German Engineering

People are on an unending quest to find the best solutions to life’s challenging problems. (If only it was as easy as copying the answers from the test paper of the student sitting beside you!) The companionship of a trusted sage, one with several resolutions, is optimal for living a fruitful life. Lucky are those who can decipher life’s mysteries for themselves, for they are the best of the species.

There is no task more daunting than running a modern day country. America has always been considered the world’s lone Super Power, but the country’s budget crisis may prove to bring on a collapse. (Looks like we’ll all need to learn to speak Chinese soon! I think we owe China a Brazillion Dollars! Instead of going with Gazillion or Bazillion, I chose to use Brazillion…doesn’t that just make the budget deficit sound a lot sexier?)

One country that seems to always get it right, at least since The Second World War, is Germany. The victorious Allied Forces placed sanctions on the German Republic, restricting the nation’s military spending. The sanctions, once thought to be a huge hindrance, turned out to be a “blessing in disguise.” The Germans focused on their economy and the pursuit of new technological advancements. The statement ‘German Engineering’ carries a great deal of weight. German appliances are among the world’s best and their automobiles are in a class above the rest. Mercedes, BMW, and Audi are the top luxury brands, and the Deutsche Bank Group is one of the top financial institutions in the world. It’s obvious to me that the United States of America can learn a lot from the Germany.

The Germans have also made great strides when it comes to women’s rights. The country is headed by a female Chancellor. Angela Merkel was elected in 2005, and has led the German Republic to greater heights.

Just when you think the Germans were done creating new innovations, THEY SURPRISE US ONCE MORE! The Germans have made advances to the world’s oldest profession…PROSTITUTION!


     “What advances have been made?” I’ll tell you!

First of all, prostitution is legal in Germany. “What?” Yes, you heard exactly what I said! Let me reiterate…PROSTITUTION IS LEGAL IN GERMANY! Yesterday’s post about assumption was meant to teach a lesson. Don’t assume that the Germans are pro-prostitution; the complete opposite is true. The law was enacted in 2002, but the negative stigma which comes with being a prostitute remains, and most of the “working women” conceal their true identities.

“Why do the Germans allow prostitution?” Because the Germans understand the fact that prostitutes are people too; they deserve rights! Germany is probably the Brothel capital of the world! (Trip to Berlin, anyone?)

“Great, the Germans allow prostitution. That’s not anything new; there are other countries with legalized prostitution. What’s all this fuss about German superiority?” I wasn’t finished!

Let me see. Now where was I before I was so rudely interrupted? Oh yeah, I remember. I wanted to discuss the newest German innovation. The German City of Bonn, the former capital of West Germany, is the location of the world’s foremost genius, Lord Mayor Jürgen Nimptsch. (Just the fact that he is called Lord Mayor is amazing enough to me! How can you not like the Germans after learning that little tidbit of information?) There are several German cities which collect a tax from the prostitutes, but Bonn takes the collection process to new heights. According to Nicholas Kulish of the New York Times, the city has installed street meters to collect the taxes from the “street walkers.”

Kulish reports that each prostitute must use the meters to collect a ticket for a small fee of about nine US dollars. The ticket gives the women authorization to work the streets for the night.

“Under the new meter system, street prostitutes must purchase the tickets to work between the hours of 8:15 p.m. and 6 a.m. Leaflets explaining the system, translated into several languages, are handed out to the prostitutes. After one warning, a sex worker caught working without a ticket would be fined up to $145.” –Kulish

One of my favorite aspects of legalized prostitution in Bonn is the fact that the city provides specialized garages where “Johns” can park their cars and enjoy sex with the prostitutes. (I understand tricks are called johns because the term originates from the name John Doe, which is used for any anonymous man, but the moniker doesn’t seem fair to men named John. I, myself, have never known anyone who is named John that actually solicited a woman for sex! **WINK**) Kulish’s article, ‘In Germany, Sex Workers Feed a Meter,’ is filled with some interesting numbers. I suggest reading it!

How can I not show the Lord Mayor’s picture?

     I don’t know about you, but I’ve been brushing up on my German! “Ich ube mein Deutsch, weil Prostituierte in Berlin geben Rabatte fur Manner, die die sprache sprechen!” (Yes, if you follow me on twitter I copied the quote from one of my earlier tweets! I don’t always tweet, but when I do…it’s outrageous! Stay Thirsty my friends! To quote Cash Money’s, Juve the Great, “Follow me now, if you want get on!”)

***”But you forgot to write your twitter name!” Are you FUCKING kidding me? IT’S AT THE END OF EVERY SINGLE BLOG POST!***

     I’ll share my favorite prostitution joke since we are discussing the topic.

Man: “If no one could ever find out, would you sleep with a billionaire for one billion dollars?”

Woman: “ONE BILLION DOLLARS? Hell yeah!”

Man: “What if he only offered you five hundred million?”

Woman: “Yeah, that’s still a lot of money.”

Man: “Yeah, I agree. What about a hundred million?”

Woman: “I would be able to do a lot with one hundred million, yeah!”

Man: “Would you sleep with me for fifty bucks?”

Woman: “No, are you crazy?”

Man: “Why not?”

Woman: “Because I’m not a prostitute!”

Man: “We already established that you are a prostitute. We are simply negotiating the price!”

*****Gets them every time! OUCH!*****

     Perform your civic duty and contact your State Representatives. We need to follow the example of the great German Lord Mayor! Prostitution in the United States of America must be legalized and taxed. I am now a proponent of using Lord Mayor Jürgen Nimptsch’s new meter system. Let us do our part and make this world a better place! (If you want the CHANGE that Barrack Obama promised, you have to stand up and fight. Prostitution is not going to legalize herself! *Feminizing prostitution is not sexist. I think!*)

Although I often joke, and tweet about my affinity for prostitution, I have never actually paid a woman for sex. Well, except for the occasional dinner or movie date prior to performing “the lord’s work.” That’s not prostitution, RIGHT?


Published by Peter Teixeira

First and foremost, I enjoy writing stories. I recently completed my first novel, and I successfully co-wrote a short film script, which won the grand prize in the words made easy competition.

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  1. I wonder if they can get fucked over for working in a ‘no standing’ zone. Or plowed for working during a ‘snow emergency’. Are they allowed a handicap spot if they blow a dude in a wheelchair? Thats all i got.

    1. All of your examples are possible. They also may get drilled, or nailed when working near construction sites. The only complaint I am aware of is when they get screwed concerning overtime pay!
      There are no reservations though…the policy remains, first come first served!

  2. Seriously guys?! I was not going to comment but I’m disgusted @ ur innuendos! Have you no shame?! These women break their backs day in and day out through all kinds of weather, wet or not, they put out, I mean up, with the hardships of the job and still must cum to work and grin and bare it! Shame, shame shame!!!

  3. I never heard a prostitute complain of all the negative comments, that the media and house wives say. I guess they have excellent work ethics. They never speak with there mouth full.

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