New Crusoes

I LOVE THIS BOOK!

Paul Crusoe was a devoted husband and dedicated father to his two boys. His wife Carol gave up her career to stay home and give the boys a proper upbringing. Paul earned enough money for the family to live comfortably, and he enjoyed spoiling his three favorite individuals.

One day, ten year-old Bobby ran into his brother’s bedroom and said, “I found a book about our family!”

Nine year-old Arthur thought it was the greatest news ever. “That’s amazing!” Arthur replied.

Bobby led his sibling into the living room, where their dad was reading the newspaper.

“Dad, look what I found!” Bobby yelled.

Paul grabbed the book and read the cover. “Robinson Crusoe; I love this novel.” Paul said.

“Is it really about our family, dad?” Arthur asked.

“No son, but it is a wonderful story.” Paul replied.

The news was disappointing, but the boys still felt a connection to the book. That night was the first of many that the family gathered by the fireplace while Paul read Robinson Crusoe.

The book generated an explorer’s spirit inside of the young boys and they became infatuated with surviving off the fat of the land and learning to navigate the seas. On the weekends, Carol visited her mother while her three men escaped to Cleveland National Forest, near San Diego, for some good old fashion fun.

Three years later, Paul surprised the boys with some good news. He purchased a small yacht and planned a secret adventure in the Pacific Ocean. Paul felt the only way to be at one with nature was to sail away without telling a soul.

Carol at least wanted to notify her mom, but she finally gave in and agreed to leave without telling anyone.

Initially, the trip was great, until rough seas overturned the boat. Thankfully, the family survived the accident and landed on a deserted Island; the adventure they longed for became a reality.

Three months went by, before the truth of the matter was apparent. No one would ever find the group; they were on their own. The many weekends in the forest served the family well. They had sufficient lodging and many methods to feed themselves.

If they wanted to, the Crusoes could live on the island for the rest of their natural lives without any problems. The boys, now teenagers, wanted to stay on the island, but Carol was against the idea.

Paul subscribed to the old adage, “happy wife, happy life,” so he came up with a plan. Paul designed a large canoe and his sons helped build “The Crusoe Ark.”

The vessel took eight months to construct and it was an engineering masterpiece. Several tests, proved Paul & Sons to be master craftsmen. The canoe was basically unsinkable, but it was too small for the entire family to float across the mighty Pacific.

Everyone was in agreement that Paul would leave on his own and then return to rescue the others once he made it back to civilization.

The father’s last night on the island was an emotional one, but the Crusoes knew what had to be done. In the morning, the family stood on the beach and watched Paul sail over the horizon.

The sea was calm for a week, before a tidal wave smashed Paul’s canoe into a large rock. Once again, Paul made it to dry land, but this time he was alone.

Ten years passed before Paul was able to attempt another brave escape. Stubbornly, he rebuilt the canoe and took to the seas. Unbelievably, Paul landed on an inhabited island; he landed on Beru Island.

Paul’s only concern was to locate his family and bring them to safety. Paul spared no expense. Along with a team of man hunters and sailors, he searched the mighty Pacific. Seven months elapsed with no result.

Finally, Paul peered into his telescope and saw a familiar beach; it was the same beach he departed from, ten years earlier.

The ship’s captain set a direct course to the island and Paul anticipated the greatest reunion of his life. Initially, the island appeared to be uninhabited, but Paul remained optimistic. He led his team through the woods until stopping after hearing some strange noises. Paul ran as fast as he could, in the direction of the disturbance.

Paul fell to the floor when he ran past the bush into a large clearing. Before his eyes stood four toddlers, his two boys and his lovely wife.

“What the hell is going on here?” Paul yelled.

“Paul!” Carol yelled.

“Dad, you came back!” Bobby said.

“Our prayers have been answered!” Arthur announced.

“Who the hell are these children? YOU DIDN’T FUCK THE BOYS; DID YOU?” Paul asked.

Wait a minute! Who the hell would write such a disgusting incest-filled tale? Such a story should never exist! (Especially not in a religious publication, RIGHT?)