INT. BARTHOLOMEW’S APARTMENT
Simon wasn’t home, but Judas found him at Bartholomew’s place.
BARTHOLOMEW
What’s up mas puto.
The guys laugh.
JUDAS
What the hell does that mean?
SIMON
We’re not really sure, but we think it means super gay, in Spanish.
JUDAS
When did you guys start speaking Spanish?
SIMON
My neighbor was clowning around with his friends and I picked it up.
JUDAS
I’m definitely not mas puto.
BARTHOLOMEW
I agree. The jury is still out on you; you’re mas o menos puto.
The guys laugh.
JUDAS
What the hell is that?
BARTHOLOMEW
I just made it up. I remember mas o menos from high school Spanish class. That has to be the Spanish version of bisexual.
JUDAS
You would know.
BARTHOLOMEW
No homophobe!
The guys laugh.
SIMON
So what did you want to talk about?
JUDAS
I wanted to get in contact with Heather so I could find out what caused her to create these lies.
SIMON
That’s a good idea. If you want I can call her to come over.
JUDAS
Yeah, that’s probably best.
Simon calls Heather and she agrees to meet the guys. An hour later, she arrives and Simon walks her into the apartment.
HEATHER
Simon tells me that you have a problem with me.
JUDAS
I just want to know why you decided to make up lies about me and Dan.
HEATHER
What lies?
JUDAS
I’m serious. I don’t even know you and I’m trying to understand why you did what you did; are you crazy or something?
HEATHER
Are you seriously going to sit there and say that you don’t know me?
JUDAS
The first time I met you was at the bar.
HEATHER
I can’t believe it; you are the biggest asshole ever.
SIMON
I concur.
BARTHOLOMEW
I too agree with the lady’s proclamation.
JUDAS
Thank you, gentlemen!
Everyone laughs.
HEATHER
You really don’t remember me?
JUDAS
No, crazy woman!
HEATHER
Take a look at this.
Heather reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo. Judas grabs the picture and studies it.
JUDAS
Is this Caesars?
HEATHER
Yeah, it’s from three years ago.
JUDAS
I remember you!
SIMON
You guys know each other?
HEATHER
That’s what I’ve been trying to say.
BARTHOLOMEW
Why were you lying?
JUDAS
I wasn’t lying. Look at this picture; she had blond hair.
Bartholomew grabs the photo.
BARTHOLOMEW
You can’t blame him for not recognizing you; this looks like a completely different person.
JUDAS
Exactly!
HEATHER
There is no excuse for forgetting a person you connected with.
BARTHOLOMEW
Connected? I know what that means; I think someone was the victim of a hit and run!
Judas and Bartholomew high-five while laughing and Simon does his best to keep a straight face.
HEATHER
I see you laughing, asshole.
SIMON
Sorry, but it’s hilarious.
JUDAS
How can you expect me to remember some chick I banged three years ago, especially when I was drunk out of my mind in Vegas?
BARTHOLOMEW
So you made up the entire gay thing to get back at him?
HEATHER
He deserved it.
BARTHOLOMEW
What about Dan? He didn’t do anything to you.
Judas clears his throat.
JUDAS
I think she got in another accident.
The guys laugh.
BARTHOLOMEW
Damn! You’re the freaking hit and run queen. I got next!
HEATHER
Fuck you!
BARTHOLOMEW
Yes, please!
The guys laugh.
SIMON
I’m sorry.
HEATHER
Thanks “friend.”
BARTHOLOMEW
If you’re looking for support; you’re in the wrong place.
SIMON
So Judas isn’t gay?
BARTHOLOMEW
No! Heather lied, but Judas is still gay. No homophobe!
The guys laugh.
BARTHOLOMEW
What happened in Vegas? How did you bag her?
SIMON
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas; right Heather?
HEATHER
Don’t try to be on my side, now.
Simon shrugs his shoulders.
SIMON
You can’t fault me for trying.
BARTHOLOMEW
Let’s hear it.
JUDAS
I actually remember the night; no wonder you hated me.
HEATHER
You’re such an asshole.
BARTHOLOMEW
What did you do?
JUDAS
We were messing around and I told the guys to give me any pick-up line and I’ll bag Heather.
SIMON
Hold on! Don’t tell me that story was actually true.
JUDAS
That’s right. You guys didn’t believe me.
BARTHOLOMEW
I can’t believe you weren’t lying.
JUDAS
I walked up to Heather and said, can you help me dispose of some semen!
The guys laugh while Heather lowers her head in shame.
SIMON
I can’t believe that line worked on you.
HEATHER
I was drunk!
BARTHOLOMEW
I always wanted to meat the semen disposal chick. Today is the happiest day of my life. Do you mind if I make a deposit?
The guys laugh. Heather decides to keep quite instead of egging him on.
BARTHOLOMEW
Nothing personal, Heather.
HEATHER
I understand that you guys are childish. It’s been fun, but I’m out of here.
JUDAS
I guess we’re even. No hard feelings.
HEATHER
Whatever.
She walks to the door.
JUDAS
Wait. I’ll walk you out. Later fellas.
BARTHOLOMEW
Where are you going?
JUDAS
I have to find Dan and tell him the story.
BARTHOLOMEW
Alright, later.
JUDAS
I know you guys didn’t think I was going to let some random chick to out me.
Judas exits.
INT. PHILIP’S APARTMENT
Simon and Bartholomew decide to tell Philip the news.
PHILIP
This is a small world. It’s crazy how everything unfolded. Judas is really lucky; it could have been much worse.
KIM
He definitely needs to slow down with the bagging, as you guys say.
BARTHOLOMEW
The way I see it, no harm no foul.
KIM
I kind of feel bad for accusing Judas of being gay.
PHILIP
Don’t fee bad; he’s an asshole.
BARTHOLOMEW
That’s no way to talk about your friend, buddy.
PHILIP
You’re an asshole too!
The all laugh.
PHILIP
I’m just happy the truth is finally out.
Bartholomew and Simon look at one another.
SIMON
I’m not sure the truth is out.
PHILIP
What are you talking about?
BARTHOLOMEW
Judas said something weird before leaving my apartment.
SIMON
Yeah, it was a little shaky.
PHILIP
What?
BARTHOLOMEW
He said, I know you guys didn’t think I was going to let some random chick to out me.
PHILIP
I’m sure it was just a slip of the tongue.
SIMON
It was a slip, but I’m pretty sure it was Freudian.
PHILIP
I don’t want to go down this road again; let’s go get some food and let Judas live his life.
SIMON
I’m down for that.
BARTHOLOMEW
Me too.
KIM
Great; we haven’t eaten all day.
The foursome exits.
[It’s A Wrap!]
Wacky Pete's Wicked & Wonderful Words of Wis-dumb 
Good simple episode.
Thanks!
Good episode indeed!
Hit and run, I like it better than hit and quit it!
Thanks! I can’t decide which sounds worse.
I think hit and run is worse. I can’t get the image of a car wreck when I hear it which is probably what the experience is like for those involved! Which makes it tragic and thus funnier! I picture hit it and quit it being more civilized, after the “hitting” takes place one of the parties decides that this isn’t the kind of job he/she would enjoy in the future and resigns. Which seems far more graceful then running out. Although there are casualties in both so one must always take precautions! Dare I say, wear your seat belt!
Ha ha! Your logic makes sense! I hate seatbelts!
Click it or Syphilis!
Ha ha! I’ll take my chances.