Pot, No

Most people are taught not to judge a book by its cover. Yet, publishers go through great lengths to create book covers which will draw in the reader! (Life is so confusing!)

The reason I bring up the whole judging a book by its cover thing, is the fact that more often than not people assume that I smoke the pot. I guess it’s the company I keep, but it might be because I’m so cool and we all know that people who smoke the pot are cool!

“She smokes weed, she got a potty mouth!” This line is for all the aspiring rappers out there. Feel free to steal it; I have lyrics for days. (For the record, just because I have the talent to be the greatest rapper alive, doesn’t mean I am pursuing that goal! Rapping is one of my many “god-given” talents which will go unused!)

Contrary to popular belief, I do not smoke the pot. I enjoy all of my brain cells and I have no desire to burn them away. LITERALLY! Usually, after I go through the whole, “seriously; I don’t smoke the pot conversation,” I will receive the same suggestion. “Maybe you should start; weed will help you be more creative.” (As if that’s possible!)

I understand why someone would say such a thing, but I disagree wholeheartedly. I think weed will cause me to be lazy and uninteresting. I gave the matter some thought and an idea popped up.

Here is a sample of what I would create if I smoked the pot:

Why I Started Smoking The Pot

For years I followed the advice of former first lady Nancy Reagan and I said NO TO DRUGS! “When did I meet Nancy Reagan for her to tell me to say no to drugs?” You ask. I never met her. She wrote the message on the inside flap of my Boston Baked Beans candy. (I am happy to say that I have been clean from Boston Baked Beans for seven years, and I’m taking it one day at a time!) I honestly hope that, my new pot smoking habit doesn’t cause me to slip back into my BBB addiction.

Oh shit! I just dropped some ashes on my keyboard. This isn’t working out. I’m going for a smoke break and I’ll be right back.

[Seven days later]

Sorry about that; I completely forgot about this post. In fact, I forgot where the hell I left my laptop. Thank goodness no one else comes up to this rooftop. And I’d like to give a special shout out to Mother Nature for not pissing on Southern California. (It rarely rains in LA!)

It’s crazy, I never knew that rain was Mother Nature’s piss. Now that I think about it, it makes a lot of sense. The sun is crazy hot so she probably gets dehydrated and has to drink all the time. No wonder she is always pissing. I’m guessing she drinks from the Great Lakes and then when she heads back out West, she has to piss around Seattle.

No, she doesn’t drink from the ocean. Are you an idiot? Of course I’m sure she drinks from the Great Lakes. All that salt in the ocean, she would get diabetes.

Ok, back to the reason I smoke weed. It’s because if “god” didn’t want me to smoke weed, he wouldn’t have created it.

“But you’re an atheist.”

Oh yeah, I forgot. I guess the reason I smoke is because I live in California. I was walking on Venice Beach and one of the weed doctor’s minions offered me a Marijuana card. The process was pretty simple so now, I smoke weed.

I think this explains everything. Time for another weed break!

[The End]

You see, I can’t smoke weed. I’d probably lose my laptop and I would only post on a bi-weekly basis!

At least not for me, thanks!

     For those of you who do partake in the enjoyment of the pot, smoke up!

@PeteTeix617