Man vs Food

Man vs Food is a television program on the Travel Channel. A guy name Adam Richman travels throughout the United States and attempts to finish the country’s most difficult food challenges. Many of the over-sized dishes are too much for our hero to consume in the allotted time, usually an hour, but the episodes are full of fun facts, unbelievable dishes, and a ridiculous amount of food.

     Man vs Food provides great entertainment, but in the grand scheme of things, the show is pure evil. “What do you mean?” I’m talking about the fact that we live in a country of excess. I’m far from being a believer in Christian dogma but even an atheist can agree that gluttony is morally wrong.

If you own a television, you are well aware of the annoying “Save The Children” commercials, begging for money so the charity’s “volunteers” can take their cut, then use the remaining funds to feed the hungry children of the world. (I know it’s politically incorrect to call these commercials annoying, but I have to be honest!)

Who the hell wants to see random pictures of starving children? We live in an unfair world and there is a clear distinction between the haves and the have-nots. I don’t mind helping needed children, but have the decency to ask me at the supermarket checkout line, where I always say, “sure what the hell.” I should feel guilty when watching an episode of MVF, but that is not the type of person I am; I love the show, especially when the food contains spicy ingredients and the rules stipulate that there is absolutely NO BATHROOM BREAKS! (What well fed, red-blooded American wouldn’t!)

My only complaint about the program is the fact that Adam Richman is not the best man for the job. I don’t have any actual figures, but by my estimation, his success rate is less than fifty percent. Can’t they find anyone else who has an insatiable appetite? (Seriously, food is kicking man’s ass!)

I know we’re supposed to be all about American dominance, but I’d much rather watch Takeru Kobayashi, of Nathan’s hot dog eating competition fame, take down these challenges. I enjoy watching a champion showing the rest of the world how it’s done, and that guy is amazing! (A few years ago, MTV followed Kobayashi while he trained for the Nathan’s competition, in his native Japan, and there is no way that guy would ever lose one of these challenges!)

You would think Kobayashi is some obese sumo wrestler, but he is tiny!

     Thankfully, Adam’s “failure rate” was noticed by the producers of the show and there was a major change to this year’s season; the show has evolved into Man Vs Food Nation. In the new installment, champion eaters from across the nation replace Adam in the challenges. I thought this was a great idea, but I saw two episodes and the competitors were defeated by food. In the man’s defense, he did manage to eat more than any of the previous challengers. (I don’t know if anyone, other than Kobayashi, will be able to finish the entire 8lbs of food! *This guy broke the record and only ate less than half the plate!*)

Thank goodness hell doesn’t exist because every single person living in the United States of America would be headed there in a hand basket. Billions of people struggle to find enough food to survive each day and we are holding competitions to see how much food an individual can stuff into their faces.

Thankfully, most of the starving people in the world do not have enough money to purchase a television, or internet connection, because I would hate for them to sit through one of these competitions, while the cheering crowds drawn-out the sound of their rumbling, empty stomachs! It would be a massive “Fuck You” for them to know about this show!

Here is my impression of Adam Richman during a humanitarian mission to a third world nation. (We all live in the same world; calling their nations “third world” completely out of line!)

Starving Child: “Look at all that food; I am finally going to get a decent meal. “God” is good!” (Clearly the child forgot about the first ten years of his life when “god” completely neglected him and his family!)

Adam: “Sorry buddy, this food is for today’s episode of Man vs Food. I am going to attempt to eat this entire meal in less than three hours. This is going to be a big challenge so I’m going to need you and your friends to cheer me on!”

Starving Child: “I knew the devil was an American but I never pictured him to be a fat man!”

[The End]

***“God” is an asshole for blessing America with so much food!***


Published by Peter Teixeira

First and foremost, I enjoy writing stories. I recently completed my first novel, and I successfully co-wrote a short film script, which won the grand prize in the words made easy competition.

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  1. Pete you really make some valid arguements. Hunger for children is one of the things I have struggled with. If God is merciful why is there hunger in the world? It all comes down to freewill(that’s what Christians fall back on when there is no logical answer). Great post hat will have many thinkng. Really Adam has less than a 50% sucess rate? now that is funny.

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