Two days ago, I was reminded that I forgot to write about my reasons for not wanting a child. My views on having children have been shaped over several years. This post is about why I don’t want children; please do not think that I am commenting on what other people should do with their lives. (I’m also not commenting on anyone else’s situation! I am simply answering a question, not judging anyone!) Live your lives and do what your heart’s desire! This may be a touchy subject, but I have never been afraid to speak my mind.
First of all, I love children and I always wanted to have my own family, but I have changed. I enjoy being around children and listening to their unfiltered views on life; there is an honesty which is lacking in the conversations with adults. Children have no idea how to be politically correct, which is refreshing.
At most family gatherings, I can be found enjoying a deep reasoning session with most of the children in attendance, but we live in a horrible world. I honestly don’t want to bring a child into this society, which is the true reason I don’t want children of my own. There may come a time in the future when I change my mind; this can only happen if I find myself living off the fat of the land in some remote corner of the world. There are too many evil people and I wouldn’t want my children to suffer at the hands of some sociopath.
To me, bringing a child into this world should be planned out and prepared for. (Obviously, people have unexpected pregnancies, but this entry is about “Why I don’t want children!”) I have developed a get up and go attitude; I need my freedom. There are many goals which I have set for myself and a child would force me to abandon most of those goals. (One goal is moving to LA, and a second is attending the 2014 World Cup in Brazil. Children don’t exactly fit into the picture!)
“You can still accomplish a great deal if you have a child.” This is true, but what would the affect be on my child? If I was absent because I was chasing a dream, is that fair to my son? I don’t think so! (I say son because I’m like Denzel in Training Day, “I only make boys!”)
There are many children who are born into adverse situations and they need someone to help improve their lives. I am not opposed to adopting in the future, but for now, I’ll continue to enjoy my freedom. Children are a major responsibility and I don’t think many people truly understand the amount of work that it takes to be a parent, until they actually have a child. I was once told, “you don’t have a child so you don’t know how difficult it is to raise one.” I replied, “I do know how hard it is to raise a child. Why do you think I don’t have any children?”
We live in a world in which the standard for what is considered a good parent has been lowered. I can remember only nine days during my adolescence that my parents were absent. They went on vacation for a week and the other two nights were only for a few hours so they could attend weddings; I refused to sleep at my grandmother’s house. I stayed up the entire night waiting for my parents to pick me up. Those days sucked! Knowing first hand, how difficult it is for a child to have an absent parent for only one night, how could I ever bring a child into this world without being completely prepared?
I’m not judging anyone for doing as they please, but I wouldn’t want my child to cry for me at night, while I was “enjoying myself” at a club. To me, leaving a child with a grandparent should never be about the parents having a night off; it should be about allowing the grandparent to bond with the child. Parents don’t get a night off, which is why I don’t want children! (For me, children need to be raised by their parents.) If you are not ready to make this type of commitment to a child, YOU ARE NOT READY TO BE A PARENT. (My opinion; I could be wrong! **WINK**)
I honestly believe that I am responsible enough to raise a child, but I don’t feel this world is suitable for anyone; it’s Hell on Earth. *I apologize to Mobb Deep for stealing that phrase!* No matter how great a parent you become, you always have to consider the parents of your children’s friends. I will have rules, and I can’t have my kids going over to a friend’s house in order to break them. (Listen to Hilary Clinton. It takes a village to raise a child! I don’t trust my village!)
I don’t even want to talk about the whores who are around. Am I supposed to have children with them? (I’m not suggesting that all women are whores, but I’m not a gambling man, and I definitely don’t like the odds!) Half of the guys at my baby shower would have already bedded my wife. (No thank you!) I understand that we live in a culture in which promiscuity is commonplace and “normal” if you will, but that doesn’t make it right. (At least not to me! Do as you please!)
Obviously, there are many single women out there who need some help from friends and relatives, because they were abandoned by the child’s “sperm donor.” (I know you didn’t think I would call such a male a father!) The key is to appreciate the help, and not to place the responsibility on someone else. “How come the woman has to be responsible, but the guy doesn’t?” No one said the guy doesn’t have to be responsible. He is not a man and decided to run away from his responsibilities. Do you wish to abandon your child as well? A child doesn’t get to pick who his or her parents will be, take the responsibility and raise your child as best as you can.
Single moms are wonderful people because they do a job that is meant for a couple! That being said, women need to stop talking about how horrible these deadbeats are; after all, the woman is the one who decided to sleep with the loser. She knew he was a “no-good-for-nothing,” and should have left him before allowing herself to get pregnant. Never mind the deadbeat, he is useless. Be strong and move on. At the end of the day, when the absent male witnesses a real man raising his child, he will suffer unspeakable pains!
Your children know whenever you abandon them for a night of fun. Obviously, people are free to do as they please, but children will grow up with resentment. Leave your child with someone else if you please, but understand that when he or she is older, the excuse, “Mommy needed a night to herself, or daddy had to take care of business,” may not be a good enough reason.
So far, it may appear that I am only talking about mothers and their responsibilities, but I am not going to forget the boys. I often here guys mention the need to leave a legacy. I don’t have a desire to leave a legacy through a child. Your legacy can come from achievement; it also can come from the affect you have on someone else’s child. (Hello! I do have a nephew and a goddaughter!) I also wonder if some of these “legacy” men realize that they are leaving a legacy which labels them as a deadbeat! (Great!) TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHIILDREN! Being a father is a responsibility, not a rite of passage. IF YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF PROVIDING FOR YOUR CHILD…DON’T HAVE ONE! IF THE PREGNANCY WAS NOT PLANNED…MAN THE FUCK UP!
I would also like to point out that, to me, being a father is a daily duty, not something that is done sporadically. Also, paying child support without being in your child’s life, is not being a father; the duty requires more than just money! This is why I believe I could only have a child with someone who I KNOW I will be with forever. (I know it’s almost impossible to be sure, which is why I don’t want a child!) Obviously, I understand that some situations make it hard for the father to see his child on a daily basis, which is fine; it’s the society we live in. I understand the mother of your child is a bitch, don’t explain it to me, explain it to your child! (I would never want to go a day without seeing my child, which is why I don’t want one!)
I already discussed the possibility of adopting a child, but I would also consider dating a woman with one or more children. That being said, it would have to be a woman who didn’t want to have a child with me. The woman would also have to be sans “baby daddy.” (I’m not about dealing with that situation!) This would also have to take place in the distant future, because for now, my focus is on moving to the “Left Coast!”
There is no way I can move to LA if I had a child; I love the freedom of not having one. The best part about someone else’ children, is the ability to give them back. (I’m a proponent of treating other people’s children like rental cars! Who cares if they fall every so often, the parents have insurance! Just kidding!)
I find it strange when people ask, “You don’t have a child yet…what are you waiting for?” I’m waiting for you to stop being a dumbass! When did having children become trendy? We don’t live in a perfect world and there are many different situations in which children are not raised by both parents. I can appreciate the complexities of relationships, and I don’t fault people for living their own lives. I’m not judging, I’m just pointing out that I don’t want to involve myself in any of the “baby mama,” “baby daddy” drama!
I believe children should be raised in a household with two people who are together. They don’t have to be married. They don’t even have to be heterosexual. I would much rather see a child being raised by a loving and stable gay couple, than by a single mom who has different men coming in and out of her bedroom on a regular basis. (I’m not suggesting that every single mom has a revolving door in her bedroom!)
Even if I had the ideal situation, being financially stable with a wife and a home, I still don’t want children; at least not children of my own. Any future wife of mine would have to agree to adopt! “What if your wife wanted a child of her own?” Then she wouldn’t be my wife. Marry someone who is perfect for you!
I know all this wife talk may seem like I am hoping to get married to some special lady, but nothing could be further from the truth. I plan on settling down in Gainesville with two bi-sexual FEMALE Florida Gators Fans! I will marry one of the women and the other will be her “best friend” and maid of honor, who “happens” to live with us! I can’t bring a child into that environment! (People usually think I’m kidding when I mention this reality…I’m Not!)
If you haven’t noticed, I didn’t give any praise to men who take care of their children…YOU DO NOT GET A PRIZE FOR DOING WHAT YOU ARE REQUIRED TO DO! Single moms on the other hand do get praised, because they are performing a double duty! (Obviously, I’m talking about the great moms!) I will give a special mention to all the single fathers who raise children on their own. Those men are the heroes of society! Conversely, women who abandon their children are…I don’t even have the capability to spew out the proper vitriol to describe them! I really should say more about how much of a low-life a dead beat dad is, but this post is about why I don’t want children, so I’ll leave them alone. After all, they have to look themselves in the mirror everyday!
There are those people who consider me to be selfish. They may be right. Selfish people shouldn’t have children!
LEGACY? NONE FOR ME…THANKS!
Ok…, in your situation moving to the “left coast” I agree don’t that 1st and settle down. But not wanting ur own kids is crazy.
My situation was PLANNED, girl of 7yrs, we live together, and planned our son.
When you have a child, everything changes, you’ll understand the true meaning of “Love”. Trust until you has a child “Love” is only a word. I’m still chasing my dream, and because of my son, I am pushing harder.
Unlike you I don’t give single women praise. They still doing what they “HAVE” to do. In the ’50s, women raised they kids alone. Father was the bread winner. Single moms are lazy these days. No I don’t like my girl do all the work. We split the responsibilities.
As I was growing up my father worked 6am to 6pm, j bed time was 7pm. The hour we had together was dinner and homework. So his he a deadbeat? No, “Fu” is the greatest man alive. Question you you personally know a deadbeat? I don’t. We got cousin the claim their baby daddy deadbeats, but I seem them taking there kids out and being fatherly. But yet he is a deadbeat *shrugs*
Back to not wanting kids. Coming home from work, and my son, waiting by the door for me. And screaming “Daddy” Everytime I walk in. Is the most amazing feeling ever. So grab a chick knock her up, then train ur son to be a GATOR!
Not wanting children may be crazy to you, but from my view point, wanting children is crazy! Your situation works for you and your being a responsible father, but that isn’t the norm.
I know many deadbeats, there are too many abandoned children in the world. By my house there is a shelter for single moms with children. I see their daily struggle and I only get a glimpse of the difficulties. I also know of situations in which the man is “less than fatherly!”
It’s great that you find joy when you return home and your son runs up to you, but I am not looking for that joy. I find joy in writing. Do you know how amazing it feels to finish a 391 page novel? I don’t need a child to feel great. I’m fine with having my nephew run up to me when I get home. Plus, I’m sure those Gator girls will make me feel amazing!!!
Your father is a loving and caring MAN! Men like him are the role models for the rest of us, but unfortunately, they are the exception. Sometimes we see men with their children and think, “What a wonderful dad!” We don’t know the whole story. Anyone can be a great dad-for-a-day. Being a parent is a daily duty, you got the memo, the deadbeats haven’t!
My sentiments exactly…@least for the foreseeable future. I didn’t know that guys were also asked “why don’t u have kids yet?, what are u waiting for?” I thought that was something solely reserved for women, happy to hear it goes both ways but I’m sure its not as bad for guys.
Yeah, I get those questions almost on a daily basis. Usually I give some offensive answer which ends the question and answer period!
And where’s the story about the fish?! And the pics?!!
I decided to save the fish for tomorrow, since everything which happened in the two fish tanks ACTUALLY HAPPENED!
you might want to change the tittle of this post lol. I agree with you. Having a child should be planned and women need to stop being with guys who are no good. If you do have a child, remember it’s not about you anymore. Everything revolves around your child(my mother told me that). I don’t blame you for not wanting to have a child…
The title is usually created so I can spark some interest for my Facebook friends and twitter followers. the title is directed at the men who tell me, “Are you crazy? You need to leave a legacy!”
I think most people would agree that it takes a great deal of sacrifice to raise a child, UNTIL they have children. That’s when the “You don’t understand,” and the “Wait until you have a child, you’ll see how hard it is” talk comes out. Everyone can make an excuse for not doing what is right! Your mom gave you some great advice!
So in summation you’re saying when parents tell their kids they were ‘an accident’ they should really say ‘a mistake’?
Btw i like the new look. Its clean, mature, and will probably be around a while. Definitely the Vanna White of the blogging community.
Thanks! I didn’t realize how difficult it is to find older posts. I am also going back and categorizing the entries to make the search process easier. (It’s so much easier from the phone.)
Parents should tell their children whatever they want, but hiding the truth will never work. Be honest! Tell the kid, “high school sucked and I wanted to stop attending, so I had you!”
So what ur saying is, you don’t want children because you have goals? And if you do you “MIGHT” end up a deadbeat chasing your goals, rather then being fatherly?
No, I’m way too responsible to be a deadbeat. I don’t want children because…I don’t want children. I like my freedom. I don’t have whatever it is that people who want children have! I have control over my decisions and I’d like it to stay that way. Parents have to do what’s best for their kids…I do what’s best for me!
Peter I agree with you! You’ve nailed it on the head. There are so many half-ass parents out here. It is true that ppl do not give thought to the responsibilities of being a parent before deciding to become one. I give it to ppl who are considerate and smart enough to decide they do not fit the parenting role. It’s is because of ppl who do not nurture their children we have so many fuck ups in the world. Parenting is WAY more that just providing financially for the child. There are things that a child looks to their father for and then there are things that only a mom can get done. There’s a reason why God created us to have two parents because it only makes sense. I would even go as far as saying that all of the molesters, rapist, murders, and just plain fucked up ppl are a result of bad parenting or lack thereof. PARENTING IS A BIG FUCKING DEAL!!! Sorry for all the profanity but I feel strongly about this. Big up to all the single moms who have given up on their children like their loser fathers. Cheno 617 I forgive you for your comment because you wouldn’t understand being a single parent til you experience it first hand, it’s NO JOKE! Ok, i’m done… Back to Peter!
Well said…I agree! Obviously by “‘god’ created” you meant evolution created!
Oh give me a break!
Wait, I know a lot of single moms that does a hell of a job. And never complained about being a single parent! Media makes it a deal… **I never asked for an apology..
Peter, I’m still free, recently we took a trip to Atlantis, Bahamas with little man. Everyone asked why would I take my son there, he is to young? I told them I didn’t have him to leave him around. Well I situation/life is more adventurous now. We are planning a trip to Vegas next year with him.
It’s great to see you taking your son to new destinations; having a family is perfect for some, but that’s not for me. If I went to the Bahamas, I can’t bring a child on vacation with me. I enjoy my johnnie walker too much!
Children gives you a better buzz! *and you can still drive..oh yeah no hang overs. * I threw back a couple of Bahama mommas…(best drink ever) by the way, we went deep sea snorkeling… with my son ( 2yrs old)
Your child shouldn’t stop you from having fun. It’s even better went he is included.
I know children are great, but not for me!
“Just do it” “what would Jesus do?” *wait Jesus didn’t know his real Father!*
So single moms is the way to be.
Cheno 617 you’re a joke!
Wise 1 do you have kids?
Do you find it hard raising your child(ren) ?
I wouldn’t say hard but i’m aware of the fact EVERY decision i have made since they were born will determine how they will approach life.
Right, it isn’t hard to be a parent as long as you accept the role.
I feel those that complain, don’t wanna take the responsibility fully.
I consider myself a great father, the only hard part of being a parent, is bumping heads with the wife…lol
Are we cool?
Peter another great post! Thanks!
WHOA Cheno617 are you serious with your comment?
“Single moms are lazy these days.” Not sure who your “cousins” are but obviously you haven’t been around the single moms who bust their tails daily to make sure she provides for her children and that they are being brought up in a manner where they respect others and themselves. She helps mold them into ladies and gentlemen so when she releases them to this “horrible” world they can survive and be successful.
Some moms are awesome and some should not be allowed to be a parent. If only we could regulate that! It is an honor to be a parent especially when you have children who are smart and go getters. Its gives me a sense of accomplishment and makes me proud when I look at my children and know that, as a single mom I have done a great job and one day they will make positive contributions to this crazy society.
I do agree with Wise 1’s comment “It’s is because of ppl who do not nurture their children we have so many %^$& ups in the world.”
Parents REALLY don’t understand that their decisions ultimately have a greater impact on the children, but I am not saying stay in an unhealthy, abusive situation because of children. If that’s the case use common sense and get outta dodge!
Here’s a story:
There once lived a young lady who loved her dad tremendously. She was devastated at a young age to find out that her parents were getting a divorce. She cried every night wondering why? Her dad was her world, her protector. He was a hard working man and managed to still come home and spend time with his children. Helped with homework, they sang together to his old records and he even took time to have picnics for them. The little things we take for granted until it’s gone.
The mother also worked but ALL she did was complain. She was not a nurturing parent and in her eyes her children did nothing right and she let them know that EVERYDAY! This of course made the morale in the household extremely low. Thus all the children lacked self-confidence and self-esteem. She grew furious because as the children got older they distance themselves from her. She never understood why.
Once the dad moved out the young lady became rebellious. She hated life and at one point even tried to end it. She couldn’t understand how her once happy life turned into HELL! She continued to lead this not so promising life until one that she received news that would change her life forever. The young lady decided that she had to change her life around. Her life was in turmoil. What had she done all those years? She was getting nowhere fast and if she continued on the path she was in she would eventually end up dead or even in jail.
After thoughtful consideration she finally realized what her calling was and decided to pursue it. This young lady today is very successful but she resent her parents. Life would’ve been so much easier if the parents would’ve settled their differences and worked things out. Until this very day she has difficulties with it. She is cautious keeps everyone at a distance because she is afraid that they too will eventually leave. This is something that she has to come to terms with before she can ever be in a loving relationship and that sucks!
People make excuses ALL the time. It’s because of parents that I’m this way…BS! Learn from your parents mistakes and make sure you don’t continue the trend. It’s because of their father that I’m this way…BS! Your kids are your kids for life if your sperm donor is not responsible enough to step up then make him irrelevant in your life. It’s not worth the heartache. The kids do not need to be around that negativity. Stop chasing the deadbeats!
You should love you children unconditionally and ALWAYS be there for them NO MATTER WHAT. A mother’s love can never be replaced or duplicated.
Whether you are a father or mother out there doing it on your own I commend you for that. Take care of you kids because if you don’t NO ONE ELSE WILL!
I stay HusTLing!!
Thanks for the comment. This is a clear example that single moms can be strong!
strong post Hustler. I know people who have suffered the same fate and have become better for it. Which is why i have to disagree that the parents have a full and permanent effect on their kids. I know kids who have come from the worst of situations in the home and have made something of themselves, similar to the experience you posted here. That being said, yes it starts with the parents. Which is why I think population control is the answer!
I think we can all get along on Peters comments as long as we respect each other and read my blog after reading Peters blog.
Am i a walking advertisement or what?
I always believed that comments add so much to every entry. This post is a clear example. Great comments. keep them coming!
Thx SINicalEMA! Def agree!
Single Mon don’t need to get praised for doing their job…
Ok ok let me stop.., before I have women start hating me.
Deep piece we think too much alike,we must be first cousin lol
Keep getting it in
You hit it on the nose
Man has created his own virtual hell,
I was telling my co workers a week ago
Should I quote tht lol
Great review! You actually covered some nice news in your post. I came across it by using Google and I’ve got to admit that I already subscribed to the site, it’s very great 🙂
Thank you for the kind words!
woww, this is a great blog mr. teixeira!! i enjoy the readings and discussions; keep up the good work 🙂 btw, i’m still waiting for that signed copy of your book?! …nice post! i liked how you covered the different areas of the subject and made your ideas flow together. there is so much to say, but idk where to start or even think i should say everything that’s on my mind b/c i’ll be here all day…
although i’m not a parent and don’t plan to be one anytime soon, it amazes me how some people treat his/her kid (s) in terms of accepting the many different types of responsibilities of parenting. it seems as if some individuals reproduce just to show society that they are capable of doing so and nothing else. they don’t realize that for every action, whether positive or negative will affect the kid (s) and that sooner or later they will pay for the consequences. now don’t get me wrong, i love children, especially newborns! in fact, i’m one of those ppl that will gladly babysit and or take kids on trips w/out any problems as long as the kid (s) is picked up before my bedtime!
speaking from my some of experiences with parents from my generation, it seems as if everything is about money. and this can range anywhere from who can “afford” the most expensive things/trips/schools etc to who can “play” the system to receive the “benefits” (i.e. wic, ebt, tax credit) that parents “qualify for.” i’m not putting down such programs, i just don’t like it when people use and abuse them. it’s sad to see some parents treat their children as “money magnets” and it makes wonder why some ppl want to have children. this brings me to my point about agreeing with your reasons for not wanting children. not many ppl cannot admit with such honesty why they don’t want children.
parenting is a wonderful, but big responsibility that not many individuals are ready to take on or may not want to fully accept. as others have commented, certain ppl forget that once they become parents, it’s no longer about them and instead it’s about the kid (s). i guess this may be a difficult concept for them to grasp. it’s very sad to see children being taken away from their parents b/c they were not responsible, especially as newborns b/c mom could or did not take care of herself well enough (i.e. chose to use drugs and or alcohol while pregnant). i would def say that is selfish b/c in the end, it’s the kid (s) that pay the price. i disagree when ppl say it’s selfish if someone chooses not to have kid (s). no one is obligated to have kid (s)! i think it’s selfish when ppl bring kid (s) into this crazy world & decide not to take full responsibility of providing them with the necessary means; financial, medical, physical, mental, emotional, social, educational, i mean, the list goes on and on!! what ever happened to unconditional love?!! i guess that’s a totally different subject and should be on a diff post…
i have to give credits to single parents for doing double the work, especially when they have more than one children. obviously it’s not an easy task, but it’s not impossible. keep your head up high and do your best not only for your children, but for yourself. and use your resources; there are many programs out there, oh, and don’t forget about family and friends!!
i def agree with you on adopting, not only b/c i’ve always planned to adopt, but also b/c i think it’s a wonderful thing & that there are many children out there that for whatever circumstances do not have the basic needs of life, which we all deserve, especially as children. in fact, i hope to have my orphanage someday! anyways, i think that i wrote enough for today…
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment. I agree with what you wrote; it’s selfish to bring a child into this world without making the proper sacrifices.
Before I say what I would like to say in response to this post (and btw I would like to extend my congratulations: you produce a very interesting blog!) I would like to ask you something:
Have you ever been in love?
I’m glad you enjoy the entries…Thanks!
As far as love, I think there have been instances in my past in which I believed I was in love, but I’m not sure if love actually exists. I think two people work together and build a strong relationship! What we call love comes from the bond which exists between a couple, but people can replace the bond by starting over with someone else.
When most people are in a wonderful relationship, they believe that it is impossible to live without the other person (they are in love), but once the relationship sours and ends, a new one begins and the process starts over again.
I hope this answers your question. If not, I will be happy to elaborate.
I really liked the article, and the very cool blog
Leave a comment