Episode 1 Episode 2 Episode 3 Episode 4 Episode 5
INT. SIMON’S APARTMENT.
Judas stopped by to discuss his investment portfolio.
PHILIP
Great! Everything looks in order. Thanks for looking out for my future.
SIMON
You should be able to buy a beach house on the Vineyard and a yacht, in a few years.
PHILIP
Sounds great!
SIMON
Just don’t forget your boy when you move on up.
PHILIP
I got you!
SIMON
Speaking of got me, how about you treat me to dinner for all of my hard work?
PHILIP
I’ll have to take a rain check; I have to pick up Courtney from the airport.
SIMON
Courtney? Who the hell is that?
PHILIP
The beautiful woman I met in Tucson.
SIMON
She’s coming to visit you in Boston?
PHILIP
Yeah, she’ll be in town visiting a friend of her’s, so we’re having dinner tonight.
SIMON
Tell me you’re going to smash it.
PHILIP
My sex life is none of your business.
SIMON
I’ll take that as a big no!
PHILIP
I’ll talk to you later; I’m outta here.
SIMON
Wait! Before you go, I want to say a prayer.
Simon grabs Philip’s hand and looks skyward.
SIMON
Dear Lord, on this beautiful day, I want you to bless Phil and give him the strength and confidence to bed one of your most beautiful specimens.
Philip releases his hand and walks towards the door while Simon laughs.
PHILIP
You’re laughing now, but you won’t be laughing in Hell!
Philip exits and the door closes.
INT BARTHOLOMEW’S APARTMENT.
Later on in the evening, Simon decided to drive over to his friend’s house since Philip was busy.
SIMON
Hey, did you hear that Phil is going to dinner with that hot chick from Arizona.
BARTHOLOMEW
I don’t want to hear anything about Phil’s sex life.
SIMON
I never said anything about sex.
The guys laugh.
BARTHOLOMEW
What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be taking Leslie to the movies or something?
SIMON
Hell no! I told her that I had to help you with a personal problem. I need my personal space; I discovered that I can’t be around one woman for more than a few hours.
BARTHOLOMEW
So what’s the point of being in a relationship?
SIMON
You have to have that one girl who will always hold you down.
BARTHOLOMEW
I get the feeling that this is relationship is not going to end well for you.
SIMON
Probably not.
The doorbell rings. Bartholomew lets in Judas.
BARTHOLOMEW
What’s going on.
JUDAS
I have a hot date later, so I decided to see what you losers were doing for the night while I wait for “the call.”
SIMON
Don’t tell me you’re going to a club.
JUDAS
Hell no! I told her that I was busy, so we’ll only have enough time for sex, tonight.
BARTHOLOMEW
Nice!
JUDAS
I wanted to talk to you guys about a new business venture that you might want to hop on.
BARTHOLOMEW
What type of business?
JUDAS
One of the guys I train, has his own company and he is looking for investors. They are going to revolutionize the sexual experience by making safe sex more enjoyable.
SIMON
How?
BARTHOLOMEW
Don’t tell me it’s a more realistic sex doll.
JUDAS
No! There will be no more need for condoms.
SIMON
No condoms? I like the sound of that.
JUDAS
Apparently, scientist have developed a spray-on condom.
BARTHOLOMEW
What? That’s ridiculous.
JUDAS
I’m serious. You spray-on the liquid and you will be protected from all STDs.
SIMON
I don’t think it would actually work, but I’d try it.
JUDAS
It really works. They already performed a bunch of tests. They are so sure, the box will come with a money back guarantee.
BARTHOLOMEW
This should be good.
JUDAS
If you catch an STD, the company will give you your money back.
Simon and Bartholomew laugh.
BARTHOLOMEW
So let me get this straight. You apply the spray, and then if it doesn’t work and you catch AIDS, the company will give you your five bucks back?
JUDAS
You don’t have to invest if you don’t want to; just don’t be pissed when I’m a multi-millionaire.
BARTHOLOMEW
You might make millions, but all of the lawsuits will leave you broke.
The guys laugh.
SIMON
I don’t know, I kind of like it. You get to bang a chick raw without the fear.
BARTHOLOMEW
I wish you guys the best of luck.
JUDAS
You’re such a hater.
Judas’ Phone rings.
JUDAS
Hello.
WOMAN
Hey, I just finished dinner, should I just take a cab over?
JUDAS
Yeah, I’ll be here waiting for you; I can’t wait to see you.
WOMAN
I’ll be there soon.
Judas hangs up his cell phone.
JUDAS
Sorry fellas, I gotta go; duty calls.
BARTHOLOMEW
Are you going to use the spray?
The guys laugh.
JUDAS
If I had a sample, I definitely would.
Judas walks towards the door and Simon decides to head home, as well.
INT. NEIGHBORHOOD DINER.
The following morning, the guys decided to get together for a late breakfast.
SIMON
Hey Bart, if you don’t mind, I want to talk to Phil about his dinner date.
BARTHOLOMEW
You know what? I’m not going to get upset anymore. Phil will be Phil; it is what it is.
SIMON
So Phil, what happened?
PHILIP
We had dinner.
SIMON
I know, but did you smash?
PHILIP
My objective wasn’t sex; I wanted to reestablish our friendship.
SIMON
You’re right Bart, he is who he is. Chick flies all the way up here from freaking Tucson, and this dude doesn’t seal the deal.
BARTHOLOMEW
It is what it is.
PHILIP
I actually ended up going to my neighbor’s party after the dinner.
SIMON
Did you meet any chicks?
PHILIP
No, but there was a drunk dude who wanted to drive himself home.
BARTHOLOMEW
Tell me you guys took his keys.
PHILIP
No, the host actually placed a do not resuscitate form in the dude’s pockets and sent him on his way.
SIMON
I guess he deserved that!
The conversation stops when Judas walks in.
JUDAS
I don’t know about you guys, but I feel drained.
SIMON
Why didn’t you bring your companion with you; we would have liked to meet her.
JUDAS
She was here to serve a purpose and she fulfilled her duties quite well! She’s actually still knocked out, but I left a note telling her to meet us here.
PHILIP
Lucky girl! I don’t know how you keep finding these low self esteem women.
JUDAS
It’s a gift!
SIMON
You’re not the only one who had a date last night.
JUDAS
You get caught cheating on Leslie again?
SIMON
Not me, it was Phil.
JUDAS
Yeah, did you smash?
SIMON
What do you think? He took the girl to dinner and nothing else.
JUDAS
Damn Phil, you have to stop wasting your time. The friend zone is for losers. I’ll give you some pointers.
PHILIP
No thanks! I heard about your new condom spray.
The guys laugh. Judas spots the woman from the previous night. He stands up and waves her over. When she arrives at their table, everyone except for Simon is speechless. It turns out that the woman is Courtney, from Arizona.
COURTNEY
Hey guys. Bart, Phil.
BARTHOLOMEW
Hey.
Philip remains speechless.
JUDAS
Courtney, this is Simon.
COURTNEY
Hello, Simon.
SIMON
Hi! It’s nice to finally meet you.
Courtney takes a seat.
PHILIP
SO, how do you two know each other?
JUDAS
Well, you told me to start making friends on Facebook, so I did. Courtney was one of my “people you may know.”
COURTNEY
Yeah, he sent me a friend request, and we hit it off.
PHILIP
That’s great. When you said you were meeting a friend, I didn’t realize it was a guy.
COURTNEY
Is there a problem? This isn’t weird for you, is it?
PHILIP
No, don’t be silly. Me and you are just friends. I was just surprised, that’s all.
COURTNEY
Great!
BARTHOLOMEW
Wonderful!
Bartholomew shakes his head.
COURTNEY
Well, I just stopped by to say hello, I’m going to head back to the hotel and get ready for the day. Phil, we’re still going to the museum today, right?
PHILIP
Yes, just call me when you’re ready.
COURTNEY
Super, I can’t wait.
Courtney leans over and plants a kiss on Judas’s lips.
COURTNEY
I’ll see you later tonight! Bye guys.
Courtney leaves the diner.
SIMON
Wow, that was brutal.
PHILIP
You’re a bigger asshole than I thought.
JUDAS
What are you talking about?
PHILIP
Courtney is a great woman and you’re treating her like one of your sluts.
JUDAS
First of all, it was your idea for me to make friends on Facebook. I can’t help it if Courtney decided to fly up here. Plus, you said you weren’t trying to smash.
PHILIP
If you hurt her, I’ll make you pay.
JUDAS
What are you talking about? You don’t even know the chick.
SIMON
Yeah man, you’re acting crazy. The chick is a whore.
JUDAS
Exactly, I talked to her for a couple days and she hopped on a plane and flew out here for some dick; that’s not a good girl, Phil.
BARTHOLOMEW
These things are expected when you enter into the friend zone; don’t cock block, Phil.
SIMON
Hold on! I can’t believe what I just realized. Phil took her out to dinner and warmed her up for Judas to smash.
Everyone but Philip laughs.
PHILIP
I’m going home to get ready to hang out with my friend; we’ll discuss this later.
BARTHOLOMEW
Are you crazy? Don’t tell me you’re going to warm her up for Judas, again!
SIMON
Yeah Phil, cancel the museum.
PHILIP
I offered to take Courtney to the museum and I’m not going to cancel because you guys are too childish to understand the value of a friendship.
BARTHOLOMEW
Why don’t you just admit that you are pissed that Judas is banging the chick you fell in love with?
PHILIP
She’s my friend. And the way that you guys are behaving, I’m not sure I can say the same about my boys.
Philip leaves the diner.
SIMON
Why did you bang the broad? You knew Phil was in love with her.
JUDAS
I wasn’t trying to. She’s a freak!
BARTHOLOMEW
Don’t sweat it; Phil has to learn the hard way.
JUDAS
Yeah, I guess.
The guys leave the diner.
INT. JUDAS’ APARTMENT
Judas and Courtney were laying in bed after a passionate night.
JUDAS
Your flight is tomorrow morning, right?
COURTNEY
No, it’s at 2pm. I can sleep over and leave in the morning.
JUDAS
Great.
COURTNEY
Will you be able to take me to Logan? I only have my carry-on, so I can get there around 1:15.
JUDAS
I can drop you off around 12, but i won’t be able to do it at 1.
COURTNEY
Why not? It’s Sunday.
JUDAS
Exactly! The first NFL games start at 1pm.
COURTNEY
You’re kidding, right?
JUDAS
No! My Sundays are very important to me. I don’t miss the games for anyone.
COURTNEY
So all of a sudden, I’m anyone?
JUDAS
How are you going to ask me to do you a favor, and then get mad when I am too busy to oblige?
COURTNEY
I thought you were different, but I guess you’re just like all the other guys.
JUDAS
Why does this always happen?
COURTNEY
I’m definitely not sleeping in here tonight. You know, you can learn a lot from Phil; he’s a true gentleman.
JUDAS
I’ll ask him for some tips.
COURTNEY
I’ll be sleeping on the couch. Good night.
JUDAS
There are some extra covers and pillows in the hallway closet.
COURTNEY
Thanks.
JUDAS
Good night.
In the morning, Judas wakes up to find Courtney is gone. He decides to call her.
COURTNEY
Hello.
JUDAS
Hey, why didn’t you let me know you were leaving?
COURTNEY
I didn’t want to wake you. Phil was good enough to meet me for breakfast and he dropped me off at the airport. he’s a great guy.
JUDAS
That’s the Phil I know. Ok, I hope you have a safe flight.
COURTNEY
Thanks. If you care, I’ll call you when I land.
JUDAS
Yeah, that’s cool. Next time, I’ll fly out to Arizona.
COURTNEY
I should stop talking to you since you’re an asshole, but I guess you can come out here and make up for your behavior.
JUDAS
Ok, we’ll talk later.
COURTNEY
Ok, bye.
[It’s A Wrap!]
@PeteTeix617
Wooowww!! Ridiculous!!! i cant believe she still wants to see him after he acted like such an ass!! but some women do like men who treat them like crap.. great write..ill be following you to know what happens next.. i cant wait.. 😀
Some people can be quite ridiculous at times! Thanks for reading!
The series continues to be entertaining. Nice twist with Courtney! Only thing is proofread it. You mix up the names of the characters, for example when Judas is suppose to be saying something you’ll say its Simon. You’ve done it on a couple of the other episodes as well. Fortunately, I’m extremely intelligent and can easily figure out your mistake! I’m just looking out for your average reader 😉
Thanks, I’ll go back and make the corrections. Sometimes I’m too tired to edit; it’s the slacker in me! I’m glad you enjoy the series.
Ha ha! I really hope this is a made up story and not based no actual events. Phil is a sucker!
This series is a work of fiction, but I’m sure there are plenty of Phils throughout the world!
I hope for Phil, sake “Jesus” comes in, and saves him
He needs more help than that!