Baggin Up – Episode 11

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INT. Philip’s Apartment

Philip invited the guys over so they can meet Kimberly. Although Philip wanted to pick up his fiance from the airport, she will arrive by taxi because she wants to freshen up in order to make a great first impression.Simon is the first to arrive.

SIMON

You’re not going to believe what I fount out.

PHILIP

What?

SIMON

I honestly don’t know what to do; it’s about Judas.

PHILIP

What did he do now?

SIMON

Let’s wait until Bart gets here so he can hear it too.

PHILIP

Wow! This sounds pretty serious.

SIMON

It’s CRAZY!

The bell rings. Philip opens the door to find Bartholomew and Judas standing outside.

PHILIP

Thanks for coming, guys; this means a lot to me.

JUDAS

There is no way we would miss this.

BARTHOLOMEW

What’s good, Phil! What’s that smell?

PHILIP

French Vanilla; it’s a scented candle.

BARTHOLOMEW

Not that smell. It’s something else.

Bartholomew walks around the apartment; mimicking a police German Shepherd.

BARTHOLOMEW

I got it!

SIMON

I’ve been here for a few minutes and I didn’t smell anything.

BARTHOLOMEW

It’s the stench of virginity!

The guys laugh and Judas closes the bedroom door.

JUDAS

It was coming from there!

Simon’s happy demeanor changes.

BARTHOLOMEW

Of course! The Master…bation room!

The guys laugh.

BARTHOLOMEW

It’s crazy; you can actually sense the absence of vagina!

PHILIP

That’s great; just get out all the jokes before Kim gets here.

JUDAS

You know we have a lot of questions for her.

Philip shakes his head.

PHILIP

I don’t know what I was thinking.

BARTHOLOMEW

What time are you going to Logan Airport?

PHILIP

She already landed; Kim wants to head to the hotel so she can freshen up; she insisted on taking a cab.

BARTHOLOMEW

Are you insane? You have to go meet her. Don’t you watch romantic movies?

JUDAS

Hotel? Why the hell is she staying in a hotel?

PHILIP

Because she doesn’t have an apartment yet.

JUDAS

Why doesn’t she just live with you?

PHILIP

Because we’re not married, yet!

JUDAS

The more details you reveal, the sadder I become. But Bart is right; you should have met her at the airport. Even Simon knows that!

Simon turns his head as if he didn’t hear the comment.

PHILIP

What are you guys talking about? She said she wanted to take a cab.

BARTHOLOMEW

Obviously she’s going to say that. You’re an idiot!

PHILIP

Damn! You might be right. I think I messed this one up. I’ll be right back!

BARTHOLOMEW

Where are you going? I thought you said she landed.

PHILIP

The least I can do is give her a ride from the hotel.

Philip grabs his car keys and rushes out of the apartment.

JUDAS

I can’t believe she is staying in a hotel.

BARTHOLOMEW

What do you expect; he’s waiting for marriage before having sex.

JUDAS

Sad!

BARTHOLOMEW

In a way, it’s refreshing. Today’s women are of a different breed; they are literally, for the day. It’s nice to see an old fashion relationship.

JUDAS

Phil is a virgin; we have no idea what this Kim chick has been doing!

BARTHOLOMEW

That’s true!

The front door opens.

PHILIP

I was too late!

A beautiful woman enters.

PHILIP

Everyone, I’d like to introduce my fiance, Kim.

KIM

Hello.

BARTHOLOMEW

Welcome to the family; I’m Bart.

KIM

I hope you guys approve of me.

JUDAS

Of course we approve. I’m Judas, the best man! We’re just happy you’re not made of plastic!

Everyone laughs except for Simon.

KIM

Phil is the best man!

JUDAS

We’ll let your bridesmaids make that determination!

PHILIP

You have to forgive Judas; he doesn’t have a filter.

KIM

That’s ok. So, I’m guessing you’re Simon.

SIMON

Guilty as charged.

KIM

You must be the quiet one.

PHILIP

There is no quiet one; they’re all assholes!

SIMON

You’ll have to excuse me; I had a revealing conversation with a friend of mine so I’m not my usual charming self.

JUDAS

That chick finally told you that she is infatuated with me?

SIMON

I have to take a piss.

Simon gets up and walks to the bathroom.

BARTHOLOMEW

Whatever she said, it must have been traumatic.

JUDAS

I hope she’s not pregnant.

PHILIP

Na, I definitely don’t think it’s that; we should just give him his space.

KIM

I hope I’m not interrupting something important.

JUDAS

You’re the something important. I can’t wait to get to know you and learn all about this secret relationship.

KIM

I have to get to know you guys as well.

BARTHOLOMEW

I’m sure Phil gave you all the dirt on us.

KIM

No; we agreed that I should get to know his friends, in person.

Simon returns from the bathroom.

BARTHOLOMEW

You good?

SIMON

Yeah, I’m fine.

JUDAS

Is this about that chick from the bar?

SIMON

I don’t want to talk about it.

JUDAS

If she is begging for some Judas action, let her know that I am down.

SIMON

Sure you are!

PHILIP

Anyone want beers?

BARTHOLOMEW

Keep them coming!

KIM

I’ll help you.

INT. PHILIP’S KITCHEN

Philip leads the way to retrieve the drinks.

KIM

They seem like a fun bunch.

PHILIP

Yeah, we’re basically a family. Something must be really bothering Simon; he usually has a great personality.

KIM

Do you think it has anything to do with me?

PHILIP

No! We talked before the other guys got here; it has something to do with Judas.

KIM

He’s the gay one; right?

Philip laughs.

PHILIP

NO! He’s actually a player.

KIM

Wow! I definitely misjudged him.

PHILIP

Yeah; the guy banged more chicks than Hugh Hefner!

KIM

That’s disgusting!

PHILIP

I agree; not a day goes by without me letting him know that fact. Why did you think he was gay?

KIM

I don’t know. I guess I thought he was trying to overcompensate by talking about “banging chicks!”

PHILIP

Unfortunately, that’s what he does!

KIM

I don’t know how people can live that type of lifestyle.

PHILIP

Me neither!

The couple returns with the beers.

KIM

Here you go; nice and cold!

SIMON

Thanks.

JUDAS

So Kim, now that you are a part of the family, there are some questions that we need answered.

KIM

Ask and I shall answer.

PHILIP

Hold on, Judas. Before you interrogate her, I have to share this. Kim thought you were gay!

The guys laugh. Simon laughs especially loud.

SIMON

That sounds about right!

KIM

I’m sorry; I hope you’re not offended.

JUDAS

Of course not! The most important question of all is not whether or not I am gay; what we all want to know is, did Phil hit it?

Philip spits out his beer.

PHILIP

What’s wrong with you?

KIM

It’s ok Phil; he can ask whatever he wants. That’s not really any of your business, so I plead the 5th.

JUDAS

I’ll take that as a big fat NO!

Philip shakes his head.

JUDAS

We know that Phil is saving himself for marriage; did you bang any dudes while living in the Philippines?

SIMON

You’re being a real dick!

JUDAS

I’m just having fun.

SIMON

You’re the only one who thinks your questions are entertaining. The rest of us feel sorry for you.

JUDAS

I didn’t know you spoke for everyone; don’t try to bring the rest of us down because you’re having some personal problems.

PHILIP

I agree with Simon; your questions are crossing the line.

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah, chill!

JUDAS

Great job, Simon; now I’m the bad guy.

KIM

No one called you a bad guy.

SIMON

Yeah. You’re not a bad guy; you’re an ASS!

JUDAS

Why are you trying to push my buttons?

SIMON

I’m just telling it like it is.

JUDAS

Fine. That’s a great idea; let’s all tell it like it is. You’re pissed because Leslie is sick and tired of all the cheating.

BARTHOLOMEW

That’s enough; this isn’t the time.

JUDAS

Kim’s family now. We can’t keep secrets from her.

PHILIP

Why are you acting like a jerk?

JUDAS

He’s the one who showed up with a bad attitude.

SIMON

What are you going to do about it, COWARD!

JUDAS

How is Mr. soft-served going to call me a coward. That’s like Phil calling me a virgin.

BARTHOLOMEW

Kim, I’m sorry you had to witness this; I think it’s time for everyone to leave.

JUDAS

Yeah, sorry Kim; I don’t know what got into Simon, today.

SIMON

Why don’t you just shut your big mouth?

JUDAS

Why don’t you shut it for me?

SIMON

I just might!

JUDAS

I’d LOVE to see that!

Simon loses control of his emotions and punches Judas in the jaw. Judas hits the ground, but quickly jumps to his feet. The friends exchange punches before Judas tackles Simon to the ground. Kim watches in horror as Bartholomew and Philip separate the brawlers.

JUDAS

Let me go so I can beat his ass!

SIMON

How’s your jaw, coward?

JUDAS

That was a sucker punch, Mayweather!

Bartholomew pushes Judas outside of the apartment.

EXT. PHILIP’S APARTMENT

Bartholomew walks Judas, whose anger dissipates, to his car.

BARTHOLOMEW

What the hell was that all about?

JUDAS

I don’t even know!

BARTHOLOMEW

I can’t believe that just happened. Kim must think we’re a bunch of gangbangers.

JUDAS

I’m sorry, man. I honestly don’t know what just happened. I was just trying to mess with him; I didn’t think he would get physical.

BARTHOLOMEW

Go home and we’ll figure this out.

JUDAS

I think we should go back and talk things out.

BARTHOLOMEW

That’s a bad idea. Once we figure out what is bothering Simon, we’ll be able to resolve this matter. For now, just go home.

JUDAS

Damn! I can’t believe I just fought Simon!

BARTHOLOMEW

This is crazy! I’ll call you later.

JUDAS

OK! Don’t worry; everything will be alright.

BARTHOLOMEW

I know!

Judas drives away and Batholomew returns to the apartment.

INT. PHILIP’S APARTMENT

BARTHOLOMEW

What just happened, Simon?

SIMON

I just snapped.

BARTHOLOMEW

I have no idea what is bothering you, but you can’t take it out on your friends.

KIM

Does this have anything to do with my arrival?

SIMON

No! I am happy for Phil; I just have something on my mind. I can’t figure out how to deal with it.

PHILIP

Earlier, I was cool with allowing you to keep quiet, but you have to let us know what is going on! Keeping things bottled up is unhealthy.

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah, if you can’t talk to us, who can you turn to?

KIM

Maybe I should leave.

SIMON

No, you don’t have to go. You guys remember the woman from the bar, right?

PHILIP

Yeah!

BARTHOLOMEW

She left with Judas’ friend Dan, that night.

SIMON

Yeah! She called me a few days ago and dropped a bomb on me. We completely had the story wrong.

PHILIP

What do you mean?

SIMON

Dan never bagged her that night. He was the gay friend that she was meeting.

BARTHOLOMEW

Get out of here; Judas said Dan was a ladies’ man.

SIMON

The reason she wanted to talk to me, was to let me know what Dan told her. Apparently, Dan and Judas are gay lovers.

PHILIP

What? Judas bangs more women than anyone.

KIM

So he was overcompensating.

BARTHOLOMEW

I don’t believe it! What did Judas say?

SIMON

I don’t know how to bring it up.

BARTHOLOMEW

What the hell!

No one says a word for several minutes.

                                     [Season One Is A Wrap!]

@PeteTeix617

SEASON 2 COMING SOON!!!

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4 responses to “Baggin Up – Episode 11

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