This post is appropriate since I reached another step on my path to the dark side! (I’ll write about it this week!)
This Actually Happened – October 15th, from take a wild guess!
Her Favorite Thing
A few days ago, one of our regular customers entered the store with her three year-old son. After several minutes of shopping, he ventured on his own to a different aisle. A few seconds later, he began to yell, “Mommy, mommy, where are you?” His mother, along with everyone else in the store, heard him loud and clear. He continued to shout until she finally responded. “I’m over here!” Satisfied that he had her undivided attention, the boy yelled, “you forgot to buy your favorite thing!” She had no idea what he was talking about and didn’t answer. He repeated his statement and ran towards her. Once he arrived close enough to see his mother, the boy held up the “favorite thing:” it was a pack of maxi pads. She turned to look at her virtuous son, only to be horrified. “Go put that back; I don’t need it!” She hollered. The boy was persistent; he didn’t want his mother to forget her favorite thing. “You like this. You have to put it in your underwear!” He said matter factly. “Go put it back!” She ordered. This young mom was thoroughly embarrassed. The only thing missing was the voice over saying, “WANNA GET AWAY!” The boy, defeated, returned the package to its shelf; he was completely bewildered as to why his mother didn’t want her favorite thing. I did my best to act as if I didn’t witness the entire incident, but I am sure the mother was well aware that I didn’t miss a moment. Kids say the darndest things! BELIEVE IT OR NOT!
The Florida Gators continue to prepare for their January 2nd Bowl Game against the Ohio State Buckeyes!
Tomorrow is December 18th, 2011. We all know what that means; the BIG game is upon us. I look forward to watching the Great Tim Tebow lead the MIGHTY Denver Broncos against the lowly New England Patsies; better known as the Brady Bunch! (To all New England fans, it’s time to change: Sha na na na, na na na na na, sha na na na na. Sha na na na, na na na na na, sha na na na na!
***Sunday at 4:15pm, is the deadline for Patsy fans to jump on the Broncos wagon!***
Everyone is expecting a close game, but I just can’t see it happening. Am I mistaken, or did the Patsies struggle with some of three of the league’s worst teams? This game is going to be a complete blowout. The Broncos’ defense will come out and smack Tom Brady on the mouth, followed by Tim Tebow launching lasers to uncovered receivers. Eric Decker and Demaryius Thomas will have career games; I guarantee it! Willis McGahee will run for a buck fifty and the Broncos league leading run game will easily break two hundred yards on the ground! In a way, I am a tad bit disappointed by the fact that we will not get to see Tebow Time; there will be no need for a last minute comeback!
Don’t forget that we have the second coming of Jesus! I am not talking about Tim Tebow; Demaryius Thomas was born on Christmas Day!!! (Somehow, Jesus has returned even though he never existed!)
**Thanks to @EFidalgo12 for pointing out Thomas’ birthdate!**
To read about my history with the Denver Broncos, click the link: Bronco Life.
Here are some of the hard facts:
Brady is 1-6 against the Broncos. (We just don’t lose to the Patsies; I have no idea why people can’t face reality!)
Take a look at the Patsies in there last three games:
Patsies 38 – Eagles 20 currently ranked 27th (4-9) *Michael Vick did not play*
Patsies 31— Colts 24 currently ranked 32nd (0-13)
Paties 34 – Redskins 27 currently ranked 21st (5-8)
The most telling fact: The Patsies are dead last in total defense. Ranked 32!!!
My Prediction: Broncos 38 – Patsies 14
This will be one of the most enjoyable sporting events of my life.
***SPOILER ALERT: Celebratory post, coming Monday!***
Be sure to check back tomorrow for a preview of next week’s posts!
IT’S TEBOW TIME!!!
“Wow, that’s a Bold Title?” Yes, I am confident in my abilities.
First of all, allow me to explain Freshly Pressed (FP). The homepage on WordPress.com features 10 posts each day. There are approximately 500,000 new posts on any given day; the odds of being chosen are almost impossible. Let me see, 10 posts out of 500,000, multiply by six, carry the one, 1 in 50,000…I think! (Feel free to check the math.)
“Why would you want to be on Freshly Pressed—what’s the big deal?” Do I even have to answer that question? First, there is the satisfaction of beating the odds. Second, Freshly Pressed is great exposure; it would be wonderful to expand the blog’s viewership. The final reason I want to be featured is the fact that I love challenges.
My experience on WordPress.om has been phenomenal. There are so many wonderful features which allowed me to create a blog that is completely customized. I am fairly new to blogging and I continue to learn more, each day. To me, the best aspect of the site is the ability to read posts from people all over the world. The interaction with complete strangers who support one another has been unbelievable. Sometimes, I am unable to keep up with the blogs I follow because I am focused on finishing my own posts, but I always make it a point to check in as much as I can.
My favorite feature on the site is located in the Site Stats. The feature is called search engine terms, and it allows me to actually see what random terms led people to my blog.
Here are some of my favorites:
2011 super duty 6.7 tranny problems (Tranny Problem – August 31)
john elway pass to ricky nattiel (Bronco Life – August 23)
what to write on drunk texts (Drunk texts – August 30)
upcoming johnnie walker events (Why I’m No Longer Exclusive With Johnnie Walker – July 5)
are there sharks off the coast of Jamaica (My Obsession With Sharks – July 15)
funny bible stories on creation (The Creation Of the Bible – July 21)
fire eal fish (This Actually Happened – August 20th, 2011)
“Great, but how do you plan on going about being selected?” The first thing I did was research. For the most reliable information, I turned to the best place—GOOGLE!
I entered “how to be selected for freshly pressed” into the search field and I found the perfect answer from WordPress.com’s own Joy Victory. Her post, Five Ways to Get Featured on Freshly Pressed, listed 5 great tips and I applied each one to this post.
1. Write unique content that’s free of bad stuff.
The most difficult challenge was avoiding the adult content. Hopefully there were no slip-ups. I guess the fact that mature content is unacceptable for Freshly Pressed makes me feel better about never being selected, previously. For those who don’t know, I have an agent, but there is a catch; he’s imaginary.
Here is the conversation we had concerning this post.
Agent: “I think this is a horrible idea. You know the post has to be void of ‘bad stuff,’ right?”
Me: “Yeah, I know that; I can work clean, baby.”
Agent: “It’s not worth it. Mature content is what you’re all about. Trying to go clean can be career ending.”
Me: “Stop worrying; everything will be fine.”
Agent: “What about the dream? Didn’t you want to do something big? You don’t want to ruin your opportunity.”
Me: “Being on Freshly Pressed will help with the dream.”
Agent: “Remind me of this big dream of yours.”
Me: “It all started in my Communications class at Seton Hall University. For the final, we had to stand in front of our peers and wait for the professor to hand us a note card with three random words. The goal was to give a convincing speech which incorporated the words.”
Agent: “That’s interesting. How does the class tie-in with the dream?”
Me: “I want to sit on stage in front of a huge audience with a laptop that is connected to a large screen. There will be a proctor who takes suggestions from the audience. Ten ideas will be chosen and my task will be to construct a tale which ties-together all of the selected ones. While I write, the audience will be able to follow every key stroke, on the big screen. To keep them entertained, there will be live music playing; the artists will be chosen by me. It should only take an hour to finish.”
Agent: “Not a bad goal. I hope this working clean business doesn’t set you back.”
2. Include images or other visuals.
I almost never add an images, but I always figured images helped with the selection process; although, I did notice one featured post without an picture. I decided to take the bold approach with this post’s photo. We’ll see how it works out. (I wanted to post a picture of President George W Bush standing in front of the Mission Accomplished banner, but I wasn’t sure how to properly credit the original source.)
3. Add tags.
I always add tags so this tip isn’t a challenge. I did find the tip helpful because I often use obscure tags. I definitely remembered to keep the tags relevant and basic.
4. Aim for typo-free content.
This is always key, but sometimes I am just too tired to catch the mistakes. I hope I can remain on point with this entry. *Fingers Crossed*
5. Cap off your post with a compelling headline.
I decided to go with a bold prediction as my headline. (Good luck to me.)
I’ve complied with all of the suggestions; I also liked the post and subscribed. (Covering all bases!) I understand that I may be “Bush-ing it” with the photo, but life is about going for the gold. There is nothing else I can do…off to the store to buy a rabbit’s foot.