This Will Happen

I’ve decided to stop blogging regularly, at least for the foreseeable future. I have a few posts to write for next week and then I will take a break. I’m not burned out or anything; I’m just taking some time to work on other projects. Who knows, I may decide to post once a week, but I’m not sure.

***Thanks to everyone who has continued to read on a regular basis!***

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365 Days Of Blogging

Today is June 28th; day number three hundred and sixty five since I started this blog. I don’t know about you, but I think that’s a pretty decent accomplishment. I didn’t blog every day, but that was never a goal; this is post number 346. (Not too shabby!)

Thanks to all the people who continue to take a few minutes out of their day in order to read my words of wisdumb!

That being said, I’m a little embarrassed to admit that my blog is a year old and hasn’t learned how to walk yet. I honestly don’t know what I can do; I guess the blog is naturally lazy and I have to accept that fact. Who knows? Maybe it will never walk. When I think about it, the blog may not have walked but it did fly from Boston to Los Angeles. (I don’t know how many miles that is, but I’m pretty sure the blog out-flew the Wright Brothers by at least a quarter mile to a mile and a half!)

It was another beautiful day in Southern California. In fact, it’s been about two months since the last time it rained. I was told that it barely rains in Los Angeles during the summer, but that seems implausible; I didn’t believe it. Thankfully, I think it’s true!

***This post is just my way of saying thank you to the wonderful people who follow my blog. THANKS!***

Remember that every individual is in control of his or her respective lives. Nothing happens for a reason. That is one of the dumbest sayings ever! Everyone knows that “everything happens for a reason” is a cop-out. You can’t blame fate or the will of some higher power for the negative occurrences in your life, or else, me calling you a dumbass will happen for a reason!

There is also no such thing as karma. It is complete nonsense for anyone to try and keep score of the positive and negative events in his or her life. How the hell do you assign a value to specific each event? If you were asked to help a friend move and you decided to lie about having to work, you can’t blame karma for getting into a car accident a month later. First of all, a month is filled with ups and downs; am I supposed to accept the fact that none of those events are factored into your karma scoring system?

Furthermore, how is lying to a friend about having to work the same as getting into a car accident. Karma is one of those dumb things that people simply accept, blindly. Like faith, and every other nonsensical ways of thinking, once the logic test is applied it is easy to realize how one dumb human can influence future generations! (Are we to blame the Indians for inventing karma, or are we to blame the British East India Company for sharing the Buddhist way of thinking with the rest of the world!)

I find it funny that people often say, “everything happens for a reason,” but they can never figure out the mystical reason! From this day forth, I want to know the reason, or I will start calling out the dumbasses!



This Actually Happened – April 28th, 2012

*****POST NUMBER 300*****

Writing these posts feels nothing like fighting in a war!

Thank you to all the people who take a few minutes out of their porn surfing sessions to read my posts!

Dumb & Dumber

In an effort to protect the imbeciles, the names have been changed. I feel it is appropriate to call the gentlemen, Harry and Lloyd, in honor of the characters from the movie DUMB AND DUMBER. I’m not completely certain but before they left the apartment I think I overheard Harry say to Lloyd, “when are we gonna catch a break!” This incident happened on April 19th, 2012. I was unable to join the group because I had to work in the morning. The gang decided to eat at Hooters in Hollywood. While walking the boulevard, a large bus filled with hot women pulled up and the hottest starlet stepped out and approached Lloyd. She asked, “Excuse me, do you know what street this is?” Lloyd was enamored with the beauty and he noticed the many splendors aboard the bus; he replied, “It’s Figueroa.” The young woman stared at Lloyd; her inviting eyes were waiting for him to make a move. Lloyd looked as if he was about to make a move, but he failed to do so. Instead, he turned and began to walk away from the stunned magnificence. His left foot led, followed by his right. Just when the onlookers believed that he was a lost cause, something magical happened within those two steps. It was a moment of clarity. Lloyd couldn’t pass up this opportunity. He turned with the confidence of a poor Haitian boy during a math test, pointed to the hot girl, and stated, ”Figueroa near Hooters!” (Hold on a second, “poor Haitian boy during a math test?” That’s not the stereotype!) The young woman couldn’t believe what she was hearing. This clueless halfwit didn’t even make an attempt to get on the bus. At the exact moment that Lloyd began to walk away for a second time, my slumber was disturbed. I woke up in a cold sweat and heard a faint voice, off in the distance. The voice trailed off before I could hear the last portion but I did catch the beginning. I heard, “Wow! Two lucky guys are gonna be driving around with those girls…” The following morning, Harry reported that he was unhappy with the breast size of the Hooters girls. After hearing this tale, I’m guessing he thought they were too big! I did not witness this event, but the story has been confirmed by reliable sources! BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

Again, thanks to everyone who continues to read my posts!

Good luck to the Denver Broncos in this weekend’s NFL draft. (Just kidding! We have Peyton Manning!)


The Best Parking Spots At The Supermarket

I spend my workday driving to various Supermarkets in the Southern California area which clearly makes me an expert on the matter.

I am thankful for all the wonderful people who continue to visit my blog on a daily basis and this is a small token of my appreciation. Let the masses park in random spots; they will suffer the consequences. (You may want to print out this post and keep a copy in the glove box!)

When asked to name the best parking spot at the supermarket, most people will answer, “the first space, next to the entrance.”

This is a good answer, but an incorrect one. There is no one “best spot;” there are several, depending on the number of shopping cart corrals.

Before I continue, don’t be this jackass!

It’s an honest mistake to confuse the bed of this truck for a cart corral!

(This asshole’s car should not leave ding-free)

    ***Do everyone a favor and practice parking between the lines before you drive to the supermarket. If you do not live in an area with enough practice room, wake up early in the morning and get in some practice time at the local supermarket! Thanks, in advance!***

    There are different factors that go into identifying the best spot. The first step is to find one of the shopping cart corrals. Each person has a preference. I prefer to park further from the masses because I like my space and I don’t mind the longer walk. Others may hate walking, therefore preferring to choose a corral closer to the automatic doors.

Either way, the best spots are the ones that are a spot away, on either side of the corrals. Do not choose the spots which border the corrals (“A-Spots”); they are unfit for civilized people. We’ll call these spots the “B-Spots.”

A-Spots have they’re down-side. Most shoppers are too lazy to return the carts to the nearest corral, but the ones who do are careless and a stray cart may be steered into your vehicle. The B-Spot, on the other hand, is perfect.

“What makes B-Spots so great?” It’s simple. A known fact is that the average person will empty out the contents of their shopping carts into their car and then leave the cart to carry-out “god’s” will. (If you return to your vehicle and find a brand new ding on your vehicle, it is clearly “god’s” fault!)

Every spot in the lot is susceptible to these randomly discarded carts. This is the main reason why the B-Spots are so valuable. They are far enough from the corrals to avoid the returning carts, but close enough that the shopper who parks near your car will not hesitate to return the cart to the corral. You can’t lose with the B-Spots! (Trust me; I’m a certified expert whose car is completely ding-free!)

An added bonus is the fact that you will have a short walk when returning your cart to the corral. The other drivers will think that you are a great person when they see you place your cart into the designated area. (In extreme cases, you may even be invited to dinner because people love those who are considerate!)

I hope this tip will serve you well in the future! (Please be advised, parking in the G-Spots will not bring any sexual pleasure; I think!)

How to quickly pick a great shopping cart

     The best place to grab a cart is in a corral. No one wants to test drive several carts in order to find a good one. The carts near the entrance are a fifty/fifty gamble, but most of the carts in the corrals are better because someone else used the cart and pushed it all the way to the corral. If the cart had a defect, it would have been replaced. A recent study, conducted by an anonymous University suggests that corral carts are ninety percent defect free!    


I dare you to look at this picture and not have a great day!