Chris Bosh Breaks Down And Reveals True Cause Of Abdominal Strain

Originally, Chris Bosh claimed that he suffered an abdominal strain while attempting to pull down a rebound during game one of the second round playoff match-up against the Indiana Pacers, but after some rigorous questioning, the all-star power forward broke down and revealed the truth about his injury.

In a shocking twist, Bosh admitted that he suffered the strain at his Miami area home. Apparently, Bosh was doing Pilates with his wife and she challenged him to a “Pilates posture-off!”

Bosh explained the rules in a recent radio interview. “Well, it’s pretty simple. Me and the misses get into different positions and the person who breaks first, loses. Each new position increases in difficulty and is worth one more point than the previous exercise.”

Mrs. Bosh was winning by a point after the couple completed exercise number eight, known as the mermaid. (I am not familiar with the pose but I assume there is some salt water involved!) Like any red-blooded athlete, the NBA star knew he had to push it to the limit in order to secure a victory.

The final exercise was the most challenging; the barrel stretch. (Pictured below!)

Here is Bosh’s explanation of the injury:

“I knew I had to dig down deep in order to win. My wife was in the lead and she was talking a little smack. Normally I wouldn’t mind but the, I love Skip Bayless, t-shirt she had on pissed me off. There was no way I could back down! We got into the position which was worth ten points and after an hour and a half, I began to feel some discomfort. This happens almost every night which is usually when I decide to stop posing, but I didn’t want to quit. I pushed myself and held the pose for another two hours. It was tough but I knew what was on the line. I think it was four hours into the final challenge that I felt the strain; I let out a loud whimper and that’s when my wife lost concentration; releasing her position. I know we are in the middle of the NBA playoffs but there are times in a person’s life when sacrifices have to be made for the greater good. The win was definitely worth it; I will forever be known as a champion!” (Yes Chris, I agree that you will forever be known as a Pilates champion!)

     Well folks, that’s quite a tale! ESPN sports anchor, Steve Levy, mistakenly reported that Bosh’s abdominal strain was the result of a bulging dick! (Watch the clip if you didn’t watch SportsCenter in the ‘90s! ESPN Blooper.)

In a way, Chris Bosh is a hero because he played a significant amount of minutes with a strain in his abdomen. Who would have figured!

The purpose of this post was to pay homage to Onion News Network! I hope I did them justice!


Published by Peter Teixeira

First and foremost, I enjoy writing stories. I recently completed my first novel, and I successfully co-wrote a short film script, which won the grand prize in the words made easy competition.

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