Subway Surprise

A few months ago, I wrote an Onion News Network inspired post about Chris Bosh of the Miami Heat. This is my second post in homage to the website’s style.

To read the previous entry, click on the link from May 14th, 2012:

Chris Bosh Breaks Down And Reveals True Cause Of Abdominal Strain



Subway Surprise

Unfortunately, stories about women being groped on the New York City transit system are far too common. Recently, Kelly O’Brien had such an experience. O’Brien, a librarian at Manhattan’s Stephen A. Schwarzman Building, ended her shift and strolled towards 42nd street in order to board the A Train.

O’Brien, a native of Wichita Kansas, loved the big city life and the comfort of riding the subway. She often stopped at Penn Station for a quick snack before continuing on to her apartment on Bleecker Street. The train arrived a few minutes after O’Brien purchased her Meatball Pizza (Pie to New Yorkers!) from Lugo Caffe. As usual, every seat was occupied so she found an open spot in the center of the car. She grasped the pizza with her right hand and held onto the pole with her left.

As the train moved down the tracks, a man continued to bump up against O’Brien, but it was a typical occurrence. Suddenly, O’Brien felt a hand cup her right breast. Before she could comprehend what was happening, another hand cupped her left breast. With the pizza in one hand, and her left hand attached to the pole, she could do nothing other than scream.

The stranger felt her up for a few more seconds before scurrying into a different car. Thankfully, a gentleman, who witnessed the attack, ran after the creep. The hero tackled the assailant and held him until the train pulled into the next station. A New York City transit officer was on the platform and he arrested the immoral man.

Kelly O’Brien immediately identified her attacker and thanked the hero. Prior to taking the criminal to the police station, the officer offered the offender to apologize for his actions. The apprehended individual stared at O’Brien for a couple seconds before speaking.

Creep: “I love touching women’s breasts and I will not apologize for what I did. She is wearing a blouse that exposes a significant amount of her cleavage and I had to feel those fun bags!”

Transit Officer: “I’m sorry, ma’am; people like him shouldn’t be allowed to walk the street.”

O’Brien: “Thank you officer. Hopefully he gets some help.”

Transit Officer: “That’s enough out of you, jerk!”

O’Brien clenched the cardboard box with both hands as watched she watched the officer lead her attacker away. Before the two men turned the corner, the creep yelled out.

Creep: “I think I felt a lump in your left breast. You should get that checked; I would hate to see those babies removed!”

The creep’s words remained with O’Brien while she sat in her inauspicious apartment and enjoyed her pizza. A week after the incident, she finally scheduled a mammogram. Regrettably, a lump was detected, but the doctors caught it early enough to quickly remove the cancerous growth. O’Brien realized that the “creep” actually ended up saving her life. She decided to drop all charges against her attacker and he was released; free to grope whomever he wanted to.

[The End]

Ladies, show a little more cleavage…it may just save your life!



This Actually Happened – September 10th, 2011

My 9/11


Due to the fact that tomorrow is September eleventh, I’ll use today’s post to write about my experience during the attacks of 2001. After all, this actually happened. 2001 was a difficult year; my family was dealing with the tragic loss of my uncle, so I decided to take the semester off and remain in Boston. The day started off like any other. I was behind the counter at the store, serving the local drunkards who woke up early in order to get their morning fix. (Alcoholism is a sad thing to witness, but great for profit margins!) There is a bus which drives Cape Verdeans from Boston to New York City, allowing travelers to board the plane to CV from JFK Airport; passengers can also return to Boston. The bus driver is a family friend so the store’s parking lot doubles as the Boston terminal. On September 11, 2001, the bus from New York arrived early and the first guy to depart asked me if I heard about the plane crash in the Big Apple. I replied “no,” and he informed me that a pilot must have lost control of his small plane and crashed into the Empire State Building. (I love how stories are transformed as information passes from one person top the next!) A Plane crashing into one of the most famous buildings in the world was news, but not a National Security threat. These things happen! More people trickled-in with varying details and theories, but I wasn’t overly concerned until “Every day, I’m working my way, with Magic, in the morning,” was interrupted. (If you have ever lived in Boston, you know the slogan!)  ***Big shout out to every one who sang the words while reading!*** First, it was one tower, then two, then DC, then the first tower fell, ,then the second tower fell. I felt as if the world was coming to an end. I can honestly say that I have never felt more helpless in my life. I walked outside several times, just to make sure the Prudential building and the John Hancock Tower were still standing. There were many Americans who felt the need to join the military in order to defend the country against the new enemy, but I had no desire to fly over seas, in search of “terrorists” to kill! I never heard the name Osama Bin Laden prior to 9/11, but instead of anger, I was filled with questions. Why did this guy want to harm Americans? And how was he able to architect such a massive undertaking? The events of that horrific day caused me to study the history of the Middle East and the relationship between the region and the US. (For my thoughts on bin Laden, read ‘Osama: terrorist or Hero’ posted on July 25th.) My heart goes out to the people who lost their lives during the attacks on 9/11. Obviously, the many innocent victims didn’t deserve to pay for the actions of past Presidents, but that seems to be the way things always turn out. I also felt sorry for the American Muslims; the way our fellow Americans were treated in this country was sickening to say the least. American Muslims are patriots like any other citizen, but they were vilified, because of the typical American ignorance. (A lack of education is the most dangerous weapon known to man!) Hopefully, the future leaders of the United States will learn from past mishaps and serve the people with a greater sense of responsibility.  BELIEVE IT OR NOT!


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***I added a new page to the blog. I have decided to post a preview of my novel, A Promise To Azfal. Click on the link at the top of the page and feel free to give some constructive criticism! Any comment will be greatly appreciated. (Even if you write, “You suck worst than the Miami Hurricanes!” Although, no one can suck that bad!)***

I’ll be watching the Gators destroy another opponent. GO GATORS!


Check back tomorrow for next week’s preview!