The purpose of this blog is to entertain, but sometimes there are exceptions. I didn’t want to share these feelings with my readers but someone once told me that if it is real, I shouldn’t be afraid to let the world know. I’m going to be honest and admit that I attempted to write this post yesterday but I couldn’t find the courage. I don’t know what happened; I just sat in front of the computer and my fingers seemed too heavy to lift from the home-row key. I’m not sure if it was fear or the fact that I was in an inebriated state due to watching the Celtics game at a local watering hole, during happy hour! (Living on the West Coast has too many perks!)
A couple days ago, I received a call from an associate at the Sprint store in Los Feliz. My phone was on back order and he wanted to let me know that it was ready for pickup. After a couple weeks with the dumb phone, my android was a sight for sore eyes. I was happy to have my phone back, but there was something missing; I didn’t feel complete. I tried to lie to myself, but it was you that I missed.
I can remember when we first met and I had the feeling that we were meant to be; most people could see that we were a great fit. Obviously, there were some doubters, but their negative comments fell on deaf ears; our connection was undeniable. I know people aren’t supposed to rely on others when it comes to happiness, but you brought out the best in me. For the first time in my life, I felt free. When I was around you, I felt like I could do anything. I could relax and be myself and you always accepted me for the person that I am.
I really can’t believe we have grown apart. This isn’t an “it’s not you it’s me letter;” I think there may still be an opportunity for us to reconnect. There are days when I reach for the phone, ready to make the first move, but I never find the strength. I don’t know if it’s a sign of weakness on my part, or a sign that we are better off apart.
Yes, we have a few fleeting moments, but it’s not the same as it used to be. There is no point in lying to ourselves; we’re just going through the motions. It seems like our connections are forced. I can remember being at Applebee’s with my friends, on Sunday afternoons, sitting at the bar, drinking beers, and then you would finally make an appearance; everything was better. My friends accepted you and you accepted them. I know how you made me feel, but it wasn’t just me; all of the guys felt the same way. You provided us with a sense of freedom; we weren’t afraid to say whatever came to our minds. We didn’t care about the trendy thing; we created our own trends. There was no fear about who got offended; it was all about having fun and we only have you to thank.
Some days, I feel as if our separation is the right move and I go through each hour without looking back, but those days are few and far between. The worst moments are the times when people ask about us. I wish I had an explanation but I don’t even understand why things unraveled. I usually fight back the tears and say, “I don’t know.” That’s what makes this so weird, I don’t know. I wish life came with instructions because I am completely baffled.
This is how I feel on most days!
The easiest thing would be for me to blame our separation on my recent move to Los Angeles, but the truth is, this disconnect started a few months before I left Boston. Furthermore, there is no reason why we can’t make this work from the West Coast. There is no reason for us to give up on a connection as strong as ours. (I know I don’t want to give up!)
Here we are, separated, and basically complete strangers. I’m not even certain you will read this post, but hopefully someone will tell you about what I wrote and you can find it in your heart to make the reconnection. Even if you would rather keep things the way they are, I think it’s time for us to try again or give each other some closure; a decision has to be made.
This is the most emotional letter that I have written in my life and I don’t think I can continue opening up. There is so much more that I want to say, but I’ll leave that for another day. I guess what I’m really trying to say is, I don’t know why I stopped tweeting but I miss you Twitter!
Peter Teixeira, but I will always be: