Cape Verde: A Stolen Land

I am as proud to be Cape Verdean as the next guy…well, maybe not that guy—let’s be real; he has on a CV flag-design buttoned-down shirt for Pete’s sake. I have no problem admitting the truth; Mr. Flagshirt has me trumped, but I love my culture.

Male Cape Verdeans have long believed that our women are the most beautiful in the world and now, because of Leila Lopes, the rest of the world has no choice but to agree. With her selection as the new Miss Universe, the world will become more aware of our Island nation. (I don’t use the word archipelago because I don’t know what the hell it means and I don’t care to look it up.)

“Great! Miss Universe will put Cape Verde on the map.”

The country is already on the map; it’s in Africa, but I understand the sentiment. Although her win is wonderful news, Cape Verde has a dark secret which will now be revealed.

“I love secrets. Please share.” WE STOLE THE LAND; it was never ours.

“Stole the land? From who?” The Portuguese; they discovered the islands. Cape Verdeans are no better than the founding fathers of America. We did to the Portuguese, what the Americans did to the Native population.

“Cape Verdeans have a Manifest Destiny?” No! I didn’t mean exactly the same. By the way, before we continue our conversation, I think it’s time we revealed your identity to the readers. I’m sure they have been wondering who the heck this person who always comments and asks questions is.

“I thought the readers already knew who I was. It’s been almost a full three months; I can’t believe you forgot to introduce me.” Sorry, I forgot. Go ahead.

“First of all, I would like to thank the readers for the continued support; it has been overwhelming. My name is RePete. I am Peter’s uneducated, imaginary friend.” Imaginary, yes! Friend? More like associate; He’s my imaginary agent’s nephew and he won’t leave. *We laugh*

“Wait a second. I thought the new Miss Universe was from Angola; is Cape Verde in Angola?” No. Her parents are Cape Verdeans who moved to Angola. Cape Verde is located off the west coast of Africa; across from Senegal.

“What’s with all this, stole the country nonsense; how can you steal an entire nation?” Easy! Cape Verdeans lined the inside of a shopping bag with aluminum foil, walked into the United Nations and placed all ten islands into the bag. They walked out smiling at the security guard the entire time, without tripping the alarm.

“Aluminum foil, huh? You seem to know a lot about stealing.” I watch Dateline NBC! (For my views on stealing, read my post ‘Antitheft’ – August 3.)

“How is Portugal involved; I thought we were talking about Africa?” It all started with Colonialism. The Portuguese colonized Brazil and during their voyages on the Atlantic Ocean they discovered Cape Verde in 1456. The islands were uninhabited and officially became part of Portugal in 1495; it was the center of the slave trade.

“Cape Verdeans have slaves?” No! What’s wrong with you, RePete?

“How am I supposed to know? You said center for slavery.” *I shake my head*

“So you speak Portuguese?” Not fluently. Our language is a dialect of Portuguese, so I can understand some of it; I know enough to get by.

“What do you mean, get by?” Let’s just say, if I ever found myself lost in Portugal and I was in need of the services of a young sexy prostitute, I won’t be searching for a translator.

“Gotcha!” *We High Five*

“So you were born in the US and your parents are from Cape Verde?” Yeah, I’m one hundred percent “land Steeler;” I’ll take a country in a second.

“What’s an interesting fact about Cape Verde?” Most Cape Verdeans are unaware of our Cuban connection; Fidel Castro played a significant role in our independence. He provided hundreds of thousands of soldiers to help fight for African independence.

“Cape Verdeans are communists?” No! Why don’t you think before you speak? Cape Verde is a democratic nation, but I do like Cuban cigars. That being said, I honestly doubt the “Cubans” I purchased in Las Vegas and South Beach were authentic! Oh well, they were good. (They were more like, “Dominicans!”)

“I knew it; you smoke the pot!” No, you dumbass! Cigars have nothing to do with marijuana. I am a drinker not a pothead. Although, I can introduce you to some people who can provide you with the “good stuff!”

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     “Get back to this Portugal story; how did Cape Verdeans steal the country?” You see, One score and sixteen years ago, Cape Verdean fathers, brought forth upon the African continent, a new nation. Conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all mixed race people are created equal.

“I have no idea what you just said.” Cape Verde gained its independence in 1975.

“Oh! How is that stealing?” Because! Portugal discovered the land. Are you not familiar with the international policy concerning ownership of newly discovered territory?

“No.” Finders, keepers!

“Why did Portugal give up their land; are they dumb?” No! The Portuguese probably felt guilty about the whole “slavery thing!” In a way, we stole their land; the Portuguese are like the Native Americans, only Portugal allowed the land to be stolen unlike the Native Americans who didn’t have a choice in the matter; it’s a shame what happened.

“Yeah, but they get to own casinos.” RePete, you’re an idiot. *We laugh*

“So the Portuguese are like the Yankees and Pedro Martinez—you can call them your daddies!” Fuck the Yankees! I never realized how much colonialism continues to affect some people. Even after 36 years of independence, there are those who can’t let it go.

“What do you mean?” I can recall an experience during the 2002 world cup, co-hosted by South Korea and Japan. I was having a discussion with a guy from Cape Verde, who was a year my junior and he asked me, “who are you rooting for?” I answered the United States and Brazil.

The eight quarter-finalists were Brazil, Germany, US, Senegal, England, South Korea, Turkey, and Spain. (Shout Out to Brazil for winning the World Cup!) I asked the guy who he wanted to win and he replied, “It doesn’t really matter, I just don’t want any of the colonizers to win.” (What I just wrote is like B.G’s first studio album—True Story!)

I guess the fact that I am like Bruce Springsteen—Born in the USA, allows me to have a different view of the world. Hopefully that guy finds a way to get over his hatred for “the colonizers,” because blaming someone else for your shortcomings is, in a word, #nonsensicalandannoyingtolistento! (I would like to thank the good people at Twitter for creating a new method for word counting.)

“Thanks. That was interesting.” You’re welcome. Do you feel as if you have a better understanding of Cape Verde, RePete?

“Yeah, I learned that Cape Verdeans are better Steelers than Ben Roethlisberger and Hines Ward!” Indeed we are, RePete. INDEED WE ARE!


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Why I Like Hitler

“Of course he likes Hitler, he’s an evil atheist Satan-worshiper!” No, you Dumbazian, atheists are not immoral devil-followers. We know the devil doesn’t exist…did you not read my post ‘From Catholicism to Christianity?’ (Dumbazians are people from Dumbazia, the land of the dumbasses!) Suggesting I like Hitler because I am an atheist is asinine; especially when it is a fact that Christians are more inclined to support Hitler’s views. ***I strongly recommend reading the aforementioned post, for those who are new to my blog.***

Followers of Christ are quick to deny the fact that Hitler was not an atheist; he was a Christian who believed in “god.” When he gained power, Adolf made a clear distinction between his National Socialism, and Christianity. The purpose was to ensure that his power remained absolute and unchallenged; the separation had nothing to do with his religious ideology. Hitler didn’t want his followers to be influenced by the Pope; relinquishing power was not an option for the Fuhrer.

“What a preposterous notion, suggesting that Hitler was a Christian; the guy committed genocide for Christ’s sake!” Really? Let’s review the facts and see if there is any connection. Genocide? Hmmm, where have I read about genocide before? Oh that’s right, in the bible. God repeatedly committed acts of genocide. Don’t believe me? Ask the citizens of Sodom and Gomorrah. And how can I forget the flood–Noah and his family were the only people on earth who were good enough for “god?” The story of the flood was genocide on steroids! It seems like the bible is the place to go to learn how to commit a proper genocide. (This may come as a surprise, the Hutu in Rwanda were Christians! Who were the Hutu? They were the people who committed genocide against the Tutsi.)

Christians believe Jews are going to Hell, maybe Hitler was carrying out “god’s” work.   I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the mindset of the Christians during WWII. They probably believed the genocide was “god’s” way of punishing Jewish people for denying Christ. Just listen to the way Christians talk about Muslims today; I doubt they had any compassion for the people they hold responsible for killing their beloved mythical Jesus.

How can I forget the Spaniards. Those Mayans and their ungodly religion…WIPE THEM OUT!!! I cringed when I read stories about Spanish soldiers who ensured the sharpness of their swords by chopping up Mayan children. Maybe someone should have explained to the great Mayan civilization that the only road to salvation is through “Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” Let me not even discuss the genocidal acts committed against the Native Americans by the United States of America. John O’Sullivan was the Catholic who coined the phrase “Manifest Destiny!” Too bad the Native Americans never received the memo from Jesus!

The ancient Greeks were no strangers to genocide, either. At least the Christians killed in the name of “god.” The Greeks waged a ten year siege against the city of Troy. Why? Because Helen, the wife of Menelaus, decided that she was in love with Paris, son of King Priam of Troy. Shamed Menelaus, cried to his big brother and the King of Kings, Agamemnon, who led the Greeks against the Trojans. That’s right, genocide happened over a woman. “But that’s a myth!” And you mean to tell me the stories in the bible are not!

These famed heroes are never labeled as evil, but Hitler is history’s devil. History must be void of emotion; seeking the truth and reporting the information to the world is the only goal. Sometimes, I find my self rooting for the Germans when watching the documentaries, because I am able to follow the story and treat the events of WWII as I would any other in history. How ridiculous would a person sound if he or she waged a smear campaign against the Huns or the Visigoths?

It is time for the Jewish people to forgive Hitler. Isn’t that what the Torah teaches? I mean, the man is going to spend an eternity in Hell…seems like the punishment fit the crime! Right? When I was a Catholic, I found it in my heart to forgive Hitler for his sins because I was taught, that was the right thing to do!

“Do you really like Hitler?” Yes! Not how you would expect though. I wouldn’t pass him a note in study hall asking, “Do you like me? Circle yes or no!” I’m not enamored with the guy! (I would have banged the anti-Semite out of Eva Braun though!) When I say I like Hitler, I mean from the point of view of a historian. How can I, or any historian, not like Hitler? Just mention his name and people stop what they are doing and pay attention. When it was first launched, The History Channel featured Hitler week. The ratings were so astronomically high that the people in charge decided to incorporate Hitler documentaries almost daily.

Do you think it’s a coincidence that Hitler’s name is on the title of almost every WWII documentary? Most of the interesting channels follow suit. NatGeo, the Discovery Channel, History International, The Military Channel, etc. World War II was fascinating. The fact that we have footage and a detailed paper trail allows historians to uncover more information than ever before. I’m no neo-Nazi, but I don’t think there is a more interesting period in history. They should just come out with the Hitler network; it’s annoying having to search through several channels in order to find the new documentaries, which are truly enjoyable.

I also enjoy reading about the History of Germany and how the Nazis gained power. I am tempted to give a historical background, but that would be uninteresting and boring for the for “the cool kids.” (You know I care so much about what the cool kids think! Ejukayshun iz sew unkool!!! Agreed!) The interesting evolution of German unification starts with the Prussians and ends with Hitler. (German history is historian porno!) I have countless books on the subject, in my personal library, and I enjoyed several courses about Germany and Hitler. (Walking into Barnes and Noble and handing the clerk a book with a large swastika on the cover is not for the faint-of-heart!) I will continue to learn as much as I can about Hitler’s Germany because the subject intrigues me; Adolf’s story is unparalleled. The man witnessed Germany’s destruction during World War I, and he was able to lead the country back to prominence. Who doesn’t like an underdog story? Studying the primary documents and reading the actual back channel communications leading up to the war was phenomenal. Other than the Vatican Secret Archives, Nazi documents would be my favorite to peruse.

All of the “necessary” channels feature Hitler documentaries because he sells; he sells better than sex. In fact, if a Hitler porno was created, it would be the highest grossing adult film in history. They should call it ‘Hitler’s Nuts’ (The key to a great porno title is the pun. Does it mean Hitler is nuts, as in crazy, or does it literally mean Hitler’s nuts, describing the semen he loves to spread all over Nazi whores!)

Most people get caught up in the war, but Hitler had many other interests than German expansion. He created the autobahn, the world’s greatest roadway, which has sections with no speed-limits. (I will drive a car on the autobahn and reach at least one hundred and fifty miles per hour; my American record is one hundred and twenty-three!) Hitler hired an automotive genius by the name of Ferdinand Porsche to create an affordable car; it was Adolf’s vision to develop a car which all Germans could own. Porsche’s designs became the Volkswagen, which is German for “The People’s Car.” I don’t have to tell you what Mr. Porsche decided to do with his life after he fell out of the graces of the Fuhrer. (I just thought about it; some people need to be spoon fed. Porsche is the founder of the car company!)

Hitler was a champion orator and the greatest motivator. I would love for him to come back and coach the Denver Broncos. The team would never lose a game. Of course, hiring Hitler as the team’s coach would be a public relations nightmare for owner Pat Bowlen and his executive vice-president, THE GREAT JOHN ELWAY! Long Live John Elway!

Germans should embrace Hitler for all of the advancements that he created in the country. He was a great leader. Adolf was also cunning. During the 1936 Olympic Games in Berlin, he removed all of the Nazi anti-Semitic propaganda, and fooled the world into believing that Germany was a diverse and tolerant country. (Many of Hitler’s contemporary leaders were well aware of the truth, but everyone remained silent.) Do you realize, the allied forces met at the Treaty of Versailles following World War I and placed heavy restrictions on Germany. It was illegal for Hitler to create a massive army, and he was still able to take on the world; the guy was a genius! [I am not going to sit here and list all of the many accomplishments of Adolf Hitler, you can research the information for yourselves.]

Let me deal with the big elephant in the room concerning Hitler; THE HOLOCAUST. How can I talk about the Fuhrer as a German Hero without being outraged by the appalling acts he committed? The way I see it, if people can view George Washington as an American Hero, I can view Hitler as a German hero. They can leave out the “minor” detail–Slavery, and I’ll leave out the “minor” detail–the Holocaust. The word hero is thrown around freely, but I wonder what the answer would be if I asked a Native American which of the American Presidents is the biggest hero!

I often hear people attempting to decide which event was worse, American Slavery or the Holocaust. That would be like arriving at the scene of a horrific accident, in which two brothers were killed, and asking the mother which death causes her more pain!

Slavery in the United States and the Holocaust are equally shameful. But we must not forget that each event is based on a precedent, set in the bible. I already discussed biblical genocide, but as far as slavery is concerned, “god” gave rules on how to treat slaves. In the book of Leviticus, speaking about the redemption of property, “the lord” said:

“Slaves, male and female, you may indeed possess, provided you buy them from among the neighboring nations. You may also buy them from among the aliens who reside with you and from their children who are born and reared in your land. Such slaves you may own as chattels, and leave to your sons as their hereditary property, making them perpetual slaves.” – Leviticus 25:44-46. (Read your Bible!)

I guess Washington and Hitler were simply trying to follow “god’s” example. Maybe that’s why the saying is, “What Would Jesus Do?,” because we don’t want people doing what god did; that guy was a jealous angry asshole. “God is good! All the time!” Yeah right!!!

“Why I Like Hitler?” Not outlandish after all!!!