Tranny Problem

This past week, I had a rather interesting experience. One of my cousins approached me with a problem. Unfortunately for him, I was unable to provide the useful advice that he expected, so I promised him that I would post our conversation on my blog in hopes that someone may read the entry and provide some great suggestions.

This problem is a very delicate matter, so I will not reveal my cousin’s identity. (His preferences in life are his own business and although I have no problem with his decisions, I know there are people in this world who are intolerant!)

Here is the conversation:

[The back yard.]

Cousin: “I need your help.”

Me: “Damn, what would you do without me?”

[We laugh.]

Cousin: “Na, for real. We always have been open with each other, so I trust your opinion. I never mentioned this before, but I’ve been starting to get into trannies.”

Me: “What? Are you serious?”

Cousin: “Yeah, I don’t know when it happened exactly, but I guess it’s something that has always been inside of me.”

Me: “That’s crazy. I never pictured you as a tranny man. But you already know…I’ll support whatever you do. We’re blood for life! ORALE! Blood in blood out, Vato!”

Cousin: “Thanks, Carnal; I know this may seem weird, but I knew I could count on you for guidance.”

Me: “Of course. Just give me a few minutes to wrap my head around this whole situation.”

[I Exit.]

I enter the house. I grab a cup and fill it with ice. I grab a bottle of COKE and pour it into the glass. SO REFRESHING! How anyone can drink that other crap is a mystery to me! (FUCK YO DRINK!) I gain my composure and return to my cousin. He needs my help and I will always be there for him.

[Back in the yard.]

Me: “What is it exactly that you need help with?”

Cousin: “I want to talk about my trannies.”

Me: “Hold on. You have more than one tranny?”

Cousin: “Yeah! There is the old one and the new one. Obviously, I can’t keep both of them in my life so I need you to help me decide which one I should keep.”

Me: “I don’t know anything about either of the trannies. How am I supposed to be able to help?”

Cousin: “You’re the only person that I can turn to. My mom was of little assistance. She said that I should just do whatever my heart desires. Her only concern is that I keep one and leave the other one to please someone else.”

Me: “Your mother knows about your trannies?”

Cousin: “Yeah, we live together. Of course she knows; I tell her everything!”

Me: “Wow! I have to say, I’m completely surprised. If anything, I would expect her to start with the concerned mother CRYING GAME. I wouldn’t expect her to even know anything about trannies!”

Cousin: “Yeah, she doesn’t really understand, but she’s cool with whatever I do with my life.”

Me: “That’s great. There are so many people who have trouble discussing such things with parents who are usually intolerant. You should be grateful to have such a supportive mother.”

Cousin: “No doubt. My mom is the best.”

Me: “Good for you!”

Cousin: “This problem has been a real drag, let me explain everything. My old tranny has been around since I moved back to Boston, and I feel a connection to him. Wait! Are trannies male or female? Or does it even matter?”

Me: “Of course it matters. What’s wrong with you? I’m pretty sure trannies prefer to be called female.”

Cousin: “Who knows? I honestly don’t think it matters.”

Me: “For someone who is into trannies, you’re extremely insensitive. Why don’t you just call your tranny a female and see what happens?”

Cousin: “I’m insensitive? I think your being overly sensitive, if anything.”

Me: “I’m just being considerate.”

Cousin: “Whatever, I don’t even think it really matters. Like I was saying, I want to stick with my old tranny, but I heard that trannies are different. I think one guy said that you can never truly trust a tranny. That got me thinking that maybe it was time for a new tranny. I wasn’t going to do anything until the new tranny came into my life. Now, I have no idea what to do. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I feel a connection with my old tranny, but what if the guy is right?”

Me: “I don’t think you can just end things with the old tranny because you overheard some guy say trannies are not trustworthy. What if the new tranny doesn’t do the things that you like from the old one? I say you stick it through with the old tranny and look for a new tranny when you find yourself in need.”

Cousin: “That’s good advice, but I can’t help but think that the new tranny…he’s going to be amazing!”

Me: “She not he!” *I shake my head.* “Then stay with the new one and let the old tranny go. Why are you asking me?”

Cousin: “I honestly thought that you had some experience with trannies.”

Me: “Are you insane? I don’t know anything about trannies!”

Cousin: “Damn, you say that like it’s a bad thing.”

Me: “Na, my bad! I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t think there is anything wrong with what you’re doing. I just meant to say that I don’t know much about trannies.”

Cousin: “This decision is harder than you think.” [He grabs his crotch.] “The big show has a connection with the old tranny, but I’m sure he’ll be excited about experiencing a new tranny.” [He throws his arms up in the air and a look of consternation fills his face.]

Me: “Dude, relax. Everything will work out in the end.”

Cousin: “I tell you what. The new tranny is at my house, and the old one is outside; let’s take a ride to the house and you can compare the two.”

Me: “Are you serious? You sat here and had a conversation with me while the entire time the old tranny is in the car waiting for you? What a jerk!”

Cousin: “It’s not that big a deal.”

Me: “I honestly think that the two trannies should flip a coin to see which of them has to stay with you; loser stays!” *I shake my head again.*

[We walk to the car. The license plate reads “BIG SHOW.”]

Me: “Where is the old tranny?”

Cousin: “We’ll compare the two when we get to the house.”

Me: “Yeah, I got that, but you said the old tranny was in the car.”

Cousin: “Yeah, it’s under the hood! You didn’t think I already pulled it out did you?”

Me: “TRANSMISSION? You’re an idiot!”

Cousin: “What did you think I was talking about?” [Laughs.]

Me: “You’re a fucking asshole! Go get a mechanic to help you with your fucking tranny problem.”

Cousin: “That’s the plan, but I don’t know which one to go to. Can you find me a reliable mechanic?”

Me: “I’ll post this convo on my blog and hopefully someone will have a recommendation for you.”

Cousin: “Thanks, Cuz!”

[The End]

Let this be a lesson about assumption. Never ASSUME anything. When you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U and ME!

@PeteTeix617

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13 responses to “Tranny Problem

  1. Haha! You fooled me! I was taking in all the clues to see if I could figure out if it was someone I knew! I was like: lives w/mom, moved back to Boston, license plate says: Big Show. But towards the end I was becoming suspicious because you were giving way too many clues and I don’t think you would out one of your cousins like that. Is this a real story though? Or partially? Did you guys really go on like that with you thinking he was talking about human trannies?!

    • Ha ha! I thought you would be more skeptical. The story was my own creation, but I have a hunch someone may want to discuss the same issue during a long road trip to LA…the story was my way of preparing for the “I have to tell you something” moment!

  2. I didn’t wanna ass-u-me anything! I’m sure that road trip to LA is going to provide u w/many great posts! Unless you decide to stop blogging once you leave and that would be a shame because the stories of you hicks in LA I’m sure will be hysterical.

  3. Pingback: Secons Chance Sunday {XXV} | Wacky Pete's Wicked & Wonderful Words of Wis-dumb

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