I sat in my room and patiently waited for Joan to show up. For some reason, I sensed she would not appear; something changed. As I sat on the couch and thought, I realized there was only one difference; I was in a different mind state. I, my friends, was sober!
It turns out that I lost complete control of my drinking; I drank so much, in fact, that I actually began to hallucinate. No wonder they call hard liquor, spirits. It turns out that Joan of Arc never appeared in my room and none of the religious myths are true. Everything existed inside of my mind.
Thankfully, I only wrote a few ridiculous blog posts. I can’t imagine how much the writers of the bible drank in order to create such a lengthy book of nonsensical tales, but I do know the amount of “Grandpa’s Cough Medicine” consumed, was of biblical proportions.
Most likely, this will be my last post about the mythical world which I created. I plan on getting help with my drinking problem, but if I do regress, there may be future posts. Here’s to taking things one day at a time.
There is one aspect that troubles me about the experience. During my days under the influence of alcohol, I may have imagined that former Florida Gators star and current Denver Broncos backup, Tim Tebow, replaced Kyle Orton as the starter and led my favorite team to a five and one record.
I remember all of the “experts” saying, “Tebow doesn’t have what it takes to be an NFL quarterback,” so I’m pretty certain Tim is roaming the sidelines with a clipboard, as the backup to Orton. I honestly hope everything I imagined was true, but I know it would most likely be impossible. I am sure I may have made some insensitive comments about Tebow’s greatness and I apologize for offending anyone.
There has to be an explanation for the creation of these outlandish stories. I am not a neurologist, but I think my mind created the Joan of Arc appearances to prove that anyone can make up whatever they want and if people begin to believe the message, a religion will be founded. (I hope no one in the future comes across my folklores; I wouldn’t want people to actually think they are real! *WINK*)
I don’t know if the Tebow story is real or a figment of my imagination, but I will assume they are untrue. I think the reason I came up with the Tebow myth, assuming they are not true, is due to the upcoming matchup between the Denver Broncos and the New England Patsies. I want to destroy the Patsies so badly that I actually created a super hero quarterback. (There is no way any such person could actually exist; is there?) I know we would kill the Brady Bunch if we allowed Tebow to play, but I also understand that he is probably just the backup. I guess it is all just a little wishful thinking!
I know the truth about Tebow can easily be uncovered, but I can’t bring myself to fact check; I don’t want to ruin such a great dream. If someone can be so kind as to provide me with a reality check, I would greatly appreciate it! (Please keep in mind that I am in a fragile state!)
Fact: There is no “god!” This is a fact that cannot be overstated!
Assumption: Tim Tebow is not the greatest quarterback ever and he is not currently the starter on the Broncos team which has a five and one record with him at the helm! (That would just be ridiculous!)
I can’t wait until next Sunday, when the fourth quarter begins and it’s TEBOW TIME!!! (Even if it is just a bunch of nonsense that I created in my head!)
P.S. I am not supposed to be drinking. Don’t be an enabler!