If This Actually Happened

Here is the Picture that everyone and their mother is posting. (It’s Facebook, so you know I’m being literal!)

People seem to find this picture to be inspirational, but I can’t stop laughing whenever I see it, which is almost daily! (Thanks to all my friends who keep me in tears!)

     Here is the conversation, if this picture actually happened:

(Doorbell rings.)

I open the door and see exactly what is pictured above.

Me: “Hell yes! I want to go to the toga party!”

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “Hello, friend. I am here to spread the word of the ‘lord’.”

Me: “Damn, when did Jehovah witnesses switch up the gear? I’m not with this cross-dressing shit; I liked the shirt and tie look better.”

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “I’m collecting for the Jehovah’s witnesses. May I come into your house and introduce you to the ways of the Lord!”

Me: “Sorry buddy, but I’m definitely not with that fugazi shit. I don’t care what you crazy guys are into, but I’m not ‘bout that life!”

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “I think you are mistaken; there is nothing fake about ‘the lord’. We are all ‘god’s’ children; do not reject his love.”

Me: “Tell your ‘god’ that I’m an atheist and I’m just not that into him.”

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “All people are children of ‘god.’ He loves atheist just the same. He placed you on this earth for a purpose.”

Me: “That’s great. My purpose is to be an atheist, so stop trying to convert me. This is what your ‘god’ wanted for me.”

The guy hands me a couple pamphlets.

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “Take these and learn about ‘the lord’.”

     Me: “The Watchtower? I’m all set; no thanks!”

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “Keep them and read whenever you find yourself in need of inspiration.”

Me: “How about you take your pamphlets and I watch you get the hell away from my doorstep?”

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “Why are you rejecting ‘god’?”

Me: “Are you slow? I already told you that I am an atheist. Go bother someone else with your nonsense.”

I take a look at the second pamphlet.

Me:Testigos de Jehova? Hey jackass, I’m Cape Verdean; not Hispanic.”

I extend my arm and attempt to hand over the pamphlets.

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “My friend, those are for you to keep.”

Me: “You know what, I will keep them; thanks!”

Crazy-Guy-In-A-White-Dress: “When you find it in your heart to accept ‘the lord,’ we will meet again.”

Me: “Excuse me for one second; I’ll be right back.”

I run into the kitchen and return to the door after grabbing a lighter. I light the pamphlets on fire and throw them to the ground.

Me: “Sorry pal, it looks like the devil is winning this round!”

The horrified man runs off.

[THE END]

I honestly can’t look at the picture without thinking that Jesus converted to the Jehovah’s Witness faith. I can understand if this post offends people, but if you should check your pulse if you didn’t at least chuckle! (It’s OK; your ‘lord’ will forgive you!)

I often hear people complain about the annoying Jehovah’s Witnesses, but they never seem to make it to my doorstep. I can’t wait to let the person into my house for a long conversation. I don’t have anything planned, but I’m sure it will be something worth recording!

I saw this online and thought I should share it.

This is a suggestion on how to get rid of Jehovah’s Witnesses:

Jehovah’s Witness: “Hello, I am here to collect for the Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

Response: “Great! I’m Jehovah; how much have we collected so far?”

Enjoy life’s many funny moments!

@PeteTeix617

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This Actually Happened – December 3rd, 2011

Bad Faith

     Usually, this entry is filled with some comical experience, but there is nothing funny about what I saw a couple days ago.  I enjoy watching documentaries; I am not ashamed to say that. (Just kidding! There is a name for people who don’t like documentaries; we call them dumbasses!) We live in a horrible world and I honestly would not want to bring a child into this place of evil. (To read more about my thoughts on having children, click the link: You Can Keep Your Legacy.) I found an interesting looking film called Tapestries of Hope. The film is a documentary by Michealene Cristini Risley, who traveled to Zimbabwe in hopes of shedding light on the epidemic occurring in the poorest nation in the world. AIDS is a widespread problem in the country, and the situation seems to be getting worse. There are many disturbing aspects of the footage, but the one thing which I found truly unconscionable is the role of the natural healers. The people believe that these healers have special powers and are able to talk to spirits. Men, of all ages, who are infected with AIDS travel to the natural healers to seek a cure for the deadly disease. They have faith in the power of the healers and most of the infected males are willing to do anything to continue living. (Proceed with caution! *****This is a warning!***** The method of healing is traumatic. I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t see the evidence!) The healers decided to spread the nonsense that pure virgin blood is the only cure for AIDS. They men actually believe that the blood will enter their bodies and cleanse their own blood of the disease. There are many ridiculous beliefs throughout the world and this one is no different, but the problem is how the men go about claiming their dosage of pure virgin blood. The disease-ridden men actually go around and rape innocent children. When I say young, I mean young. There was one documented case in which a newborn was raped. (I am certain the age given was one week!) There are countless three year-olds who fall victim to the attacks and plenty of thirteen year-olds who become pregnant. The rape is bad enough, but most of the girls contract the disease. One thirteen year-old, who was diagnosed with AIDS, delivered an infected baby. The baby died after a few weeks, from complications. The movie is arguably the most devastating thing I have ever seen. I’ve said it before; people can believe whatever they please, AS LONG AS NO ONE ELSE GETS INJURED! Faith is cool, but when some idiot comes up with a dangerous belief, people have to use common sense. Someone has to protect children; there is no “god” to watch over them! If you are able to find the film, I strongly recommend that you watch it; just be prepared to lose a little faith in humanity! I think a piece of me died while watching the documentary! BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

@PeteTeix617