Tag Archives: Movies

Misinformed Children

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

When it comes to being creative and pushing the envelope, I’m all about allowing artists to use their creativity to entertain their fellow human beings, but there has to be some accountability. As a society, we need to educate the children before we poison their minds with ridiculous notions. Although I am an atheist, I think religion can play a role in setting a moral foundation for the youth of the world. (Just as long as we allow children to find their own way once they realize that religion is nonsensical!)

Abraham Lincoln is one of my favorite presidents; I believe I ranked him in my top five, in a previous post. (You can read the post here: President’s Day.) There are many reasons to choose Abraham Lincoln as a favorite. First of all, he wore a great top hat. (You’re definitely a complete ass if you don’t respect a man in a top hat!)

Lincoln is famous for his Emancipation Proclamation in which he set out to free all slaves, but failed miserably. I say he failed because the number of slaves freed by the document was a total of zero! (I would explain, but I think people should do their own research!)

That being said, Lincoln is responsible for ending slavery so he is a man to be admired. Lincoln also was assassinated which clearly means he was a man of great honor. (No one was trying to assassinate President George W. Bush!)

Lincoln will always be named when people talk about their favorite president’s; he is on the five dollar bill and the penny, so his memory isn’t going anywhere. Unfortunately for the children of the future, Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, will forever be remembered for something which is completely ridiculous.

Thanks to irresponsible Hollywood big wigs, Abraham Lincoln will be remembered for his tenacity as a vampire slayer. “WHAT?” Yes, you read that correctly; Abraham Lincoln will forever be known as a vampire slayer.

I’m sure most people have seen the advertisements for the new movie and chuckled, but this is not a laughing matter. There will come a day when those of you who have children will ask about a favorite President and the answer will seem reasonable at first. Once you delve deeper and ask, “why;” you will be floored by the answer. Your innocent, dumbass of a child, will say, “I like Abraham Lincoln because he killed all the bad vampires!” I wouldn’t wish such a moment on my worst enemy, but there is no turning back; the film will be released soon and history will forever be tainted. (As a History major, I cried when I walked into the movie theatre and saw a poster for the Lincoln vampire movie!)

Do your part and help educate a child by not watching this abomination!

@PeteTeix617

About these ads

Un-Happy Endings

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

This post was inspired by the movie The Adjustment Bureau. I never watched the film but it was on while I was taking a nap and I caught some of the ending. What actually happened in the film is of little significance, what really matters is the fact that a man was engaged to be married and the “hero” steals his girl. (I apologize for not saying spoiler alert!)

The audience is fooled into believing that the story ended happily, but no one seems to care about the guy who spent at least a few years of his life building a “loving” relationship with a lying whore who never loved him in the first place. This “bad guy” did everything the correct way and just when he thinks he is about to marry the woman of his dreams, she is ripped away from him. (We live in a cruel world!)

I guess if you really consider the situation, the man is better off because the woman was not “the one.” Why doesn’t anyone care about these so called “insignificant characters” who always lose the girl in the end? I don’t know about you, but I definitely don’t consider such nonsense to be a happy ending. In some cases, the writer will create a love interest for ”Mr. Second Place” but that’s no consolation. He put in the time and he should be able to keep his bride to be. (Even if she did turn out to be a whore!)

My favorite Mr. Second Place is Gaston from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. Although he wanted Belle by force, he deserved her. There were plenty women in the town who threw themselves at Gaston, but he only had eyes for Belle. To me, his dedication should have been rewarded, but instead, the asshole Beast who held “crazy old Maurice” in his tower as a prisoner, and then swapped him for Belle ends up with the girl. What a disgrace! Honestly, the jackass didn’t even allow Belle to say goodbye to her father. (I don’t think I can ever forgive the beast for the way he treated Maurice!)

Another perfect example of Mr. Second Place getting the short hand of the stick is in the movie The Graduate. Dustin Hoffman who plays the character “Ben” starts the movie by banging Mrs. Robinson, then he has the nerve to fall in love with her beautiful daughter. What a piece of shit! Not only do I feel sorry for Mr. Second Place, but this Ben guy also destroys Mr. Robinson’s life. He starts the movie by being a home wrecker, and then stops the lovely wedding that Mr. Robinson paid for with his hard earned money. I can’t see how this can be considered a happy ending! (The movie should have been called Mr. Robinson’s Life Sucks!)

To top things off, Ben walks off with the girl after Mr. Second Place kissed his bride at the altar. (That’s just cold!) If you are going to stop a wedding, the least you can do is have the decency to get there before the guy kisses his bride to be; it’s just common courtesy. They say chivalry is dead, but I think it is decorum which is no longer practiced. (This movie crossed the line!)

Sadly, it is not only the men who have to suffer this heart-wrenching fate. In the movie The Wedding Planner, J-Ho J-Lo was hired to plan the wedding for Mrs. Second Place. J-Lo came highly recommended, but the whore ends up falling in love with and stealing the groom to be. What is this world coming to; how the hell are we supposed to think this movie had a happy ending? Am I missing something here? The conniving, back-stabbing wedding planner was hired because of her professionalism, but whoever recommended her must have forgotten to include the fact that she has a propensity to steal the groom to be! (If this incident occurred in real life, the wedding planner would have been called a home wrecking whore, but in Hollywood, she’s a great catch. (I call bullshit!)

It’s time for the viewing public to demand better from the writers. There is no need to cause such suffering to innocent human beings. We have a duty to change what is considered a happy ending; no one deserves to suffer such indignity!

I wait for the day when the “hero” attempts to steal the love interest from Mr. Second Place, but she decides to do the honorable thing and marries the deserving fellow. Mr. Second Place has suffered long enough.

To Hollywood, I say keep your “happy endings” and give me a story that I can feel good about! Until then, I guess I’ll have to continue frequenting the local massage parlors in order to get a true “happy ending!”

Thank “god” for Groupon!

@PeteTeix617

Copy Cats

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

There is something that is near and dear to my heart, which is being taken away from my generation. We are being stripped of the opportunity to create. Somehow, it became cool to remake rather than create. Now, the executives who make all of the big decisions will only approve projects which are completely unoriginal.

Being an artist, of any kind, meant that an individual used various forms of inspiration to reach down deep within himself or herself to produce something completely new and amazing. Now, the criteria for being considered great has changed. Artists are only allowed to produce a copy of what has been done before. This is a fact that brings tears to my eyes. (Not literally; at least not yet!)

I think the powers that be are afraid to take chances so they just keep following the same formula. There are some minor opportunities to unleash our creativity, but for the most part, there are set parameters which are unbreakable.

It began with the music industry. Artists are forced to produce new beats which come from reworking previously successful songs. I believe the term is called sampling. I believe in my generation and I think my contemporaries are talented individuals who can create original pieces. It’s time to stop the sampling nonsense. Free our artists!

There is also a trend to remake past songs. I can’t describe how much it bothers me to hear a great song, and then have some dinosaur tell me the name of the original song. (Yes, if you are an ass who thinks you have some sort of talent because you know the name of the original song, go stick your tongue in a homeless woman’s vagina!) ***Sorry for the graphic image, but I’m literally laughing out loud!*** <Those people are so annoying! At the end of the day, who gives a shit?>

Recently, at a stand-up comedy show, the host decided to have the band play songs so the audience could win free tickets by naming the title and artist. Most of the songs were not from my days of watching video soul with my man Donny Simpson, but there was one song that I immediately recognized. In fact, the song is one of my favorites of all-time. (When I heard this song, I knew I would move to Los Angeles, one day!) I was proud to finally get one beat correct, when the worst thing happened. A contemporary of mine yelled out, “that’s today was a good day by Ice Cube.” I shook my head in agreement, but the host mocked my new friend. Apparently, we were wrong. Ice Cube’s version is a remake of the original, which is titled I-DON’T-GIVE-A-SHIT!

Cube’s version, all day, every day!

Seriously! Please stop the remakes and sampling!

The music industry’s problem sucks, but I am more concerned with the film industry. It seems like every new movie, is either based on a cartoon from the 80’s or a remake of an old film. What the heck is that about? There are too many creative minds in this world to force these same stories on the public.

Even the movies that are original are required to follow the same structure. I’m tired of watching films and figuring out the entire story. Thankfully, there are a few exceptions, but they are few and far between. The shackles must be removed. It is time to emancipate the screenwriters. (I hope no one is offended by the comparison!)

***If you are offended, please send your complaints to the blog’s CEO.***

(She can be reached at 617-382-5968) <If this is anyone’s real number, I apologize!>

Use your phones to figure out what the last seven numbers mean!

My hope is to attain enough clout so I can be in a position to create free of the industry formula. (Honestly, there is a real formula which must be followed!)

I would like to give a big shout out to the writers of the movie Arlington Road for going against the grain and creating a realistic ending. Speaking of realistic, why the hell does every movie have to be over the top? I can barely watch action movies. It seems like the creators are lazy and instead of creating an amazing story, they make characters who have super human abilities. If someone jumps out of a third story window, onto a moving car, they will most likely die a horrible death. The hero will not survive the fall by rolling! (Please stop the ridiculousness and take the time to create something that is clever and realistic!)

Movies are becoming more difficult to watch. We need to hold ourselves to a higher standard, or else, we will be known as the Dark Age of Creation!

@PeteTeix617

This Actually Happened – February 17th, 2012

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

The Weirdest Place In America

Yesterday, we decided to go have some wings and watch some sports on television. A few weeks ago, we went to a mall to watch Mission Impossible 4 and we remembered a specific place that would be perfect for the night. Once we left the highway, I saw a Macy’s and pulled into the parking garage. We found a perfect spot and exited on our way to the chosen establishment. There was only one problem, we couldn’t find the restaurant. We honestly circled the mall several times with zero luck. That’s when reality set in, we were on Burbank Blvd and the previous mall was on Magnolia Blvd. Honest mistake, except for the fact that Magnolia and Burbank are a block away, near First Street. I am not making this up; there are two AMC Theaters and two malls, a stone’s throw away from each other. (In this case, I’m talking about a stone thrown by a seven year-old school girl!) *I just Googled the theaters in order to show how close they are and I uncovered an unbelievable truth. I was wrong; there are four AMC Theaters in the one block radius!* This place keeps getting weirder by the second!

I think if you stand directly in the center of all four theaters and make a wish, it will come true. I wished for you to read this post! BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

Tomorrow I will post my thoughts on Whitney Houston!

Thanks to Jeremy Lin, Sports Center continues to talk about The Great Tim Tebow!

@PeteTeix617

An Extraordinary Woman

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

On Monday, we attended the Pan African Film Festival, held at Rave Cinemas Baldwin Hills Crenshaw Plaza 15. Our cousin, filmmaker, Guenny Pires invited us to watch a film by a Brazilian director. The movie is called Let’s Make a Toast (Vamos Fazer um Brinde) by Director Sabrina Rosa and producer Cavi Borges.

The film is a about a group of middle-class Brazilian friends who meet for a small New Year’s Eve party. We enjoyed the movie which was a wonderful look into the daily lives of average Brazilians, but we didn’t realize the impact of the film until the question and answer period. (We actually witnessed history!)

It turns out the movie is the first film which was directed by a woman of African descent, in Brazil. We learned that the Brazilian film industry has a long way to go as far as diversity is concerned. Prior to Sabrina Rosa’s movie, people of African descent in Brazil were always depicted as poor or gangsters. Sabrina Rosa made the conscious decision to create a film with a cast of predominantly African actors.

These are the cast members!

     She wanted to show the world that Brazilian Africans lived normal lives, outside of the infamous favelas depicted in films such as City of God. We also learned that Sabrina Rosa and her producer Cavi Borges are members of a group which teaches young African Brazilians how to create their own films. Their hope is to provide a place which will cultivate the talents of future filmmakers. (She is literally making the world a better place!)

Following the screening, we joined the filmmakers, at a nearby lounge, for some drinks and a little conversation; very little conversation since the women do not speak English very well. (We had to step it up and dust off our Portuguese!)

Overall, the night was a great experience and we hope to return to the festival, this weekend, in order to watch a screening by a British comedian who we also met during the night. (I’ll write about the film, if we are able to attend!)

@PeteTeix617

I Don’t Think I Saw That

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

I spend a great deal of my free time watching movies. I love all types of films, especially independent ones. The big multimillion dollar Hollywood blockbusters are fine, but I think the studios spend too much money on special effects and creative cinematography, forgetting to generate interesting characters. I’d much rather watch The Pursuit of Happiness than Transformers. (I get it; you have wonderful CGI guys!)

Two of my favorite channels are the Independent Film Channel (IFC) and the Sundance Channel. I can’t get enough of the foreign films. There are great productions which come from the United States, but there is an indescribable realness that comes from an independent film; you can feel each writer and director pouring everything they have into telling their stories.

My Dinner With Andre is an interesting film, and it’s just two guys sitting at a restaurant table and talking; a great story will always capture an audience. If you’ve seen one car blowup; you’ve seen a million. (All that other nonsense is for the people who don’t care to think!)

I own an unusually large amount of movies. Why? Because I like movies! (I am always quick to point out my fairly large book collection whenever people assume I don’t read!) Friends often wonder why anyone would purchase movies, but I am built differently. I have diagnosed myself with a perplexing condition; Movie Memory Defect. (MMD is more commonly known as Pete’s Disease!)

**Don’t worry; Pete’s Disease is not contagious!**

     “What the heck is that?” Don’t feel bad if you never heard of the disorder; mine is the only documented case. (I am currently searching for others!) If you have been living with MMD, don’t be ashamed; we can support each other.

Pete’s Disease is a weird disorder. From what is known, the affected individual will begin to notice changes after their twenty-first birthday.

Here is my story:

I’ve always loved watching movies. My favorites included Jaws, First Blood, the Rocky series, The Godfather, Scarface, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, among others. I like the original movie; not that Johnny Depp nonsense with the same oompa loompa! (From this day forth, Willy Wonka will be known as “Two Dubs,” so I can retain my street credit!)

I was a movie buff; I could recall any line from any film. Still to this day, I know Scarface and Two Dubs by heart. When I turned twenty-one, I began to lose my ability to recollect movies. Three months after watching a film, I would completely forget the entire plot and, in most cases, the title. Over the years, the condition has gotten worse. Before, a few pivotal scenes could jog my memory, but now, I simply can’t remember viewing some films. (It’s a little crazy!)

I often search through the movie channels and pick the most interesting film. More often than not, I will end up picking a movie that I previously watched. Sometimes, it can take me about ten minutes to remember, but I won’t recall anything about the plot. If the film seems intriguing, I’ll watch it again; it’ll be as if I am watching the movie for the first time. After six months or so, I will not be able to remember anything about a movie, unless it was amazing.

Memento was a great movie. I can remember the fact that the scenes unfolded backwards, but I have no idea what the movie is about. I know The Pursuit of Happiness was a great film, but all I remember is the fact that Will Smith went through some struggles, and then he did something great with mathematics, I think! I remember the beginning of Avatar because I re-watched the first hour, a month ago, but I’m not sure, exactly, how it ends. (I just know the good guys win!)

I buy movies because I know that I can always watch them over and over again, and the experience will always be a new one. The weird thing about MMD is the fact that I can remember everything about the classic movies. If I saw a film, prior to my twenty-first birthday, I am able to recall everything.

Thankfully, I can remember if a movie was good or bad, unless the movie is ok. In those instances, I won’t recollect the film, but at least I will know that it wasn’t horrible. The weird thing is the fact that Pete’s Disease only affects movies; I have no problem remembering books. (One day, scientists will be able to find a cure!)

I actually enjoy having MMD; watching a great movie, again, for the first time, is an indescribable feeling. That being said, I do hope a cure is discovered one day; in the future, others may not appreciate the side effects as much as I do.

I know this may seem like a completely made up disorder, but those who know me well, will be able to corroborate my story.

Here are a few lists of notable movies:

Top Five movies I am proud to say, I never watched!

  1. Gigli – Part of me wants to see the movie so I can actually experience the monumental “suckiness” for myself, but I don’t plan on ever viewing this flop.
  2. Soul Plane – Do I even have to explain why I never want to watch this crap? Honestly!
  3. Sex and the City – I’m an atheist, but I was raised as a Christian. I just don’t want to support such whorishness. You can call the ladies independent if you want, but I’ll pass on watching a movie which requires a condom for protection from STDs.
  4.  Son of Mask – I loved the original film. The world was introduced to Cameron Diaz, at the height of her hotness. (She will never be as hot again. Not even if you watch the movie again!) I’ll definitely pass on this garbage.
  5. This one is a three-way tie. Glitter/From Justin to Kelly/ Crossroads – Decent singers don’t necessarily make decent actors. STOP IT!!! If you are a fan of one of these stars, please save them from humiliation and boycott their future endeavors into the acting business. (For every Will Smith, there are at least ten Crossroads!)

Top Five movies I wish I never saw!

  1. Straight Out of Brooklyn – Not only did this film suck, but I joined my cousin on a walk to the video store and we selected this failure. The walk was pretty bad, but the letdown was worse; we actually thought we discovered a diamond in the rough!
  2. Pi – I read the back cover and figured I stumbled upon a sure fire hit; boy was I wrong! This film sucked! (I actually purchased this “piece of bread!”) **Anyone is welcome to borrow it!**
  3. Wolf Creek – This was truly a suspense-less suspense film! I had the misfortune of watching this one in a theatre! Woe was me! (Don’t watch it!)
  4. Barb Wire – If you want to see Pam Anderson naked, Google her; don’t waste your time watching this trash! (In my defense, the internet was fairly new when I saw this “movie!”)
  5. I Know Who Killed Me – I didn’t watch the entire film. It was on while I was writing yesterday’s post; from what I saw, I had absolutely zero interest in paying attention!

Top Five movies of all time!

  1. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (Two Dubs) – This is the most enjoyable movie to watch!
  2. Scarface – This is honestly the proverbial “1b,” but it has become cliché to put this movie at the top!
  3. Dumb and Dumber – This is, hands down, the funniest film of all time!
  4. Coming to America – Hilarious movie; I love watching it! (If it’s on television, I can’t turn it off!)
  5. Jaws – Truly a classic! “Here’s to swimming with bowlegged women!” (To read about my fascination with sharks, click the link: My Obsession With Sharks.)

Honorable mentions – The Rocky series, First Blood, City of God, Braveheart, The Karate Kid (Daniel son),The Indiana Jones series, and Gladiator. (I began looking over the collection and there are too many great films to mention them all!)

The Top movie which no longer scares the crap out of me, since I became an atheist!

  1. The Exorcist – This was undoubtedly the scariest movie of all time, but now that I know there is no devil, it’s not scary at all! Do your children a favor and protect them from such unnecessary sleepless nights! (I recently watched a great documentary which provided scientific explanations for “exorcisms!”)

 

The Top craziest movie I watched!

  1. Sleeping Dogs Lie – If you haven’t seen this movie, this is your warning; watch with caution. I hope I never experience this type of craziness! (Yuck!) For those who have watched the movie, our lives will never be the same!

The great thing about opinions is the fact that everyone has one. If you enjoyed such classic crap as Soul Plane, speak up and support your favorites. (The enjoyment of Soul Plane may affect your future employment opportunities!)

These lists are a not set in stone. Due to my MMD, I may have forgotten some movies!

@PeteTeix617