Bagging Up – Episode 7

Episode 1   Episode 2   Episode 3   Episode 4   Episode 5   Episode 6

INT. JUDAS’ APARTMENT

The buzzer sounds. Bartholomew jumps up excitedly and buzzes the door open.

BARTHOLOMEW

Uh oh! Let’s get ready to rumble!

JUDAS

It’s not that big a deal.

SIMON

Dude, I talked to Phil; he’s pissed. This get together was his idea; he definitely wants to talk with you.

JUDAS

The only person he can be mad at is himself for fumbling the rock.

BARTHOLOMEW

No one said he was justified. We just said, he’s pissed.

The door opens and Philip walks through.

BARTHOLOMEW

What’s going on, playa?

Simon laughs out loud, but Judas keeps his composure, not wanting to exacerbate the situation.

PHILIP

Hey Bart. What’s up Simon?

Philip turns his attention to Judas.

PHILIP

Benedict!

JUDAS

You’re not serious, are you?

PHILIP

You went behind my back and ruined the opportunity for me and Courtney to build a long lasting relationship.

JUDAS

Phil, she was a slut. Why can’t you understand that fact?

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah Phil. Look at the facts; she was a whore.

PHILIP

Everyone has a past. The fact of the matter is, she could have been my wife.

The room is filled with laughter.

JUDAS

Phil, I was going to try and discuss this, but clearly, you are insane.

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah Phil, the whore housewife thing is real; you can’t change her.

PHILIP

So you guys are saying I have no right to be angry?

JUDAS

Yeah!

SIMON

I didn’t say that. Judas was definitely wrong for going behind your back.

BARTHOLOMEW

I would agree, except for the fact that Phil always fumbles the rock. It’s almost as if he has an addiction to fumbling; this incident might just be his rock bottom.

SIMON

In a way, you’re right, but Judas was still fucked up; he should have let Phil know he was going to bang her.

JUDAS

you’re right; I should have told Phil, and for that I apologize. I honestly didn’t think you would ever try to bang her.

PHILIP

I wanted more than just sex. Why can’t you understand that?

JUDAS

Phil, I don’t know any other way to say it other than calling her a slut. She was not the girl for you.

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah Phil, this captain save-a-ho shit has to stop. Chicks like Courtney are supposed to be passed around, nothing more, nothing less.

SIMON

I wouldn’t mind taking a turn.

Bartholomew and Judas laugh, but Phil Shoots a death stare at Simon.

SIMON

I’m just playing, damn.

PHILIP

I just want an apology.

JUDAS

I’m truly sorry, Phil. I’ll never go behind your back again.

BARTHOLOMEW

Don’t say that; I think Phil wants you behind his back.

The guys laugh.

JUDAS

You owe us an apology too, Phil. This isn’t Texas Hold ‘Em; you don’t slow play it with a slut.

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah Phil, definitely not with two Jacks!

Everyone laughs. Phil too cracks a smile.

PHILIP

With friends like you guys, I don’t need to live.

SIMON

What the hell did I do?

PHILIP

You’re all in this together. I’m never going to apologize for being a gentleman.

JUDAS

Speaking of being a GENTLE man, why the hell did you take her to the airport?

PHILIP

Because she is still a friend.

BARTHOLOMEW

Damn, I don’t expect anything less from you, Phil. You are who you are.

SIMON

Couldn’t the two of you have discussed this over dinner? Why the hell did me and Bart have to be summoned?

PHILIP

I thought I asked you to call Matt; I wanted to talk about my conversation with James.

SIMON

I did call him, but his cell went to voicemail. I called the house phone, but the parole officer picked up and she refused to give him the phone.

JUDAS

What?

SIMON

Yeah, she said he had better things to do than hang around with a bunch of idiots.

JUDAS

That’s not going down.

Judas picks up the phone and dials Matthias’ cell phone.

MATTHIAS

Hello.

JUDAS

Why didn’t you return Simon’s call?

MATTHIAS

Ah…I was going to…but…uh… I’ve been real busy with my latest case.

JUDAS

You are the most whipped man on the planet. Are you telling me that your wife won’t let you chill with us anymore?

MATTHIAS

What are you talking about? I’ve really been busy; I’m not lying.

JUDAS

If you’re not lying, I would like you to explain why your wife didn’t pass YOU, YOUR phone, when Simon called YOUR house.

MATTHIAS

She was probably just joking around.

JUDAS

You’re such a bitch. The reason we are trying to contact you, is because Phil spoke with James and he wanted to talk about the convo; either you get your ass over here, or I never want to speak to you again.

MATTHIAS

Hold on a second.

JUDAS

No, be a man and answer me! You know what, I’m going to let Bart deal with you.

Judas passes the phone to Bartholomew.

BARTHOLOMEW

Hello.

MATTHIAS

Hey Bart.

BARTHOLOMEW

Matt, what’s happening with you? Don’t tell me “the boss” won’t let you chill with your boys.

MATTHIAS

Hold on a second, Bart.

Matthias attempts to cover the mouthpiece, but Bartholomew can still hear the conversation.

MATTHIAS

Hey hun.

MICHELLE

What?

MATTHIAS

I’m about to go to the store. Do you need anything?

MICHELLE

What are you going to the store for?

MATTHIAS

Just to pick up something.

MICHELLE

What do you mean something? Where are you going?

MATTHIAS

To the store.

MICHELLE

Hold on, something isn’t right. I knew it, who are you on the phone with.

MATTHIAS

I’m talking with Bart. I was going to pick up some things at the store and then stop by Judas’ so we can talk about James.

MICHELLE

No! that’s not happening; I’m tired of those idiots bringing their drama into our house.

MATTHIAS

It’s just for a few minutes. I never tell you who to be friends with.

MICHELLE

We already talked about this. My friends don’t need adult supervision. Why are we discussing it again?

Bartholomew cannot stand to listen to anymore; he hangs up the phone and shakes his head in disbelief.

JUDAS

What happened?

BARTHOLOMEW

He was begging her, and she just kept saying “no.” It’s like he’s her child.

JUDAS

I always knew that chick was bad news; ever since the first time I met her and she had a “rude excuse me!”

PHILIP

What the hell is a “rude excuse me?”

JUDAS

You know; it’s when a chick wants to get by and she says “excuse me,” but with an ill attitude.

The guys laugh.

JUDAS

It’s crazy! These chicks take, arguably the most courteous phrase, and turn it into something rude. I hate chicks who give the “rude excuse me!”

BARTHOLOMEW

Hell yeah, I can’t stand that.

JUDAS

I honestly don’t ever want to talk to Matt; that shit is weak.

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah, I feel you.

PHILIP

Hopefully, he’ll get his manhood back.

Judas stands up and looks directly at Simon.

JUDAS

That better not be what happens to you!

SIMON

C’mon son; don’t ever disrespect me like that again!

JUDAS

This shit sucks!

SIMON

So Phil, what happened with James?

The conversation is interrupted by a beeping noise. Judas reaches for his hip and retrieves a device.

SIMON

That beeper ring tone is kinda hot; it reminds me of back in the day.

JUDAS

That’s no ring tone.

Judas holds up a beeper and the guys laugh uncontrollably.

JUDAS

Don’t laugh; this is hot.

BARTHOLOMEW

Are you shitting me? When the hell did you get a beeper; all of a sudden you’re a doctor?

JUDAS

Na, it’s for the team; these chicks have been driving me crazy.

PHILIP

Please explain, because I can’t wait to hear this.

JUDAS

I got tired of dealing with these chicks, so I started giving them my beeper number. If they want to contact me, they have to beep me.

The guys laugh.

JUDAS

It’s the best idea I ever came up with. I never have to deal with any nonsense. The calls are always short and to the point. I call them back with my cell number blocked out and tell them I’m on a payphone. For some reason, I never have enough change to talk for more than a few minutes.

SIMON

If Leslie wasn’t such a private detective, I would definitely use that.

BARTHOLOMEW

It’s actually not a bad idea.

PHILIP

Lying is always a bad idea.

JUDAS

Say what you want, but I love my beeper. Not to mention the fact that some chicks assume I’m a doctor; my team is growing exponentially.

PHILIP

You honestly need to get tested.

JUDAS

Too bad they haven’t invented a gay/straight test; we need to work on one of these for you.

Everyone but Phil laughs.

BARTHOLOMEW

I love the beeper, but I want to hear what Phil has to say about James.

JUDAS

Yeah Phil, what’d he say?

PHILIP

First he thanked me for sending some money from his stash. The good news is, he hasn’t been raped yet. He joined the bloods, so he is protected.

JUDAS

Did he say what they made him do?

PHILIP

No, he said it was confidential and he didn’t want to discuss it over the phone. In fact, the entire conversation was weird because he spoke in code; he’s super paranoid.

BARTHOLOMEW

Did they offer him the plea?

PHILIP

Yeah, he has to do three and a half.

JUDAS

That sucks, but it’s way better than what he was facing. I need to get his lawyer.

BARTHOLOMEW

Looks like the crew won’t be the same for a few years.

JUDAS

The crew will never be the same; Matt is doing life.

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah, I almost forgot about his situation.

JUDAS

What else did James say?

PHILIP

Nothing much. He will be moved to the prison in a month or so, then we can go back and visit him.

SIMON

I’m definitely not missing this one.

PHILIP

What if Leslie catches you again?

SIMON

Who cares. The one thing I realized was the fact that she wasn’t going to leave; I should have just went to see James instead of wasting my time on that couple’s retreat.

PHILIP

Dude, you cheated on her while you were there.

SIMON

Oh yeah, I almost forgot; it wasn’t a complete waste, after all.

PHILIP

I can’t say this enough; she’s a lucky girl.

JUDAS

She is lucky. Simon might stray every now and again, but he always makes it back home.

PHILIP

I’m outta here. I’m too tired for this nonsense.

JUDAS

Yeah, it’s time for everyone to leave; I have to make a phone call. My lady friend beeped me, 911.

The guys laugh as they exit the apartment.

                                           [It’s A Wrap!]

@PeteTeix617

Episode 8

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5 responses to “Bagging Up – Episode 7

  1. Pingback: Bagging Up – Episode 6 | Wacky Pete's Wicked & Wonderful Words of Wis-dumb

  2. Pingback: Bagging Up – Episode 8 | Wacky Pete's Wicked & Wonderful Words of Wis-dumb

  3. Pingback: Bagging Up – Episode 9 | Wacky Pete's Wicked & Wonderful Words of Wis-dumb

  4. Pingback: Bagging Up – Episode 10 | Wacky Pete's Wicked & Wonderful Words of Wis-dumb

  5. Pingback: Baggin Up – Episode 11 | Wacky Pete's Wicked & Wonderful Words of Wis-dumb

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