Bagging Up Season 2 – Episode 3

Season 2: Episode 1   Episode 2

INT. BARTHOLOMEW’S APARTMENT

Simon wasn’t home, but Judas found him at Bartholomew’s place.

BARTHOLOMEW

What’s up mas puto.

The guys laugh.

JUDAS

What the hell does that mean?

SIMON

We’re not really sure, but we think it means super gay, in Spanish.

JUDAS

When did you guys start speaking Spanish?

SIMON

My neighbor was clowning around with his friends and I picked it up.

JUDAS

I’m definitely not mas puto.

BARTHOLOMEW

I agree. The jury is still out on you; you’re mas o menos puto.

The guys laugh.

JUDAS

What the hell is that?

BARTHOLOMEW

I just made it up. I remember mas o menos from high school Spanish class. That has to be the Spanish version of bisexual.

JUDAS

You would know.

BARTHOLOMEW

No homophobe!

The guys laugh.

SIMON

So what did you want to talk about?

JUDAS

I wanted to get in contact with Heather so I could find out what caused her to create these lies.

SIMON

That’s a good idea. If you want I can call her to come over.

JUDAS

Yeah, that’s probably best.

Simon calls Heather and she agrees to meet the guys. An hour later, she arrives and Simon walks her into the apartment.

HEATHER

Simon tells me that you have a problem with me.

JUDAS

I just want to know why you decided to make up lies about me and Dan.

HEATHER

What lies?

JUDAS

I’m serious. I don’t even know you and I’m trying to understand why you did what you did; are you crazy or something?

HEATHER

Are you seriously going to sit there and say that you don’t know me?

JUDAS

The first time I met you was at the bar.

HEATHER

I can’t believe it; you are the biggest asshole ever.

SIMON

I concur.

BARTHOLOMEW

I too agree with the lady’s proclamation.

JUDAS

Thank you, gentlemen!

Everyone laughs.

HEATHER

You really don’t remember me?

JUDAS

No, crazy woman!

HEATHER

Take a look at this.

Heather reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo. Judas grabs the picture and studies it.

JUDAS

Is this Caesars?

HEATHER

Yeah, it’s from three years ago.

JUDAS

I remember you!

SIMON

You guys know each other?

HEATHER

That’s what I’ve been trying to say.

BARTHOLOMEW

Why were you lying?

JUDAS

I wasn’t lying. Look at this picture; she had blond hair.

Bartholomew grabs the photo.

BARTHOLOMEW

You can’t blame him for not recognizing you; this looks like a completely different person.

JUDAS

Exactly!

HEATHER

There is no excuse for forgetting a person you connected with.

BARTHOLOMEW

Connected? I know what that means; I think someone was the victim of a hit and run!

Judas and Bartholomew high-five while laughing and Simon does his best to keep a straight face.

HEATHER

I see you laughing, asshole.

SIMON

Sorry, but it’s hilarious.

JUDAS

How can you expect me to remember some chick I banged three years ago, especially when I was drunk out of my mind in Vegas?

BARTHOLOMEW

So you made up the entire gay thing to get back at him?

HEATHER

He deserved it.

BARTHOLOMEW

What about Dan? He didn’t do anything to you.

Judas clears his throat.

JUDAS

I think she got in another accident.

The guys laugh.

BARTHOLOMEW

Damn! You’re the freaking hit and run queen. I got next!

HEATHER

Fuck you!

BARTHOLOMEW

Yes, please!

The guys laugh.

SIMON

I’m sorry.

HEATHER

Thanks “friend.”

BARTHOLOMEW

If you’re looking for support; you’re in the wrong place.

SIMON

So Judas isn’t gay?

BARTHOLOMEW

No! Heather lied, but Judas is still gay. No homophobe!

The guys laugh.

BARTHOLOMEW

What happened in Vegas? How did you bag her?

SIMON

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas; right Heather?

HEATHER

Don’t try to be on my side, now.

Simon shrugs his shoulders.

SIMON

You can’t fault me for trying.

BARTHOLOMEW

Let’s hear it.

JUDAS

I actually remember the night; no wonder you hated me.

HEATHER

You’re such an asshole.

BARTHOLOMEW

What did you do?

JUDAS

We were messing around and I told the guys to give me any pick-up line and I’ll bag Heather.

SIMON

Hold on! Don’t tell me that story was actually true.

JUDAS

That’s right. You guys didn’t believe me.

BARTHOLOMEW

I can’t believe you weren’t lying.

JUDAS

I walked up to Heather and said, can you help me dispose of some semen!

The guys laugh while Heather lowers her head in shame.

SIMON

I can’t believe that line worked on you.

HEATHER

I was drunk!

BARTHOLOMEW

I always wanted to meat the semen disposal chick. Today is the happiest day of my life. Do you mind if I make a deposit?

The guys laugh. Heather decides to keep quite instead of egging him on.

BARTHOLOMEW

Nothing personal, Heather.

HEATHER

I understand that you guys are childish. It’s been fun, but I’m out of here.

JUDAS

I guess we’re even. No hard feelings.

HEATHER

Whatever.

She walks to the door.

JUDAS

Wait. I’ll walk you out. Later fellas.

BARTHOLOMEW

Where are you going?

JUDAS

I have to find Dan and tell him the story.

BARTHOLOMEW

Alright, later.

JUDAS

I know you guys didn’t think I was going to let some random chick to out me.

Judas exits.

INT. PHILIP’S APARTMENT

Simon and Bartholomew decide to tell Philip the news.

PHILIP

This is a small world. It’s crazy how everything unfolded. Judas is really lucky; it could have been much worse.

KIM

He definitely needs to slow down with the bagging, as you guys say.

BARTHOLOMEW

The way I see it, no harm no foul.

KIM

I kind of feel bad for accusing Judas of being gay.

PHILIP

Don’t fee bad; he’s an asshole.

BARTHOLOMEW

That’s no way to talk about your friend, buddy.

PHILIP

You’re an asshole too!

The all laugh.

PHILIP

I’m just happy the truth is finally out.

Bartholomew and Simon look at one another.

SIMON

I’m not sure the truth is out.

PHILIP

What are you talking about?

BARTHOLOMEW

Judas said something weird before leaving my apartment.

SIMON

Yeah, it was a little shaky.

PHILIP

What?

BARTHOLOMEW

He said, I know you guys didn’t think I was going to let some random chick to out me.

PHILIP

I’m sure it was just a slip of the tongue.

SIMON

It was a slip, but I’m pretty sure it was Freudian.

PHILIP

I don’t want to go down this road again; let’s go get some food and let Judas live his life.

SIMON

I’m down for that.

BARTHOLOMEW

Me too.

KIM

Great; we haven’t eaten all day.

The foursome exits.

[It’s A Wrap!]

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9 responses to “Bagging Up Season 2 – Episode 3

  1. Pingback: Bagging Up Season 2 – Episode 2 | Wacky Pete's Wicked & Wonderful Words of Wis-dumb

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