This Actually Happened – October 29th, 2011

Jesus’ Biggest Fan

One of my biggest gripes with religion is the fact that people are taught to separate themselves from those who have different opinions. A recent incident on Facebook is a great example of what can result from a freshly washed brain. A friend of mine, “Jesus,” posted an interesting statement on his page. (I chose to call my friend Jesus because I think it will be funny to have Jesus’ biggest fan chastise his “lord and savior!”) Jesus wrote, “Its not that I dont believe in God, I just dont worship the motherfucker.” I immediately clicked the “like” button, and added a comment. I wrote, “You’re going to HELL!” Others added their own comments and it was all in good fun. Jesus has no problem speaking his mind, and I guess that’s exactly how he felt on the particular day. The original posting was at 5pm and there were five comments during the day. I can see how people would think the comment was controversial, but I didn’t give it another thought; I enjoyed the laugh and completely forgot about the statement. The following day is when amazing happened. (Now that we don’t have an NBA season, we have to look for amazing in other places!) In the morning I checked my Facebook notifications and found a splendid surprise. Someone added a comment to Jesus’ post. Here is what the guy wrote: “He doesnt need your worship or belief for Him to pay you a visit. Like I always said, your gonna look nice and defined in your casket one day. All that physical labor will lead you to to the “mother$ucker”(as you so eloquently put it) for Divine Judgement. As you know, your life is sand in an hour glass….tick tick tick tick one day you’ll know for sure. In your case I hope he doesnt mind being called “mother&ucker”, or else its double death for you my friend. Oh thats not my opinion, its Gods Word. All manner of sins can be forgiven except Blasphemy of the Spirit. You just severely Blasphemed there Jesus. By calling Him what you did you also opened the door for me to judge your fruits. I see the fruit in you is of the devil so I will now have to part ways on Facebook. Ill pray for you, however, you seemed to already have judged yourself with your own words.” The guy also added a link. ‘’ At first, I thought it was a link to some religious conversion video, in which someone proclaimed “’god’ is good,” but it was a rap video. (Shouldn’t “god” be better than, good? Seems like he’s not giving the maximum effort! I’ll come back to the church when “god” is, great!) The artist from the link is a rapper who found “god,” and the song is actually not bad. (Who knows, maybe I’ll start getting into this Christian rap!) I almost pissed my pants when I read the heavenly comment. I was going to just let it go, but I felt compelled to say something. I added, “Damn Jesus, even I never lost a Facebook friend over religion! Ha ha!” I then felt the need to assure my friend that he was not going to Hell. I wrote, “I have good news for you, Jesus; just checked the Bible and your comment is not blasphemy. You were simply stating a fact. “God” is everyone’s father, which indeed makes him a motherfucker!” Let this be a lesson to all; people are free to believe whatever they want. I had to find out who this guy was, but his profile is private. Luckily, I did find out some interesting information. He only has 70 friends. (Probably due to his stringent religious screening process!) He lists his activities as, “Jesus, video games.” (I’m not surprised!) Under interests he lists: “Jesus, Sports.” (I’m assuming he doesn’t play, “kill the man with the ball!”) My favorite is the fact that he likes, “Jesus Music, Bizzle.” (Bizzle is a Christian rapper who believes Lil’ Wayne and Jay-Z worship the devil!) Some people are way too extreme for me! BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

The Gators will destroy Georgia at 3:30pm! (EST) Don’t miss the world’s largest outdoor cocktail party!


Be sure to check back tomorrow for a preview of next week’s posts!


Published by Peter Teixeira

First and foremost, I enjoy writing stories. I recently completed my first novel, and I successfully co-wrote a short film script, which won the grand prize in the words made easy competition.

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  1. I believe it. I got two stories. At work this female manager 45yrs old, told me I couldn’t go to heaven due to my tattoos. I said that’s fine, then she said “You know if your sisters or family member needs blood and your a match you can’t give blood.” I pulled out my Red Cross card and said “I donate blood every 8 weeks, alternating between blood, and blood platelets”. I continued ” we science I’m really saving lifes, how many lives you really saved with prayers?” She walked away.

    We was cleaning up at work and a manager asked me to help him throw out some stuff. He is a religious buff in his late 30’s. When I got to his dept. He was fussing and he is throwing out everyone personal microwaves and from now on everyone will use the lunch room. I laughed and say ” What would Jesus Do?. He quickly looked up at me and said “Huh?” I replied “you heard me, would Jesus, throw these microwaves away? People used their hard earn money to buy these.” Long story short, every microwave is still in the building.

    It’s funny how a guy like me (don’t go to church, or follow a religion group. Can still control them, with there nonsense…COL

    1. I am a Christian BUT I am not one of those Christians! The stupid woman who railed against your tattoo is an idiot, not a “genuine Christian,” although I know they are really hard to find, unfortunately. And the person who left that comment on Peter’s Facebook page needs a life. But I understand both your frustation at the representation. I am 63 years old and I’ve been representin’ Jesus for over forty years and I a pissed at this sh*t. I think Jesus is pissed as well. In fact, I wrote a blog post entitled, “Don’t quote me on this, but I think Jesus is pissed!” I’m an old fart, and If I can see that your tattoo is just “art” and Peter’s comment was just “humor” (maybe not for everyone), then “Christians” who are younger need to get a grip and get a sense of humor. Not a sermon, just a thought! All the best to both of you!

      1. I read the post and definitely enjoyed your writing. I found that there are many Christians who have a sense of humor, which is quite refreshing. At the end of the day, everyone is free to believe whatever they please, but we can all agree when something is funny!

        Great blog; I’ll keep reading!

  2. Read anything by Christopher Hitchens…Folks who believe in talking snakes or the apocalyptic teachings of a deranged, Bronze Age rabbi always keep the “Amazing” coming…

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