It’s The Law

When it comes to driving, the only thing I hate more than people who can’t drive is the seatbelt law.

     I don’t believe the government has a right to decide whether or not a woman can have an abortion, but they definitely cross the line when they try and tell me that I have to wear a seatbelt. (Is it offensive to compare the seatbelt law to abortion?)

I finally have a license plate, so I have less anxiety when I see a police cruiser; I no longer have to worry about being pulled over. That being said, this seatbelt law has me on a constant lookout for police officers; I really don’t want to get a ticket for something as arbitrary as not wearing my seatbelt. (The way I see it, Jesus never wore a seatbelt so why should I?)

I honestly don’t understand how politicians refer to America as a free country, but I can’t drive down the street without having to keep my head on a swivel in order to avoid Johnnie Law and his evil book of pain. (Am I the only one who considers this law to be a mild form of communism?) I get it, people believe wearing seatbelts will save lives; I just don’t care. I don’t like wearing seatbelts, I never liked wearing seatbelts, and I will never wear seatbelts. (Unless I feel my wallet is at risk!)

There are some instances in which seatbelts may prevent you from escaping a car wreck and I don’t want to take that risk! “In some cases, wearing a seat belt could cause further injury during specific types of collisions.” *This quote was taken from* (The picture below was also taken from the site!)

     First of all, I lean my seat back too far for the seatbelt to work properly so I’d probably die in an accident. I already survived a near fatal accident without wearing a seatbelt and I will continue to “live on the edge.” It is perfectly legal for me to smoke a carton of cigarettes while drinking a gallon of whiskey until I am in a coma, but I can’t drive to a block without wearing my “safety belt.” (I love living in a free country!)

I think my biggest complaint about wearing seatbelts is the fact that they wrinkle my shirts. I take the time to iron my shirts and I prefer for them to remain wrinkle free for at least a few hours. It should be illegal for people to walk around with wrinkled shirts! (I’m kidding but I wouldn’t be surprised if “BIG GOVERNMENT” enacts a new wrinkle-free law!)

I also don’t like the fact that seatbelts are constricting. I haven’t been diagnosed, but I’m pretty sure I am claustrophobic. Me no like confined spaces! Plus, wearing seatbelts is eerily to having a noose around one’s neck. I would rather not be reminded of slavery every single time that I enter a vehicle. (Call me crazy!)

People may find it weird that I had no problem breaking a hundred, yesterday, but I almost crapped my pants when a police officer pulled up behind me for a couple miles; I anticipated the siren and lights going off, but thankfully there was a compassionate human being inside of the patrol car and not some asshole with an ax to grind. (I thought about pulling over and acting like I arrived at my destination, but I fought the urge and my wallet remained intact!)

Obviously we need laws to help govern the roads, but forcing motorists to wear seatbelts is a bit much. I understand the drunk driving thing, because other people are at risk, but what I do in my car to increase comfort-ability is my business. (Fine, I won’t use my cell phone, but I’m not backing down on this seatbelt matter!)

I definitely need to get some tinted windows so I can ride without a seatbelt without alerting the officials of my “criminal” behavior. Seriously, what’s next; a suicide fine? Will family members of those people who decided to pull a Seau be forced to pay an exorbitant amount of money as restitution for breaking the law? (Officer friendly is starting to piss me off!)

***For the record, I do not plan on wearing a seatbelt so if I die in a car accident, don’t blame it on my “outlaw” ways; the seatbelt would not have saved my life. If anything, the accident will be a suicide, committed in order to force my family to pay the new suicide fine! (If I have to go, I might as well piss some people off!)***

Why do they call it a seatbelt anyway? The damn thing goes around your shoulder: it should be called a shoulder belt or “annoying shirt wrinkling apparatus!”


The Unwritten Laws of Society

I received an e-mail from my good friend @Imjust2nasty. It contained a link to an interesting video. New York Magazine’s Vulture blog writer, Samantha Zalaznick created a 2-minute video of clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm in which Larry David gives his unwritten rules of society. For those of you who have no sense of humor, Larry David was the co-creator of the greatest sitcom in history, Seinfeld, and is the star of HBOs hit series, Curb Your Enthusiasm. (Don’t argue about Seinfeld!)

Big THANKS to Mr. Barros for providing this video for me to discuss. If you die before me, I’ll be sure to write about you in order to let the citizens of the world get to know you better! I would even create a movie about your life! By the way, great acting job in the movie Street Life! (For those of you who need enlightenment in your life; follow the guy on Twitter: @Imjust2nasty!)

     Here are the rules which were included in the video:

L1 – “You’re way outside the line. You’re taking up two spaces.” No parking outside the lines. You are allotted one space. Taking up two is not allowed. I agree with Larry on this rule; if someone parks in two spaces and he or she returns to find their car keyed, the offender is justified.

L2 – “You have a line problem in this store; the lines move completely disproportionately.” I believe it is the responsibility of every business to create a first come first served policy. If you have multiple checkouts, you should create a single filed line which snakes around for people to be called to the next available cashier.

L3 – “One sample, two samples the most.” Larry was referring to an ice cream place, but I think this applies to any eatery which allows free samples. Food is a crap shoot. You look over the menu and pick something which looks good; if the food isn’t to your satisfaction, tough cookies. The free sample is a cheat code, if you will; you cannot hold up the line by trying more than two items. Otherwise, you are abusing your privileges and creating a line problem.

L4 – “If you’re gonna have a dog, you have to have a bag. Dog without the bag—it’s incomplete.” I think this one speaks for itself. Dog owners who don’t carry bags should be fined by the police. There is no reason why any person should have to be on guard when walking along the sidewalk; be responsible and clean that shit up!

L5 – “You’re in the doctor’s office, don’t chit chat. Don’t ask him how his day was.” When you are at an appointment, ask the necessary questions and move it along. People are waiting!

L6 – “You can’t have it half way; you’re either anonymous or you’re not.” This is more of an obvious remark than a written rule.

L7 – “I invited you, c’mon; it’s the inviter who picks up the check.” This is true, but I feel a man should always pick up the check on a date; unless the woman is taking him out for a special occasion. (Women should always thank the man with sex!)

L8 – “Cheek to cheek contact for men is unacceptable!” I know there are other cultures in the world which allow for this unsightly behavior, but where I grew up, this custom is frowned upon!

L9 – “We can’t go up against each other it’s the code; it’s the bald code.” I guess you have to be bald to understand this one, but it does make sense for all bald men to protect one another!

L10 – “Jews don’t convert.” I agree; there should be no converting. Every religious person should become an atheist!

L11 – “You go out with a friend, you tip in concert.” I believe when friends go out, the bill should be split fifty-fifty and the tip should be included in the equation. (Remember to tip generously. Don’t be one of those assholes!)

L12 – “Bad news has to be delivered in a casual way like, it’s not bad news.” I think this rule only applies to the people who you care about. Bad news to someone you dislike, should be delivered in an upbeat manner! Bad news to a stranger should be delivered apathetically; don’t pretend to care when you don’t!

L13 – “You can’t drink the wine without the prayer.” Larry replies, “Oh really, watch this.” He proceeds to pick up the glass and swig to his heart’s content. I don’t pray so I say, drink up!

L14 – “I don’t subscribe to the wait for dessert rule before you can leave a party.” I don’t subscribe to that rule either, Larry; leave whenever you feel the party is no longer an enjoyable event. It is the responsibility of the host to throw a party which keeps asses in the seats, or better yet, on the dance floor!

L15 – “I don’t like to have hot food for lunch.” I don’t mind hot food for lunch. This one seems more like a preference than an unwritten rule.

L16 – “I don’t like the happy birthday song.” I don’t think anyone enjoys the happy birthday song, but at the end of the day, everyone would be sad if friends and family don’t sing it!

L17 – “I don’t like people trying my glasses on.” I have perfect vision but I can understand this rule. If you want to try on glasses, go to the ophthalmologist office. It’s not like the person would ever let you borrow their spectacles.

L18 – “I don’t believe that people should go into my refrigerator.” I don’t care if people open my fridge. We have a help yourself policy. In our apartment you will always hear someone ask, “do you want another beer?” More often than not, the answer will be affirmative, and you will hear, “great; grab me one too!”

L19 – “I don’t approve of the blowjob in the car.” In a way, I agree with Larry on this one. There are better places to receive a blowjob. The car BJ should only be reserved for two people who live with their parents. (Even in that instance, I’m sure sneaking into one of the homes wouldn’t be mission impossible!) Only Prostitutes should be giving out car blow jobs!

L20 – “It’s a little early for burying; I don’t like to bury before coffee.” I don’t like burying anytime! I am not a coffee drinker, but I guess there are people who need that daily cup of Joe! (Doesn’t sound like anything I would ever enjoy!)

L21 – “You tip toe so you don’t wake people up.” I disagree with Larry. Light-sleepers can kiss my ass! I’ll stomp around whenever I please!

L22 – “She went over the appropriate amount of time that I can have human contact without getting aroused.” I am not sure what the exact amount of time is, but I’m sure one exists! Keep the human contact brief if you are not sleeping with someone!

L23 – “It’s not one, two, three, four, five; where’s your Mississippi? You have to put Mississippi in there; that’s how you count.” Everyone already knows this rule!

L24 – “It’s a pointless and unnecessary social convention to introduce every single person you know.” I always forget to introduce people so I am all about this rule!

L25 – “If I’m talking to somebody and they say, ‘you know my friend has cancer.’ I go oh oh oh, you know—even though I don’t know the person.” Every adult should know how to react to these types of situations!

Thanks to Larry David, living in society will be easier for all of us!

     In the tradition of Babylonian Hammurabi and his law code, Spartan Law giver Lycurgus, Byzantine Emperor Justinian’s Codex Justinianus, and Larry David, I will give my laws. Like Larry David, my laws will be what I consider to be common sense; unlike David, my laws will be written.

How to live:

P1 – The person who lives in the house should handle the remote. I am not talking about control over the channel being watched, I am talking about actually touching the remote. (Do you ever wonder what people touch before they touch the control?)

P2 – The fast lane is for people who drive fast! (Get the hell out of my way!)

P3 – You don’t complain about people being in your business, if you write about your business on social media websites! (Are you kidding me?)

P4 – Walking around with your cell phone blasting some obnoxious song will no longer be tolerated. (These people will forfeit the use of their devices!)

P5 – Under no circumstances will anyone be permitted to taste a spoonful of questionable milk in order to see if it is spoiled. (Stop being cheap and throw it out if you are unsure!)

P6 – People are permitted to dress their pets in whatever fashion they see fit! (Observers are permitted to make whatever comments they see fit!)

P7 – A man does not wear his pants low enough for others to see his underwear. (If one does so, we can all kick him in the ass!)

P8 – If you are dating one person, but find their friend to be a better fit, make the switch; why would a friend stand in the way of your happiness! This is logical, but your friends may be emotional and irrational people; tread carefully my friends! (This one is tricky!)

P9 – Women who walk around with their breasts hanging out must allow any man with a dollar to place it in her cleavage. (Why else would they be visible to the public?)

P10 – If you can’t parallel park into a space before the driver behind you becomes annoyed, you must relinquish the spot! (One beep of the horn and you’re done!)

P11 – If you are being helped and the line behind you is full, speed up the process by stopping the chit chat and quitting with your dumbass questions. (This applies to every situation!)

P12 – If you work in the service industry and you hate your life; stay home. (Customers shouldn’t have to suffer because you suck at living!)

P13 – Having a drinking problem is your own business. If you want to ruin your life by hitting the bottle, do so. (Just do it on your own dime. If you drink more alcohol than you buy, you are a scumbag!)

P14 – You never ever ever ever ever mix anything with Johnnie Walker Black or higher! (Mix the Red all you want!)

P15 – Women should wash their faces thoroughly after performing felatio on a man; you can’t just walk around kissing people on the cheek with semen residue on your face. (I reserve the right to decline the cheek to cheek hello with anyone who I deem to be “dirty!”)

P16 – You don’t tell someone, “I’ll call you right back,” as a replacement for “good-bye!” (Understand what words mean!)

P17 – If you are a whore, don’t be surprised when the information is passed along to your children. (Kids always find out the truth!)

P18 – A favor is not a requirement. If someone declines to do a favor for you, you cannot get angry. (Stop depending on others and provide for yourself; working hard will not kill you!)

P19 – No one else is responsible for another adult. If you fall on hard times and someone else would rather take a trip to Vegas than help you out of your situation, tough! (Be mad at yourself for living outside of your means!)

P20 – If you borrow money from someone, you cannot get angry when they demand repayment. (Lenders are not annoying; borrowers are. PAY THE MONEY BACK, you piece of shit!)

P21 – If you ask for someone’s honest opinion, don’t be mad once they give it. (If you can’t handle the truth, stop asking for opinions!)

P22 – If you find something to be entertaining but your church forbids you from enjoying yourself; there is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with your church! (Free yourself!)

P 23 – If you do something nice for someone, they are required to say thank you. If no thank you is given, you are free to take back your generosity. (If the act is irreversible, you are justified when giving them a piece of your mind; cussing is encouraged!)

P24 – You don’t Retweet a comment with a spelling or egregious grammatical error. (If you do, you are accepting the error as your own!)

P25 – You don’t make your tweets private on twitter. If you say something which others like, they should be able to Retweet it. Privacy is what e-mails, dm, texts messages are for! (If you want your tweets to be private, I suggest you go to Google plus and send your comments to your private circle!)

<BONUS> – ****Under no circumstances do you ever park in front of someone else’s driveway. (Please read the entry from August 12th titled ‘No Parking!’)****

There are billions of laws, but these will do for now!

****Please feel free to add your own laws in the comments section!****

     This next question doesn’t really have anything to do with the topic. I’ve always wanted to ask my Twitter followers, but the character limit makes wording the question difficult. If you have a mother who attended college and lived in the dorms, do you ever wonder if she was the campus slut? (Deductive reasoning can only conclude that there is a strong possibility she was; those chicks have to be someone’s mom!)

**Remember: If you enjoy the blog, maybe your friends will too! Sharing is caring!**

Enjoy your day!


Was I Expelled From Seton Hall

**Due to unavoidable circumstances, the guest blog will be posted on a different day**

[Some names were changed to protect the innocent!]

I lived on campus, in Aquinas Hall, during my third year when I was a student at Seton Hall University . (I know what you’re thinking and the answer is…YES. The dormitory is named after Saint Thomas Aquinas. I find it ironic that the Catholic Church, with it’s clear hatred of free-thought, has a patron saint of Universities!) In mid-February, a friend of mine, “L” joined me in my dorm room and we did what we always did; we drank. L let me know that two of his buddies from high school were planning on visiting the campus and he asked if I would sign them into the building. I didn’t have a problem with that and said, “sure,” oblivious of the impact the decision would have. Before I neglect to mention, Aquinas Hall was a dry-dorm.

Later on in the day, L’s friends, “Lebron” and “DWade,” arrived on campus and I signed them into the dorm. We agreed to hangout in my friend Shawn’s room, which was located at the other end of the hall. A liquor store run was made and drinks were enjoyed while we watched our favorite DVD, ‘American Pimp.’ (This was the time in my life in which I knew that I would be a great pimp. Why do I have morals? Damn Catholic upbringing! Yes, I can have morals and not believe in “god.” Who knows maybe one day I’ll revisit the pimp dream! Ladies, feel free to contact me in any manner that you deem appropriate, and we can get this money! “A bitch with no instruction is headed for self destruction!” – D.C.’s Kenny Red)

The alcohol had to be smuggled into the building, but this time the degree of difficulty was raised. We Bought a 12-pack of Corona, a liter of Hennessey, and six twenty-two ounces of Steele Reserve. We drank in the room and prepared to attend an on-campus party, held at the student center.

Shawn and his roommate, Dave, had to change before the party, so they agreed to meet me, L, Lebron, and DWade in the cafeteria. In our drunken state, we decided to walk over to the campus center with the half-finished Hennessey bottle, and the beer each of us had in our hands. (That’s all which remained of the alcohol.) The campus had security guards, but they didn’t really bother us. We weren’t allowed to have any opened alcoholic beverages, but we knew most of the security personnel so drinking on campus was never a problem; if an administrator happened to walk by us, we would just conceal our drinks.

In our inebriated condition we stumbled towards the  Aquinas Hall exit. I strolled alongside L, and his buddies lagged behind. I noticed someone headed in our direction and immediately warned L to hide his beer; he didn’t hesitate after noticing the person was “Oprah.” She was the assistant to the Head of Housing for the University. Her office was inside Aquinas Hall and she was the second in command in the housing department. Oprah was in her early thirties and she was very attractive. L was well acquainted with her, so we were forced to stop and shoot-the-shit for a few seconds. Luckily Lebron and DWade were lost, so they didn’t join us, and we eventually make it by Oprah without her noticing our drunken state. (Shoot-the-shit. What a weird saying. I don’t know about any of you, but I have yet to witness anyone shoot shit. What would be the point of that?)

Fifteen minutes later, Lebron and DWade finally exited; they came out running at full speed. They continued right passed us, and we immediately knew to get away from the building, which was located near the back entrance to the campus. Outside of the gate, Lebron told us that they ran into some lady who was asking for their IDs, because she did not recognize them as students. Needless to say, they did not cooperate. In fact, the two geniuses managed to disrespect Oprah to the point she wanted to call the police and press charges. Lebron and DWade called her a “bitch” and said, “Fuck you, we ain’t giving you shit!”

It turns out they didn’t make any effort to hide their beers. Oprah mentioned campus police, which caused Lebron and DWade to run towards the exit, firing off as many expletives as they could; the two were wise enough to exchange their guest passes for their IDs before exiting. They also signed fake names on the visitors passes, making it almost impossible for Oprah to identify them. Outside of the campus gate, and drunk, I found the entire incident to be extremely hilarious. I was too wasted to grasp the severity of the situation; I didn’t realize what actually happened, and how there was a possible paper trace leading to me. (“If you want an off day bitch, go be a secretary, I ain’t got no designated off days!” — Hollywood’s Rosebudd *Sorry, this pimpin’ thing is seriously in my blood!*)

Lebron and DWade decided it was best for them to stay away from the campus, so I walked to the student center with L, and we met up with Shawn and Dave. The party was a great event, and I returned to Aquinas Hall in the early morning. I completely forgot about the incident, until I handed the security guard my ID and he returned it with a note. (Reality sets in quick) Obviously, it was from Oprah. “Please call my office tomorrow morning, I need to speak with you.” I spoke to Oprah’s secretary and informed her that I was going home for the weekend, and wouldn’t be back until the following Tuesday; an appointment was scheduled. Lebron and DWade’s account of the incident was incomplete, but Oprah knew all of the remaining details; she gave me the full story, in her office.

Oprah’s version: “After I walked by you and L, I ran into the other two guys and noticed that they had drinks in their hands. I didn’t recognize them and knew they weren’t residents. I wanted to let them know that we had rules which applied, not only to students but, to guests as well. I was going to take the drinks and allow them to go on their way, with just a warning. And as I reached for one of the bottles, the first boy slapped my hand away and said, ‘What the fuck are you doing bitch?’ His friend was laughing and said, ‘This bitch is crazy! Bitch, don’t you know that you don’t try to take a niggas’ drink? Shit! Try to take my shit and see if I don’t slap the shit out of you’.” (Yeah, real gentlemen.) “I was stunned that they would talk to me in that manner. I let them know who I was and the response I got was basically what I came to expect from them. The taller kid said, ‘I don’t give a fuck who you are bitch, we do what the fuck we want.’ I asked for their guest passes and of course they said, ‘no.’ They ran passed me and, as they did, I tried to grab the shorter guy and I was knocked to the ground. By the time I got back on my feet and made it to the front desk, I found out that they had already retrieved their IDs, so the only way I could identify them is to have your cooperation.”

I realized what happened wasn’t just something innocent. Lebron and DWade showed complete disrespect for Oprah and for the University. I knew this wasn’t a matter in which they would be let go with a warning. The fact that she was threatened and intimidated by the two of them, was serious; they also knocked her to the ground. It clearly states in the student handbook that students found with open containers of alcohol on University property, will have the beverages confiscated. I know that she was doing her duty and they crossed the line by knocking her to the ground, but I didn’t want to be responsible for the guys being arrested, which was the main reason I had reservations about cooperating.

I did my best to distance myself from the offenders, but Oprah was adamant about that fact that I was responsible for any guests who I sign in. L was also found at fault and, because he was a commuter, she banned him from campus housing for lack of cooperation. He made it clear to Oprah that Lebron and DWade were his friends, and not mine. She felt completely disrespected and wanted the boys punished. “I would like you to help me identify the two boys who you signed in, or else your non-cooperation will probably force me to request that you are expelled from the University.” I didn’t even have to think about it. “Sorry, I can’t help you.” She was stunned, and continued to threaten me. I let her know that I understood her position, but I would rather be expelled, than cooperate. I don’t think Universities should have policies that force students to turn on one another. (This may seem crazy, but the way I looked at the situation was pretty simple. I was involved in the rule breaking activity, and I was the one who was caught. Anyone who breaks a rule, or law, has to understand the risks involved. This is a case of not snitching. Some people confuse the word snitching. They think if you live in a neighborhood and you tell the police about criminal activity, that you are snitching…DEAD WRONG! Snitching is not something that can be done by a bystander. Snitching can only be done by people who are involved in the law breaking. If someone chooses to break the law, he or she has the duty to not get caught. If a bystander witnesses your crime, that’s your problem. It’s not about snitching at that point, it’s called slipping!!!) I apologized for my involvement in the incident, and I was prepared for whatever punishment she deemed fit.

Thankfully, Oprah decided not to have me expelled. (There’s the answer to the big question!) She felt that I was never in trouble prior to the incident and was willing to give me an opportunity to make amends; it also helped that I waited until Tuesday to have the meeting, giving her time to calm down. Oprah’s decision was for me to attend an alcohol awareness workshop. The event was being presented by MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving), and I quickly agreed. I also promised not to sneak any more alcohol into the dorm. Of course, that was an empty promise, which I felt was necessary, to make her feel better about the situation. I was over the legal drinking and didn’t feel it was right for me not to be able to drink un the dorm. After all, we were college students! I really wanted to attend the workshop, in an effort to show her that I was taking the episode seriously.

The workshop was to be held in the Campus Center, and was scheduled a month after the incident. The weeks went by and I totally forgot about both, the incident in Aquinas Hall, and the workshop. On March 18th, while drinking with L, he asked, “Yo, how was that alcohol thing you had to go to?” It turns out that his simple question was an extremely important one. I let him know that I hadn’t gone yet, and the more I thought about it, I was pretty certain that I had missed the date.

I called Oprah from my cell phone, knowing that I was probably in more trouble. She answered, and as soon as she realized that I was on the other line, she assumed I was calling to make sure that the event was not rescheduled. It turned out the workshop was scheduled for that evening. (I kid you not.) This was both good and bad news; I was happy that I hadn’t missed the event, but there was a slight problem. I had been drinking all day. It wasn’t the greatest idea for me to continue drinking, but I really didn’t make the best decisions while at Seton Hall University. I was in a party-all-the-time frame of mind; partying was my main priority.

The MADD workshop was scheduled to start at six O’clock. I arrived shortly after six, and was very much intoxicated. The first part was held in the hallway, just outside of the conference room. It consisted of different tables, with information about the pitfalls of alcohol abuse. One of the tables was blank except for a funny-looking pair of glasses, and on the floor, next to it, was a ten-foot line made of tape. The idea was for people to walk a straight line while wearing the “drunk goggles,” which was designed to simulate a drunken state. Students were trying to walk the line, but they found it too difficult. Oprah was stationed at this table and she waved me over; wantung to see me walk the line while wearing the goggles. Hiding the fact that I was inebriated wasn’t a big challenge, but I kept my distance to ensure that she wouldn’t smell the alcohol.

I put on the glasses and realized there was no way I could walk the line. I tilted them slightly and peeked out of the corner, in order to see the line. This adjustment allowed for me to walk the line perfectly. Everyone was amazed, and I was quick to boast that I could handle my liquor. The ironic thing about the line walking was the fact that Oprah said, “You’re probably drunk, which is having a reverse effect.” I laughed it off and she was clearly joking. I hung around the table until it was time to enter the conference room for the main part of the workshop; she seemed to warm up to me.

Inside the room, everyone was seated facing a stage. I sat next to my friend Luis, who was an RA (Resident Assistant, for those who have never attended college.), and another RA, Kim. Luis was not surprised to learn that I was forced to attend; he sat close enough to notice that I had been drinking, and he let Kim in on my little secret. They were both a bit shocked that I would drink before this event, but I let them know it wasn’t planned.

This part of the workshop was basically just different testimonials from people who had their lives altered because of alcohol abuse. There were different stories told, mostly by members of MADD who had lost children in various alcohol related tragedies. I don’t remember much, but one story will always stay with me. One of the mothers walked up to the podium carrying a poster in her left hand. Her eyes were filled with tears and she did her best to keep her composure. She was talking about her son Mitch, who was killed by a drunk driver. As she was speaking, everyone in the room was teary-eyed, and she had to take pauses in order to find the strength to continue. I was very saddened by her story, but I couldn’t stop laughing; I had to keep my head in my arms so no one noticed. I didn’t think anything she was saying was humorous, but I was so drunk that her story wasn’t registering. I had random thoughts entering my mind and I couldn’t stop them; I really can’t explain why I was laughing. At the time, I tried my best to focus on her story but I just couldn’t; I’m just glad she didn’t notice me, because that would have been traumatic. (Kids, don’t drink and attend any MADD events, it will kill your buzz! Wait, that’s not it! I guess I mean to say, don’t drink!)

Oprah met me in the hallway after the workshop, and actually thanked me for attending. I assured her  she would not have to worry about me, and that there would be no more incidents. We became pretty good friends after the incident, and I kept up my end of the bargain. Not that I stopped drinking in the dorm, she just never caught me! (FRIEND ZONE like a motherfucker!)

~>Obviously, MADD is a great organization. I could never imagine what it would be like to lose a child because of a drunk driver, but I do find it interesting how quickly people are to judge the guilty. Each night, millions of Americans drive to bars, clubs, and restaurants; they drink themselves into a stupor, then drive home. In the morning, most of those people, who were guilty of driving drunk, will judge the few who were involved in fatal accidents. I’m not saying the killers are justified, but anyone who has ever driven drunk is just as guilty. (Just a thought!)<~