Here is the Picture that everyone and their mother is posting. (It’s Facebook, so you know I’m being literal!)
People seem to find this picture to be inspirational, but I can’t stop laughing whenever I see it, which is almost daily! (Thanks to all my friends who keep me in tears!)
Here is the conversation, if this picture actually happened:
I open the door and see exactly what is pictured above.
Me: “Hell yes! I want to go to the toga party!”
Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “Hello, friend. I am here to spread the word of the ‘lord’.”
Me: “Damn, when did Jehovah witnesses switch up the gear? I’m not with this cross-dressing shit; I liked the shirt and tie look better.”
Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “I’m collecting for the Jehovah’s witnesses. May I come into your house and introduce you to the ways of the Lord!”
Me: “Sorry buddy, but I’m definitely not with that fugazi shit. I don’t care what you crazy guys are into, but I’m not ‘bout that life!”
Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “I think you are mistaken; there is nothing fake about ‘the lord’. We are all ‘god’s’ children; do not reject his love.”
Me: “Tell your ‘god’ that I’m an atheist and I’m just not that into him.”
Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “All people are children of ‘god.’ He loves atheist just the same. He placed you on this earth for a purpose.”
Me: “That’s great. My purpose is to be an atheist, so stop trying to convert me. This is what your ‘god’ wanted for me.”
The guy hands me a couple pamphlets.
Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “Take these and learn about ‘the lord’.”
Me: “The Watchtower? I’m all set; no thanks!”
Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “Keep them and read whenever you find yourself in need of inspiration.”
Me: “How about you take your pamphlets and I watch you get the hell away from my doorstep?”
Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “Why are you rejecting ‘god’?”
Me: “Are you slow? I already told you that I am an atheist. Go bother someone else with your nonsense.”
I take a look at the second pamphlet.
Me: “Testigos de Jehova? Hey jackass, I’m Cape Verdean; not Hispanic.”
I extend my arm and attempt to hand over the pamphlets.
Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “My friend, those are for you to keep.”
Me: “You know what, I will keep them; thanks!”
Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “When you find it in your heart to accept ‘the lord,’ we will meet again.”
Me: “Excuse me for one second; I’ll be right back.”
I run into the kitchen and return to the door after grabbing a lighter. I light the pamphlets on fire and throw them to the ground.
Me: “Sorry pal, it looks like the devil is winning this round!”
The horrified man runs off.
I honestly can’t look at the picture without thinking that Jesus converted to the Jehovah’s Witness faith. I can understand if this post offends people, but if you should check your pulse if you didn’t at least chuckle! (It’s OK; your ‘lord’ will forgive you!)
I often hear people complain about the annoying Jehovah’s Witnesses, but they never seem to make it to my doorstep. I can’t wait to let the person into my house for a long conversation. I don’t have anything planned, but I’m sure it will be something worth recording!
I saw this online and thought I should share it.
This is a suggestion on how to get rid of Jehovah’s Witnesses:
Jehovah’s Witness: “Hello, I am here to collect for the Jehovah’s Witnesses.”
Response: “Great! I’m Jehovah; how much have we collected so far?”
Enjoy life’s many funny moments!