Tag Archives: Random Thoughts

A Look Inside

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

This post is a look inside the inner workings of my mind. There is an ongoing battle between me and my mind, each night. I attempt to go to sleep and my mind wanders into the land of random thoughts. Unless I’m extremely exhausted, at least an hour goes by before I fall asleep. Thankfully, I keep my phone within arm’s reach in case I need to write down an idea or two. (This post originated during one of my nightly battles!)

My mind is like the IBM ThinkPad that I bought in 1998; it will shut down eventually, but there will be a long wait. Last night, I mistakenly thought I was going to fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, but this is the journey that my mind decided it wanted to share with me.

I can’t remember what I was thinking about but eventually I ended up thinking about pizza. Immediately, I recalled the old Tombstone Pizza ads on television in which people are asked, “what do you want on your tombstone.” The question got me thinking about my tombstone and I actually arrived at a great epitaph. (I’m not sure if this quote is what I actually want on my tombstone, but it’s what I came up with!)

***Here lies Peter. Don’t believe him!***

This is what I really want on my tombstone, as of today.

I have no idea where the quote came from, but I decided that my tombstone would read, “NEVER HAD TO PAY FOR AN ABORTION!” (No offense to anyone who had to pay for an abortion; I’m just stating a fact!)

Most people may be repulsed by such a quote, but I feel it is perfect for several reasons. After the initial reaction wears off, all types of questions will enter one’s mind. This is why I love this quote; it confuses people. (In the future, anyone who reads my tombstone will be filled with bewilderment!)

“What the hell does that mean?”

Assumption 1: I think when this guy was alive abortions were commonplace and he wants people to know that he never had to pay for one? He must have been some kind of hero!

Assumption 2: This guy probably got a lot of women pregnant, but he always managed to avoid paying for the abortion. He’s either a smooth talker, or a fugitive from the law.

Assumption 3: Maybe this guy is just letting everyone know that he never had to secretly pay for an abortion.

Assumption 4: I think this guy was accused of paying for several abortions and he doesn’t want anyone to believe the rumors.

Assumption 5: This guy probably got a bunch of women pregnant, but he never paid for the abortions because he had some kind of hookup!

Bonus Assumption: This guy is some idiot whose last request was to have a controversial and shocking epitaph on his tombstone. What a jackass!

I’m sure there are plenty of other assumptions, but I think these get the point across, like a trapeze artist without falling! (Feel free to share any assumptions that may have popped in your head!)

I didn’t think of any other assumptions because my mind shifted a little. Out of nowhere, I began to wonder if this quote would serve better as a tattoo. At first, I thought it was a great idea for a tattoo, but it is a horrible one. The reason the quote works better as an epitaph is the fact that I will be dead. If I get a tattoo that reads, “never had to pay for an abortion,” it may turn out to be a lie.

What if something happens and I slip one past the goalie causing me to have to pay for an abortion. (When it comes to abortions, I’m all for them; especially mandatory government forced abortions! I just think there should be a list of criteria which has to be met before allowing any idiot to bring a child into this world! No offense to any horrible parent!)

There is also a chance that I may have to pay for an abortion that I had nothing to do with. What if a friend or family member got some random one night stand pregnant, but he didn’t have the money to pay for an abortion. I may have to step up and contribute.

I’d rather not have children, but what if my teenage daughter disobeyed me and ended up getting pregnant by a boy who goes to church every Sunday? In that situation, I would have to pay for an abortion.

I’d rather not have a tattoo that is an outright lie, so I’ll stick with the tombstone idea!

I know what people are thinking; “you can get a tattoo removed or covered!” True! Tattoos can be altered, but I don’t believe in removing tattoos; they are meant to be for life. Altering the tattoo is not a horrible idea. I actually already have a basic idea of how I would do it. The “N” will have to be altered; possibly turned into an asterisk, and the exclamation point turned into a question mark. The tattoo will them read, “*EVER HAD TO PAY FOR AN ABORTION?”

That would be an awesome tattoo! Except for the fact that my new nickname would be Inappropriate Question Tattoo Guy or IQTG for short!

[The sequence ended once I gave myself the new nickname.]

That’s what I deal with on a nightly basis. Actually, this is how my mind works throughout the day as well!

***I don’t think I’m crazy!***

@PeteTeix617

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33 Certified Facts

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

Here is a list of some random facts that I learned during my time on earth. Each year, i learned one new thing. There is no method to my madness. If I think of it, I will write it. (I’ll probably have to censor some things because some of the things I come up with may be a bit much for some people!)

  1. People love reading lists!
  2. There will never be a woman who surpasses her man’s natural whoredom. It is important for women to figure out the best way to deal with her man’s insatiable appetite to sleep with other women. (Luckily, just because the man has urges, doesn’t mean that he will cheat!)
  3. Racism exists, but it can only prevent you from being in the presence of racist people. Racism will not keep people from achieving. STOP WITH THE EXCUSES!
  4. The Denver Broncos are the best team in the National Football League.
  5. Sometimes, it’s best to work on fixing a relationship with a cheater. More often than not, the next person you date will probably cheat as well. (This advice is for the dependent people who are incapable of finding happiness when single!)
  6. Just because a large group of people agree on something, doesn’t mean that they are correct. Sometimes, the blind will lead the blind.
  7. Scarface is the most entertaining movie of all-time! Furthermore, the Scarface score is unmatched!
  8. Children should not be allowed to read the bible. Seriously, there is an abundance of explicit material in that novel. “God” probably forgot to leave out the naughty details! (Maybe I’m insane, but I find it weird to have a book of faith that is rated NC-17!)
  9. (A) People who say, “only ‘god’ can judge me,” are usually ashamed of their actions. We will all be judged by those who surround us and we are responsible for what we do. If you do not want to be judged, act accordingly. (B) The same thing applies for people who say, “you can’t know what I’m going through unless you walk in my shoes.” More likely than not, what they are really saying is, “you’re right, but I don’t want to give you the satisfaction.” Humans have been around for thousands of years and it’s all been done before. Your experiences are not unique!
  10. OJ Simpson did it!
  11. The Florida Gators are the best team in NCAA football.
  12. Secrets are to be kept to oneself. If you tell someone a secret, you might as well tell everyone.
  13. Every time a woman sleeps with a new man, another piece of her father’s heart dies. (Being a dad can’t be easy!)
  14. Stand-up comedy material gets less funny each time you hear it. It’s the same with heroin; you will never recreate the first experience!
  15. Never get high on your own supply. (It’s probably a good idea to avoid getting high, all together!)
  16. Contrary to popular belief, more often than not, snitches do not get stitches. They usually testify in court and help to put away the guilty defendants.
  17. It doesn’t matter if a woman is hot; after a month or so, her man would rather sleep with almost any other woman. Yes, even if the new girl is a lot less sexy. The good news is there are “good guys” who can fight the urge and remain faithful! (It is a relationship long fight, and women should appreciate the struggle!)
  18. The Boston Red Sox is the best franchise in Major League Baseball.
  19. Unlike believers who perform good deeds in order to appease their “father,” incest-free atheists do good things because they want to.
  20. Boston Latin School is the world’s best high school.
  21. Alcohol makes for a good time, but no matter how disciplined you think you may be, everyone will have those memorable drinking experiences.
  22. A whore will always be a whore.
  23. People will swear that their favorite artist is the best, but the truth is we all have the ability to like every album; you just have to listen to the songs enough times and you will learn to appreciate the music. Comparing artists and songs is as pointless as OJ searching for the “real” killer.
  24. Most people who complain about how, “there are no good men, (or women) out there,” are usually unfit to date. The “un-good” usually hang in the same circles.
  25. (A) The Boston Celtics is the best team in the National Basketball Association. (B) It doesn’t matter how many championships the Lakers win, they SUCK!
  26. Never tell a woman to stay away from a guy, because “he is a dog.” This will only help the fellow in his quest to bed the naïve damsel.
  27. Atheist live happier lives than believers. We do not have an overbearing all-powerful being who peeps on our every move. The freedom cannot be expressed in words.
  28.  The older you get, the more you realize that some “respected” women were and still are whores.
  29. A man cannot turn a whore into a housewife, but the whore can change her ways if she makes a commitment to bettering herself. Like all addictions, the whore must live one day at a time! (Even if she makes the drastic change, number 22 still applies!)
  30. Religion, faith, and spirituality are all invented by man.
  31. Regardless of what people say, no living person can know what happens after death. Your guess is as good as anyone else’s. (Excluding all of my hypotheses!)
  32. Many people are dealing with STDs. Be careful out there; just because you aren’t aware of each diagnosis, doesn’t mean your inner circle is unaffected.
  33. Technology will be the downfall of man.

<BONUS> April is the greatest month!

Hopefully, I will learn one more fact in the next 365 days!

@PeteTeix617