The Most Unnecessary Location

Some zones are necessary. A loading zone, for one, isn’t fancy but a great place to park a big rig and deliver products. Conversely, no loading zones are undesired destinations for truckers. An end zone is probably the most coveted zone known to man; scoring is always great! Being in the zone is also wonderful. When someone says, “I’m in the zone,” he or she is usually having a good time. (Feel free to mention your favorite zone in the comments section!) “Why are you talking about zones?” I’ll tell you!

The most unnecessary location happens to be a zone—the Friend Zone!

As members of a society, we should follow our duty to look out for each other’s best interests. Sometimes, people are helpless and need to be assisted. I urge everyone to do the humane thing and avoid placing another human being in this most undesirable of places.

The Friend Zone is a place where people from all cultures, and every sexual preference, go to lose their dignity. For this post, I will be discussing the Friend Zone which exists between a man and the woman he secretly desires. (The same fundamental principles can be applied to every type of Friend Zone.)

*******If anyone has an opinion about females in the friend zone, please add your thoughts in the comments section! I would love to read the different perspectives concerning the topic.*******

     “Where is the friend zone?” The Friend Zone is omnipresent. It is a place where cowardly men end up, after taking a wrong turn, on a mission for sex. Watching a man who is in the Friend Zone is hilarious. He has a great desire to sleep with his so called “friend” but lacks the guts to speak up. I’m not saying that asking for sex will yield a positive result, but I was once told, “You never know what you will get unless you ask!”

I wish I could convince these poor schleps not to enter the Friend Zone, but they are helpless. Cities should have signs on every street corner which read, “Please stay the fuck out of the Friend Zone!” My hope is to reach out to women and convince them to release these guys from the Friend Zone penal colony. If the ladies have no empathy, I will do my best to guilt them into setting the men free.

I can actually recall a conversation about the subject, in which I suggested to a female that keeping a guy in the Friend Zone is cruel and she said, “Oh well! He should know better!” (I was under the impression that women had no idea they were imprisoning these men in the Friend Zone, but I was wrong…THEY KNOW!)

“How does a guy escape the Friend Zone, without creating an awkward situation?”
There is no way of escaping the shackles of buddy-dom without risking losing the “friend.” This may seem like a major loss, but in reality, the guy wasn’t looking for a friend. Yes, of course people will laugh at the dud, when she tells the story, but everyone is already laughing at him! (Be bold! Give her a great story to tell. You owe it to the rest of the guys as punishment for entering the Friend Zone in the first place!) There is nothing more depressing than a man with no cojones!

It is not every friendship between a man and a woman which will place the guy in the Friend Zone. I can appreciate the fact that men and women can be friends, but not best friends. It is cool for a guy to hang out with a female at a social event, or by themselves every so often, but when men and women spend too much time together, sexual feelings begin to develop. Usually, this only happens for one of the “friends” which creates the dreaded AWKWARD SITUATION. The Friend Zone only appears when a guy deliberately asks a girl to hang out as “friends,” knowing he secretly wants to sleep with her.

Spending time with a “friend,” going to the mall and helping her pick out clothes, going out to watch a movie, sharing an intimate meal…these are the clear signs that a guy is in the Friend Zone. (He is performing all the duties of a boyfriend, without the happy ending…LITERALLY!!!)

I have always believed that men and women can’t be best friends, because the friendship has a potential of ruining one of their relationships. No guy wants to date a girl with a male best friend. (Men don’t like to share a woman with another guy!) I believe a man and a woman are only best friends because one of the two has a secret crush on the other. Obviously, I’m talking about a close friendship in which Friend Zone activities take place. A true friendship between a man and a woman should remain casual, without ever crossing the line. Ladies, if a guy is your best “friend,” and he is the one who you spend a majority of your time with, he is either gay, or secretly in love with you! (Do us all a favor and release him from the Friend Zone…we’ve laughed enough!)

If you’re dating a girl and she has a guy as a best friend, pray that he is either in the Friend Zone or gay, otherwise, your girl is getting aired out! (I hate to be the bearer of bad news! **WINK**) If your girlfriend’s “friend” is in the Friend Zone, reveal his ulterior motive and save him. Help the “friend” get out; it’s the only humane thing to do.

Men will sometimes access the Friend Zone for a short period of time in order to discover the necessary buttons to press so he can successfully capture the flag. (I know that is an offensive way to talk about sex, but I like it!) This can be an extremely dangerous method…some guys end up getting stuck in the Friend Zone. (Please do not attempt this method if you are a novice!)

So far, the funniest joke about the Friend Zone, at least in my opinion, came via twitter by way of @Efidalgo12. (Follow the guy, he’s unfiltered!) To preface the joke, you have to understand that someone we know had a recent run-in with the law. When I began to read the tweet, the first thing that popped into my head was, “This can’t be happening to a second person!” I received a mention saying, “yo crazy news…@*twitterhandle* Got pulled over for doing 90 in a Friend Zone. He said he was trying to get out!!” Hysterical! (The tweet is saved as a favorite!)


There is nothing more pathetic than a grown man being stuck in the Friend Zone. It’s a place for little boys with school yard crushes. I love witnessing the Friend Zone date; it is a truly pitiful spectacle. The date is usually initiated by the female, who most likely discovered some wonderful (expensive) restaurant and she wants to see what all the hype is about. “Hey, I just heard about this great new place. The waiter cooks the food blindfolded, right in front of you! Do you want to go some time?” The poor sap doesn’t want to go, but he feels the need to please her by agreeing to each and every one of her requests. He hopes these selfless actions will eventually help her to see how wonderful he is. He replies, “Yeah…sounds great!”

  1. The guy gasses up the car: $60.
  2. He purchases a new outfit: $150.
  3. He wines and dines her (She is careful not to drink too much, because “you know how I get when I drink!” Yeah, he knows. He probably cried himself to sleep after hearing the stories!), including a movie (usually some chick-flick he has no interest in watching.):$250
  4. The expression on his face, after hearing her respond, “No…we’re just friends,” to the question, “Are the two of you dating?”: PRICELESS!!!


Making a woman believe this behavior is acceptable is inexcusable. If you want to sleep with a girl, be a man and tell her! Stop going on those ridiculous Friend Zone dates; they’re abnormal! “Friends” will either have sex or they will be uncomfortable around one another once the guy attempts an escape. Sometimes men will reveal a crush then, once rejected, he will say, “I hope we can still remain friends.” Guys, don’t say this line. You have been given your release from the Friend Zone and you are attempting to re-enter. (I think this behavior has to do with the Stockholm Syndrome, which occurs when a hostage expresses empathy towards his captor.) The only result will be the exertion of more effort in an attempt to convince her that he is the one!

Women love the Friend Zone, but there is a negative aspect to the friendship. Some guys are so desperate to keep the fact that they are in the Friend Zone a secret—they resort to scumbag tactics; they lie about sleeping with the “friend.” Never, under any circumstances, claim to sleep with a woman if you didn’t…I don’t even know what to call this type of creepy behavior! (I guess it’s called creepy!)

If you’re a guy and your girlfriend is a friend of mine, and we are out together on a “friend date,” allow me apologize in advance. I am either sleeping with your girl, or I already slept with her in the past…I stay out of the Friend Zone! The behavior is frowned upon in my circle!

Listen to, and learn from, Biz Markie…he knows what he is talking about!



Published by Peter Teixeira

First and foremost, I enjoy writing stories. I recently completed my first novel, and I successfully co-wrote a short film script, which won the grand prize in the words made easy competition.

Join the Conversation


  1. Haha! Comical! Friend zone are for weak males and they make us real men look weak. We need to save them (what’s that song) “Please save me, I gotta be saved” *shrugs*

    O-“Zone” is my favorite- not outer space. O-zone from the movie “Breakin'” he’s sick with the pop-locking.

  2. I think, where men tend to parade around in the ‘friend zone’, women are more apt to hang out in different types of ‘climb it’ zones (spell check?). Tropical climb it zones are more common than dry climb it zones (how prudent)…but the worst experiences definitely come out of the polar climb it zones. Maybe a topic of discussion for another day.

    1. Hilarious… Sounds like a Jerry Seinfeld topic. I’ve witnessed some pretty pitiful situations. I will not name names. Unless u text me

  3. Do women purposely place themselves in the friend zone? (are women capable of being as lame or does that turn it into a different situation).

    1. I’m assuming you’re asking about women who are caught in the friend zone with a guy they have a desire to be with.I think they put themselves in the friend zone. I believe anyone who is in the friend zone is lame. Being in the friend zone shows a lack of courage. Obviously there are many factors which keep people from asking someone on a date, but attempting to avoid being rejected by going on “friend zone dates” is the quintessence of lame!

  4. I’m in no means speaking for all women, just women I’ve been unfortunate enough to encounter. When a women puts herself in the friend zone its a sad state, for men they have to endure some humiliation and hurt ego, but a woman goes through emotional distress. Here’s the thing, most men who have women in the friend zone use that to their advantage so they can easily have sex with the woman….shocker!!! There’s no real feelings on the guys part but the female holds on to this “show of affection” as a sign that “her” guy wants her too but he’s just not ready or too afraid to commit…yes women can be that stupid. So it becomes this cycle of guy using chic for sex and chic hoping and praying that some day he’ll open his heart to her. Which is just as likely to happen as having that same guy be faithful to her. So guys when you’re beating yourself up or off (whatever gets u through) cuz ur in the friend zone, thank GOD (for ur benefit Peter) that @least you’re not a chic.

    1. Thanks for the insight! It must be a difficult situation to deal with, but I’m sure the guys have some sense of emotional torture as well. It can’t be easy believing that every day is going to be the day and always being let down.

      I thank “god” every day!

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