Bagging Up – Episode 8

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INT. SPORTS BAR

Simon, Bartholomew, and Philip agree to meet Judas for some beers and Thursday Night Football. Judas is seated at a table with an unknown guy.

BARTHOLOMEW

Hey, it’s the good doctor. Beep beep!

JUDAS

It’s working like a charm!

SIMON

Who’s this?

JUDAS

This is my friend Dan; we went to the U together.

BARTHOLOMEW

So he’s an idiot?

DAN

Let me guess; you like FSU?

BATHOLOMEW

GO GATORS!

JUDAS

Same difference.

Batholomew extends his arm out.

BARTHOLOMEW

I’m Bart.

DAN

Nice to meet you.

JUDAS

This is Phil, and he’s Simon.

DAN

Hey.

JUDAS

Are you ready for some football?

SIMON

Let’s do it.

Dan stands up.

DAN

It was nice to meet you guys; I’m about to hit the bathroom then take off.

PHILIP

You’re not joining us?

DAN

No, I have to get going soon.

PHILIP

Well, I guess it was nice to meet you.

DAN

Likewise.

The guys sit down and Dan heads for the restroom. Judas motions for the waitress.

JUDAS

Blue Moon good?

BARTHOLOMEW

Perfect!

WAITRESS

What can I get you guys?

JUDAS

Sue, we’ll have four more and four orders of wings.

SUE

Is that it?

JUDAS

That should hold us down for a little bit.

SUE

Great! Hey Simon; I haven’t seen you in a while.

SIMON

Hey.

Sue walks away and turns to look at Simon again before entering the kitchen.

JUDAS

Can you please explain to me why you don’t smash that?

SIMON

I told you; Leslie lives near here, they know each other and I don’t need the headache.

JUDAS

You’re getting soft. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to pipe it.

SIMON

That’s all you.

PHILIP

I don’t think she really likes Judas; every time we come here, he’s hollering at a different woman.

JUDAS

She likes me; she just doesn’t know it yet.

BARTHOLOMEW

Said the rapist!

The guys laugh.

BARTHOLOMEW

So, what’s up with Dan?

JUDAS

He’s crazy; we had a blast on campus. You’ll never find a guy who can bag more chicks then that guy.

Simon notices a familiar face and stands up.

SIMON

What the hell is Heather doing here?

Simon waves hello to Heather and she walks over to the table.

HEATHER

Hey, what are you doing here.

SIMON

I was going to ask you the same thing; this is my bar.

HEATHER

I’m actually meeting a friend of mine.

SIMON

You’re not cheating on me, are you?

HEATHER

Of course not; don’t be silly!

The two friends laugh and Simon makes the introductions.

HEATHER

I’m actually here to meet a friend of mine.

JUDAS

Is she hot?

HEATHER

My friend is hot, but I’m actually a guy. He’s gay; maybe I can put in a good word for you.

The guys laugh.

JUDAS

No thanks; I’m all set.

HEATHER

Too bad!

BARTHOLOMEW

Simon, I like this chick.

SIMON

Yeah, she’s ok.

HEATHER

Just ok? Thanks!

SIMON

You know what I mean.

HEATHER

You guys enjoy your night; I’m going to try and find my friend.

SIMON

Have fun.

HEATHER

I’ll give you a call soon.

Simon winks at her.

JUDAS

Who’s the hell is that?

SIMON

I bagged her a while ago.

JUDAS

My apologies for saying you are slipping.

SIMON

I’m always on my game.

PHILIP

I’m sure Leslie loves her.

JUDAS

Don’t even start with that crap.

BARTHOLOMEW

It’s just Phil being Phil; who do we have tonight?

PHILIP

The Eagles and the Seahawks.

SIMON

What?

BARTHOLOMEW

C’mon, the schedule makers definitely blew it this week.

SIMON

Definitely!

BARTHOLOMEW

I hope there’s a good college basketball game on.

JUDAS

You never know; it might be a good game?

BARTHOLOMEW

No! I know. When you said tonight was all about the birds, I thought you meant hot chicks.

The guys laugh.

JUDAS

Maybe; it’s still early.

BARTHOLOMEW

Looks like you are right; Dan is about to bag Heather. I don’t think her friend showed up.

The guys all look towards the back of the bar.

JUDAS

Sorry Simon; she’s as good as gone.

SIMON

It’s all good, she’s her husbands problem, not mine.

PHILIP

She’s married?

SIMON

Yeah man; she’s a Brett Favre.

PHILIP

A Brett Favre?

SIMON

Yeah, he cheated on Green Bay with Minnesota; I categorize my chicks after quarterbacks.

PHILIP

Please elaborate.

SIMON

A married chick who is faithful is a Peyton Manning; she’s not going anywhere. A hot chick who you can’t stand because she is way too religious, is a Tebow.

The guys laugh.

BARTHOLOMEW

Keep them coming.

SIMON

Your big girls are the Roethlisbergers, aka Big Ben. Single chicks with no ring, that’s a Dan Marino.

The guys laugh.

JUDAS

That’s not cool man; Marino was good.

BARTHOLOMEW

No, it makes sense; she’s good, not good enough to get a ring.

SIMON

Exactly. These are fairly simple. Obviously, any chick who hates your pet is a Michael Vick. A chick who messes up a lot is a Jay Cutler, and so on.

JUDAS

I like this system.

SIMON

I met some Joe Montanas. Those are the really good ones; Leslie is a Joe Montana. She’s really good, but not great; I’m still waiting to meet my John Elway.

BARTHOLOMEW

There are no Elways out there; John Elways are extinct.

SIMON

You have to keep the faith.

BARTHOLOMEW

I’m good!

SIMON

It was actually nice to see Heather; a pleasant surprise.

BARTHOLOMEW

Pleasant surprises are good; it’s the unpleasant ones that I have a problem with.

SIMON

I definitely don’t need anymore of those.

BARTHOLOMEW

A pleasant surprise is when you find an onion ring inside your Burger King fries.

The guys laugh.

BARTHOLOMEW

An unpleasant surprise is when your wife finally decides to have a threesome with her hot coworker, but you aren’t invited. To make things worse, you discover that your best friend was!

JUDAS

Ouch!

SIMON

I definitely don’t want to experience that.

BARTHOLOMEW

That’s what happens to the nice guys.

JUDAS

You better watch out Phil; you’re on the wrong path.

PHILIP

I wouldn’t marry a whore who would cheat on me.

JUDAS

Of course not, Phil. You would never fall for a whore. By the way, how’s Courtney doing?

BARTHOLOMEW

Why are you going there?

JUDAS

Relax; it was a joke.

PHILIP

I’m not going to change my ways to please someone who is unhappy with his own life.

SIMON

Is he unhappy?

PHILIP

Of course; I see through the bull.

JUDAS

Thanks Dr. Phil; how much do I owe you for this session?

PHILIP

This one’s on the house!

Sue walks up to the table. and leans over Simon.

SUE

Do you need anything else?

SIMON

Ah, I think we’ll have another round.

SUE

Anymore wings?

SIMON

Anyone?

PHILIP

I’ll take another order.

SUE

None for you, Simon?

SIMON

No, I’m good for now.

SUE

Ok, I’ll be right back with your beer.

SIMON

Thanks.

SUE

Anytime!

She heads back to the kitchen.

PHILIP

I see what you’re talking about, Judas; she’s all over you!

The guys all laugh.

JUDAS

Don’t count me out. Once I bang her, I’ll call you and let you know how good it was.

PHILIP

Should I hold my breath?

BARTHOLOMEW

I think I like this new Phil; keep the punches coming.

SIMON

I don’t think Phil will ever forget about losing Courtney.

JUDAS

You can’t lose something you never had. Phil should worry about losing his virginity and forget about Courtney.

The guys laugh. Simon checks his phone after a text message alert.

SIMON

It’s Heather. looks like this Favre can’t get enough.

BARTHOLOMEW

What did she say?

SIMON

She said we need to talk.

JUDAS

You know what that means; she wants to ask you if it’s cool for me to bang it.

PHILIP

Yeah, that’s exactly what it means. I think you’re losing touch with reality.

SIMON

If you want, I can ask her if this is about you?

JUDAS

No. Let her bring it up.

PHILIP

You’re insane.

The guys laugh. They continue to by drinks while ignoring the football game.

BARTHOLOMEW

Did anyone even watch the game?

SIMON

Hell no.

BARTHOLOMEW

Let’s chug these beers and get the hell out of here.

JUDAS

You guys can leave, but I’m not going without Sue.

PHILIP

You know we have laws against kidnapping?

JUDAS

She’s not a kid, jackass!

The guys laugh.

SIMON

Be gentle; she looks fragile.

JUDAS

Nope; I’m going to tear that up since Phil doubts my game.

PHILIP

If I take back my comment, will you leave her alone?

JUDAS

Too late; once I accept a challenge, I have to go through with it.

PHILIP

Poor girl.

BARTHOLOMEW

I’m sure she’ll be ok; she’s probably a closet freak.

SIMON

She’s definitely not shy.

BARTHOLOMEW

Let’s finish these beers and let Judas work his black magic.

Judas watches as his friends inhale their drinks.

JUDAS

Drive safe!

The guys laugh. Judas remains seated but the other guys exit the bar. He motions for Sue to join him at the table.

SUE

Are you ready to close out, Mr. Last Customer?

JUDAS

Yeah, but can I ask you a question?

SUE

Sure.

JUDAS

Do you hate me?

SUE

Why would you say that?

JUDAS

Because, you never show any interest in me.

SUE

What? Your the one who doesn’t show any interest in me; you’re always chasing the customers.

JUDAS

That’s because I didn’t think you would be interested. Do you want to hang out after you close up?

SUE

If you don’t mind waiting a little longer, I’d love to.

JUDAS

Great! I’m glad I asked.

Twenty minutes elapsed. Judas led Sue to his car and they rode to his apartment.

INT. JUDAS’ APARTMENT

After a night of passion, Judas picked up his phone. He sent a text to Philip. “Hey jackass, I just banged Sue! It was everything your virgin mind ever imagined sex to be!!!”

SUE

What are you doing?

JUDAS

Just reminding Phil that he has to give me a ride to my mechanic, in the morning.

SUE

Oh.

JUDAS

Yeah, I have to replace the battery for the heater. I’ve been freezing my ass off for the past week.

SUE

I was wondering why you didn’t turn on the heat.

Judas leaves the bed and begins to get dressed.

JUDAS

It’ll be easier if I take you home right now.

SUE

Yeah, I don’t think we should let Phil know our business before our relationship is more serious.

JUDAS

Uh, yeah.

EXT. Judas’ Car

After a short drive to Sue’s apartment, she gives Judas a loving hug before exiting the car.

SUE

Call me!

JUDAS

Ok, I will.

Sue enters her building and Phil grabs for his phone. He sends another text to Phil, who is clearly fast asleep. “Cool bar, too bad we can never go there again; I’m going to miss it!”

Judas drives off!

                                              [It’s A Wrap!]

@PeteTeix617

Episode 9