Alien Debriefing

***If this is your first time on the blog, do not read this entry. ‘Alien Debriefing’ is the fourth installment in a series. The story has been unfolding through the weeks; read the first three entries before continuing with this post.***

Entry 1 = ‘A Conversation With God’

Entry 2 = ‘I Go To Hell’

Entry 3 = ‘The Creation Of The Bible’

I feel refreshed and I teleport to the FPB headquarters located in area 1492. Rodrigo is not there so I speak with Cristoforo.

Cristoforo: “Rodrigo is meeting with the twins. He’ll be here shortly. He told me that you believe you can gain the trust of the big guys.”

Me: “Yes, I feel they will reveal the truth to me.”

Cristoforo: “Rodrigo has always been a believer in the arrival of the ‘Revelator.’ Did he reveal the prophecy of the Revelator?”

Me: “No! I never heard anything about a Revelator.”

Cristoforo: “The Revelator is the one who will reveal the truth. We believe there will come a day when he will arrive in the Fun Place and remove all secrets.”

Me: “Where the hell did you guys come up with that?”

Cristoforo: “From the twins themselves. When Rodrigo first arrived in the Fun Place and accepted the position of personal assistant, he wasn’t adjusted to his new existence and over-exerted himself. No one explained how the fatigue worked. Rodrigo passed out in the VIP Lounge and the twins allowed him to re-energize there. When he came to, he heard Lu talking about the arrival of the Revelator. G was certain that there would be no Revelator, but we have been patiently waiting for his arrival.”

Me: “Sounds interesting. Why do the FPB members believe the twins are lying? Maybe there aren’t any aliens.”

Cristoforo: “No! there are aliens. We have been trying to uncover the truth for centuries, but the twins are quick to change the subject; they are extremely suspicious. I have been trying to get Rodrigo to attempt new methods of attaining information, but he believes in the Revelator. I guess there is no hurry since we have an eternity, but I feel we can at least make an attempt to outsmart the twins.”

Me: “How will Rodrigo know who the Revelator is?”

Cristoforo: “He believes the Revelator has already arrived.”

Me: “That’s great! Is he in the headquarters?”

Cristoforo: “Yes! There are those who believe that you are the Revelator.” (Tell me you saw this coming! Who the Hell wouldn’t make himself the Revelator?)

Me: “How can I be the Revelator? I don’t know any of the information about aliens.”

Cristoforo: “We have discussed that very point and we agree, you are the chosen one; your mission is to attain the knowledge.”

Me: “I don’t think I am the Revelator, but I will do my best to gain the trust of the twins.”

Cristoforo: “That is one of the things I wanted to talk to you about. Rodrigo believes the twins will begin to trust the Revelator and reveal the truth to him, but I disagree. The twins will never reveal such a truth to anyone.”

Me: “Why not? I still don’t understand what the big deal about aliens is. Why all the secrecy?”

Cristoforo: “The people who live in area 51 may be able to explain the reason. Let’s take a trip; Rodrigo will meet us there.”

[I follow Cristoforo to area 51 and we arrive in a dimly lit room.]

Me: “Where the hell are we? I went to area 51 with Rodrigo and this is not it.”

Cristoforo: “This is the second most secretive location in the Fun Place. The twins often visit area 51 so they can monitor the conspiracy theorists. They have a fear that curiosity will lead to revelation. This is Chamber X. it is located in area 4181979. Does that number ring a bell?”

Me: “Yeah, I was born on April 18^th, 1979. When was this place built?”

Cristoforo: “It was constructed after Rodrigo learned about the Revelator. He chose the location because of its distance from the VIP Lounge. The twins would never venture out to this area. The people who live in area 51 are the unintelligent conspiracy theorists. The twins have been lulled into a false sense of security, because of the nonsense that they discuss.”

Me: “Wow! So I’m actually the real Revelator?”

Cristoforo: “You have a great responsibility!”

[A man enters the room.]

Cristoforo: “My friend. It is my pleasure to introduce you to the one we have been waiting for.”

Mystery man: [Removes his hood] “Are we going to have some fun this time?”

Me: “What the FUCK! Ricky Martin? He’s in charge of this secret area?”

Cristoforo: [Laughs] “No, I’m just fucking with you again! Great job Ricky. You can leave now.”

Ricky Martin: “Again? I’m sick of being lied to!” [Inaudible singing trails-off]

Me: “Ok, I have to know how he died.”

Cristoforo: “You’ll have to ask the twins about that story; it is not my place to discuss the matter.”

[A man enters the room along with Rodrigo.]

Man: “Welcome to the area for those who seek out the truth! We have been waiting for your arrival. This is a great day! What shall I call you?”

Me: “Peter or Pete is fine.”

Cristoforo: “Pete, this is Ackley. He was the leader of the ancient people who lived in England. He is the architect of Stonehenge. He believed that he could communicate with aliens, but unfortunately he died before the construction was completed.”

Me: “So you’re a druid?”

Ackley: “No, We predated the Druids. We were called the Celtics.”

Me: “Celtics? You mean Bird, the Chief and McHale?”

Ackley: “I don’t mean them. We were a couple years before the big three!”

Me: “I thought the Celtics were pronounced Keltics?”

Ackley: “No! Some pretentious know-it-all in England made that up. We were the Celtics, just like the team. The people in Boston got it right!” (You know I have to give props to the Hub!)

Rodrigo: “Have you explained the role of the Revelator to him?”

Cristoforo: “Yes, he understands what has to be done.”

Me “Tell me about the aliens. Why do you believe the twins are lying?”

Ackley: “We don’t believe the twins are lying; we know! The twins are extremely clever, but there is a weakness. They are careful when holding discussions in the VIP Lounge, but G has a flaw. Whenever he becomes angry, he loses focus. Over the years, we were able to gain some knowledge, but never the entire story. We know the twins have an important reason for keeping the secret. There has to be a connection between their creation and aliens. There are two different beliefs among us. I believe the twins will lose their power over us if we learn their secret. There is no way they would ever disclose the information, willingly. Rodrigo has a different belief.”

Rodrigo: “I believe the twins have a feud with the aliens, which is why they don’t want to discuss the enemies. If they gain your trust, the secret will be revealed to you.”

Me: “I think it’s best if we assume the twins will not reveal the secret to me. I have to agree with Ackley about G’s temper. He had to leave the room during my last visit. I will meet with the twins and do my best to learn as much as I can. We shall not be lied to any longer.”

Rodrigo: “The twins are currently entertaining a guest. I will notify you when they are free. You have been given a wealth of knowledge, so it’s time to relax. Find some companionship and enjoy yourself. When you are fatigued, re-energize and they should be ready to meet with you.”

Cristoforo: “You might want to check out the big concert.”

Me: “Where?”

Cristoforo: “Area 100. That’s where all the concerts are held now. performances used to be located all over, but ever since the arrival of Ol’ Dirty Bastard, things changed.”

Me: “What does ODB have to do with area 100?”

Cristoforo: “Well, it all happened in the VIP Lounge. Ol’ Dirty Bastard was discussing music and he said, ‘You know what I mean? I always keep my concerts one hundred’!”

[We all laugh.]

We leave the meeting and everyone goes their separate ways. I decide to head to area 100. To my surprise, the music is quite enjoyable. The first act I catch is a duet; John Lennon and Tupac. Incredible! Biggie takes the stage and continues to amaze the crowd. The momentum is brought to a screeching halt when the next performer walks in. You guessed it, Ricky Martin, singing Living La Vida Loca. He is quickly removed from the stage after the booing drowns out his microphone. Amy Winehouse regains the audience’s attention, but she only performs one song before leaving the stage. I am summoned backstage while Mozart plays the piano. Sitting on a couch are G, Lu, and Amy Winehouse.

Devil: “Have you been enjoying the performances?”

Me: “Yeah, everyone was…well except for Ricky, it’s been great.”

God: “Amy, I’d like to introduce you to Peter.”

Amy Winehouse: “Hi.”

Me: “Hey, great song. Why didn’t you sing any of the others?”

Amy Winehouse: “Well, I just arrived here so my brain hasn’t completely healed from the drugs. I can’t really remember any of the other songs.” (Yeah, I went there!)

Me: “OH! Nice.”

Devil: “We are about to get out of here, but you should stop by soon.”

Me: “Yes, I’ll talk to Rodrigo and set it up.”

God: “It was great talking to you Amy.” [He gets up and whispers into my ear.] “New arrival my ass. She died three years before you. I think she’s half retarded!”

[We laugh.]

Devil: “Amy, you should hang out with Pete, he can show you around.”

My inner most thoughts, “FUCK!”

Amy Winehouse: “Sure, sounds like a great idea.”

[The twins exit.]

Me: “So, are you enjoying the show?”

Amy Winehouse: “Cut the small talk. Are we gonna fuck?”

Me: “Absolutely Not! I can’t make that point any clearer. I know there are no diseases here in the Fun Place, but I’m not willing to take any chances.”

Amy Winehouse: “Fuck you!”

Me: “No thanks! I’ll see you around.”

I walk around backstage and run into some interesting people…great ending to the concert! (I apologize to those of you who are perverts, I don’t know enough about sex to write an interesting scene. I am of the belief that intercourse is for those who are married. Virgins Rule!)

Fully re-energized I seek out Rodrigo. The meeting with the twins is set up and he reminds me of the mission.

[I enter the VIP Lounge.]

Devil: “How did it go with Amy? She must have been a tomcat in the sack!”

Me: “Do you actually think I would bang Amy Winehouse?”

God: “Sorry we ditched you, but we had to get away from her. I don’t know what we were thinking when we gave her access to the VIP Lounge!”

Me: “It’s cool. Before we talk about anything else, can one of you tell me how Ricky Martin died?”

God: “Why the hell do you want to know that?”

Me: “I ran into him a couple times and he seems weird. He mentioned that he didn’t want to discuss his death.”

Devil: “That guy is weird! There was nothing irregular about his death. He was involved in a car accident. The other driver was texting and Ricky was the only person killed. The media didn’t even make a big deal about it.”

Me: “That’s it? Tell me there’s more!”

Devil: “”No! That guy is so dramatic. I’m seriously considering banning him from the first million areas.”

Me: “If there is a petition, I’ll be the first to sign.”

[We all laugh.]

God: “Sorry about having to leave last time, I get pissed when I hear the bible story.”

Me: “Oh really, I didn’t notice.”

God: [Smirks] “What do you want to discuss today.”

Me: “There is something that I always wondered about. I often hear priests say, they were called to serve the lord. If that is true, why do you call men who are rapists to serve your church?”

God: “I don’t call priests to serve. It’s another aspect of religion that doesn’t make sense. The people who lie about being called are in the Good Place. The rapists decide to become priests because they know they have access to children.”

Me: “Shouldn’t they be punished?”

God: “They are. The ones who rape children are sent to the Holy Meditation chamber. They have to meditate until they achieve maximum knowledge of goodness. The room is completely dark and no sound can be heard. They will know when they have reached the maximum knowledge of goodness when their bodies begin to glow. Hasn’t happened yet!” [He winks.]

Me: “Nice! What about the people who never believed in you, then after a near-death experience they discover your presence?”

God: “Those are the schemers. They figure out that believers are gullible, so they create outlandish tales of struggles with demons. Did you notice they always seem to start their own churches? It’s not about the almighty; it’s the almighty dollar that they follow!”

Me: “I want to talk about aliens. Where does the belief come from? And why do some people believe the bible contains verses about aliens?”

God: “Are you kidding me with that question? Did you not pay attention to the story about how the bible was created. It’s all gibberish. Of course people believe the bible mentions aliens, they interpret that book to mean whatever they want.”

Devil: “Maybe I should explain the aliens, we don’t want him getting upset again.”

[God is annoyed and doesn’t respond.]

Devil: “People believe in aliens because they don’t understand the universe. In the ancient times, people saw meteors and shooting stars and mistook them for aliens. In modern times, people see new secret military crafts and believe they are seeing aliens. It’s all a big misunderstanding.”

Me: “What about the pyramids? G, did the aliens build them?”

God: “NO! There are no aliens. The pyramids were built by the ancient Egyptians. They used slave labor. The conspiracy theorists who want to credit aliens are not knowledgeable. The Egyptians were brilliant people and they had great architects. It really pisses me off when I hear someone give the credit to the aliens. Do you know, the Egyptians were able to provide underground lighting for the pyramids. They would set up a series of mirrors, which were angled perfectly. The light from the sun would travel from mirror to mirror all the way down to the bottom of the pyramids. They didn’t have to use torches. Aliens? Ridiculous! There weren’t even any other aliens on earth back then.”

[The Devil gives his twin a stern look.]

Me: “What?”

God: “The Egyptians built the pyramids.”

Me: “I heard that part. What about the phrase, ‘There weren’t even any other aliens on earth back then’?”

God: “Did I say that? I tend to lose my train of thought when I get angry.”

Devil: “Yeah, he says all types of crazy things.”

Me: “Oh, I understand. So there are no aliens?”

Devil: “No aliens!”

Me: “I actually want to go back to area 100 to listen to some tunes.” [I stand.] “I guess we can continue our conversation during the next visit. I’ll see you guys later.”

I leave and I can hear the twins arguing, but I can’t make out what they are saying. I teleport to area 1492 and meet Rodrigo and Cristoforo at the FPB headquarters. We don’t discuss the meeting with the twins, until heading to area 4181979 to meet Ackley.

[We enter the secret room.]

Ackley: “How was the meeting?”

Me: “Better than we assumed. I was abl/e to get G to break-down. He slipped up and said, ‘There weren’t even any other aliens on earth back then.’ What do you think that statement means”

Ackley: “It’s obvious. We were correct. The twins have a connection with aliens. Either they are aliens, or they have knowledge of alien presence on earth.”

Cristoforo: “I’m pretty sure it means they are, in fact, aliens.”

Rodrigo: “We can’t jump to any conclusions. The truth will be revealed by the Revelator.”

Ackley: “Great job! This is an exciting time for all of us. Let’s allow ourselves some time to think about what we have learned. We must figure out the connection between the twins’ power and aliens. Re-energize and we will meet again.”

Rodrigo: “Yes, that’s the best course of action. We shall figure out the best strategy during our next encounter.” [Everyone leaves.]

[Until Next Time!!!]

@PeteTeix617