In yesterday’s post, I mentioned my three weeks of hell. (6 11-hour days!) This is always a difficult time for me for two reasons. I am not used to falling asleep until after 3am and I dislike waking at 7am; the long work hours are not a problem. (I am fortunate to be born with the responsibility gene!)
During this time, Sunday is my only day off. (Thankfully, I don’t have to waste a second of my free day in a church!) I am a realist and I understand that this is not a good year for the Orange and Blue. Next year will be different! Football is no longer a priority for me, at least not during these three weeks; my free time must be relaxing and drama free. The way the Broncos and Gators are playing, I’ll pass; I don’t need the added stress of witnessing a horrible defeat. (Lucky for me, I have great friends and family who enjoy keeping me up to date on the games; the texts, tweets, Facebook updates, and in person comments are truly appreciated!)
There are certain individuals who come into your life and leave a lasting impact. These are the types of people who you can attend a funeral with and have an enjoyable experience. Luckily, I have several of these people in my life. You can go years without any contact from such a person, and the second the two of you are reunited it will be as if you never lost touch.
This Sunday, I made plans to spend time with one of my favorite people, ever. The plan was to go apple picking with “Robmeshia.” (I guess the name means daughter of Rob in Ebonics!) Obviously, that is not her real name and the reason I chose this moniker is simple. Once I mentioned my preference to change names in order to add an extra element of comedy to the posts Robmeshia requested a ghetto name. I wanted to go with “La-a,” but I went more traditional. “La-a isn’t ghetto!” It is when you understand that the mother of La-a is quick to point out, “the dash ain’t silent!” Yes, the name is pronounced Ladasha! (I wish I was joking!)
At first, I was against apple picking. I am against bullying and I just didn’t see the point of picking on some helpless apples. Once I understood what actually took place, I was happy to partake in the long standing American tradition.
All I could think about on Saturday was apple picking. I thought about apples so much that I arrived at the solution to our nation’s health care crisis. The way I see it, President Obama should stop the wasteful spending and put an end to the Health Insurance Bill. I have always believed the best way to solve a problem is to prevent it from happening in the first place. If Americans don’t get sick, there will be no need for Health Care. I don’t know why people go to the hospital anyway; I mean, my doctor is hot but she gives the worst hand jobs. (Maybe if she stopped focusing on making me cough, she would be able to produce a happier ending!)
Obama should enact the AAD Bill. That’s right; the Apple-A-Day Bill will fix everything. The President should spend money on new orchards and stop worrying about health. After all, AN APPLE A DAY WILL KEEP THE DOCTOR AWAY! (Please take the initiative and contact your local representatives. LET’S GET THE BALL ROLLING!)
Saturday night is also important during my three weeks of hell. For this Saturday, I decided to try a tall can of Four Loko. The drink is strong, but I didn’t enjoy the taste. (It was as if I sent a novice to mix me an alcoholic beverage!) There were some effects; both positive and negative. I noticed that spelling simple words became a more difficult task after every swig. (I had to give up the tweets after I asked @Efidalgo12, “how do you spell ‘as’?”)
I’m not sure if Four Loko was responsible for the creativity that was produced, but if the product has such a helpful effect, I will be a loyal customer! First, we added a few scenes which strengthened our script. Then we decided to tweet to our hearts content. Our first trending topic was #11thCommandment, but we stopped once it was noted that others had already created the TT. Undeterred, we switched to #InTheYear3000. It was a great success. I will share some of my favorite tweets.
Before I reveal the TT Tweets, I am happy to announce that I completed my goal of producing 100 blog posts before my 1000th Tweet. I believe my accomplishment to be a record; I’m still waiting for the wonderful people at the Guinness Book of World Records to contact me. *Fingers Crossed*
Tweet #999 – My next tweet will be the 1000th. To mark the occasion, I will share my dream in honor of MLK!
Tweet #1000 – My dream is to own a fancy cafe named SIGNIFICANT. When asked where are you, customers will reply, “I’m in significant!” #followyourdreams
Here are the TT Tweets:
- Racism will no longer exist. People will hate all races equally! #InTheYear3000
- AIDS will be replaced by a new STD which causes men to bang women without catching feelings. Wait that already happend. #InTheYear3000 bc
- Aliens will visit earth. They will land in Mexico and be forced to sneak across the border before being taken to the leader! #InTheYear3000
- #iamdiddy will be brought back to life and his first words will be, “I thought I told you that we won’t stop!” #InTheYear3000
- Drunk texts will no longer exist. But the new drunk teleports will be truly regrettable! #InTheYear3000
- In an effort to finally repay blacks for slavery, America will be called AFRICAN AMERICA! #InTheYear3000
- #InTheYear3000 99% of marriages will end in divorce. 100% of divorces will end in happiness.
- #InTheYear3000 beastiality will be going through the same civil rights fight as homosexuality
- #InTheYear3000 my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson will get mad ass
- #InTheYear3000 The number one occupation for women will be Child Support Collector
I don’t think I can add some of the other tweets. This guy is unfiltered! Follow us on Twitter and you won’t miss the next TT explosion! (Get your minds out of the gutter!)
Sunday arrived; I was excited. Unfortunately, circumstances didn’t allow us to make it out to the orchard. Instead, we decided to hang out in Copley. I shared a lovely chat with Robmeshia in the Boston Common which was rudely interrupted by some squirrels; they were a little too close for comfort. (The real reason we left was the fact that Robmeshia pointed out the squirrels were actually large rats. The city will need some lions or tigers to combat those overgrown rodents!)
Sometimes, you can be around someone doing absolutely nothing, and have a great day. I am lucky to have wonderful individuals in my life. To Robmeshia, I say, thanks for taking time to help me have a relaxing Sunday; your company is always enjoyable and refreshing! I don’t know what it is about certain people but, once they are around each other, anything can be discussed without worrying about being judged. (I look forward to our next encounter!)
Thanks to my Stress-Free Sunday, I am ready to tackle hell week two. When it comes to knowing how to enjoy life, I am on top. Don’t believe me? I have the picture to prove it! (I’m not talking about those type of pictures. Please get your minds out of the gutter!)
I don’t know why people buy cameras anymore; these phones are GREAT!
P.S. I love the Gators and Broncos! YOUR TEAM SUCKS!
This collection of nonsense was pretty funny…
Ha ha! Life doesn’t always have to be serious.
I sat down to read your blog with a cup of coffee and the newspaper (actually it was a can of coke and cosmo, still get the same effect: caffeine and informed!) and I was confused! Did I sleep through the week? Is it Saturday again?! If I’m not mistaken this post is an actual event and aren’t those reserved for Saturdays? You know, This actually happened! How dare you take the lazy way out?! Who cares if you’ve probably only slept a total of 12 hrs in the past week! I expected at least a post to honor the great Columbus or as we Dominicans call him Colon! I’m so sick of people bashing the guy! We get a day off people!!! Yeah he raped, murdered and enslaved but that was sooooo 1400s! I demand a real Monday post. Believe it or not!!
Sorry, but if I don’t get the day of, it’s not a holiday. Plus, Columbus got some props in my series with the twins! A few hours ago, I realized it was Columbus day and thought to myself, why the hell didn’t I just close for the day?
When it comes to my favorite explorer, I’ll go with Vasco da Gama; Columbus is on my list as well! How can I not like someone who “discovers” a land already inhabited by great civilizations. (So what if Native tribes believe 15th Century Europeans were terrorists; what the hell do those uncivilized people know?)
Enjoy your “holiday;” I’ll be working! Coke and a Cosmo, sounds like half a good time!
I wish I did have the day off. I would have enjoyed writing about the great Italin explorer. It would have been about a Spanish myth: The Evil Colon. A destroyer of all lands whose power came from his ability to spread the deadly Colon Cancer! (It would have been epic!)
Close early! It’s not too late to pay homage to the great Colon….to be clear Cristobal Colon!
Coke and Cosmo were a great time, now I’m gonna move on to wings and beers!
Myth indeed, “Evil Colon”, now there’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one!!!!
I wish I could close early, but running a business is like a female losing her virginity. Once it’s open, it’s open! (COL!)
Enjoy the wings and beer!
Haha! But you know they have reconstructive surgery for that now…so I heard.
I’ll look into it. Thanks!
Haha! Funny post. What time Do you guys tweet?
BTW….the new WordPress app update is dope…more options.
Thanks! I agree, the update is great. We usually Tweet when alcohol decides it’s appropriate. If you ever see the tweets going, jump in.
I can’t wait…I got 17 shot already poured out…*buzz on standby*
Ha ha! Always good to keep a reserve!
My diet restricts me from drinking alcohol…guess I gotta make some Rasta friends
There are a lot of those to choose from.
Leave a comment