Christmas is beginning to be my favorite holiday; it’s arguably the most important day in Christianity, but somehow, Santa Claus is more important than Jesus! As an atheist, this is truly the greatest gift Santa ever delivered! (In the battle of mythological heroes, Santa is more powerful!)
Many people attempt to justify their failure to avoid falling into the trap of consumerism, but they are not able to fool me. Luckily for Christians, Jesus does not exist because if he did, his jealous father would probably destroy America as an example to the rest of the world! (My prediction: In four score and seven years, the United States of America will completely disassociate Jesus from Christmas!)
For those of you who drink “the other crappy cola,” it brings me great pleasure to mention the fact that the Coca Cola Company is responsible for the modern version of Santa Claus! (Coke is the best!) *To read more about the best drink created by man, click the link: A True Coke Head.*
The way I see it, Christmas, and all other mythological celebrations is all about the children. Watching a youngster open presents, with the excitement of a Broncos fan watching the great Tim Tebow score a touchdown, warms my heart! The fact that 99.4% of children completely forget about Jesus, on his birthday, is truly the gift that keeps on giving! (It is said that every time a child thanks Santa Claus for a present, an angel commits suicide!)
Yesterday, I found a book on the kitchen table; arguably the best present you can give a child! (I said arguably!) The novel was a copy if the Wizard of Oz. I opened to the introduction and found a wonderful surprise. Here is what I read:
“Movie ‘The Wizard of Oz’: Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets, then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again.” – Actual listing in the TV section of the Marin Independence-Journal, Marin, California, Summer 2002.
I couldn’t stop laughing! Perspective is everything!
Here is my review of Christmas, from the perspective of an alien who recently landed on earth!
“The holiday seems to be one in which millions of people, throughout the world, spit in the face of their so called ‘Lord and Savior!’ They blatantly choose to worship a jolly bearded fellow, who has the ability to deliver presents to all of the ‘good’ children! Every so often, one of these half-assed followers will feel a sense of guilt and remember to say, ‘Happy birthday, Jesus!’ These Christians would all go to Hell, if the place existed! The followers of Christianity must truly hate their Christ!”