It’s The Law

When it comes to driving, the only thing I hate more than people who can’t drive is the seatbelt law.

     I don’t believe the government has a right to decide whether or not a woman can have an abortion, but they definitely cross the line when they try and tell me that I have to wear a seatbelt. (Is it offensive to compare the seatbelt law to abortion?)

I finally have a license plate, so I have less anxiety when I see a police cruiser; I no longer have to worry about being pulled over. That being said, this seatbelt law has me on a constant lookout for police officers; I really don’t want to get a ticket for something as arbitrary as not wearing my seatbelt. (The way I see it, Jesus never wore a seatbelt so why should I?)

I honestly don’t understand how politicians refer to America as a free country, but I can’t drive down the street without having to keep my head on a swivel in order to avoid Johnnie Law and his evil book of pain. (Am I the only one who considers this law to be a mild form of communism?) I get it, people believe wearing seatbelts will save lives; I just don’t care. I don’t like wearing seatbelts, I never liked wearing seatbelts, and I will never wear seatbelts. (Unless I feel my wallet is at risk!)

There are some instances in which seatbelts may prevent you from escaping a car wreck and I don’t want to take that risk! “In some cases, wearing a seat belt could cause further injury during specific types of collisions.” *This quote was taken from* (The picture below was also taken from the site!)

     First of all, I lean my seat back too far for the seatbelt to work properly so I’d probably die in an accident. I already survived a near fatal accident without wearing a seatbelt and I will continue to “live on the edge.” It is perfectly legal for me to smoke a carton of cigarettes while drinking a gallon of whiskey until I am in a coma, but I can’t drive to a block without wearing my “safety belt.” (I love living in a free country!)

I think my biggest complaint about wearing seatbelts is the fact that they wrinkle my shirts. I take the time to iron my shirts and I prefer for them to remain wrinkle free for at least a few hours. It should be illegal for people to walk around with wrinkled shirts! (I’m kidding but I wouldn’t be surprised if “BIG GOVERNMENT” enacts a new wrinkle-free law!)

I also don’t like the fact that seatbelts are constricting. I haven’t been diagnosed, but I’m pretty sure I am claustrophobic. Me no like confined spaces! Plus, wearing seatbelts is eerily to having a noose around one’s neck. I would rather not be reminded of slavery every single time that I enter a vehicle. (Call me crazy!)

People may find it weird that I had no problem breaking a hundred, yesterday, but I almost crapped my pants when a police officer pulled up behind me for a couple miles; I anticipated the siren and lights going off, but thankfully there was a compassionate human being inside of the patrol car and not some asshole with an ax to grind. (I thought about pulling over and acting like I arrived at my destination, but I fought the urge and my wallet remained intact!)

Obviously we need laws to help govern the roads, but forcing motorists to wear seatbelts is a bit much. I understand the drunk driving thing, because other people are at risk, but what I do in my car to increase comfort-ability is my business. (Fine, I won’t use my cell phone, but I’m not backing down on this seatbelt matter!)

I definitely need to get some tinted windows so I can ride without a seatbelt without alerting the officials of my “criminal” behavior. Seriously, what’s next; a suicide fine? Will family members of those people who decided to pull a Seau be forced to pay an exorbitant amount of money as restitution for breaking the law? (Officer friendly is starting to piss me off!)

***For the record, I do not plan on wearing a seatbelt so if I die in a car accident, don’t blame it on my “outlaw” ways; the seatbelt would not have saved my life. If anything, the accident will be a suicide, committed in order to force my family to pay the new suicide fine! (If I have to go, I might as well piss some people off!)***

Why do they call it a seatbelt anyway? The damn thing goes around your shoulder: it should be called a shoulder belt or “annoying shirt wrinkling apparatus!”


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Me & The LAPD

Recently, I purchased a vehicle. I found out quickly that things are very different in the state of California. There is no need to get an inspection sticker and ten percent of the vehicles on the road do not have license plates. Instead, these vehicles have the dealer plates. (Not the official Massachusetts’ dealer plates pictured below.

     I am talking about plastic dealer plates that are definitely unofficial, like the one in the picture.

     The cars are registered, but there is only a temporary registration which is taped to the windshield. If this seems like an ineffective way to operate car sales, that’s because it is. Apparently, the police officers did not get the memo about these temporary plates. In my less than two weeks, I have been pulled over twice. The first time was in the city of Pasadena. (I went there several times, but I have yet to see the Rose Bowl!)

The officer wasted 30 minutes of my life. He pulled me over in the middle of a shopping plaza and I was made to look like a common criminal. I provided all of the necessary paperwork and he still barely bought my story. Not only was this guy unreasonable, but he almost issued me a citation for not converting my Massachusetts’ License to a California one. (Relax pal, I just moved here!)

The second time I was pulled over happened yesterday. We were driving back from LAX and two cop cars pulled us over. The officers shielded themselves behind their opened car doors and mapped out their strategy for approaching the vehicle. (I watched them in complete amazement!)

Finally, one officer gained the courage to walk towards the passenger side (Obviously, we are members of a notorious nationwide street gang and we were recently relocated to Los Angeles from Boston, because there aren’t enough thorough thugs in LA County!)

After questioning us, with hands on their weapons, the officers felt comfortable enough to believe that we didn’t steal the car. They were almost certain that we weren’t packing any heat under the seats. (I say almost certain because @EFidalgo12 was asked to keep his hands visible while attempting to remove his seat belt. The officer almost drew his weapon!)

The Celtics T-shirt I was wearing definitely didn’t help our cause. (As the officer noted, before he was comforted by the fib that we were actually from Boston, England!) This incident happened at a major intersection during rush hour. I was asked to exit the vehicle so the officers could teach a rookie, how to properly conduct a traffic stop. Thankfully, we were not in any hurry, so I had no problem playing along and answering the litany of questions. (No, I do not have any tattoos and I am not affiliated with any gang!)

Overall, the officers were pretty cool about the entire incident and they apologized for inconveniencing us. I walked away from the traffic stop with a business card, which I plan to make use of during my next traffic stop, which I’m sure will be fairly soon.

I guess today was a good day!


Dangerous Advice

I often read the Ask Amy section in the Boston Herald, but I honestly don’t understand why anyone would take life-altering advice from a newspaper columnist. It is fine to Ask Amy about the proper etiquette concerning replying to wedding invitations or an appropriate wedding shower gift, but relationship advice shouldn’t be shared over a newspaper column. Relationships are complicated and a complete understanding of all the details should take place before administering such advice. I’m not saying that Amy isn’t qualified, but I don’t think it’s possible for her to give out proper advice without having a full understanding of each person’s relationship history. There is only so much that can be revealed in a small e-mail.

Nonetheless, I think the questions and answers are interesting. I don’t usually agree with her advice, but there was one recent column which disturbed me.


Wednesday, August 24, 2011:

Dear Amy: I am confused as to where the line is drawn between trying to please your partner and being rudely manipulated into giving in.

For example, recently my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I wasn’t really into it and I told him I wasn’t in the mood. He said, “It’s OK—you don’t have to enjoy it.”

Am I right in believing that this is not an OK thing to say? I told him that saying that to me is unacceptable, but I gave in and did what he wanted.

I feel as if we mostly do things for him, but when I get the attention I had previously wanted I feel uncomfortable.

I would love to hear your thoughts—I’m a big fan.



Dear Worried: My thoughts are that your so-called boyfriend has sexually manipulated and coerced you into having sex after you said you didn’t want to. Evidently, he missed the “no means no” memo.

You should break off your relationship with this bully.

You should also consider calling the police. “I gave in and did what he wanted” doesn’t sound like consent to me. You can learn more by checking the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network’s website at or by calling a counselor at the organization’s hotline: 800-656-HOPE (4673).

Ponder the definition of “friendship.” True friends don’t coerce, manipulate or force their friends to act against their will.

You should hold the men in your life to the same standard you would expect from your closest friends and family members. In a healthy relationship, partners honor and elevate one another. Don’t engage in another sexual relationship until you understand what happened here and get some clarity on your reaction.


Clearly this person, we don’t know whether “Worried” is a male or female, has low self-esteem. Amy gave some great advice except for two points. I don’t agree with her statement, “You should break off your relationship with this bully.” Obviously the boyfriend is a bully and a manipulator, but breaking off the relationship seems reckless. Worried should discuss the matter with the “bully” and if there is no resolution, then the relationship should be ended. We have no idea whether or not the boyfriend has an understanding of the severity of his actions. Worried should end the relationship if, and only if, the boyfriend doesn’t agree to change the manipulating behavior. (Give the guy a chance!)

The dangerous advice is Amy’s suggestion for Worried to call the police. (Is she fucking crazy?) All of a sudden a guy using manipulation to get laid, is rape? When did that happen? Men have been attempting to manipulate women for centuries. I’m not saying it is right for a man to manipulate a woman into having sex, but Rape? That’s going way too far! No one deserves to be manipulated, but Worried needs to figure out the source of the low self-esteem and deal with that issue.

“I gave in and did what he wanted,” does sound like consent, to me. The fact that Worried doesn’t have the ability to stand up to the boyfriend and turn him down is completely separate from rape. I wonder if Amy would call the police if she had a son and he manipulated a woman into having sex. Ruining a guy’s life because he takes advantage of a partner who has low self-esteem is completely wrong. Yes, the guy is a jerk for manipulating worried, but he is not a rapist.

Worried has a lot of problems with her self-worth. She writes, “when I get the attention I had previously wanted I feel uncomfortable.” This sentence speaks volumes! Maybe the guy is clueless and he doesn’t know that his behavior is manipulative, or maybe he knows that worried will do whatever he wants and he loves controlling her. Either way, the guy is not a criminal; he is either a jerk or clueless! Honestly, the simple fact that Worried asked whether or not her boyfriend’s behavior crossed a line shows that there is a lot of growing yet to be done in Worried’s life.

Worried will most likely continue to enter into relationships in which the partner will be controlling and manipulative. It’s sad for Worried, but there is no rape taking place. Worried needs a caring friend, a loving mother, or a competent therapist! (There is definitely no need for the police!)

Rape is an extremely horrible act; let’s be careful how carelessly we throw the word around. There are people who suffer a great deal do to the inhumane behavior of others. Don’t diminish the trauma that rape victims must go through by suggesting that manipulation equals rape.

I could be wrong, but I highly doubt it!