If This Actually Happened

Here is the Picture that everyone and their mother is posting. (It’s Facebook, so you know I’m being literal!)

People seem to find this picture to be inspirational, but I can’t stop laughing whenever I see it, which is almost daily! (Thanks to all my friends who keep me in tears!)

     Here is the conversation, if this picture actually happened:

(Doorbell rings.)

I open the door and see exactly what is pictured above.

Me: “Hell yes! I want to go to the toga party!”

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “Hello, friend. I am here to spread the word of the ‘lord’.”

Me: “Damn, when did Jehovah witnesses switch up the gear? I’m not with this cross-dressing shit; I liked the shirt and tie look better.”

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “I’m collecting for the Jehovah’s witnesses. May I come into your house and introduce you to the ways of the Lord!”

Me: “Sorry buddy, but I’m definitely not with that fugazi shit. I don’t care what you crazy guys are into, but I’m not ‘bout that life!”

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “I think you are mistaken; there is nothing fake about ‘the lord’. We are all ‘god’s’ children; do not reject his love.”

Me: “Tell your ‘god’ that I’m an atheist and I’m just not that into him.”

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “All people are children of ‘god.’ He loves atheist just the same. He placed you on this earth for a purpose.”

Me: “That’s great. My purpose is to be an atheist, so stop trying to convert me. This is what your ‘god’ wanted for me.”

The guy hands me a couple pamphlets.

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “Take these and learn about ‘the lord’.”

     Me: “The Watchtower? I’m all set; no thanks!”

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “Keep them and read whenever you find yourself in need of inspiration.”

Me: “How about you take your pamphlets and I watch you get the hell away from my doorstep?”

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “Why are you rejecting ‘god’?”

Me: “Are you slow? I already told you that I am an atheist. Go bother someone else with your nonsense.”

I take a look at the second pamphlet.

Me: “Testigos de Jehova? Hey jackass, I’m Cape Verdean; not Hispanic.”

I extend my arm and attempt to hand over the pamphlets.

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “My friend, those are for you to keep.”

Me: “You know what, I will keep them; thanks!”

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “When you find it in your heart to accept ‘the lord,’ we will meet again.”

Me: “Excuse me for one second; I’ll be right back.”

I run into the kitchen and return to the door after grabbing a lighter. I light the pamphlets on fire and throw them to the ground.

Me: “Sorry pal, it looks like the devil is winning this round!”

The horrified man runs off.

[THE END]

I honestly can’t look at the picture without thinking that Jesus converted to the Jehovah’s Witness faith. I can understand if this post offends people, but if you should check your pulse if you didn’t at least chuckle! (It’s OK; your ‘lord’ will forgive you!)

I often hear people complain about the annoying Jehovah’s Witnesses, but they never seem to make it to my doorstep. I can’t wait to let the person into my house for a long conversation. I don’t have anything planned, but I’m sure it will be something worth recording!

I saw this online and thought I should share it.

This is a suggestion on how to get rid of Jehovah’s Witnesses:

Jehovah’s Witness: “Hello, I am here to collect for the Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

Response: “Great! I’m Jehovah; how much have we collected so far?”

Enjoy life’s many funny moments!

@PeteTeix617