Who Approved These

This will be a new weekly post. There are great commercials on television, but some of the ad agencies are failing to deliver the goods. Creating an entertaining thirty second spot for a product is great, but entertainment is not the purpose of advertising; the point of a commercial is to sell a product. Allow me to point out the “bad ads!”

Waste of Money #1:

The first spot which failed to sell the product is for a new car concept. The commercial is creative and innovative. It starts with a gas-powered toothbrush, followed by different examples of a world in which everything is gas-powered. Every time I see the commercial, I find it to be entertaining and thought provoking, but there is one major problem, I can never remember what is being sold.

This Sunday, the commercial aired during TEBOW TIME. I sat in the living room with several other people who had seen the spot previously. We remembered that it was a car commercial, but we couldn’t remember which car. (I saw the commercial at least seven times!) We all attempted to guess the car; it was either a Chevy Volt, a Nissan Leaf, some Honda hybrid, or a Prius. I guessed the Leaf, and I was quite disappointed when a Chevy Volt was shown at the gas pump. My brother was the winner, or so we thought.

It turned out, I was right. The commercial was for an electricity-powered Nissan Leaf. What a horrible ad. There was too much focus on the creativity, and no focus on the actual car. In fact, the car was only shown for a couple seconds, at the end. We actually came to the conclusion that the Chevy Volt was a better purchase since you can fill it with gas in case you run out of electricity. The ad agency should probably rethink placing one of the top competitors in the commercial.

I get the fact that the idea is to remove our dependency on gas, but reality has to set in; there are not enough electricity outlets for the Leaf. What happens if you are on the highway and you run out of electricity? You’ll probably want to have a backup gas tank. (I don’t even want to talk about the electricity bill!)

I do not want a Nissan Leaf. Anyone who buys one is an idiot; you’re not helping the environment. You are simply adding a major inconvenience to your life.

Waste of Money #2:

The next advertisement is for a Volkswagen. I would say which model, but I don’t remember. (If you’re wondering, that’s a bad thing!) The commercial is designed to sell the vehicle’s clear HD audio system. It’s probably my favorite commercial, but again, the purpose is not to entertain; the object is to sell the product.

The commercial shows several people singing the lyrics to Elton John’s famous song; Rocket Man. Each actor thinks he or she knows the correct words, but they are all way off. The words are, “burning out his fuse up here alone.” The people say, “I’m burning out this useless telephone, my hair is gone, all alone, cheap cologne, motor-home.” (I laugh every time!)

Finally, there is a man singing while driving and he has a woman in the passenger seat. He sings the wrong lyrics and she corrects him. This is a great way to end the commercial, if you are selling the fact that the woman is a better listener than the man. The commercial should have ended with the man and woman singing their own incorrect versions of the song, and finally correcting themselves after hearing the crystal clear lyrics over the car’s audio system.

I do not want whatever model of Volkswagen that is being sold in the commercial. This ad did a better job of placing the product on display, but they failed to leave a lasting memory of the product. If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say, “I need a car with crystal clear audio,” I wouldn’t have a dollar!

Waste of Money #3:

The final review for this week is for an Infiniti. The commercial fails to sell the product. In fact, the ad does a great job of helping to sell a BMW. There are several different versions. Basically, someone decided that snowballs are cool. (Clearly, it was not someone with a high level of intelligence!)

In one version, the driver of the Infiniti rolls a snowball down a hill and races it to the bottom. The driver of the BMW reaches their place of employment first and occupies the final parking space. The snowball grows as it rolls down the hill and crushes the BMW, removing it from the space. The Infiniti driver parks in the newly unoccupied space.

From this ad, I take away several facts. The BMW will get you to work faster. Both the BMW and the Infiniti handle exceptionally well in the snow. The drivers of Infiniti sedans are sore losers who resort to dirty tactics. (Are you sold, yet?)

In another version, the BMW driver beats the Infiniti driver to a red light. The commercial shows that both cars are great on the wet road. The BMW driver revs his engine and causes an avalanche to cover his car, thus allowing for the Infiniti to speed off in victory.

These commercials may have some entertainment value, but I do not want to buy an Infiniti. I don’t want to become a sore loser who has to fight dirty in order to out dual BMW drivers. This is a horrible idea. Never make the main concept of your advertisement, “buy our product; you’ll need to cheat to beat our competitor!” Do yourselves a favor and buy the BMW!

I will pick out some more commercials for next week’s installment, but before I end this post, I want to talk about the commercial I hate the most. It’s actually a great ad, but I can’t stand it. I love Coke and the “lesser cola” crossed the line when they created an ad in which the famed Coke polar bear chooses a can of “lesser cola” over Coke. The first time I saw the ad, a tear rolled down my cheek; I refuse to watch it. (I don’t know how people can drink that crap!)

Speaking of Bears, I hope everyone enjoyed TEBOW TIME!!!

@PeteTeix617

Who Approved These 2

About these ads

Why I Like Hitler

“Of course he likes Hitler, he’s an evil atheist Satan-worshiper!” No, you Dumbazian, atheists are not immoral devil-followers. We know the devil doesn’t exist…did you not read my post ‘From Catholicism to Christianity?’ (Dumbazians are people from Dumbazia, the land of the dumbasses!) Suggesting I like Hitler because I am an atheist is asinine; especially when it is a fact that Christians are more inclined to support Hitler’s views. ***I strongly recommend reading the aforementioned post, for those who are new to my blog.***

Followers of Christ are quick to deny the fact that Hitler was not an atheist; he was a Christian who believed in “god.” When he gained power, Adolf made a clear distinction between his National Socialism, and Christianity. The purpose was to ensure that his power remained absolute and unchallenged; the separation had nothing to do with his religious ideology. Hitler didn’t want his followers to be influenced by the Pope; relinquishing power was not an option for the Fuhrer.

“What a preposterous notion, suggesting that Hitler was a Christian; the guy committed genocide for Christ’s sake!” Really? Let’s review the facts and see if there is any connection. Genocide? Hmmm, where have I read about genocide before? Oh that’s right, in the bible. God repeatedly committed acts of genocide. Don’t believe me? Ask the citizens of Sodom and Gomorrah. And how can I forget the flood–Noah and his family were the only people on earth who were good enough for “god?” The story of the flood was genocide on steroids! It seems like the bible is the place to go to learn how to commit a proper genocide. (This may come as a surprise, the Hutu in Rwanda were Christians! Who were the Hutu? They were the people who committed genocide against the Tutsi.)

Christians believe Jews are going to Hell, maybe Hitler was carrying out “god’s” work.   I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the mindset of the Christians during WWII. They probably believed the genocide was “god’s” way of punishing Jewish people for denying Christ. Just listen to the way Christians talk about Muslims today; I doubt they had any compassion for the people they hold responsible for killing their beloved mythical Jesus.

How can I forget the Spaniards. Those Mayans and their ungodly religion…WIPE THEM OUT!!! I cringed when I read stories about Spanish soldiers who ensured the sharpness of their swords by chopping up Mayan children. Maybe someone should have explained to the great Mayan civilization that the only road to salvation is through “Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” Let me not even discuss the genocidal acts committed against the Native Americans by the United States of America. John O’Sullivan was the Catholic who coined the phrase “Manifest Destiny!” Too bad the Native Americans never received the memo from Jesus!

The ancient Greeks were no strangers to genocide, either. At least the Christians killed in the name of “god.” The Greeks waged a ten year siege against the city of Troy. Why? Because Helen, the wife of Menelaus, decided that she was in love with Paris, son of King Priam of Troy. Shamed Menelaus, cried to his big brother and the King of Kings, Agamemnon, who led the Greeks against the Trojans. That’s right, genocide happened over a woman. “But that’s a myth!” And you mean to tell me the stories in the bible are not!

These famed heroes are never labeled as evil, but Hitler is history’s devil. History must be void of emotion; seeking the truth and reporting the information to the world is the only goal. Sometimes, I find my self rooting for the Germans when watching the documentaries, because I am able to follow the story and treat the events of WWII as I would any other in history. How ridiculous would a person sound if he or she waged a smear campaign against the Huns or the Visigoths?

It is time for the Jewish people to forgive Hitler. Isn’t that what the Torah teaches? I mean, the man is going to spend an eternity in Hell…seems like the punishment fit the crime! Right? When I was a Catholic, I found it in my heart to forgive Hitler for his sins because I was taught, that was the right thing to do!

“Do you really like Hitler?” Yes! Not how you would expect though. I wouldn’t pass him a note in study hall asking, “Do you like me? Circle yes or no!” I’m not enamored with the guy! (I would have banged the anti-Semite out of Eva Braun though!) When I say I like Hitler, I mean from the point of view of a historian. How can I, or any historian, not like Hitler? Just mention his name and people stop what they are doing and pay attention. When it was first launched, The History Channel featured Hitler week. The ratings were so astronomically high that the people in charge decided to incorporate Hitler documentaries almost daily.

Do you think it’s a coincidence that Hitler’s name is on the title of almost every WWII documentary? Most of the interesting channels follow suit. NatGeo, the Discovery Channel, History International, The Military Channel, etc. World War II was fascinating. The fact that we have footage and a detailed paper trail allows historians to uncover more information than ever before. I’m no neo-Nazi, but I don’t think there is a more interesting period in history. They should just come out with the Hitler network; it’s annoying having to search through several channels in order to find the new documentaries, which are truly enjoyable.

I also enjoy reading about the History of Germany and how the Nazis gained power. I am tempted to give a historical background, but that would be uninteresting and boring for the for “the cool kids.” (You know I care so much about what the cool kids think! Ejukayshun iz sew unkool!!! Agreed!) The interesting evolution of German unification starts with the Prussians and ends with Hitler. (German history is historian porno!) I have countless books on the subject, in my personal library, and I enjoyed several courses about Germany and Hitler. (Walking into Barnes and Noble and handing the clerk a book with a large swastika on the cover is not for the faint-of-heart!) I will continue to learn as much as I can about Hitler’s Germany because the subject intrigues me; Adolf’s story is unparalleled. The man witnessed Germany’s destruction during World War I, and he was able to lead the country back to prominence. Who doesn’t like an underdog story? Studying the primary documents and reading the actual back channel communications leading up to the war was phenomenal. Other than the Vatican Secret Archives, Nazi documents would be my favorite to peruse.

All of the “necessary” channels feature Hitler documentaries because he sells; he sells better than sex. In fact, if a Hitler porno was created, it would be the highest grossing adult film in history. They should call it ‘Hitler’s Nuts’ (The key to a great porno title is the pun. Does it mean Hitler is nuts, as in crazy, or does it literally mean Hitler’s nuts, describing the semen he loves to spread all over Nazi whores!)

Most people get caught up in the war, but Hitler had many other interests than German expansion. He created the autobahn, the world’s greatest roadway, which has sections with no speed-limits. (I will drive a car on the autobahn and reach at least one hundred and fifty miles per hour; my American record is one hundred and twenty-three!) Hitler hired an automotive genius by the name of Ferdinand Porsche to create an affordable car; it was Adolf’s vision to develop a car which all Germans could own. Porsche’s designs became the Volkswagen, which is German for “The People’s Car.” I don’t have to tell you what Mr. Porsche decided to do with his life after he fell out of the graces of the Fuhrer. (I just thought about it; some people need to be spoon fed. Porsche is the founder of the car company!)

Hitler was a champion orator and the greatest motivator. I would love for him to come back and coach the Denver Broncos. The team would never lose a game. Of course, hiring Hitler as the team’s coach would be a public relations nightmare for owner Pat Bowlen and his executive vice-president, THE GREAT JOHN ELWAY! Long Live John Elway!

Germans should embrace Hitler for all of the advancements that he created in the country. He was a great leader. Adolf was also cunning. During the 1936 Olympic Games in Berlin, he removed all of the Nazi anti-Semitic propaganda, and fooled the world into believing that Germany was a diverse and tolerant country. (Many of Hitler’s contemporary leaders were well aware of the truth, but everyone remained silent.) Do you realize, the allied forces met at the Treaty of Versailles following World War I and placed heavy restrictions on Germany. It was illegal for Hitler to create a massive army, and he was still able to take on the world; the guy was a genius! [I am not going to sit here and list all of the many accomplishments of Adolf Hitler, you can research the information for yourselves.]

Let me deal with the big elephant in the room concerning Hitler; THE HOLOCAUST. How can I talk about the Fuhrer as a German Hero without being outraged by the appalling acts he committed? The way I see it, if people can view George Washington as an American Hero, I can view Hitler as a German hero. They can leave out the “minor” detail–Slavery, and I’ll leave out the “minor” detail–the Holocaust. The word hero is thrown around freely, but I wonder what the answer would be if I asked a Native American which of the American Presidents is the biggest hero!

I often hear people attempting to decide which event was worse, American Slavery or the Holocaust. That would be like arriving at the scene of a horrific accident, in which two brothers were killed, and asking the mother which death causes her more pain!

Slavery in the United States and the Holocaust are equally shameful. But we must not forget that each event is based on a precedent, set in the bible. I already discussed biblical genocide, but as far as slavery is concerned, “god” gave rules on how to treat slaves. In the book of Leviticus, speaking about the redemption of property, “the lord” said:

“Slaves, male and female, you may indeed possess, provided you buy them from among the neighboring nations. You may also buy them from among the aliens who reside with you and from their children who are born and reared in your land. Such slaves you may own as chattels, and leave to your sons as their hereditary property, making them perpetual slaves.” – Leviticus 25:44-46. (Read your Bible!)

I guess Washington and Hitler were simply trying to follow “god’s” example. Maybe that’s why the saying is, “What Would Jesus Do?,” because we don’t want people doing what god did; that guy was a jealous angry asshole. “God is good! All the time!” Yeah right!!!

“Why I Like Hitler?” Not outlandish after all!!!

@PeteTeix617