It’s The Law

When it comes to driving, the only thing I hate more than people who can’t drive is the seatbelt law.

     I don’t believe the government has a right to decide whether or not a woman can have an abortion, but they definitely cross the line when they try and tell me that I have to wear a seatbelt. (Is it offensive to compare the seatbelt law to abortion?)

I finally have a license plate, so I have less anxiety when I see a police cruiser; I no longer have to worry about being pulled over. That being said, this seatbelt law has me on a constant lookout for police officers; I really don’t want to get a ticket for something as arbitrary as not wearing my seatbelt. (The way I see it, Jesus never wore a seatbelt so why should I?)

I honestly don’t understand how politicians refer to America as a free country, but I can’t drive down the street without having to keep my head on a swivel in order to avoid Johnnie Law and his evil book of pain. (Am I the only one who considers this law to be a mild form of communism?) I get it, people believe wearing seatbelts will save lives; I just don’t care. I don’t like wearing seatbelts, I never liked wearing seatbelts, and I will never wear seatbelts. (Unless I feel my wallet is at risk!)

There are some instances in which seatbelts may prevent you from escaping a car wreck and I don’t want to take that risk! “In some cases, wearing a seat belt could cause further injury during specific types of collisions.” *This quote was taken from* (The picture below was also taken from the site!)

     First of all, I lean my seat back too far for the seatbelt to work properly so I’d probably die in an accident. I already survived a near fatal accident without wearing a seatbelt and I will continue to “live on the edge.” It is perfectly legal for me to smoke a carton of cigarettes while drinking a gallon of whiskey until I am in a coma, but I can’t drive to a block without wearing my “safety belt.” (I love living in a free country!)

I think my biggest complaint about wearing seatbelts is the fact that they wrinkle my shirts. I take the time to iron my shirts and I prefer for them to remain wrinkle free for at least a few hours. It should be illegal for people to walk around with wrinkled shirts! (I’m kidding but I wouldn’t be surprised if “BIG GOVERNMENT” enacts a new wrinkle-free law!)

I also don’t like the fact that seatbelts are constricting. I haven’t been diagnosed, but I’m pretty sure I am claustrophobic. Me no like confined spaces! Plus, wearing seatbelts is eerily to having a noose around one’s neck. I would rather not be reminded of slavery every single time that I enter a vehicle. (Call me crazy!)

People may find it weird that I had no problem breaking a hundred, yesterday, but I almost crapped my pants when a police officer pulled up behind me for a couple miles; I anticipated the siren and lights going off, but thankfully there was a compassionate human being inside of the patrol car and not some asshole with an ax to grind. (I thought about pulling over and acting like I arrived at my destination, but I fought the urge and my wallet remained intact!)

Obviously we need laws to help govern the roads, but forcing motorists to wear seatbelts is a bit much. I understand the drunk driving thing, because other people are at risk, but what I do in my car to increase comfort-ability is my business. (Fine, I won’t use my cell phone, but I’m not backing down on this seatbelt matter!)

I definitely need to get some tinted windows so I can ride without a seatbelt without alerting the officials of my “criminal” behavior. Seriously, what’s next; a suicide fine? Will family members of those people who decided to pull a Seau be forced to pay an exorbitant amount of money as restitution for breaking the law? (Officer friendly is starting to piss me off!)

***For the record, I do not plan on wearing a seatbelt so if I die in a car accident, don’t blame it on my “outlaw” ways; the seatbelt would not have saved my life. If anything, the accident will be a suicide, committed in order to force my family to pay the new suicide fine! (If I have to go, I might as well piss some people off!)***

Why do they call it a seatbelt anyway? The damn thing goes around your shoulder: it should be called a shoulder belt or “annoying shirt wrinkling apparatus!”


Published by Peter Teixeira

First and foremost, I enjoy writing stories. I recently completed my first novel, and I successfully co-wrote a short film script, which won the grand prize in the words made easy competition.

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