I Don’t Think I Saw That

I spend a great deal of my free time watching movies. I love all types of films, especially independent ones. The big multimillion dollar Hollywood blockbusters are fine, but I think the studios spend too much money on special effects and creative cinematography, forgetting to generate interesting characters. I’d much rather watch The Pursuit of Happiness than Transformers. (I get it; you have wonderful CGI guys!)

Two of my favorite channels are the Independent Film Channel (IFC) and the Sundance Channel. I can’t get enough of the foreign films. There are great productions which come from the United States, but there is an indescribable realness that comes from an independent film; you can feel each writer and director pouring everything they have into telling their stories.

My Dinner With Andre is an interesting film, and it’s just two guys sitting at a restaurant table and talking; a great story will always capture an audience. If you’ve seen one car blowup; you’ve seen a million. (All that other nonsense is for the people who don’t care to think!)

I own an unusually large amount of movies. Why? Because I like movies! (I am always quick to point out my fairly large book collection whenever people assume I don’t read!) Friends often wonder why anyone would purchase movies, but I am built differently. I have diagnosed myself with a perplexing condition; Movie Memory Defect. (MMD is more commonly known as Pete’s Disease!)

**Don’t worry; Pete’s Disease is not contagious!**

     “What the heck is that?” Don’t feel bad if you never heard of the disorder; mine is the only documented case. (I am currently searching for others!) If you have been living with MMD, don’t be ashamed; we can support each other.

Pete’s Disease is a weird disorder. From what is known, the affected individual will begin to notice changes after their twenty-first birthday.

Here is my story:

I’ve always loved watching movies. My favorites included Jaws, First Blood, the Rocky series, The Godfather, Scarface, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, among others. I like the original movie; not that Johnny Depp nonsense with the same oompa loompa! (From this day forth, Willy Wonka will be known as “Two Dubs,” so I can retain my street credit!)

I was a movie buff; I could recall any line from any film. Still to this day, I know Scarface and Two Dubs by heart. When I turned twenty-one, I began to lose my ability to recollect movies. Three months after watching a film, I would completely forget the entire plot and, in most cases, the title. Over the years, the condition has gotten worse. Before, a few pivotal scenes could jog my memory, but now, I simply can’t remember viewing some films. (It’s a little crazy!)

I often search through the movie channels and pick the most interesting film. More often than not, I will end up picking a movie that I previously watched. Sometimes, it can take me about ten minutes to remember, but I won’t recall anything about the plot. If the film seems intriguing, I’ll watch it again; it’ll be as if I am watching the movie for the first time. After six months or so, I will not be able to remember anything about a movie, unless it was amazing.

Memento was a great movie. I can remember the fact that the scenes unfolded backwards, but I have no idea what the movie is about. I know The Pursuit of Happiness was a great film, but all I remember is the fact that Will Smith went through some struggles, and then he did something great with mathematics, I think! I remember the beginning of Avatar because I re-watched the first hour, a month ago, but I’m not sure, exactly, how it ends. (I just know the good guys win!)

I buy movies because I know that I can always watch them over and over again, and the experience will always be a new one. The weird thing about MMD is the fact that I can remember everything about the classic movies. If I saw a film, prior to my twenty-first birthday, I am able to recall everything.

Thankfully, I can remember if a movie was good or bad, unless the movie is ok. In those instances, I won’t recollect the film, but at least I will know that it wasn’t horrible. The weird thing is the fact that Pete’s Disease only affects movies; I have no problem remembering books. (One day, scientists will be able to find a cure!)

I actually enjoy having MMD; watching a great movie, again, for the first time, is an indescribable feeling. That being said, I do hope a cure is discovered one day; in the future, others may not appreciate the side effects as much as I do.

I know this may seem like a completely made up disorder, but those who know me well, will be able to corroborate my story.

Here are a few lists of notable movies:

Top Five movies I am proud to say, I never watched!

1. Gigli – Part of me wants to see the movie so I can actually experience the monumental “suckiness” for myself, but I don’t plan on ever viewing this flop.
2. Soul Plane – Do I even have to explain why I never want to watch this crap? Honestly!
3. Sex and the City – I’m an atheist, but I was raised as a Christian. I just don’t want to support such whorishness. You can call the ladies independent if you want, but I’ll pass on watching a movie which requires a condom for protection from STDs.
4.  Son of Mask – I loved the original film. The world was introduced to Cameron Diaz, at the height of her hotness. (She will never be as hot again. Not even if you watch the movie again!) I’ll definitely pass on this garbage.
5. This one is a three-way tie. Glitter/From Justin to Kelly/ Crossroads – Decent singers don’t necessarily make decent actors. STOP IT!!! If you are a fan of one of these stars, please save them from humiliation and boycott their future endeavors into the acting business. (For every Will Smith, there are at least ten Crossroads!)

Top Five movies I wish I never saw!

1. Straight Out of Brooklyn – Not only did this film suck, but I joined my cousin on a walk to the video store and we selected this failure. The walk was pretty bad, but the letdown was worse; we actually thought we discovered a diamond in the rough!
2. Pi – I read the back cover and figured I stumbled upon a sure fire hit; boy was I wrong! This film sucked! (I actually purchased this “piece of bread!”) **Anyone is welcome to borrow it!**
3. Wolf Creek – This was truly a suspense-less suspense film! I had the misfortune of watching this one in a theatre! Woe was me! (Don’t watch it!)
4. Barb Wire – If you want to see Pam Anderson naked, Google her; don’t waste your time watching this trash! (In my defense, the internet was fairly new when I saw this “movie!”)
5. I Know Who Killed Me – I didn’t watch the entire film. It was on while I was writing yesterday’s post; from what I saw, I had absolutely zero interest in paying attention!

Top Five movies of all time!

1. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (Two Dubs) – This is the most enjoyable movie to watch!
2. Scarface – This is honestly the proverbial “1b,” but it has become cliché to put this movie at the top!
3. Dumb and Dumber – This is, hands down, the funniest film of all time!
4. Coming to America – Hilarious movie; I love watching it! (If it’s on television, I can’t turn it off!)
5. Jaws – Truly a classic! “Here’s to swimming with bowlegged women!” (To read about my fascination with sharks, click the link: My Obsession With Sharks.)

Honorable mentions – The Rocky series, First Blood, City of God, Braveheart, The Karate Kid (Daniel son),The Indiana Jones series, and Gladiator. (I began looking over the collection and there are too many great films to mention them all!)

The Top movie which no longer scares the crap out of me, since I became an atheist!

1. The Exorcist – This was undoubtedly the scariest movie of all time, but now that I know there is no devil, it’s not scary at all! Do your children a favor and protect them from such unnecessary sleepless nights! (I recently watched a great documentary which provided scientific explanations for “exorcisms!”)

 

The Top craziest movie I watched!

1. Sleeping Dogs Lie – If you haven’t seen this movie, this is your warning; watch with caution. I hope I never experience this type of craziness! (Yuck!) For those who have watched the movie, our lives will never be the same!

The great thing about opinions is the fact that everyone has one. If you enjoyed such classic crap as Soul Plane, speak up and support your favorites. (The enjoyment of Soul Plane may affect your future employment opportunities!)

These lists are a not set in stone. Due to my MMD, I may have forgotten some movies!

@PeteTeix617