Just When I Thought I Was Out, They Pull Me Back In

I came out about two years ago. At first, I didn’t want to come out, but I finally gained the courage to be an example to any young child who considers himself or herself to be “different.” It’s not what you think; I’m not talking about THE “coming out!” It was scary, but I finally admitted to myself, and to the world, that I was an atheist. (I’m just kidding about being scared!)

Discovering the truth about the entire world’s many faiths is an extremely freeing experience. I especially enjoy poking fun at those who honestly believe their specific myth to be true. For example, here is my Easter-related Facebook post:

     “Congrats to everyone who made it through the entire 40 days of sacrifice! Now that Easter is here and Lent is over, I can go back to coveting all the things that I desire; especially some of these wives! (I’ll never give that up again!)”     

Unfortunately for me, I didn’t get the opportunity to choose my religious beliefs; like most people around the world, I was forced by my parents to join their faith. My forehead was doused with “holy water” and I became a Catholic. It didn’t take long for me to begin doubting many of the traditions, but I did was I was told. (Thankfully, our neighborhood wasn’t a target area for the Church’s pious-pedophiles, so I was never asked to “scrape my knees up for the lord!”)

At the age of twelve, I was given the power to either choose to attend “god’s house of boy-rape” or stay home and watch cartoons on the USA network. It’s obvious I didn’t lose any sleep over this “major dilemma!”

Missing Sunday mass turned out to be the gateway-drug to my atheism. Once I began to avoid the weekly wash and allowed my mind to get dirty, there was no turning back. I didn’t fear “god” and I wasn’t afraid to push the envelope push the expensive glass vase. (Why would anyone fear a being that doesn’t exist outside of the big picture-free comic book, called the bible!)

***If you are unfamiliar with the phrase, “pushing the expensive glass vase,” read my previous post: What Does That Even Mean!***

     It was almost as if I was a religious slave and a prophet demanded that the Pope let his people go; atheism was my liberty. For days, I ran around the Charles River, yelling, “LIBERTAD! LIBERTAD!” I was finally free!


Recently, it was brought to my attention that I was not free. Apparently, the Church does not just allow members to leave. There are strict guidelines which must be followed, in order to leave. I heard of “Blood In Blood Out” but Water In Water Out is news to me! I’m not even sure how one goes about getting “watered out!” It looks like I’ll be a Catholic for life; don’t get me wrong, I want to leave the Church, but I’m definitely not willing to drown to death!

EXCOMMUNICATION:  an ecclesiastical censure depriving a person of the rights of church membership.

The information regarding the process is too extensive for me to include in this post, but basically, a Bishop is the lowest level Church official who can grant excommunication. At first, I thought about going through the long process, but then I realized that I don’t want to quit the Church; I want to be thrown out! It is my desire to become the Vatican’s worst offender. (This is a lofty goal, since Hitler and the infinite number of pedophilic-priests failed to lose their memberships in the “god’s organization!”)

For the time being, it appears that I’m stuck with the Church and the Church is stuck with me! Let’s hope I can make this happen!



Un-Ashy Wednesday

I think Los Angeles is the place for me. Yesterday was the first time in my life that I didn’t see one person with a symbolic dirty forehead. I am new to atheism, but I never understood the tradition of placing a smudge of ash on a person’s forehead. (I think I was twelve the last time I allowed someone to dirty my forehead with ash!)

To me, religions would be better if, at the beginning of the year, there was an election in which people could vote on the traditions to follow. I think the Catholics would have voted “NAY” on Ash Wednesday a long time ago.

Even better, religious leaders could propose new traditions which the people could vote for. Imagine how great that would be. (Obviously, Catholics would be excluded from this new way of practicing religion because they have a Pope who runs things!) There could be a young hip priest who creates a beer pong tournament in honor of his “god.” The winners of the tourney are to be free from sin for one year. (That’s the type of religion I could find myself getting involved with!)

Another tradition I never understood was lent. If Jesus sacrificed for his people, why the hell would we have to sacrifice, AGAIN? It makes no goddamn sense. The sacrifice has been accomplished; there is no need to give up anything for forty days.

Furthermore, if you’re going to do what Jesus would do, go all the way. Giving up one “luxury” item doesn’t seem to cut it. Catholics believe that Jesus fasted for forty days and forty nights, so I say, go ahead and do that. If you’re not going to honor the sacrifice properly, don’t bother at all. I honestly don’t understand how making a child give up M&Ms for forty days makes them like Jesus. If anything, I would hate Jesus if I had to give up anything.

Traditions are usually ridiculous and nonsensical, but they are here to stay. Followers will continue to do as they are told to do, and the non-believers will continue to laugh our asses off!

I found this to be hilarious!

Feel free to comment and tell the rest of us what you gave up for lent. I‘ll play along, for shits and giggles, and give up condoms! ***”GOD” HELP ME!*** (Honestly, shits and giggles. How the hell did those two words come together to mean something?)


A Promise To Azfal

If you like books about Dragons being chased by the awkward kid turned hero, you are in store for a monumental let down. A Promise To Azfal has no such fantasy story line. (Sorry) What you can expect to read is the “GREATEST NOVEL EVER WRITTEN.” (This is my humble and biased opinion!)

I planned on posting my latest query letter, but I realized that there are too many spoilers, so I will post a blurb instead.

“What the hell is a blurb or a query letter? Is that a gay letter?” No you imbecile. A query letter is a professional letter, written to literary agents, in which an author pitches a finished novel. It may seem easy, but query letters are quite challenging; the goal is to summarize my 391 page novel, in only one page. (It’s basically like using a blender to mix Mountain Dew, Coke, chocolate ice cream, a cherry, a kiwi, a strawberry, and one cashew nut—then asking someone to separate all of the ingredients into individual cups. Ok, it’s nothing like that, but it is a daunting task!)

The blurb is what you will find on the back cover of most books; it’s the reason most people purchase a novel. Blurbs can be one, two, or three paragraphs. For this post, I decided to write a short, one paragraph blurb in order to keep from revealing too much of the plot. (I will mention one spoiler…EVERYONE DIES IN THE END! By “the end,” I mean the end of each individual’s respective lives. No Weapons of Mass Destructions will be found here either!)

The history of the conflict between Christians and Muslims has always intrigued me. When I originally came up with the idea for the story, I wanted to write about a hero who discovers all of the damaging secrets hidden in the Vatican Secret Archives. My goal was to expose the fact that the Catholic Church is corrupt and unnecessary. As I researched the story, I went through a transformation. I no longer believed that the Catholic Church was unnecessary. At the time, I believed in “god” and I understood that attending Mass didn’t guarantee salvation; it simply allowed people to celebrate the “goodness of the lord” in a group setting.

My novel evolved as well. I no longer had the desire to bring down the Catholic Church; I wanted to show that the Church was a great and useful institution, which could serve to help people persevere through difficult challenges. (This is all pre-atheist thinking. Click on the religion tab in the categories section to read my thoughts regarding the Church.) The novel became more about distancing the true Catholic faith from the evil corruption.

Luckily for me, my good friend President George W. Bush made an egregious error. Before the invasion of Iraq, he said, “This will be a modern day crusade.” The guy has said some dumb things during his Presidency, but this was his defining moment. It’s almost as if he wanted to give Muslim extremists a reason to unite in a religious war against the West; Osama Bin Laden couldn’t have dreamed of a better recruiting tool.

I decided to use Bush’s quote as the turning point in the title character’s life. Azfal is an Egyptologist and devout Muslim from Iraq. He believed in using diplomacy to bring peace to the world and didn’t support Saddam Hussein. The former U.S. President’s misguided proclamation causes Azfal to blame the Catholic Church and the Pope for the unnecessary invasion. The story follows the main character Jassim, Azfal’s grandson, who is on a mission to fulfill the promise that he made to his vengeful grandfather.

A lot of research went into the novel. I found some interesting Catholic Church facts which the average churchgoer won’t hear during Sunday Mass. Obviously, my goal is to publish the novel, but a second, less important, goal is to have the Pope place my book on the Church’s banned list. I would also love to be excommunicated from the Catholic Church. (That would be amazing!)


     The escalating tension between America and Iraq is the back drop for this compelling tale about an unbreakable family bond. The main character, a native Iraqi named JASSIM, and his grandfather AZFAL witness the traumatic invasion of Iraq; the suffering the pair experience is unimaginable. A resentful Azfal masterminds an outlandish plot for Jassim to convert from Islam to Catholicism, join the priesthood, and uncover damaging Church secrets in order to reveal them to the world. The boy, a phenomenal soccer star whose best friend Sabatina is secretly in love with him, has to choose between keeping the promise that he made to his grandfather and chasing his own destiny.


If the story seems interesting, you’ll have to wait for the release date in order to learn how the tale unfolds. The rest of the novel is filled with betrayal, love, hate, a secret society, twists and shocking revelations. I can’t explain the satisfaction of completing a full length novel. Hopefully, I will be able to find a literary agent to help me with the publishing process.

“Why the heck do you need a literary agent? You can self-publish the book.” Yes, I am aware of the self-publishing route, but I want the satisfaction of taking the traditional path. (I’m old school!) I can also publish an e-book, but I want to find an agent who will believe in the story and help me with future projects, as well. (I already wrote the outline for a second novel and I completed the first two chapters. I also have several book ideas in various stages of the creation process.)

In the publishing world, literary agents are necessary because most major publishers will not deal with authors, directly. The agents act as a middleman during the negotiation process. The agents will also help to ensure that the story is properly edited for submission.

Feel free to comment on the novel. (Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!)


From Catholicism To Atheism

I sat down in front of my computer and wrote pages of information about my conversion from Christianity to Atheism. I wrote paragraphs upon paragraphs, and every one fell short of the objective. Each paragraph failed to convey my true feelings. After awhile, I realized the problem. I can’t explain the process of being enlightened; it’s simply impossible. Either a person reaches the level of awakening that I have achieved, or not. Who am I to convert the ignorant?

I spent over fifteen years removing the beliefs of Catholicism from my mind. How can I express the process of becoming awakened to a person who is asleep? IMPOSSIBLE! If anyone has a desire to hear the story of my conversion, ask me and we can converse in person. Even then, I feel a believer cannot completely understand what it means to be an atheist.

An atheist is defined as a person who doesn’t believe in  “god,” but it is far more than that. A true atheist must understand why “god” cannot exist; there is no belief. We simply know! The same way Galileo knew the earth revolved around the sun, an atheist knows “god” exists only in myth. Thankfully, I do not live in a time when the church has any true power.

I often read stories about atheists who convert back to some sort of belief system, but that is an impossibility. The ones who make these false claims never reached the true understanding of atheism. Unfortunately for those who are non-believers, atheism cannot be explained. The information is readily available, it is up to each individual to discover the truth!

If you honestly believe in your faith and you have a desire to save me, please allow me to go to Hell. I don’t mind! I can be an atheist without you agreeing with me, why can’t you be a believer without me agreeing with you?

I live in a world of believers, and my knowledge is challenged on a daily basis. Some people may find my posts to be offensive, but I am offended when people are afraid to challenge their faith. I know that I call believers idiots, but what am I supposed to make of someone who doesn’t even understand his or her own faith. (If you’ve never read the bible from cover to cover, please shut the fuck up about your faith. How can someone believe in a religion and not read the most important text?)

A clear example of this is the so-called Catholic who believes in abortion. I must have missed the part of Catholicism which allowed for followers to question the Pope. The basis of the religion is the fact that the Conclave members are guided by “god” when choosing a new Pontiff; and the lord speaks through the new leader. I don’t care what your beliefs are concerning abortion but if you are Catholic, Pope Benny tells you what to believe; there is no free will. (If you ever tell me that you are a Catholic but you are pro-choice, YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT!!!)

Please do me a favor. Study your faith, then we can have an intelligent conversation about belief!

It’s hilarious when one of the hungry-hungry hippo-crites discovers I’m an atheist and attempts to chastise me.

“How can you not believe in ‘god’?” Simple! He doesn’t exist!

Now can you answer one of my questions?

“Sir, how can you challenge my morals when you practice pre-marital sex and have children out of wedlock?”

“And I guess you’re right ma’am, I’m evil, but how can you walk up the isle and eat the body of Christ, hung-over with semen and vodka fresh on your breath?”

“Only god can judge you.” No! I’ll have something to say about how you live!

Judge me and I’ll judge you back!!!