My 2011 WordPress Experience


   This is my one hundred and ninetieth post, and I haven’t missed a day. I am proud of the fact that I always managed to create a daily entry; especially since I began writing in the summer. Don’t be afraid to read my first post: Why I Laugh. (There definitely were quite a few “inebriated posts!”)

     I would like to thank everyone who continues to support this site; my success has been a blessing from the “almighty.” If you know me, then you know I’m being facetious! (We all know there is no “big guy in the sky!”)

     Other than the great people (You know who you are!) who take the time to visit my site on a regular basis, my favorite 2011 WordPress memory happened at the beginning of December. That is the day I decided to search through the Blasphemy tags. To my amazement, one of my posts was the featured entry. I checked back daily, and the post continued to remain in the top position. Better yet, every time I tagged a new post with the word Blasphemy, the entry would replace my previous one as the featured post! (I am truly honored!)

     Prior to writing this entry, I searched through the Blasphemy posts and I am still the top dog. Even though the last time I used the tag was December 26th, my post, A Different Perspective, is the featured entry. It seems I have cornered the market when it comes to Blasphemy. (This atheist has something to tell the grandkids!)

***Just kidding; there will be no grandchildren! Read my post, You Can Keep Your Legacy, if you want to know why!***

     I started this blog because of some great advice that I came across; to be a writer, one must write every day! I figured since I need to write daily, I might as well create a blog. I never imagined that so many people would enjoy reading my work; the past (July is one…August is two…September is three…October is four…November is five…and December is six!) six months have been great!

     There were many days which I felt too lazy to write, but I always found the motivation whenever I thought about some of the comments that I have received throughout this experience! I look forward to continuing this endeavor for as long as my brain continues to function at a high level, properly, efficiently, work. (I am losing valuable brain cells at an alarming rate!)

     A hidden jewel is the spam blocker. Sometimes, new comments are sent to the spam folder so I check daily to make sure that everyone’s opinions are shared. There is one negative aspect about reading through the spam; some of the comments are overly flattering; I am often tempted to click the approve button. Here is an example of what the spammers write: “Fantastic goods from you, man. What Does That Even Mean | Wacky Pete’s Wicked & Wonderful Words of Wis-dumb I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you’re just extremely wonderful. I really like what you’ve acquired here, really like what you are stating and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still care for to keep it wise. I cant wait to read much more from you. This is really a terrific What Does That Even Mean | Wacky Pete’s Wicked & Wonderful Words of Wis-dumb informations.” (The grammar is usually bad, but flattering, nonetheless!)

     I also love the fact that my posts are easily accessible to people, all over the world. I received my year-end review, which gave a breakdown of the different locations where my blog has been read. I am proud to say that I have covered six of the seven continents. (I guess I’m not good enough for the people living in Antarctica!)

     There are many wonderful memories over the past six months, but I will end this post here.  This is moving week, and I feel overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done.

Congratulations to the Florida Gators for winning the big bowl game over Ohio State!!!



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This Actually Happened – December 17th, 2011

Her Favorite Thing

A few days ago, one of our regular customers entered the store with her three year-old son. After several minutes of shopping, he ventured on his own to a different aisle. A few seconds later, he began to yell, “Mommy, mommy, where are you?” His mother, along with everyone else in the store, heard him loud and clear. He continued to shout until she finally responded. “I’m over here!” Satisfied that he had her undivided attention, the boy yelled, “you forgot to buy your favorite thing!” She had no idea what he was talking about and didn’t answer. He repeated his statement and ran towards her. Once he arrived close enough to see his mother, the boy held up the “favorite thing:” it was a pack of maxi pads. She turned to look at her virtuous son, only to be horrified. “Go put that back; I don’t need it!” She hollered. The boy was persistent; he didn’t want his mother to forget her favorite thing. “You like this. You have to put it in your underwear!” He said matter factly. “Go put it back!” She ordered. This young mom was thoroughly embarrassed. The only thing missing was the voice over saying, “WANNA GET AWAY!” The boy, defeated, returned the package to its shelf; he was completely bewildered as to why his mother didn’t want her favorite thing. I did my best to act as if I didn’t witness the entire incident, but I am sure the mother was well aware that I didn’t miss a moment. Kids say the darndest things! BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

The Florida Gators continue to prepare for their January 2nd Bowl Game against the Ohio State Buckeyes!



     Tomorrow is December 18th, 2011. We all know what that means; the BIG game is upon us. I look forward to watching the Great Tim Tebow lead the MIGHTY Denver Broncos against the lowly New England Patsies; better known as the Brady Bunch! (To all New England fans, it’s time to change: Sha na na na, na na na na na, sha na na na na. Sha na na na, na na na na na, sha na na na na!

***Sunday at 4:15pm, is the deadline for Patsy fans to jump on the Broncos wagon!***

     Everyone is expecting a close game, but I just can’t see it happening. Am I mistaken, or did the Patsies struggle with some of three of the league’s worst teams? This game is going to be a complete blowout. The Broncos’ defense will come out and smack Tom Brady on the mouth, followed by Tim Tebow launching lasers to uncovered receivers. Eric Decker and Demaryius Thomas will have career games; I guarantee it! Willis McGahee will run for a buck fifty and the Broncos league leading run game will easily break two hundred yards on the ground! In a way, I am a tad bit disappointed by the fact that we will not get to see Tebow Time; there will be no need for a last minute comeback!

Don’t forget that we have the second coming of Jesus! I am not talking about Tim Tebow; Demaryius Thomas was born on Christmas Day!!! (Somehow, Jesus has returned even though he never existed!)

**Thanks to @EFidalgo12 for pointing out Thomas’ birthdate!**

To read about my history with the Denver Broncos, click the link: Bronco Life.

Here are some of the hard facts:  

Brady is 1-6 against the Broncos. (We just don’t lose to the Patsies; I have no idea why people can’t face reality!)

Take a look at the Patsies in there last three games:

Patsies 38 – Eagles 20 currently ranked 27th (4-9) *Michael Vick did not play*

Patsies 31— Colts 24 currently ranked 32nd (0-13)

Paties 34 – Redskins 27 currently ranked 21st (5-8)

The most telling fact: The Patsies are dead last in total defense. Ranked 32!!!

My Prediction: Broncos 38 – Patsies 14

This will be one of the most enjoyable sporting events of my life.

***SPOILER ALERT: Celebratory post, coming Monday!***

Be sure to check back tomorrow for a preview of next week’s posts!




This Actually Happened – December 10th, 2011

The previous edition of This Actually Happened dealt with a dreadful topic, and failed to provide the usual laughs. For this week’s post, I will share two stories in an effort to make up for ruining anyone’s enjoyment of a random Saturday night drunken hookup!

Wow That’s Small

Making online purchases has many perks, but there are some drawbacks. First, the more people shop for goods on the internet, the fewer jobs will be available. There is also the problem of not being able to fully inspect the product before it arrives. Things don’t always go as smoothly as one may hope. I’m sure by now, everyone is familiar with the bestselling personal finance book of all time, Rich Dad Poor Dad: What The Rich Teach their Kids by Robert Kiyosaki. My cousin decided to purchase a copy, but instead of going to the bookstore, which is what I am all about, he elected to buy the book online. Most sites offer copies for around ten bucks, and my cousin chose He was ready to make the purchase until he noticed a special offer; there was a copy for only two dollars. Who the heck wouldn’t take that offer? He bought the book and awaited its arrival. How great it must have felt to save some money; most people love bargains. He received the package and opened it. He couldn’t believe his eyes; the book was ridiculously tiny. Not only was it super small, but his copy was an abridged version. This is why online will never replace the bookstore experience! BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

Paying The Toll

Thursday evening, I received a call from @EFidalgo12, in which we discussed a few job opportunities. He works in downtown Boston and enjoys an easy commute; our neighborhood is a short drive from the heart of the city. The conversation was winding down, when out of nowhere he yelled, “FUCK!” He repeated the word two more times before I asked, what. His reply was music to my ears. He said, “I just got on the fucking pike!” Elation over took me and I cheered as if the great Tim Tebow scored another game-winning touchdown. He repeated his wonderful expression, once more, and I said, “I have to go!” There would be no quick and easy drive on this “Thirsty Thursday!” I held back my laughter and exclaimed, “enjoy the toll!” For those of you who do not live in the Greater Boston area, allow me to elaborate. There are several ramps which lead to the Massachusetts Turnpike. When navigating the city streets, motorists must be careful to avoid these entrances. I’m pretty sure every driver has made the mistake at least once. There are absolutely zero exits from the city, until one arrives at the Brighton tolls. This has to be the most annoying mistake a driver can make. I don’t have any statistics to back up my claim, but I am sure that this mistake is the reason why most Boston drivers are assholes! BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

     The Gators are preparing for their January 1st bowl game against the Buckeyes. (The game has been dubbed “The Urban Meyer Bowl!”)


     Be sure to check back tomorrow for a preview of next week’s posts! (I will introduce a new weekly entry for Mondays!)


Coming this week (21)

I will write a post about Thanksgiving Day. It will be my 150th!

My review of Lee Strobel’s book will also be posted. Did I become a believer? (My review of Penn Jillette’s book can be read here: I Read A Book And I Liked It.)


Due to the fact that Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos destroyed the Jets on Thursday, tomorrow will be a boring Sunday! (Do your best to make it through the day!)


For those of you who have yet to view the Lee Corso video, here is a link. ENJOY!!!





Coming this week (15)

I will write my thoughts on a well known quote. Why do people say, “The good die young?”

I also plan on discussing my views on the pimp game. Is it wrong?

Don’t forget to check back Friday for Episode three in the Bagging Up series.The guys will visit James in Jail!

My parents decided to leave the country for an extended vacation. That means three weeks of hell with me manning the fort; six 11-hour days a week. (1 week down, 2 to go!) I will attempt to go on an adventure this Sunday and hopefully I can write a post about my experience. We’ll see what happens.


I still love the Gators!!!

Enjoy your Sunday. I know I will!



Coming this week (14) Plus More

As far as the Friday series is concerned, I have taken some of the suggestions into consideration and I will attempt to continue the current story. I feel like the story has a lot of potential and I don’t want to be a quitter; a flop, one episode does not make! I accept the challenge to create an entertaining story; if the next episode fails to deliver, I will move on to a new series. I think I found a solution to the problem of too many characters, and the fact that the Gators lost on Saturday will lessen the role of college football.

The Gators lost yesterday, but I have too many goals for me to be upset. I know that I may seem like a crazy sports fanatic but at the end of the day, sports are for entertainment purposes only!

There will be no letter on Monday’s post. I don’t see the point of writing a letter to a nonexistent being. (The letter would have been funny!) My first thought was to write an angry letter, but then I realized that it would have come off as bitter and not funny. The second version would have been a thank you letter. I was going to thank “god” for choosing Alabama over Florida and thank him for allowing our quarterback, John Brantley to be injured. I was also going to quote from the Bible and thank “god” for some of the evil deeds which he performed. That letter would have been good, but I’m not upset.

I never understand why fans turn their phones off when their teams lose. I actually enjoy reading the clever ways that people come up with to tell me that my team sucks. I am always ready to dish out the trash talk, but I am also a willing recipient. I understand the nature of being a fan.

It is my belief that the Gators will rebound and come back stronger than ever. The future is bright and I look forward to watching the team win many National Championships in the future. In a way, the loss is a good thing. I have set some lofty goals for the next several months and I will be able to focus on my writing.

The first goal is basically just a formality. I received a notice from which announced a challenge to bloggers. It’s called postaday and the goal is for writers to post every single day. I signed up and added a badge to my page blog, but nothing will change since I have been posting daily since the sites inception. (It’ll be great for people to pledge to the new challenge that I created for this blog. It’s called readaday! *WINK*)

The second challenge is to authors. November is National Novel Writing Month, and there is a challenge issued to writers from all around the globe. The goal is to write a 50,000 word novel during the month of November. This is the first time I heard about the competition and I will participate. I already have several book ideas and I will choose one of the outlines for this challenge. About 1600 words a day isn’t really a daunting task, so I feel confident that I will complete the goal.

The main challenge will be finding the time to keep up with the blog, write a second script with @Efidalgo12, make edits to my novel, while participating in NANOWRIMO.

Sports teams will always let you down; it’s inevitable. Enjoy the good times and suffer through the bad times. My red tail catfish, on the other hand, will never let me down. Shamu continues to grow at a rapid rate and his appetite is increasing as well. A few days ago, I placed 4 more Cray fish into the tank and they were gone by the morning. For some strange reason, he refuses to eat the remaining three feeders. I’m sure they will be consumed soon…we’ll see!


Blimp View of Shamu (Blimps are expensive!)

Shamu Relaxing

Have a great Sunday and GO GATORS!



The Sports Effect

I can’t imagine a world without sports. There are good days and bad days for sports fans. Yesterday was a great day. The only thing that makes me happier than watching my favorite team win, is watching a hated rival lose. (I honestly think I hate the Patriots more than I like the Broncos!)


     I am lucky to be surrounded by a bunch of sports fanatics. Every single weekend is filled with text messages, Facebook updates, tweets, e-mails and phone calls. We also meet in person and torture one another. Sports are great, but without other sports-nuts, the victories and losses wouldn’t mean as much! (Thanks to all of the men and women, in my life, who love and support their teams! I truly love you guys!)

If you’re one of those people who believes sports aren’t necessary or “not that serious,” you’re missing out. The victorious highs and crushing lows are can only be understood by a true fan. Don’t be a person who doesn’t have a favorite team. Pick a squad to support and live and die with them. (There is no thrill in jumping from team to team. Fake fans sicken me!)

Being a Denver fan has been great, but a funny thing happened during my trip to the Giants game. (To learn about my history as a Broncos fan, read the post from August 23rd, ‘A Bronco Life.’) Football fans know that my beloved Broncos lost to the New York Football Giants in Super bowl twenty one. It was a horrible day for me, but not big deal; the Broncos have won two Super Bowls since. The loss doesn’t come up anymore, but it’s funny how life unfolds.

Living in Boston, I have never had the desire to attend a Patriots’ game. The thought of being surrounded by sixty thousand screaming New England fans sounds like hell on earth. (I would much rather pay to have unprotected sex with a pro-life crack-whore prostitute and get her pregnant, than step foot inside Gillette Stadium during a Pat’s game!)

I have attended college games and I look forward to living in Gainesville for at least one Gators’ season, but Monday Night was my first NFL game. It was a great experience, which you can read about in September 27th’s post, but there was one part of the festivities that ruined my night. As luck would have it, the Giants’ front office decided to wait until my first game to honor the team from Super Bowl XXI. I had to endure excruciating highlight after excruciating highlight from the game; reliving those painful memories was pure torture. They even had a halftime presentation with all of the Giants’ “greats!” It was almost as if the night’s events were planned to piss me off. (If there is a “god,” he is clearly not happy with me!) *There is no “god!”*

Witnessing your favorite team win a championship can have different effects. The Red Sox won in 2004 and 2007. I love the team but I am content; I can go another decade without a championship. It’s weird, I don’t even hate the Yankees as much as I used to. Don’t get me wrong, I still hate the Yankees. (I’ll always hate the Yankees!)

I am also content with the Denver Broncos. They won back to back Super Bowls and I can always relive the glory days. If they have a few bad years, the franchise has earned it. I believe the great John Elway will construct a winning team. (I guess watching the Patsies choke year after year fulfills my NFL needs!)

The Gators, on the other hand, are a completely different story. I have no patience with them. I literally need the team to win every year. The Gators won in 1996, 2006 and 2008, but I want many more National Titles.  (This year looks like a championship year!) If we lose to Alabama on Saturday, I will be super depressed. I will take out all of my anger on “god.” I am dead serious. If the Crimson Tide upset the Gators this week, Monday’s post will be a scathing letter in which I blame “god” for the loss and ask him “Why do you hate me?” (I guess if you like “god,” you should root for the Gators to win!)

There are fans for who sports is a way of life; they are even more serious than I am. Statistics show that the day following Super Bowl Sunday has the highest number of spousal abuse incidents. In no way am I condoning such behavior, I am merely stating a fact. (Men don’t like to watch their teams lose the Super Bowl!) *Let the record show; I have suffered through three Super Bowl losses with the Broncos and have never laid hands on a woman!*

The Tobin Bridge is where you will be able to watch thousands of Red Sox fans commit suicide if they don’t make the playoffs this year. I was prepared to jump in 2004 but, thankfully, the team rallied and shocked the world. (Don’t forget, the Boston Herald labeled the 2011 team, “Boston’s best ever.” Talk about high expectations, it was April and they hadn’t even won a game yet!)

Patriots’ fans can be seen jumping from the Tobin Bridge in either late December or early January. I’ll be there with my camcorder to record the Patsy faithful, jumping to their respective deaths! (**Spoiler alert** If you like people jumping from bridges, check back tomorrow for my post on bullying and suicide!)

My Sunday was already great. The Gators destroyed Kentucky, Miami lost to lowly K-State, and Florida State lost to Clemson. The Broncos lost, but I was pleased with the way the team played. Realistically, we have no business competing; star players Champ Bailey, DJ Williams, Elvis Dumervil, Eddie Royal, and Knowshon Moreno didn’t play. The Patsies jumped out to a big lead, only to choke on the big-fat-one and allow the Bills to come back and win. Thanks to Jacoby Ellsbury’s three-run homer in the 14th inning, the Sox beat the Yankees! (We all love that dirty water!)

In most sports, Big losses can ruin a person’s day. But one big loss in college football can ruin a season. Teams that lose twice can kiss the year good-bye! (Suicide-watch warning: If you know any Miami or FSU fans, please keep a close eye on them!) The only remedy for a loss is a win, unless the team loses in historic fashion like the Patsies did yesterday; those losses can last a lifetime. For all of my Facebook friends and Twitter followers, I have changed my picture; the photo is of my new hero; Bills’ kicker Rian Lindell. Just in case you are having a great day, I’ll be posting random bullshit comments, just to keep the kicker’s image fresh in your heads. ENJOY!!! (Don’t be a coward and block me!)

Being a diehard fan is serious business. True fans care for their teams like people care for their dogs. Well, normal people not Michael Vick! Guys will actually turn down sex for sports. Here is a tip for any lady who wants to know how much her boyfriend cares for her. Find out when his favorite team has a big game, and surprise him with plans for some girly date. If he misses the game for you, keep him! (A word of caution: this can be a wonderful relationship strengthening experience, but it can also be very revealing; he may not be that into you. GOOD LUCK!) It’s important to remember, there will always be another girl but there is only one favorite team! (I wouldn’t miss a big Gators game for anything, not even a close family members’ funeral; the cemetery isn’t going anywhere!)

**Please be courteous and schedule personal celebrations around big sporting events. Saturdays and Sundays, during football season, will only ensure that most guys will not show up! If your birthday or anniversary falls on the night of a big game, tough shit; either incorporate the sporting event into the theme of the party, or celebrate the following day! Don’t be selfish and inconsiderate!**

My love of sports is one of the reasons I don’t want children. If I had to miss a big Gators’ game because my kid had to be rushed to the hospital or any other insignificant reason, I would lose my mind. I’m sure children are wonderful, but I haven’t met a kid yet who is worth missing a big game for. I’m not saying I wouldn’t miss a game against Vanderbilt, but when it comes to the tough rivalry games, I just can’t do it. (I am way too selfish to have a child!)

I am also too selfish to be in a relationship. I think I could only be happy with a woman who loves college football. She would be the only one who could understand the way I feel. HMMM, I think I just stumbled upon a great business idea.


     The site will be great. People of all ages and sexual preferences will be able to meet others who have an interest in the same sports as they do. Each profile will display the individuals’ level of fanaticism. People can match up with a person who loves sports exactly the same amount as they do. (I honestly think this is a great idea. If anyone reads this and actually creates the site, I want a ten percent creator’s fee! It’s only fair!)

Never mind! The Domain name is already taken and I just Googled “dating for sports fans;” I happened upon an existing site; My profile is going up as soon as I am done with this post! (I know she is out there!)

Special thanks to the Bills and GO GATORS!!!



Coming this week (13)

For this week’s entries:

I will post an e-mail to a friend which I sent following an “interesting” experience that occurred in 1999. This post will show that my style of storytelling has been with me for years. I actually wrote these for sheer fun!

I’ll also discuss bullying. Is it a rite of passage, or unnecessary? Maybe it’s both!


Yesterday, I mentioned something about an update. Here it is:

     Shamu is growing at a rapid pace. His appetite is out of control. Thank “god” he is not religious, because he would be going straight to hell. I’ve never seen a bigger commandment breaker. He steals the algae pellets that we place in the tank for the Pleco, murders most of his tank mates, and eats like a gluttonous NFL offensive lineman at a dinner buffet. Watching him eat is like watching a maid vacuum a dirty rug. He literally engulfs everything in sight. His name should be Hoover!

Surprisingly, one of the feeders at the top of picture 21, in August 20th’s post, remains alive. I have no idea how he is still with us. The Pleco is also in the tank. Unfortunately, the twins didn’t make it. (RIP)

Shamu loves to eat krill (They are frozen and have to be defrosted.), live fish, pellets, flakes, bloodworms (Same process as krill.), frozen fish (ditto), and live worms. The worms are fairly large and come in a small container filled with dirt; they have to remain in the fridge. I use a plastic spoon to scoop them out and place them into the tank. It’s pretty nasty, but fun to watch! The live fish simply swim at the top of the tank until they are eaten. (Survival of the Fittest at it’s very best!)

We also place some live Cray fish into the tank. They are larger than the blue Crays pictured in the last post, but they are a welcome treat. The first time, I placed two of the Crays into the tank and they were fairly aggressive; you would think they bought the tank. The Crays walked wherever they wanted and didn’t seem fazed by the presence of the large serial killer. (Let’s be honest, Shamu has killed more than Troy Davis!) TOO SOON?

After a couple hours, one of the Crays was “missing.” The other one must have witnessed the carnage because he ran to the corner and hid. He eventually dug a hole under a rock and stayed there for several days. I thought he was smart enough to survive, but nature took its course and Shamu caught him slipping. He is no longer with us. (Damn shame what happened to that crustacean!) I’ll continue to place more Cray fish in the tank because it’s best to give the Red tail a varied diet.

Until next time…

**Soon, Shamu will be eating live mice!**

Latest picture of Shamu

Cray fish: hiding behind rock to avoid Shamu


For those who don’t know, the state of Florida has three storied college football teams. The only problem is the fact that the University of Miami and Florida State University have reached the end of their respective stories. The University of Florida is the lone remaining dominant school.

This season was supposed to be the revival for the other two schools. All I heard from their fans is how they are “back!” Turns out I was right; they are not back. If anything, they have regressed! The Gators remain undefeated (4-0) with blowout wins and the nation’s best run defense. How good is the run-D? In the game against our hated rivals, the University of Tennessee, the Volunteers finished the game with a total of negative nine (-9) rushing yards.

Our coaching staff is the best and our players are the most talented. Unlike other schools we play straight up and smack teams in the mouth. We’re not like the scrubs in Tallahassee and Coral Gables. They play run defense like @Efidalgo12’s future wife, there are always at least eight guys in the box! (Enjoy that one and reuse it; it’s my gift!)

Miami is 2-2, with losses to MARY-land and Kansas State. (In case you were wondering, those teams suck!) Florida State lost, at home, to a tough Clemson team and to Oklahoma. Great teams have to win those tough home games. The Seminoles are also 2-2.

Florida 48 – Kentucky 10

BIG game next week; Alabama is coming to town. GO GATORS!

Enjoy this wonderful football Sunday and thanks for the continued support!



Most people get confused when it comes to the topic of sportsmanship. The term has nothing to do with the score. Sportsmanship is about how you treat the opponent; competitors should always shake hands after the contest and say, “good game.” You can even help an opponent get up after a play is over, during a football game. That is all that sportsmanship encompasses.

For this post, I will focus on football. I can only enjoy a really close game with a great finish, or a big embarrassing blowout; running up the score is not unsportsmanlike. The only place where running up the score should be frowned upon is in Pop Warner football. Even then, running up the score should be the option of the coach. Personally, I would run up the score every chance I got. (Don’t tell me the kids don’t want to run up the score. My nephew was extremely proud when his team blew out the opponent 46-0!)

I support running up the score because there are many players on each team who put in a lot of hard work during the week and they deserve to get in during “garbage time.” These backups also deserve to run the same plays as the starters; they want to score too! Running up the score can also be a great way to send a message to the next opponent. No one wants to play against the team that scored 70 in their previous game; the psychological effects are immeasurable. The losing team will understand that they do not belong on the field and the next opponent will have some fear. Plus, recruits want to play for a coach who will put up the big numbers. (Chicks dig touchdowns!)

NFL players are paid way too much money to cry about an opponent running up the score; man up and play some defense.  In college, running up the score is a necessity. The entire season is contingent on each teams ranking. The best way to impress voters is to have as many blow out victories as possible. (Any coach who avoids running up the score is placing his team at a disadvantage.)

Last year, former Florida Gators coach Urban Meyer allowed a walk-on senior defensive lineman to carry the ball three times while the team was on the goal line. The kid, a hard worker, was rewarded on senior day, and Meyer didn’t care about running up the score. (It doesn’t get classier than that.)

Meyer also had a great way of answering any disrespectful behavior. During a rivalry game against Georgia, the Gators were embarrassed. After scoring the first touchdown of the game, the entire Georgia bench ran into the end zone and celebrated. The following year, the Gators were up big against Georgia and instead of allowing the clock to run out, Meyer called timeouts to prolong the game.

Also, it is important to remember that the games are sixty minutes long. Players should give it their best until the final whistle blows. If you don’t want the other team to run up the score, play better defense. There are too many instances in which one team amounts a big lead, then they decide to shut it down and are forced to work hard to avoid an epic comeback. (RUN IT UP!)

My favorite coach of all time is Steve Spurrier. While he was at Florida, he constantly ran up the score. He is known as “the old ball coach.” I believe the moniker was given to him because his teams scored more than basketball squads. Not only did Spurrier constantly run up the score, but he did a little trash talking at the press conferences. Here are a couple of his best lines:

“You can’t spell Citrus without U-T.” UT stands for Tennessee, one of Florida’s rivals. The second place team in the SEC East usually went to the Citrus bowl.

“But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.” There was a fire at Auburn’s football dorm which destroyed 20 books.

Spurrier was notorious for running up the score. Whenever the Gators failed to score at least 60 points, I felt as if we didn’t play well. (Yes, I said we. I am “one of those fans”!) The best Steve Spurrier story came in the Sugar bowl against FSU for the national title in 1996. The Gators were ranked number one in the country but lost to number four Florida State in the regular season. During the FSU celebration, one of the Florida student assistants was trampled. The Gators moved back to the top of the rankings after winning the conference championship the following week.  The two teams played a rematch in the National Title game in the Sugar Bowl.

Spurrier promised the assistant that he would do his best to get revenge. True to his word, the Gators blew out the Seminoles by a score of 52-20. Spurrier was shown on the sidelines urging his players to run up the score. (He literally gave the run-it-up signal.) At one point, the assistant asked Spurrier to score more and he replied, “I’m trying son!” (Greatest coach ever!)

The Old Ball Coach & Gator Great Danny Wuerffel

     I feel the scoring was justified, especially since the Gators lost by a score of 62-24 in the previous season’s Championship game against Nebraska. I had to endure every single excruciating moment. Sometimes every team is on the business end of an ass-whooping. (For me, the Nebraska game was “good times!” As you can probably imagine, my phone didn’t stop ringing during that blowout.)

One of my favorite stories concerning running up the score happened on ESPN Sunday Night Football. The Vikings were playing the Seahawks and everything went wrong for Minnesota. The Vikings were down 35 points in the first half and commentator Mike Patrick said, “if you are just tuning in, the game recap is simple, the Seahawks won the toss and elected to kick the bejesus out of the Vikings!” (It was classic!)

Another favorite blow out game happened last year in the PAC 10 conference; USC was playing Stanford. For those who don’t know, USC has a history of dominating the conference and blowing teams out. Last year, Stanford was the better team and coach Jim Harbaugh decided to go for a two point conversion at the end of the game. No big deal except for the fact that Stanford won 55-21. USC coach Pete Carroll approached Harbaugh after the game and asked, “What’s your deal?”

Honestly, I have no idea why Carroll was angry. USC destroyed Stanford by a score of 66-19 in 2005. Harbaugh had the best possible response to Carroll’s question. He simply said, “What’s your deal?” (One of the best endings ever!)

Hands down, my favorite football moment of all time is not only funny, but a little racist. (OK, maybe it’s a lot racist!) The incident happened during a game on ESPN. I can’t remember the game but one team’s running backs were gaining a lot of yards and a commentator said, ‘’These guys are running like they’re the Denver Broncos.” This game happened in the early 2000’s when the Broncos had the league’s best run attack. Every year, no matter who the running back was, Denver put up big numbers. (I truly miss the good Old days!)

The other commentator replied, “No one runs like Denver. You can put a Puerto Rican back there and he’ll gain a thousand yards!” This was before DVR and I have searched high and low to find the footage, to no avail. (One day, I will find the tape!)

For those of you who are fans of running up the score, be sure to tune-in to the last game of the season between Florida and Florida State. The Gators were on a seven game win streak in the “rivalry”, before finally losing last year. To celebrate their victory, the Seminoles fans decided it was a good idea to pay for a banner to be flown above the stadium during the Gators’ spring game. The banner featured the score of last year’s game, 31-7, and the plane circled the stadium for an hour. (The Seminoles are idiots. Payback will be a bitch on her period!)