“Let’s Go”

This rallying cry can be heard from most athletes, regardless of the sport. Whether it’s a shooting guard making a three-pointer, a striker scoring a goal, a defensive end recording a sack, or even a curler who executes a weld in the last game of a bonspiel. (I did say every sport!)

I’m here to reveal the truth; “let’s go” is not only the most overused phrase in sports, it’s arguably the second most egotistical, after “gimmie the damn ball!” (I can’t think of any other phrase that is more cliché than “let’s go!”)

“What do you mean it’s egotistical?” You ask.

It’s simple. Athletes only yell “let’s go” AFTER they do something successfully. What the individual is actually saying is, “I know we’re losing; I’m doing my part, when the hell are the rest of you guys going to pull your own weight?”

I have yet to see a baseball player walk to the batter’s box and yell “let’s go” prior to stepping in to take his swings. Honestly, it may never happen.

“Why not?” You wonder.

Athletes don’t yell “let’s go” before they do something spectacular because that would mean taking responsibility and egotistical players are not about that life. They would never risk looking like a complete ass. On rare occasions, you will actually hear an athlete yell “let’s go” after failing to make a play. This kind of person is the supreme egomaniac. He believes that he has carried the team for most of the season and figures it’s about time for someone else to carry the load.

These jerks are your Lebron James, DWade, ARod types. You’ll definitely see them chew-out their teammates whenever a mistake is made, but no one has the cojones to call them out. (Lebron James usually yells at Mario Chalmers at least twice during each game!)

I really hate watching NBA games in which a team is down by twenty-five and having to see some scrub, off the bench, hit a three and yell out “let’s go!” It’s almost enough to make me lose my lunch! Who the Hell told these bums that they have the right to say anything?

My favorite ”let’s go” of all-time took place in the movie Varsity Blues. Towards the end of the movie, after the players refuse to play for their self-absorbed leader, he makes a last ditch effort to rally the guys; I love that scene!

You can watch the scene here: Varsity Blues.

John Voight is the man!

     I know I mentioned the NBA but I don’t enjoy watching the games anymore; the referees are out of control. I’m not some homer Celtics fan who is blaming the referees for our two losses in Miami, I’m complaining about their calls against the Heat, the Celtics, the Spurs, and OKC. I barely watch the games anymore. I did catch some of the first half of Game four in Boston, but once Paul Pierce was assaulted and the referees failed to blow the whistle, only to call a soft foul for DWade on the ensuing possession, I decided to watch Holmes Inspection on HGTV! I did catch the end. DWade and Lebron James are like two used manual transmission cars, each with over three hundred and forty nine thousand miles on the odometer; you may encounter some problems with the clutch! (Football season can’t get here fast enough!)

***This is completely off topic, but buying a home is scary. There are some piece-of-shit contractors out there. BE CAREFUL, PEOPLE!***

     The NBA sucks ass! The only game I was looking forward to on Sunday was the international friendly between Brazil and Mexico. Although the Brazilians lost, I love watching the “beautiful game!” I can’t wait for the World Cup: Brazil 2014! (If I’m not there, I’m going to contemplate pulling a Seau!)

***Please keep your “soccer is boring” comments to yourself; you don’t want to sound like an uninformed ignorant jackass! Soccer is the most popular sport in the world, the fact that you do not have the ability to understand what is happening on the pitch is probably the result of an under-developed brain! (It is ok to dislike all the flopping!)***


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Meta World Lunacy

There aren’t many things in this world that shock me, but I was floored by what occurred at the Staples Center in Los Angeles on Sunday April 22nd. Ron Artest (I refuse to call him that nonsense that he created!) lost his freaking mind and assaulted Oklahoma City’s James Harden.

Not only was the act a criminal one, but Artest’s actions were cowardly. An unaware James Harden was blind-sided by an elbow to the head which was clearly thrown with the intent to decapitate. I can’t even watch the video anymore because it is unbelievable that Harden didn’t suffer brain damage. I honestly don’t know how he walked away with only a mild concussion. (That guy is one lucky fella!)

NBA commissioner David Stern finally handed out the punishment for Artest’s unwarranted attack. The lunatic was suspended for seven games, and it appears that the Los Angeles county prosecutor will not pursue criminal charges. (What a shame!)

Many people may believe that the punishment fit the crime, but I strongly disagree. Artest should have been suspended for the 2012 playoffs along with the entire 2013 season. (If Stern decided to ban him for life, I would have agreed with the decision!)

Basketball is a sport. There is no place for thugs. There are impressionable children who love the sport and allowing Artest to get away with (attempted) murder is sending the wrong message. If this incident occurred in any other workplace, the offender would have been terminated on the spot, and criminal charges would have been pursued.

Obviously, Ron Artest does not understand that playing in the NBA is a privilege. The best players in the world compete at the highest level and fans watch to see athletes not gladiators. The NFL got it right; New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton oversaw an organization which placed bounties on opposing players. Payton was suspended for a year. (Hey Stern, I think it’s time to give NFL commissioner Roger Goodell a call!)

Ron Artest thanked his therapist after he won the NBA Championship. It appears that he may need a few more hours of therapy because he clearly has many more demons lurking inside of his cranium. If anyone knows Ron, please inform him that I am available to help him with his problems. I’ll even work at the discounted rate of $650/hour. (I must also request that Mr. Artest is restrained in the same manner as Dr. Hannibal Lecter in the movie The Silence of the Lambs!)

No Ron, I haven’t seen your baseball!


This Actually Happened – March 10th, 2012

Lakers Fans Hate The Celtics

The other day, I drove to the gas station and pulled into one of the pumps. There was a problem with the machine so I had to walk to the window in order to pay the attendant. As soon as I approached the window the guy seemed repulsed. “You just ruined my day, bro. That shirt is my kryptonite.” He yelled in disgust. I looked down and saw that I had on a Boston Celtics t-shirt. I laughed at his antics and assumed the transaction would begin shortly thereafter. (I was wrong!) “Hey Jose, get me my Lakers sweatshirt!” The attendant yelled again. (Again, I thought it was a joke!) He continued to carry-on about how much he hates the Celtics. I apologized and said that I was from Boston; he didn’t care. (Honestly, I just wanted some gas!) After a few moments, he disappeared. About a minute later, he returned to the window with his Lakers’ sweatshirt. “Now that I have on the purple and gold I can help you.” (I was pretty sure I didn’t want to purchase gas form this guy, but I decided to get the incident over with!) He completed the transaction and handed me back my card. “Honestly, the Lakers and Celtics have the best rivalry.” He said in a calm voice. I agreed and quickly filled the tank before speeding off. (To any law enforcement officers who may happen to read this entry, I drove at the legal limit!) If that incident wasn’t weird enough, about a month ago, I was driving through South Central LA and the green Mustang in front of me shocked me. There was a huge Lakers sticker covering the back window and the Mustang logo on the bumper was concealed by large mustard yellow lettering which read, “The Celtics Suck.” (I kid you not!) Come to think of it, I got pulled over by the police on the same day of the gas station incident. I hope it wasn’t the Celtics T. These Lakers fans are out of control! BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

I honestly don’t know what the big deal is; the Lakers are great…to piss on!

Sunday will be the day I find out if the Seton Hall Pirates make the tourney. Go Pirates!

I hope everyone is ready to get those brackets filled out!


The (Bad) Name Game

Skip Bayless has it right; he’s Chad Ocho-stinko:

Recently, there have been two well-known professional athletes who changed their names. The first is Chad Johnson, former Cincinnati Bengal and current New England Patsy.

Chad Johnson was an unstoppable force, who scored touchdowns almost every game. He was on pace to become a celebrated Hall of Famer; UNTIL…he did the unthinkable! (Did anyone actually think it was a good idea?)

Chad decided to legally change his surname to his jersey number, in Spanish! That’s right; he went from Chad Johnson to Chad Ocho Cinco. I guess Mr. 85 wanted to do something shocking, but all he did was shed light on his poor decision making capabilities. (I won’t discuss his engagement!)

Since changing his name, Chad’s skills diminished. Patsy fans were thrilled to welcome the “star” receiver to their team, but I didn’t understand what all the hype was about; I knew his career was over. Chad arrived and failed to grasp the complicated offense. The fans predicted unbelievable stats from Ocho Cinco and he did not disappoint. His numbers are unbelievably horrible; plain “god” awful!

To date, chad played in 15 games for the Patsies. He caught a total of 15 passes. That’s right folks; the guy is averaging a, pedestrian, 1 reception a game! Ocho Cinco earns 5.5 million dollars this year. By my calculations, he is being paid $367,000 a reception! (Not a bad way to earn a living!)

He’s a Ronartest:

The other athlete who made a drastic name change is Ron Artest. The former St John’s star player and versatile NBA star lost his freaking mind. It is not surprising that Artest changed his name to something ridiculous; after all, he was the guy who thanked his therapist after winning his first NBA championship! (Everyone had to expect that something weird was on the horizon!)

Phil Jackson, who had previous experience dealing with an eccentric character¸ Dennis Rodman, handled Artest perfectly, is no longer with the Lakers. Mike Brown, Mr. Give-the-ball-to-Lebron himself, is not equipped to harness Artest’s “uniqueness!” This freak show will spiral out of control and the Lakers will self-destruct. (This is the last thing Kobe Bryant needs; I think it’s about time to demand a trade!)

Ron Artest went completely bonkers and changed his name to Metta World Peace. I know what you are thinking, but you read that correctly! (If you are a client of Mr. World Peace’s therapist, do yourself a favor and find better counseling!)

Metta World Peace! I can’t even watch the Lakers play because the announcers call him Metta World Peace; it’s complete insanity. If you are wondering, Artest has yet to make a three-pointer this year and his numbers are atrocious. As a Celtics fan, I always argue that Red Auerbach was is the greatest coach of all-time, but Phil Jackson may have surpassed him. Not only does Phil possess more championships, but he had the foresight to jump ship before the SS Lake Show sank!

If you ever have an opportunity to become a famous celebrity and you have an urge to change your name to something distinctive, because you think it will make you eccentric, DON’T DO IT! You will only make yourself to look like a complete ASS and your fame will trend downward! (Don’t be an idiot!)

I don’t blame these two athletes for their dumb decisions; their close friends and family members are responsible. Friends don’t let friends drink and change their names to asinine terms! (At least not legally!)

The government should have the power to decline such requests!!!


That’s Just Super

     The Boston Celtics are truly unique. The 2008 green team is the only group to overcome the odds and win by creating a super team. General Manager, Danny Ainge, combined three legends; Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen joined Paul Pierce to form, on paper, an unbeatable team. The expectation was “championship or bust,” and thankfully, the trio delivered; it will not happen again. (Sorry Miami, but your team will suck again!)

I cannot speak of the super teams which existed before my time because I am not an NBA historian. The first super team that I can recall is the 1996-1999 Chicago Bulls. Legends, Scottie Pippen and Michael Jordan, welcomed super defender Dennis Rodman, and the Bulls won three consecutive championships. (Great team, but Rodman is a weird dude!)

The next super team is the 1996-1997 Houston Rockets. After winning consecutive championships, the Rockets traded for Charles Barkley. He joined two other legends; Hakeem Olajuwon and Clyde Drexler. There was one major obstacle for the super team; Michael Jordan returned to the Bulls and he was ready to reclaim his throne. Tragically, for Sir Charles, the super team didn’t even make it to the Finals. (The loss was bad but Charles Barkley’s golf swing is worse!)

Watch video here: Worst golf swing ever!

     An even greater super team is the 2003-2004 Los Angeles Lakers. Superstar player, Karl Malone, joined the Lake Show to form a super team. Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant were joined by All-Star point guard Gary Payton and Malone; the team was guaranteed to win, except for the fact that they failed to deliver. The loss was so unbelievable that the Lakers separated the unstoppable tandem of Shaq and Kobe. (Kobe lost his mind and became a rapist, ALLEGEDLY!)

*They’re going to love me in LA!*

     We all know about LeBron James, taking his talents to South Beach and riding Dwayne Wade’s coattails to an NBA Finals loss. The team was dubbed the next Big Three, but who the hell considers Chris Bosh an NBA legend? (Future generations will use the analogy: A baby’s bottom is softer than Chris Bosh!)

This year, everyone seems to be attempting to create their own super team, The New York Knickerbockers are the only team to succeed, as of yet. They added defending champion and All-Star center, Tyson Chandler, to their extremely talented tandem of Carmelo Anthony and Amar’e Stoudemire. Fear not Celtics fans; New York will not dominate anything; their last title came in 1973. I actually feel bad for the Madison Square Garden; the world’s most famous arena houses a bunch of losers.  (The Knicks will not win an NBA championship in my Lifetime!)

The reason super teams do not produce championships is the fact that a key element is overlooked; CHEMISTRY! The Celtics won because they combined three selfless stars, who were only concerned with winning. The other teams have self-centered egomaniacs who are only concerned with their own stardom. If you worry about the stat sheet, you will alienate your teammates and ultimately fail to win the big game.

Anyone who plays pickup basketball can attest to the fact that too many greedy players, regardless of talent, will not be successful. There is too much of an adjustment to be made. If someone is conditioned to score, they often find it difficult to figure out a role, creating a group of five individuals instead of a team.

Two stars works perfectly, because they can take turns making plays, but three can only work with a great coach and all of the players buying into the game plan. Once people begin to deviate from the main goal, chaos ensues and the team fails to win the big game.

The Los Angeles Clippers seem to be onto something; the team recently acquired Chris Paul to join Blake Griffin, a future legend. Most people will expect the Clippers to challenge for a championship, but their owner Donald Sterling is a proven loser. This is not the first year that the team has high expectations. Something will go wrong and the Clippers will fail because they are the Clippers. (Enjoy the highlights while they last!)

The Celtics will rally under the leadership of Doc Rivers and produce another Championship. The super teams will bow before the mighty shamrocks and witness a rolling rally through Downtown Boston!

For some reason, I wish the lockout lasted the entire season; the NBA is annoying to watch! (David Stern has too much power!)


Where Amazingly Dumb Happens

The NBA is in a lockout which seems to have no end. For years, I’ve been unhappy with the direction of the league, so I am happy about the current situation. I don’t have much to say about the matter, but here are some of my thoughts!

The NBA players have been coddled to the point that they are now clearly out of touch with reality. Receiving a salary for playing a game is a privilege, not a right. These egotistical players forgot how lucky they truly are. Go to any court around the world and offer the players a contract to play basketball, professionally, for $500,000 a year. (Good luck finding one person who will turn down the offer!)

Former Duke star-player, Kyrie Irving, committed an egregious error. Not only does he have a dumb agent, but I can assure you that his advisors will never be mistaken for MENSA members. Conversely, North Carolina’s Harrison Barnes returned to school; a wise decision. Barnes is a member of the nation’s top squad, while Irving is unemployed.

NBA teams are businesses and people buy businesses to make money; the team owners cannot back down. Anyone, who expects any owner to put himself in a position to lose money, is nonsensical. I don’t think the spoiled players realize that the league will survive without them.

NCAA basketball is more entertaining, anyway. March Madness is arguably the best time of the year. The NBA referees and David Stern have too much control over the outcome of the games, as it is, and the contests are truly annoying to watch.

The pampered NBA players should be ashamed of themselves, especially in our current economy. Imagine a scenario in which footlocker employees demand to be paid 51% of the revenue. Or one with sweat shop “workers” in China banding together and striking until they receive 51% of the shoe sale revenue.

I Love This Lockout!


This Actually Happened – October 8th, 2011


People often ask me to write an entry about them. I always take the request as a joke, although I am never certain. I would enjoy writing about anyone, but guidelines have to be established. The other day, my cousin Nira F. Babee asked me to write about her and I laughed. (Yes, she likes Lil’ Wayne! In fact, her bedroom has several posters of the rapper adorning the walls. The posters helped to create an unforgettable experience for me while I visited my uncle who was suffering from an injury to his foot. I wanted to be supportive but keeping a straight face proved trickier than I expected. Picture a successful business man, stuck in bed, lying under a slew of Weezy posters! (I am kicking myself for not taking photos!) Nira wasn’t kidding, “I’m serious; you should write a story about me!” She said. Ok! What do you want me to write about? “Whatever, I don’t care.” Are you sure you want to give me that kind of power? “Yeah, go ahead.” In less than a blink of an eye, I created the idea to write an advice column; one in which I would be the advice-ee, if you will. I decided it would be a good idea to create a fake story about my cousin’s “problem.” The plan was to ask the readers to help me, help her. The kicker was the fact that her identity would have remained a secret, except for the fact that her name change would be Supermanesque. By that I mean a simple disguise; Nira would change to something obvious like Zira. (I would have fooled the many simpletons of Metropolis who could never figure out that Clark Kent did nothing more than remove his glasses and throw on some tights and a cape!) The conundrum I created for her was simple. She loved her boyfriend and was considering dropping-out of school to have his baby. She didn’t care and gave me the go ahead. I honestly began weaving the details into a believable account, but I realized the BIG PROBLEM; people may actually believe the tale. The last thing I wanted was to create some BIG CONTROVERSY, so I made the difficult decision to place responsibility ahead of comedy on my list of priorities; I hope this isn’t a new trend. Instead of birthing this year’s Thanksgiving Day topic, I decided to write about the truth! Nira is a delightful addition to our family; I’m so glad we imported her from Cape Verde! She is doing well in her collegiate studies, but I have better plans for her. While in high school, she had a goal and I would like to see her take a risk, drop out of school, and chase her dreams. “Which goal, you ask?” She dreamed the impossible dream; “I want to be one of the NBA wives!” (That was before the show; if you must know?) I hope she does drop out, but not to have a baby; I want her to meet that special NBA player. (If you play in the NBA, please contact her immediately!) Anyone else want me to write about them? Send me an e-mail! (Just don’t give me the freedom to write whatever I want…I won’t be as responsible!) This entry is titled @TheeNword because she often changes her Twitter name and this was my favorite! For a glimpse into her world, follow @NiraFBabee. She has been on an unrequited quest to receive a Retweet from her favorite player, Carmelo Anthony; she also desires a RT from his wife Lala and Lil’ Wayne! So far, Lala is the only one to respond. (If you’re keeping score at home, that’s one out of three, or thirty-three percent. Baseball players would kill for those numbers!) ***Please be advised, she is my younger cousin so don’t follow her if you’re a PERVERT!*** I can’t believe I chose to be responsible! BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

I am a Gators fan for life! Remember to cheer for the Gators at 3:30pm (EST)…Let’s take down #1 LSU


Don’t forget to check back tomorrow for a preview of next week’s posts!