33 Certified Facts

Here is a list of some random facts that I learned during my time on earth. Each year, i learned one new thing. There is no method to my madness. If I think of it, I will write it. (I’ll probably have to censor some things because some of the things I come up with may be a bit much for some people!)

  1. People love reading lists!
  2. There will never be a woman who surpasses her man’s natural whoredom. It is important for women to figure out the best way to deal with her man’s insatiable appetite to sleep with other women. (Luckily, just because the man has urges, doesn’t mean that he will cheat!)
  3. Racism exists, but it can only prevent you from being in the presence of racist people. Racism will not keep people from achieving. STOP WITH THE EXCUSES!
  4. The Denver Broncos are the best team in the National Football League.
  5. Sometimes, it’s best to work on fixing a relationship with a cheater. More often than not, the next person you date will probably cheat as well. (This advice is for the dependent people who are incapable of finding happiness when single!)
  6. Just because a large group of people agree on something, doesn’t mean that they are correct. Sometimes, the blind will lead the blind.
  7. Scarface is the most entertaining movie of all-time! Furthermore, the Scarface score is unmatched!
  8. Children should not be allowed to read the bible. Seriously, there is an abundance of explicit material in that novel. “God” probably forgot to leave out the naughty details! (Maybe I’m insane, but I find it weird to have a book of faith that is rated NC-17!)
  9. (A) People who say, “only ‘god’ can judge me,” are usually ashamed of their actions. We will all be judged by those who surround us and we are responsible for what we do. If you do not want to be judged, act accordingly. (B) The same thing applies for people who say, “you can’t know what I’m going through unless you walk in my shoes.” More likely than not, what they are really saying is, “you’re right, but I don’t want to give you the satisfaction.” Humans have been around for thousands of years and it’s all been done before. Your experiences are not unique!
  10. OJ Simpson did it!
  11. The Florida Gators are the best team in NCAA football.
  12. Secrets are to be kept to oneself. If you tell someone a secret, you might as well tell everyone.
  13. Every time a woman sleeps with a new man, another piece of her father’s heart dies. (Being a dad can’t be easy!)
  14. Stand-up comedy material gets less funny each time you hear it. It’s the same with heroin; you will never recreate the first experience!
  15. Never get high on your own supply. (It’s probably a good idea to avoid getting high, all together!)
  16. Contrary to popular belief, more often than not, snitches do not get stitches. They usually testify in court and help to put away the guilty defendants.
  17. It doesn’t matter if a woman is hot; after a month or so, her man would rather sleep with almost any other woman. Yes, even if the new girl is a lot less sexy. The good news is there are “good guys” who can fight the urge and remain faithful! (It is a relationship long fight, and women should appreciate the struggle!)
  18. The Boston Red Sox is the best franchise in Major League Baseball.
  19. Unlike believers who perform good deeds in order to appease their “father,” incest-free atheists do good things because they want to.
  20. Boston Latin School is the world’s best high school.
  21. Alcohol makes for a good time, but no matter how disciplined you think you may be, everyone will have those memorable drinking experiences.
  22. A whore will always be a whore.
  23. People will swear that their favorite artist is the best, but the truth is we all have the ability to like every album; you just have to listen to the songs enough times and you will learn to appreciate the music. Comparing artists and songs is as pointless as OJ searching for the “real” killer.
  24. Most people who complain about how, “there are no good men, (or women) out there,” are usually unfit to date. The “un-good” usually hang in the same circles.
  25. (A) The Boston Celtics is the best team in the National Basketball Association. (B) It doesn’t matter how many championships the Lakers win, they SUCK!
  26. Never tell a woman to stay away from a guy, because “he is a dog.” This will only help the fellow in his quest to bed the naïve damsel.
  27. Atheist live happier lives than believers. We do not have an overbearing all-powerful being who peeps on our every move. The freedom cannot be expressed in words.
  28.  The older you get, the more you realize that some “respected” women were and still are whores.
  29. A man cannot turn a whore into a housewife, but the whore can change her ways if she makes a commitment to bettering herself. Like all addictions, the whore must live one day at a time! (Even if she makes the drastic change, number 22 still applies!)
  30. Religion, faith, and spirituality are all invented by man.
  31. Regardless of what people say, no living person can know what happens after death. Your guess is as good as anyone else’s. (Excluding all of my hypotheses!)
  32. Many people are dealing with STDs. Be careful out there; just because you aren’t aware of each diagnosis, doesn’t mean your inner circle is unaffected.
  33. Technology will be the downfall of man.

<BONUS> April is the greatest month!

Hopefully, I will learn one more fact in the next 365 days!


Published by Peter Teixeira

First and foremost, I enjoy writing stories. I recently completed my first novel, and I successfully co-wrote a short film script, which won the grand prize in the words made easy competition.

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