he said “bird gang.”
I was confused because the only Bird I know, other than Larry, is Birdman so I assumed this guy was putting some respek on his name. He completely misunderstood my sign language and thought I was saying, “what up blood…I’m with it…let’s do this.” (I was saying no such thing.)
I started walking towards him and as I got closer, he started walking in my direction with the clear intention of fighting. That’s when I heard him say, “dirt gang.” (I later found out that I was in the territory of the Rolling 30s Harlem Crips, aka Dirt Gang.) Looking back on the incident, I can understand his level of aggression, because it may have appeared to him that I was a Blood, and clearly trespassing in his neighborhood; the Popeye’s is in a Crip area. He assumed that I was making some grand statement that I can go wherever I pleased and anyone who had a problem with it, can deal with my wrath. (I was not making any such statement!)
Once I understood what was happening, I stopped and said, “I’m not here for that…I’m not a Blood.” He then wondered, “why do you have on all that red?” It was a legitimate question. To which I replied, “I’m from Boston.” His energy changed, and he responded, “my bad…you should be careful with all that red, cuz.” Then he backed off and went to his car. The situation was diffused, but if he was a little younger and had a little less sense, there would have been a squabble in that parking lot. The incident would have clearly changed my life, I would have joined the Bloods and taken out revenge on the entire Crip nation. (Just kidding!)
The Gang culture is definitely the real deal in Los Angeles. The entre time, the man’s friend remained by the car with the door open. I’m not sure why he didn’t attack along with his friend, but I can only assume that he had a gun in his possession and was prepared to use it if need be. I still wear red from time to time, but I am always prepared to deal with some type of nonsense when I choose to do so. (The fact that I live in a Blood neighborhood, probably keeps me a bit safer when doing so, but one can never be too careful.)

Honestly, I think I’ve experienced enough gang banging for a life time. I would write about the shooting incident, but I don’t want to make it seem as if South Central is more violent than it really is. There are many great events, such as the Taste of Soul, in which Crenshaw Blvd is shut down for many blocks and people from all over the city enjoy different forms of entertainment including concerts. (Last year, the rapper Doug E. Fresh brought out special guest Brandy and they performed a live concert.) There are also many vendors selling all types of goodies. The food is amazing and I was able to purchase a novel, written by a local artist. There are many gang members present, but they are able to leave the violence at home and have a good time.


I often hear people say things like, “the Bloods and Crips are dumb…why would they kill someone for wearing a color.” That is a very uninformed way to look at the culture. The gang members are mortal enemies and blood has been shed on both sides. The colors are just the way of identifying which gang one belongs to. They are simply attacking the enemy…it’s a lot more complicated than just colors.



Fuck The Quitting Ass Ex-Pope

*****     Before I dive into the controversial heading, I would like to take a moment to discuss my lack of content. February has been a hectic month. As much as I enjoyed living in Los Angeles, we had to make a difficult decision and chose to leave. That’s right; I no longer live in Los Angeles.

It’s not what you think. I didn’t fail miserably and realize that I am incapable of making a life for myself on the west coast. We simply moved to Burbank which is only one town south of North Hollywood. (I don’t even have to change my cleaners!)

     Now that I am resettled and once again a member of the twenty first century with internet service, I plan on writing more frequently. *****


Obviously, those who are familiar with my work will probably assume that this is some anti-religion, anti-Catholicism, atheist rant, but nothing could be further from the truth. I am not saying “fuck the quitting ass ex-pope” out of spite, or hatred; I honestly have a legitimate reason for my vitriol.

Here is why I have a major beef with the man “god” chose to lead his flock. (For an all-powerful being “god” sucks at picking leaders. An unimaginable number of pedophiles and now a quitter! I don’t know about you but I think someone needs to tell this guy that he is not CEO material!)

I have a completed manuscript which took a great deal of blood sweat and tears to produce. In order to write my novel, I did some extensive research and discovered that there were a couple examples of popes who actually resigned from the position of “Pedophilias Maximus!”  A fact that is not well-known.

Now, because of this selfish jackass, formerly known as Benedict (Arnold) XVI, I have to re-write an entire freaking chapter. What a wicked pissah! (You can take the man out of Boston, but you can’t take the Boston out of the man!)

***I actually have never uttered those words unless it was in jest!***

     I’ll go back to the drawing board and rewrite the chapter to include the latest quitter.

Another reason I am upset with Mr. “share-the-passion-of-the-Christ-with-the-boys-of-the-world” is the fact that his inability to deal with the shit storm that is about to overtake the Catholic Church forced me to change my Facebook profile.

As soon as I heard the announcement I posted this status:

“Today is a sad day. Due to the Pope’s decision to quit, I will be forced to retire my profile pic on February 28th @ 8:00pm Vatican time.”

     Here is my previous profile pic, which I created and loved:


     Here is my new profile pic which I found online and I love.

rapist pope

     Most people pray for the pope to live a long healthy life, but I enjoy the conclave. I just love the excitement of watching the smoke rise from the chimney and waiting to see who will lead the next generation of pedophiles. (This feud will continue as long as that guy breathes the good lord’s air!)

I have a lot more to say about this quitter, but I’ll save my comments for my post about a church related documentary!


90’s Tweets

These are five sample tweets I would have sent, had Twitter existed in the 90’s. I’ll only limit the list to five because I could probably go on forever and that would be pointless! I just think the idea lends itself to some funny tweets.

I will also post one response that I would have received for each tweet!



@Randomfriend About to call your crib. Pick up cause I banged your mom last night and I don’t feel like talking to her! #HousePhone

@PeteTeix617 HA HA! I’m showing my mom this tweet. #LastLaugh



I’m so upset with Buddy for what he did today, on Charles In Charge. #DoucheBestFriend

@PeteTeix617 Nicole Eggert is hot! #WhyIWatch


Say don’t you know no gooooooooood! #Martin

@PeteTeix617 LMFAO! That episode was funny as shit. #IJustWannaFinishMySong


I’m thinking of running for class president, but I gotta find a Lewinski first! #Looking4aGirlWithABlueDress

@PeteTeix617 Who the hell saves a jizz soaked dress? #SuperFreak


I don’t know about Forest Gump, but those BAYWATCH chicks be RUNNIN’! #Watching

@PeteTeix617 Hell Yeah! Those producers are geniuses. #BayWatching


You won’t believe this! Sixteen year-old Oregon girl just had a baby. #FuckingCrazy

@PeteTeix617 I just grabbed the paper; I can’t believe it either. #WrapItUp


Feel free to take this idea and run with it!


Second Chance Sunday {IX}

Due to the fact that I missed yesterday’s This Actually Happened post, I decided to add a quick story to today’s entry.

Yesterday, while in a store in Pasadena, I walked down the aisle and there was a weird woman standing in front of my destination. She did her best to gain my attention and then said this, “Tell Obama that I support him! I voted for Obama!”

I’ll get right on it, Ma’am! What was your name again? (I ask because she had identification and showed me her real name! (If only I paid attention when crazy people introduce themselves!)

***Hey Barack, if perchance you stumble upon this blog, it is with great pleasure that I inform you there is some crazy woman in Pasadena who voted for you!***


I Don’t Think I Saw That from December 6th.


Chris Bosh Breaks Down And Reveals True Cause Of Abdominal Strain

Originally, Chris Bosh claimed that he suffered an abdominal strain while attempting to pull down a rebound during game one of the second round playoff match-up against the Indiana Pacers, but after some rigorous questioning, the all-star power forward broke down and revealed the truth about his injury.

In a shocking twist, Bosh admitted that he suffered the strain at his Miami area home. Apparently, Bosh was doing Pilates with his wife and she challenged him to a “Pilates posture-off!”

Bosh explained the rules in a recent radio interview. “Well, it’s pretty simple. Me and the misses get into different positions and the person who breaks first, loses. Each new position increases in difficulty and is worth one more point than the previous exercise.”

Mrs. Bosh was winning by a point after the couple completed exercise number eight, known as the mermaid. (I am not familiar with the pose but I assume there is some salt water involved!) Like any red-blooded athlete, the NBA star knew he had to push it to the limit in order to secure a victory.

The final exercise was the most challenging; the barrel stretch. (Pictured below!)

Here is Bosh’s explanation of the injury:

“I knew I had to dig down deep in order to win. My wife was in the lead and she was talking a little smack. Normally I wouldn’t mind but the, I love Skip Bayless, t-shirt she had on pissed me off. There was no way I could back down! We got into the position which was worth ten points and after an hour and a half, I began to feel some discomfort. This happens almost every night which is usually when I decide to stop posing, but I didn’t want to quit. I pushed myself and held the pose for another two hours. It was tough but I knew what was on the line. I think it was four hours into the final challenge that I felt the strain; I let out a loud whimper and that’s when my wife lost concentration; releasing her position. I know we are in the middle of the NBA playoffs but there are times in a person’s life when sacrifices have to be made for the greater good. The win was definitely worth it; I will forever be known as a champion!” (Yes Chris, I agree that you will forever be known as a Pilates champion!)

     Well folks, that’s quite a tale! ESPN sports anchor, Steve Levy, mistakenly reported that Bosh’s abdominal strain was the result of a bulging dick! (Watch the clip if you didn’t watch SportsCenter in the ‘90s! ESPN Blooper.)

In a way, Chris Bosh is a hero because he played a significant amount of minutes with a strain in his abdomen. Who would have figured!

The purpose of this post was to pay homage to Onion News Network! I hope I did them justice!


Troubling Commercial

There are several commercials that are troubling, but recently I saw one that caused me to shake my head. It’s an Audi ad.

In the commercial, drivers of other high-end vehicles spot a car transporter that is full of different Audi vehicles. One guy climbs out of his BMW’s sunroof in order to jump onto the transporter and sit inside of an Audi. Several other commuters follow suit.


     The ad is not necessarily effective, but I am not commenting on the marketing quality. The aspect that I find most troubling about the commercial is the disclaimer which appears during the ad. Audi actually warns people from attempting to imitate the actions of the drivers. (It’s ridiculous that companies have to protect themselves from frivolous lawsuits!)

This Transporter

Not This Transporter

     I don’t want to live in a world where an idiot can cause serious injury to him or herself and then file a claim against a company. That being said, I will continue to live in this world because I have no control over such issues.

The way I see it, people who win such law suits should be forced to wear a Navy Letter! “What is a navy letter?” You ask. It’s similar to a scarlet letter; only navy blue instead of scarlet red. The “A” will be changed to an “F” for Frivolous! (Initially, my idea was to force people to have the Navy “F” tattooed to their forehead, but they don’t call me “Peter the Lenient” for nothing!)