Locked Up Abroad

The National Geographic Channel has one of the best shows on television; Locked Up Abroad. Although I like watching, I had to get over the initial disappointment of learning that the show was not about crazy men who hold women hostage in their basements. (I’m not saying it’s right for men to act in such a manner, but I wouldn’t mind getting a behind the scenes look into the mind of a psycho!)

Usually, I feel pretty bad for the individual who suffers through one of these tales, because the stories are pretty horrifying. I understand that these people only have themselves to blame, but some of the foreign governments cross the line.

The new season premiered last night and I have to say that the guy was a complete idiot. The man was from Los Angeles and he agreed to smuggle some leather goods from Turkey in order to avoid paying the import fees. His first run was successful and he eventually agreed to travel to Pakistan for some more “leather goods.”

Of course, the suitcase contained drugs and the man was arrested at customs. For the first time, I didn’t feel bad for the guy. For one, he was a dumbass for not figuring out that he was transporting drugs. Another reason is the fact that he fought with the guards after one guy joked that he was going to be hanged. He ended up barricading himself in one of the interrogation rooms until he heard the voice of an American DEA official who convinced him to open the door.

The guy then went to jail and decided to fight with all of the prisoners after they taunted him for being an American. He even ended up throwing one guy off of a balcony. I seriously think this jerk watched too many action films while growing up. He was certainly abiding by the WWRD. (What Would Rambo Do!)

It seems like this guy was the cause of his own suffering; he continued to make matters worse for himself. The real reason I didn’t like this guy is the fact that he purposely remained in jail over pride. (What a douche!)

After almost two years in prison, his lawyer gave him the option to earn his freedom. All he had to do was plead guilty and pay the judge an “under-the-table” one thousand dollar fine and he would have been released in four months. Most people would have jumped at the opportunity but not this “Prideful Patriot.” This idiot decided that “my pride is worth a lot more than my freedom!” (Who does this jackass think he is?)

First of all, he was guilty. He showed up to the airport with a bag full of illegally imported leather goods and drugs. Those are the facts. Everyone knows that you don’t show up to the airport with luggage that you did not pack yourself; for Pete’s sake, it’s the first question they ask!

Secondly, who gives a shit about pride in this situation? He is in a foreign country with an ancient judicial system which has a specific hatred towards American citizens; swallow your pride and get the hell out of there, dumbass!

This was the first time that I watched an episode and actually felt sad to see the “locked-up-abroadee” find freedom. I didn’t like the cut of this man’s jib and I wanted him to stay for a few more years. (I am not about that G.I. JOE life!)

This dude is definitely about that life.

If he looks familiar, it’s because he was one of the muscle-heads in the movie, Dude, Where’s My Car?

     This jerk’s pride makes me think that he probably didn’t do half of the things that he claims. After all, he can make up whatever he wants. The truth is he probably fabricated most of the details. I hope the rest of the season isn’t filled with prideful douches! Locked Up Abroad is supposed to be about greedy people who turn to the wrong side of the law and pay a great deal for their poor decisions. It’s not supposed to be about wanna be Rambo assholes, who add on to their jail time by attempting daring feats of bravery dumbassness against prison guards.


Published by Peter Teixeira

First and foremost, I enjoy writing stories. I recently completed my first novel, and I successfully co-wrote a short film script, which won the grand prize in the words made easy competition.

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