Bagging Up – Episode 9

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INT. SPORTS BAR

Bartholomew, Philip, and Simon are chatting while they wait for Judas to arrive, The crew decided to get together for Monday Night Football.

PHILIP

Why do you keep saying that?

SIMON

It’s from a movie. Did you ever see The Boys & Girls Guide to getting Down.

PHILIP

What? I never even heard of it.

SIMON

It’s a movie about using cocaine and hooking up in LA; it was ok. There was a guy who banged a chick who had a mohawk, and the movie ended with the guy rapping. The line is classic. “I just beat a chick with a mohawk; she was Rodney King I was four cops.”

The guys laugh.

BARTHOLOMEW

That’s hilarious.

SIMON

Hell yeah!

Judas finally appears. He cautiously walks to the table, while scouring the bar.

PHILIP

Now that Judas is here, are you going to tell us why you didn’t answer your phone all weekend.

SIMON

Don’t tell me you fell in love.

BARTHOLOMEW

Hell no!

JUDAS

Are you guys sure Sue isn’t working tonight?

SIMON

Is that why you are looking around as if you owe someone money?

JUDAS

What are you talking about; I’m just checking out the ladies.

PHILIP

Damn, I’ve never seen you this nervous before; I honestly didn’t think you would show up.

JUDAS

I’m fine; you guys are idiots.

SIMON

Let’s hear it Bart; what happened this weekend?

JUDAS

Yeah man, why didn’t you pick up any of our calls?

BARTHOLOMEW

It all started last week. I helped a client of mine save some money and he rewarded me with a grand.

PHILIP

Damn, that’s not a bad way to start the day.

BARTHOLOMEW

It was great. I decided to gamble the money on some NFL games and I ended up winning five G’s!

JUDAS

I guess we know who has the tab tonight.

SIMON

Yeah, I forgot my wallet anyway!

The guys laugh.

BARTHOLOMEW

On Friday, I jumped on the plane and went to Vegas. I wanted to get away and just have a luxury weekend to myself.

JUDAS

You selfish bastard.

BARTHOLOMEW

Sorry, man!

JUDAS

Na, I’m just kidding; that’s what’s up.

Sue walks over to the table and spots Judas.

SUE

I can’t believe you have the nerve to show up here; you’re the biggest asshole I’ve ever met.

JUDAS

What are you talking about?

SUE

Why have you been avoiding me? What kind of jerk sleeps with a woman, and then acts like she never exists?

JUDAS

Is that what you think happened? I can’t believe you would think I’m that kind of guy. Do you honestly think I would have come back here if I wanted to avoid you?

SUE

Then please explain, why have you been avoiding me?

JUDAS

I will explain, but I must say that I am a little offended that you think I am a scumbag. It completely changes my opinion of you; I’m not sure I feel the same way, ABOUT US, anymore.

Sue’s anger begins to dissipate.

SUE

What do you mean?

JUDAS

I returned to town today and I knew the guys wanted to get together for Monday Night Football, so I insisted that we meet here because I wanted to talk to you about this past weekend.

SUE

Where did you go?

JUDAS

A friend of mine, MARK, if you must know, lost his mother. She was like a second mom to me and once he called, I jumped on the next plane. I left in such a hurry that I forgot my cell phone, which is why I didn’t call you.

Sue’s attitude completely changes.

SUE

Oh my God; I am so sorry. I feel like a piece of crap. Can you ever forgive me.

JUDAS

Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t think I want to be with someone who is quick to jump to conclusions.

SUE

It was an honest mistake; I will never do it again. Just give me one more chance and you won’t regret it.

JUDAS

I can understand why you got upset, but you have to give me the benefit of the doubt. Let’s take things slow and try to rebuild what we had.

Sue wipes away a tear and gives Judas a big hug.

SUE

Thank you for being so understanding; you’re the best.

JUDAS

I think we might be able to get through this.

SUE

There is no doubt in my mind. What do you want to drink?

JUDAS

It looks like the guys need another round, so four Blue Moons will do.

SUE

I’ll be right back.

Sue leaves and the guys are speechless.

JUDAS

Did you dumbasses honestly think I wouldn’t come prepared, in case Sue “happens” to be working tonight.

SIMON

I am not worthy to be in your presence, my Lord.

BARTHOLOMEW

That was good, but I hope you know that you are creating a psycho.

JUDAS

I think I’ll be alright.

PHILIP

I am speechless; I can’t believe you just did that to her. You definitely went too far.

JUDAS

If you were speechless, you would shut the hell up. I didn’t do anything; you guys did. I was content to bang her and let her be, but you decided to bring me back here; this is on your conscience.

BARTHOLOMEW

So what? You plan on keeping this crazy chick on the team?

JUDAS

I’ll keep her around for a little bit; I’ll enjoy every moment of her trying to make this up to me.

SIMON

You lucky bastard!

JUDAS

Sorry my good man, luck has nothing to do with it.

Sue returns to the table with the drinks.

SUE

Here are the beers. I took the liberty of bringing some free wings; let me know if you need anything else.

JUDAS

Thanks babe!

Sue winks at Judas then leaves.

JUDAS

You’re an idiot, Phil. Did you honestly think I was going to believe your dumb explanation? “She doesn’t work Mondays because it gets too crowded.” She’s a freaking waitress; they fight to work the crowded nights.

PHILIP

Shut up; I just didn’t think it was fair for us to lose this great bar, just because you can’t keep it in your pants.

JUDAS

Life isn’t fair, Phil. Let’s get back to the Vegas trip.

BARTHOLOMEW

I landed on Friday morning and checked in to the Wynn. Everything was over the top; the food was amazing and I met some great women at the pool. The club was bananas and I ended the night on a high note. If you know what I’m saying?

PHILIP

Yeah, we get it; poor girl.

The guys laugh.

BARTHOLOMEW

I decided Saturday was going to be fantasy day. I had three things that I’ve always wanted to do and I was on a mission.

SIMON

Let me guess; you banged a tranny?

The guys laugh.

BARTHOLOMEW

These are my fantasies, not yours. The first thing was renting a Ferrari.

JUDAS

Nice!

BARTHOLOMEW

It cost almost two thousand for the day, but I don’t regret a penny.

JUDAS

How fast did you go?

BARTHOLOMEW

I’ll get to all the details. The second thing I wanted to do, was bang one of those card chicks.

PHILIP

What the hell is a card chick?

SIMON

You never went to Vegas?

PHILIP

No.

JUDAS

What the hell is a virgin going to do in Vegas?

PHILIP

You’re the most predictable person in the world.

JUDAS

You’re the one who’s predictable; did Phil smash today? HELL NO!

The guys laugh.

BARTHOLOMEW

Vegas is easy to navigate; you can just walk everywhere. There are large sidewalks and all of the casinos are fairly close. The streets are wide and usually busy, but there are overpasses for pedestrians, everywhere.While you walk, there are usually people who are hired to hand out business cards for prostitutes.

PHILIP

What?

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah, the people have hundreds of cards and they pass them out to pedestrians.

SIMON

He’s not lying; the cards have pictures of naked chicks on them.

PHILIP

No wonder they call it Sin City.

BARTHOLOMEW

Most people take the cards and throw them on the ground. If you look down, you’ll see them scattered, everywhere.

JUDAS

It’s crazy! You’ll see families walking down the street and the ten year-old boys can’t seem to avoid being fixated on the ground.

BARTHOLOMEW

The most awkward thing about the cards is the people who hand them out. A lot of them are seventy year-old Mexican women.

PHILIP

No way!

BARTHOLOMEW

For real.

SIMON

It’s true; they have handfuls and they pass you a card with some hot chick, butt-naked.

PHILIP

That’s really weird.

BARTHOLOMEW

I drove down the street in a bright yellow Ferrari and pulled up to the oldest lady I could find. I figured, I might as well go with the full experience.

PHILIP

That is a little sick.

BARTHOLOMEW

Nonetheless, it happened. I grabbed a card and called the number on the back. I figured the actual girl was not the one pictured, and I was fine with that fact.

SIMON

How did she look?

BARTHOLOMEW

She was actually hotter than the girl in the picture; I couldn’t believe it.

JUDAS

You lucky dog.

PHILIP

How is that lucky? I hope you strapped up.

BARTHOLOMEW

I’m not an idiot, Phil. The chick showed up to my room and her rates were surprisingly reasonable. After I was “massaged,” I decided to complete the final fantasy.

JUDAS

Why didn’t I become an accountant?

PHILIP

Because you can barely count!

The guys laugh.

BARTHOLOMEW

Most people are under the impression that prostitution is legal in Vegas, but it is not. There are some legal brothels in Nevada, but you have to drive outside of the big city. I always wanted to go to one of these places.

PHILIP

You banged two prostitutes in one day? How sick are you?

SIMON

This isn’t Bible study, Phil; allow the guy finish the story.

BARTHOLOMEW

Thank you, kind sir. Anyway, I wanted to fulfill a fantasy and I drove out to one of the brothels. To answer the previous question, the roads are pretty open in the middle of the desert and I reached a top speed of one hundred and sixty eight miles per hour.

JUDAS

Damn, I have to do that at least once before I die.

BARTHOLOMEW

It was one of the best experiences ever. I pulled up to the brothel and revved the engine a few time so all the whores would see that I was in a Ferrari.

PHILIP

Classy.

BARTHOLOMEW

I thought so! As I was saying, I stepped out slowly, I wanted to be over dramatic. I had on a tailored Italian suit and in place of a handkerchief, I placed five one hundred dollar bills in my jacket pocket.

JUDAS

None of this makes any sense; wouldn’t you want them to think you didn’t have money, so you can get a better deal?

BARTHOLOMEW

No! I wanted them to see that I had money. The fantasy doesn’t work unless each prostitute wants me to choose her. I walked slowly to the front door and rang the bell. A few moments later, I was escorted inside and the sluts were lined up in front of me.

SIMON

Were they hot?

BARTHOLOMEW

I won’t lie; there were some beautiful chicks there. One more enhanced than the next. I thought I was in Nevada, but I was clearly in silicon valley.

SIMON

Damn, you should have taken me, man. I can see the mountain tops.

The guys laugh.

BARTHOLOMEW

I stood in front of the herd and looked over each woman. You could see them salivating; this would be the big pay day they each waited patiently for. I slowly stepped closer and carefully scrutinized each prostitute. After a thorough inspection, i slowly turned towards the madam, shrugged my shoulders and said, “No thanks; I;m all set!”

JUDAS

WHAT!

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah man. I turned my back to the whores and walked out. I hopped into the Ferrari and peeled off. I was sure to burn some rubber so that the sluts will always be reminded of the incident every time they see the tire marks!

PHILIP

You’re an asshole.

SIMON

I can’t believe you did that; how can you not bang at least one of the chicks?

BARTHOLOMEW

It was my fantasy. I obviously knew that I would want to bang one of the chicks so I planned ahead.

JUDAS

You had a prostitute waiting in the room?

BARTHOLOMEW

No! I had the chick from the card in the car; she blew me while I sped back to Vegas. It was mind blowing!

The guys laugh.

BARTHOLOMEW

It was one of the best weekends ever.

JUDAS

I am so jealous.

BARTHOLOMEW

The jet lag is really kicking my ass.

Bartholomew Pulled out two hundred dollar bills from his wallet and placed it on the table.

BARTHOLOMEW

This one’s on me guys. I’m out of here; enjoy the night.

Bartholomew left and the guys ordered more drinks.

JUDAS

Hey Simon, did that chick end up asking you about me?

SIMON

Oh wow! I completely forgot about calling her; I’ll hit her up tomorrow.

JUDAS

Cool! I’ll hit IT up soon!

The guys laugh. At the end of the night, Judas left with Sue.

                                            [It’s A Wrap!]

@PeteTeix617

Episode 10