Super Bowl Or Bust, from March 19th, 2012!
GO #1 BRONCOS!!!
Not My Fantasy, from August 24th, 2011!
Coming this week, I will release a secret White House video! (If I am arrested by the Secret Service, for some random trumped up charge, I didn’t do it!)
This post is not what you thing; I don’t care about the real referees coming back. I honestly don’t understand why everyone is excited to have professionals get the call wrong instead of the replacements. (I must have missed the perfect games that were officiated by Hochuli and his gang of zebras!)
My enthusiasm comes from the agreement between the NFL and Time Warner cable.
For years, citizens of New York City and Los Angeles were left in the dark when games aired on the NFL Network. For some reason, the two companies could not agree on a covenant. (Football is my only religion! ORANGE AND BLUE!)
Previously, I couldn’t care less about this dispute because I wasn’t affected (Apathy is the American way!)
Here is how the previous dispute impacted my life:
When we moved to Los Angeles the obvious choice for our viewing pleasure was DirecTV. (Our house is a Broncos home and we need the NFL Sunday Ticket!) Unfortunately, our apartment is located in an area of the building that is not satellite dish friendly. The DirecTV associate said that we could get the regular system, but not the HD box. Personally, I don’t need the HD quality programming, but I live in a world of “Jones-keeping-up-with” and the decision was out of my hands!
We turned to Time Warner, thinking the company was owned by a red-blooded American, but we were wrong. Unbeknownst to us, the CEO is a dumbass! At least he (Or she. I’m not sexist!) was a dumbass!
We didn’t have access to most preseason games, no access to the REDZONE channel (That one still hurts!), and we didn’t get to watch any of the Thursday Night games. Not knowing what to do, we turned to the football gods and made a sacrifice. (There are thousands of homeless people in Los Angeles and I’m sure no one will miss the vagrant that we disposed of!)
***Speaking of vagrants, let me go off on a little tangent. Earlier this year, I came up with a brilliant plan to deal with the homeless people who beg for change. I am not burdened with the guilt that hovers over religious people so I don’t feel the need to care for the “Lazies!” Whenever someone asked me for spare change, I always replied, “sorry, I only have my debit card.” (For the most part, I was telling the truth!) My plan was fool proof, until recently. I stopped at a gas station mini mart to purchase a cold beverage and snack, when I was approached by one of the lazies. He asked for some spare change and I hit him with the standard line. His reply was priceless. “That’s cool; grab me a bag of chips then!” He said. I found his response to be quite amusing, so I grabbed him a bag of chips! (Laughter is a great way to earn an honest day’s handout!)***
The football gods were pleased with our sacrificial offering. We now have the NFL Network and the REDZONE channel! (I can’t wait to kill, I mean sacrifice another homeless individual when the Broncos go to Foxboro to destroy the Patsies! In fact, I’m going to sacrifice two people just to be safe! You know those deities love murder!)
With the universe back in order, I can now enjoy all that the NFL has to offer! Thanks to the CEO of Time Warner for getting his head out of his ass and finally providing the NFL Network! (I can’t think of anything that is more un-American and treasonous than owning a cable company that doesn’t provide access to football games! Why Obama didn’t deploy Seal Team 6 to that jackass’ house, is a mystery to me!)
There is no correlation. Success in sports takes hard work and dedication, while religion is simply based on an overactive imagination. (It’s really for the children!)
The Great Tim Tebow has it right. He is a religious individual, who follows what he believes. I love when religious people say, “Tebow is too much.” (I thought there was no limit to how much people are supposed to love their “god!”)
For the non-religious people who are bothered by Tebow’s faith proclamations, I understand why they are annoyed, but the so called religious people seem to be half-assing it when it comes to their faith; I don’t think they understand what is going on. Tebow clearly gets it.
Don’t be one of those idiots who thinks Tebow is actually thanking his “god” for helping him win the game. He is simply praising his “lord and savior” for allowing him to remain healthy; he knows that his imaginary friend who “reigns from Heaven above, with wisdom, power, and love” is not helping him win games. (Please allow the guy to believe whatever nonsense he wants to believe in!)
Tom Brady does the same thing; he believes men should wear UGG boots and he shouts it from the mountain tops. Like Tebow’s belief in “god,” I don’t agree with Brady’s endorsement of UGG boots, but who is to say, that he love of feminine footwear is too much? (If the guy wants to be a cross-dresser, let the guy do his thing!)
When David Ortiz hits a homerun and points to the sky, he is simply praising the jealous guy in the sky that he believes in; he is not thanking some all-powerful being for helping him hit the homerun. Please take the time to distinguish between athletes who praise a nonexistent being and the ones who believe that their success comes from the assistant of a “god.”
One aspect of sports that may cross the line is when players talk about winning a championship in honor of someone who is dead, or someone with a terminal illness. I don’t mind the fact that the Patsies wore patches on their shirts, in honor of their owner’s late wife, Myra. The problem I have is when players and fans talk about, “Myra is helping the team win, or Myra is watching over the team and giving the players strength.” I would honestly like for one if these idiots to please explain to me, why the Patsies lost, if Myra caused Billy Cundiff to miss an easy field goal. (Listening to such nonsensical thought makes me want to drive to the top of Mulholland drive and steer the car off of the cliff!)
When it comes to sports, religion is neither here nor there. (What a dumb saying. Obviously it has to be one of the two; if you are not here, then you are there!)
By the way, I prayed for “the lord” to help the Giants win. MY “GOD” IS AN AWESOME “GOD!”
For the greatest religious song of all time, check out this video. AWESOME
Sunday October 9th, 2011 was a low point for the Denver Broncos faithful. The team suffered another gut wrenching loss to the San Diego Chargers’ the Broncos were 1-4. To make matters worse, our quarterback was Kyle Orton. The organization failed to make the prudent decision and start the Great Tim Tebow. (I honestly gave up hope!)
Everything changed a couple days later; Head Coach John Fox saw the light and benched Orton. Tim Tebow was finally given the opportunity to prove himself. Many idiots questioned the move, but as a Gators fan, I knew better. There was no doubt in my mind that Tim Tebow would lead us to the promise land. (I am not referring to the playoffs; the Broncos are going to win the Super Bowl!)
Tebow proved all of the doubters wrong and won six out of the next seven games. On Sunday January 1st, 2012 the Broncos, led by their fearless leader captured the AFC West Championship! Most Broncos fans are happy with the results, to date, but I know what is on the horizon; Tebow is unstoppable!
Anyone can sit here and say, “I knew Tebow was great,” but I have proof. Not only did I predict Tebow’s success, I coined the phenomenon known as Tebow Time!
***For proof, read my post written on the Saturday before Tim Tebow’s first start against the Dolphins! This Actually Happened – October 15th, 2011 (ESPN owes me a few dollars!)***
First, the Broncos will destroy the Pittsburgh Steelers; I’ll watch from the West Side! To Patsy nation; keep your phones and social media profiles, ON! Once we remove the Steelers from Championship contention; the Broncos will head to Foxboro and take apart the Brady Bunch! (I may have to fly back for that game!)
This is truly the most exciting time of the year!!!
Question of the day: With Flynn’s performance yesterday, is Rogers overrated?
I hope everyone enjoyed bringing in the New Year; I know I had blast!
It’s Tebow Time!!!
I can’t imagine a world without sports. There are good days and bad days for sports fans. Yesterday was a great day. The only thing that makes me happier than watching my favorite team win, is watching a hated rival lose. (I honestly think I hate the Patriots more than I like the Broncos!)
***THANK YOU BUFFALO BILLS!!!***
I am lucky to be surrounded by a bunch of sports fanatics. Every single weekend is filled with text messages, Facebook updates, tweets, e-mails and phone calls. We also meet in person and torture one another. Sports are great, but without other sports-nuts, the victories and losses wouldn’t mean as much! (Thanks to all of the men and women, in my life, who love and support their teams! I truly love you guys!)
If you’re one of those people who believes sports aren’t necessary or “not that serious,” you’re missing out. The victorious highs and crushing lows are can only be understood by a true fan. Don’t be a person who doesn’t have a favorite team. Pick a squad to support and live and die with them. (There is no thrill in jumping from team to team. Fake fans sicken me!)
Being a Denver fan has been great, but a funny thing happened during my trip to the Giants game. (To learn about my history as a Broncos fan, read the post from August 23rd, ‘A Bronco Life.’) Football fans know that my beloved Broncos lost to the New York Football Giants in Super bowl twenty one. It was a horrible day for me, but not big deal; the Broncos have won two Super Bowls since. The loss doesn’t come up anymore, but it’s funny how life unfolds.
Living in Boston, I have never had the desire to attend a Patriots’ game. The thought of being surrounded by sixty thousand screaming New England fans sounds like hell on earth. (I would much rather pay to have unprotected sex with a pro-life crack-whore prostitute and get her pregnant, than step foot inside Gillette Stadium during a Pat’s game!)
I have attended college games and I look forward to living in Gainesville for at least one Gators’ season, but Monday Night was my first NFL game. It was a great experience, which you can read about in September 27th’s post, but there was one part of the festivities that ruined my night. As luck would have it, the Giants’ front office decided to wait until my first game to honor the team from Super Bowl XXI. I had to endure excruciating highlight after excruciating highlight from the game; reliving those painful memories was pure torture. They even had a halftime presentation with all of the Giants’ “greats!” It was almost as if the night’s events were planned to piss me off. (If there is a “god,” he is clearly not happy with me!) *There is no “god!”*
Witnessing your favorite team win a championship can have different effects. The Red Sox won in 2004 and 2007. I love the team but I am content; I can go another decade without a championship. It’s weird, I don’t even hate the Yankees as much as I used to. Don’t get me wrong, I still hate the Yankees. (I’ll always hate the Yankees!)
I am also content with the Denver Broncos. They won back to back Super Bowls and I can always relive the glory days. If they have a few bad years, the franchise has earned it. I believe the great John Elway will construct a winning team. (I guess watching the Patsies choke year after year fulfills my NFL needs!)
The Gators, on the other hand, are a completely different story. I have no patience with them. I literally need the team to win every year. The Gators won in 1996, 2006 and 2008, but I want many more National Titles. (This year looks like a championship year!) If we lose to Alabama on Saturday, I will be super depressed. I will take out all of my anger on “god.” I am dead serious. If the Crimson Tide upset the Gators this week, Monday’s post will be a scathing letter in which I blame “god” for the loss and ask him “Why do you hate me?” (I guess if you like “god,” you should root for the Gators to win!)
There are fans for who sports is a way of life; they are even more serious than I am. Statistics show that the day following Super Bowl Sunday has the highest number of spousal abuse incidents. In no way am I condoning such behavior, I am merely stating a fact. (Men don’t like to watch their teams lose the Super Bowl!) *Let the record show; I have suffered through three Super Bowl losses with the Broncos and have never laid hands on a woman!*
The Tobin Bridge is where you will be able to watch thousands of Red Sox fans commit suicide if they don’t make the playoffs this year. I was prepared to jump in 2004 but, thankfully, the team rallied and shocked the world. (Don’t forget, the Boston Herald labeled the 2011 team, “Boston’s best ever.” Talk about high expectations, it was April and they hadn’t even won a game yet!)
Patriots’ fans can be seen jumping from the Tobin Bridge in either late December or early January. I’ll be there with my camcorder to record the Patsy faithful, jumping to their respective deaths! (**Spoiler alert** If you like people jumping from bridges, check back tomorrow for my post on bullying and suicide!)
My Sunday was already great. The Gators destroyed Kentucky, Miami lost to lowly K-State, and Florida State lost to Clemson. The Broncos lost, but I was pleased with the way the team played. Realistically, we have no business competing; star players Champ Bailey, DJ Williams, Elvis Dumervil, Eddie Royal, and Knowshon Moreno didn’t play. The Patsies jumped out to a big lead, only to choke on the big-fat-one and allow the Bills to come back and win. Thanks to Jacoby Ellsbury’s three-run homer in the 14th inning, the Sox beat the Yankees! (We all love that dirty water!)
In most sports, Big losses can ruin a person’s day. But one big loss in college football can ruin a season. Teams that lose twice can kiss the year good-bye! (Suicide-watch warning: If you know any Miami or FSU fans, please keep a close eye on them!) The only remedy for a loss is a win, unless the team loses in historic fashion like the Patsies did yesterday; those losses can last a lifetime. For all of my Facebook friends and Twitter followers, I have changed my picture; the photo is of my new hero; Bills’ kicker Rian Lindell. Just in case you are having a great day, I’ll be posting random bullshit comments, just to keep the kicker’s image fresh in your heads. ENJOY!!! (Don’t be a coward and block me!)
Being a diehard fan is serious business. True fans care for their teams like people care for their dogs. Well, normal people not Michael Vick! Guys will actually turn down sex for sports. Here is a tip for any lady who wants to know how much her boyfriend cares for her. Find out when his favorite team has a big game, and surprise him with plans for some girly date. If he misses the game for you, keep him! (A word of caution: this can be a wonderful relationship strengthening experience, but it can also be very revealing; he may not be that into you. GOOD LUCK!) It’s important to remember, there will always be another girl but there is only one favorite team! (I wouldn’t miss a big Gators game for anything, not even a close family members’ funeral; the cemetery isn’t going anywhere!)
**Please be courteous and schedule personal celebrations around big sporting events. Saturdays and Sundays, during football season, will only ensure that most guys will not show up! If your birthday or anniversary falls on the night of a big game, tough shit; either incorporate the sporting event into the theme of the party, or celebrate the following day! Don’t be selfish and inconsiderate!**
My love of sports is one of the reasons I don’t want children. If I had to miss a big Gators’ game because my kid had to be rushed to the hospital or any other insignificant reason, I would lose my mind. I’m sure children are wonderful, but I haven’t met a kid yet who is worth missing a big game for. I’m not saying I wouldn’t miss a game against Vanderbilt, but when it comes to the tough rivalry games, I just can’t do it. (I am way too selfish to have a child!)
I am also too selfish to be in a relationship. I think I could only be happy with a woman who loves college football. She would be the only one who could understand the way I feel. HMMM, I think I just stumbled upon a great business idea.
The site will be great. People of all ages and sexual preferences will be able to meet others who have an interest in the same sports as they do. Each profile will display the individuals’ level of fanaticism. People can match up with a person who loves sports exactly the same amount as they do. (I honestly think this is a great idea. If anyone reads this and actually creates the site, I want a ten percent creator’s fee! It’s only fair!)
Never mind! The Domain name is already taken and I just Googled “dating for sports fans;” I happened upon an existing site; mustlovesports.com. My profile is going up as soon as I am done with this post! (I know she is out there!)
Special thanks to the Bills and GO GATORS!!!
Only In New York New Jersey
On Monday, I traveled to New Jersey for Monday Night Football. The New York Giants were hosting the St. Louis Rams. (Yes, the New York football teams play in New Jersey!) No, I haven’t switched my allegiance; I am still a loyal Broncos fan. My cousin‘s boyfriend plays for the Rams and he provided us with tickets; big THANKS to the two of them! It was a great experience! Due to the fact that the Rams were the visiting team, the seats were literally at the top of the stadium. MetLife Stadium is unbelievable so any seat would have been great. The seats turned out to be perfect. There were several Rams’ fans in the area so we didn’t have to be surrounded by annoying Giants’ fans! GO BOSTON! The reason I’ll never forget the experience is what happened a few rows in front of us. One of New York’s proud citizens had a bit too much to drink. He couldn’t hold his liquor and puked all over the guy who was seated in front of him. (It was hilarious. Well, for everyone except the recipient!) The victim quickly stood up and yelled, “What the Fuck!” The culprit, who was too drunk to grasp the severity of the situation, simply shrugged his shoulders and gave the sorry-I’m-a-douche face. I was expecting the guy to get pummeled, but he was clearly already destroyed. Cooler heads prevailed and nothing happened. At the end of the game, there was an empty seat with a red, vomit-soaked, Giants’ jersey underneath. BELIEVE IT OR NOT!
Tune in to ESPN at 7pm (Eastern Standard Time) and watch the Gators destroy Kentucky for their fourth win of the season!
Don’t forget to check back tomorrow for a preview of next week’s posts!
I will also give a brief update of Shamu! (Read the post from August 20th if you have no idea what I am talking about!)
Most people get confused when it comes to the topic of sportsmanship. The term has nothing to do with the score. Sportsmanship is about how you treat the opponent; competitors should always shake hands after the contest and say, “good game.” You can even help an opponent get up after a play is over, during a football game. That is all that sportsmanship encompasses.
For this post, I will focus on football. I can only enjoy a really close game with a great finish, or a big embarrassing blowout; running up the score is not unsportsmanlike. The only place where running up the score should be frowned upon is in Pop Warner football. Even then, running up the score should be the option of the coach. Personally, I would run up the score every chance I got. (Don’t tell me the kids don’t want to run up the score. My nephew was extremely proud when his team blew out the opponent 46-0!)
I support running up the score because there are many players on each team who put in a lot of hard work during the week and they deserve to get in during “garbage time.” These backups also deserve to run the same plays as the starters; they want to score too! Running up the score can also be a great way to send a message to the next opponent. No one wants to play against the team that scored 70 in their previous game; the psychological effects are immeasurable. The losing team will understand that they do not belong on the field and the next opponent will have some fear. Plus, recruits want to play for a coach who will put up the big numbers. (Chicks dig touchdowns!)
NFL players are paid way too much money to cry about an opponent running up the score; man up and play some defense. In college, running up the score is a necessity. The entire season is contingent on each teams ranking. The best way to impress voters is to have as many blow out victories as possible. (Any coach who avoids running up the score is placing his team at a disadvantage.)
Last year, former Florida Gators coach Urban Meyer allowed a walk-on senior defensive lineman to carry the ball three times while the team was on the goal line. The kid, a hard worker, was rewarded on senior day, and Meyer didn’t care about running up the score. (It doesn’t get classier than that.)
Meyer also had a great way of answering any disrespectful behavior. During a rivalry game against Georgia, the Gators were embarrassed. After scoring the first touchdown of the game, the entire Georgia bench ran into the end zone and celebrated. The following year, the Gators were up big against Georgia and instead of allowing the clock to run out, Meyer called timeouts to prolong the game.
Also, it is important to remember that the games are sixty minutes long. Players should give it their best until the final whistle blows. If you don’t want the other team to run up the score, play better defense. There are too many instances in which one team amounts a big lead, then they decide to shut it down and are forced to work hard to avoid an epic comeback. (RUN IT UP!)
My favorite coach of all time is Steve Spurrier. While he was at Florida, he constantly ran up the score. He is known as “the old ball coach.” I believe the moniker was given to him because his teams scored more than basketball squads. Not only did Spurrier constantly run up the score, but he did a little trash talking at the press conferences. Here are a couple of his best lines:
“You can’t spell Citrus without U-T.” UT stands for Tennessee, one of Florida’s rivals. The second place team in the SEC East usually went to the Citrus bowl.
“But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.” There was a fire at Auburn’s football dorm which destroyed 20 books.
Spurrier was notorious for running up the score. Whenever the Gators failed to score at least 60 points, I felt as if we didn’t play well. (Yes, I said we. I am “one of those fans”!) The best Steve Spurrier story came in the Sugar bowl against FSU for the national title in 1996. The Gators were ranked number one in the country but lost to number four Florida State in the regular season. During the FSU celebration, one of the Florida student assistants was trampled. The Gators moved back to the top of the rankings after winning the conference championship the following week. The two teams played a rematch in the National Title game in the Sugar Bowl.
Spurrier promised the assistant that he would do his best to get revenge. True to his word, the Gators blew out the Seminoles by a score of 52-20. Spurrier was shown on the sidelines urging his players to run up the score. (He literally gave the run-it-up signal.) At one point, the assistant asked Spurrier to score more and he replied, “I’m trying son!” (Greatest coach ever!)
I feel the scoring was justified, especially since the Gators lost by a score of 62-24 in the previous season’s Championship game against Nebraska. I had to endure every single excruciating moment. Sometimes every team is on the business end of an ass-whooping. (For me, the Nebraska game was “good times!” As you can probably imagine, my phone didn’t stop ringing during that blowout.)
One of my favorite stories concerning running up the score happened on ESPN Sunday Night Football. The Vikings were playing the Seahawks and everything went wrong for Minnesota. The Vikings were down 35 points in the first half and commentator Mike Patrick said, “if you are just tuning in, the game recap is simple, the Seahawks won the toss and elected to kick the bejesus out of the Vikings!” (It was classic!)
Another favorite blow out game happened last year in the PAC 10 conference; USC was playing Stanford. For those who don’t know, USC has a history of dominating the conference and blowing teams out. Last year, Stanford was the better team and coach Jim Harbaugh decided to go for a two point conversion at the end of the game. No big deal except for the fact that Stanford won 55-21. USC coach Pete Carroll approached Harbaugh after the game and asked, “What’s your deal?”
Honestly, I have no idea why Carroll was angry. USC destroyed Stanford by a score of 66-19 in 2005. Harbaugh had the best possible response to Carroll’s question. He simply said, “What’s your deal?” (One of the best endings ever!)
Hands down, my favorite football moment of all time is not only funny, but a little racist. (OK, maybe it’s a lot racist!) The incident happened during a game on ESPN. I can’t remember the game but one team’s running backs were gaining a lot of yards and a commentator said, ‘’These guys are running like they’re the Denver Broncos.” This game happened in the early 2000’s when the Broncos had the league’s best run attack. Every year, no matter who the running back was, Denver put up big numbers. (I truly miss the good Old days!)
The other commentator replied, “No one runs like Denver. You can put a Puerto Rican back there and he’ll gain a thousand yards!” This was before DVR and I have searched high and low to find the footage, to no avail. (One day, I will find the tape!)
For those of you who are fans of running up the score, be sure to tune-in to the last game of the season between Florida and Florida State. The Gators were on a seven game win streak in the “rivalry”, before finally losing last year. To celebrate their victory, the Seminoles fans decided it was a good idea to pay for a banner to be flown above the stadium during the Gators’ spring game. The banner featured the score of last year’s game, 31-7, and the plane circled the stadium for an hour. (The Seminoles are idiots. Payback will be a bitch on her period!)
If you don’t live under a rock, you are well aware that football season has commenced; Saturdays and Sundays are filled with beers and gridiron battles. September 11 marked the opening day of the NFL season and I, like most Americans, enjoyed watching every single game. (NFL Sunday Ticket and the Red Zone Channel = pure satisfaction!)
I love this time of year, but there is a downside to the football season; finding the motivation to place down the alcoholic beverage in order to write a blog entry is a true challenge. I honestly had an idea in mind, but upon further review, I decided to save the topic for another, more sober, day. “What are you going to write about?” No clue. (Seriously)
I did the only thing I could.
Me: “Hey Ema, feel like writing a guest post?”
E: “Sure, I’ll write one for this week.”
Me: “No, not this week…right now—for tomorrow’s post.” *He laughs*
E: “I’m good.”
I took a shot and failed…OR DID I? After giving the matter some thought, he agreed to put pen to paper. (By “pen to paper” I mean, type.)
At first, the entry was supposed to be a guest blog, but something magical happened. The post evolved into a multi-layered three person collaboration. Jess added to the post once she realized a theft had occurred, and l, after watching the Dallas Cowboys “Yankees-it-up,” regained the desire to write.
Here is the result of our alliance!
I can’t believe this is even a subject to write on. As if Law & Order didn’t have enough subjects to make episodes off of. Now we have to worry about offending people who are keeping family members alive when they should be in the “Fun place” enjoying the after/post/more better life. (If you are a new-comer to Pete’s blog then read the series on ‘a conversation with GOD’ ….he’s gonna be pissed that I capitalized the word god.)
Let ‘em go!
They’re done, a fini, finito!
I get when you look into their eyes and feel like there’s still something there. The winks, blinks, eye shakes are all signs for you that some semblance of life is present. The deep breaths and occasional finger squeezes let you know that a piece of that loved one is still there. Wrong.
Gabrielle Giffords is an exception; she’s the one in a million. When you want to make your girl feel special you can call her an Arizona Senator. But outside of that miraculous recovery, we need to just let go. Do the Kate Winslett and just let go.
Enough tax dollars go to prisons and poor people and rich corporations, the last thing we need is for Massachusetts health care tax dollars, which cover 98% of the state, to go to people who are going to pass anyway. I understand the family is grieving, but I was sad the last 10 years that the Denver Broncos didn’t win a super bowl. I got over it.
Let’s draw a line, draw it with a ruler and make sure it’s straight. On one side we have death. On one side we have life. Once someone crosses over that line there’s little we can do to bring them back. I’ve seen the exceptions and the unlikely miracles, but in a majority of the cases we have funerals, mourners and see you laters. An acceptance of death and submission to suffering is part of the difficult decisions we make daily and we need to consistently follow common sense. Our heart can’t think and to follow one’s heart is to follow an abstract dream world which leads us down a road that even Longfellow and Hughes would cringe at.
Agree, disagree. Fact is we need to let our loved ones go and dedicate ourselves to what comes next.
Agree!!! Cuz you stole it from me! Remember our Kevorkian conversations?! I told you that Kevorkian is a hero; he puts people out of their suffering. Many times people hold on for too long to the dying when all they want is to be let go, that’s when Kevorkian comes in and makes the process easier for all. Holding on to someone that’s clearly going to die is one of the most selfish things you can do. It’s not for the good of the dying it’s for your own need to have that person around despite the fact that they are miserable and just want to Rest In Peace. It’s obviously a difficult decision to “pull the chord” on a loved one, but think about this: If you were less than semi-conscious and couldn’t move, eat, talk or shit would you wanna be kept alive so that loved ones could come in and out of your room and stare at you for hours?! I wouldn’t! So as EFidalgo12 eloquently put it, Let ‘em go!!
ADD a comment on the blog.
Yes, I prefer not to capitalize the word “god,” and I always try to write it in quotes, but pissed I will not be. @Efidalgo12 is a believer and I have zero problems with that fact.
As far as “pulling the plug” or letting the person live, with the assistance of medical devices, I agree with the above statements. LET ’EM GO! (Read that statement again. Doesn’t it sound like I’m making a plea for the police to let Eminem go?) *I also agree with Jess; @Efidalgo12’s phrase is eloquent.*
Never think about yourself if you’re ever in this predicament. “What about if you were on life support—wouldn’t you want your family members to keep you alive?” NO! Pharaoh, Pharaoh…let my life-plug go! If I am ever in a coma, allow me to die and leave me alone. Yes, there is a small semblance of a chance that I may recover, but who cares? What if I am in intense pain but I have no way of communicating how much I am suffering?
“There is no way that people who are in comas feel pain.” OK, maybe you’re right, but how about this scenario. You have a loved one who is in a coma. The hospital staff seems to be wonderful people, but you never had the opportunity to meet Stan. (Before I proceed, allow me to apologize, in advance, to anyone named Stan who may be offended by my example!)
Stan works as an orderly and, on the surface, he appears to be a decent man. Stan is assigned to the seventh floor and as luck would have it, your loved one’s room is 325. (That was my first homeroom at BLS.) Stan is responsible for giving “John” a sponge bath. (I decided to name your loved one, John. The name is appropriate because he solicits at least three prostitutes, for sex, every single week of his life.)
Everything seems perfect until the fifth month of “the coma.” That’s when you learn the horrible truth. John is moved to the fourth floor and Stan is fired from his position at the hospital. Why did all this happen? Allow me to explain. Stan has a fetish for necrophilia and he was sexually abusing John during his entire stay at the hospital. Do you think John wants to be revived after learning that fact? (Not Cool!)
**Do the right thing. Don’t allow your loved ones to be raped by crazy hospital employees.**
Using life support simply prolongs the inevitable. I don’t see the point of wasting Hospital resources to keep someone in a vegetative state; pull the plug and move on. Especially if you’re religious; the person is going to heaven, right?
I am dead serious when I say I want my family members to pull the plug on me. If I ever return after a long stint in a coma, I will be furious. In retaliation for going against my stated wishes, I will pastor-up! “What the hell is that?” It means I will lie about having a horrific vision of hell. I will say that I saw burning bodies; I will also talk about the suffering, which of course I will describe as, indescribable.
“That’s not a great revenge.” I’m not finished. Here is a preview of my account:
“…The suffering was indescribable. Just when it appeared as if I was headed for the same fate as the sinners, I saw a blinding light. Inside of the light, I made out a faint figure; before me, stood a woman. The light grew dim and I saw her face. It was the Virgin Mary. She looked exactly like she does in all of the Catholic church depictions. She revealed many truths to me and explained that we all have a choice. She promised to return me to my earthly vessel, but I had a cross to bear. Saving the souls of my fellow brothers and sisters will be my burden.”
Of course, I will be extra dramatic and I’ll shower people with overly ridiculous facts. Obviously, I will reveal the details of my experience, slowly, during my Sunday sermons. “Where the heck are you going to give a sermon?” At my newly-built Mega Church, DUH! My followers will be the best! (Yes, I will use my status as a Messiah to bed many of my female followers. Why else would I go through with this grand scheme?)
Don’t make me do this…LET ME GO!
***I bet Jess and Ema are thrilled that they associated themselves with this post after reading about the entire Stan Episode!***
I think this entry actually turned out pretty great. It’s amazing how quickly I can go from “I don’t feel like writing” to typing the night away!
That’s all I have to say concerning the matter. I’m pulling the plug on the idea of writing anymore!
The city of Boston was established in 1630. Boston Latin School (BLS) was founded in 1635; it is the nation’s oldest and most respected school! Academically, BLS has no equal. (Don’t bother attempting to compare your high school to BLS…I won’t believe your outlandish claims!) The school was originally located in Downtown Boston until 1844, when the institution moved to its current home in the Fenway area, 78 Ave. Louis Pasteur to be exact.
You want to talk alumni? We can talk alumni! Maybe you heard of these guys, Ralph Waldo Emerson, John Hancock, Samuel Adams, Benjamin Franklin and Peter Teixeira. (Not too shabby!)
It is important to note that I am discussing THE Latin School. There are two imposter institutions located within the city limits. The first is named Boston Latin Academy; it was originally named The Girls Latin School (GLS) until boys were admitted. The school was originally created as an all-girls alternative to the all-boys Boston Latin School. Eventually, the two schools became co-ed and Latin Academy became the location for the students who lacked the ability to gain admittance to BLS. Latin Academy became the second choice!
The second imposter Latin school is Roxbury Latin, located in West Roxbury. The school has a reputation for being the manly man’s Latin school. Wrestling is the most popular sport and there is a long standing tradition of singlet sharing! (Speaking of wrestling, I suggest everyone view the Booker T video on Youtube! ‘Booker T accidentally calls Hogan a N****’) The school remains all-boys, because the founders wanted to create a place where young men could gain an education without having to share the classroom with “icky” girls! (I’m sure the school dances are FANTASTIC! Sounds like good times!)
In 1881, The English High School of Boston moved directly across the street from BLS and a sports rivalry was created. Beginning in 1887, the schools have played an annual Thanksgiving Day football game, the nations’ oldest continuous rivalry. Although the game is played every year, the rivalry officially ended in 1964. Since then, BLS has only lost twice, 1981 and 1997! The Wolf Pack is currently on a thirteen game winning streak. The tensions between the two schools often resulted in street brawls, scholars against the criminals, until English High relocated to Jamaica Plain. (The fighting between the two schools is the most likely reason our rallying cry is “Bomb the Blue!” BLS wears purple to represent the royal color of ancient Rome, and English wears blue to represent the feeling the students experience when they open college rejection letters!)
There is an interesting story regarding one of the two losses. I was a senior during the 1997 season. My friend Lu was slated to be the team’s star running back, but he suffered a torn ACL during the summer practices and was unable to play. I should have joined the team, but I was focused on Basketball! (The true reason i refused to play football was the fact that my family vacationed in Florida during the summer, and I wasn’t about to miss out on the trip so I could punish my body at two-a-days! Selfish, I know!)
The team lost the game by a score of 8-6, because the offense had no identity. It was one of the worst days for me while I attended BLS. The interesting fact about the game is, “The class of ’97 gets blamed!” The annual game is played in November, so it’s known as the ’97 game. I was a member of the class of ’98! (I would feel bad, but the class of ’97 exhibited such deplorable behavior, during their senior year, that the school changed its policy, which caused us to lose our senior privileges…they can suck it!)
While playing for BLS, my cousin Kevin enjoyed destroying the soft English defense. In 1994, he led the Wolf Pack to a 41-0 victory; the 1995 game ended with BLS winning 36-12, and his career culminated in a 31-6 drubbing of the “Blue man group!” Kevin was a Four-year letter winner for Boston Latin. He ran for 1,450 yards and 25 touchdowns during his senior season, and posted over 2,000 all-purpose yards in his final year. He was named the Most Valuable Player of the Dual County League and a Boston Globe All-Scholastic choice during his senior year. Kevin was chosen as the team captain, and played in the Shriner’s All-Star game before moving on to play at UMass Amherst. (The guy was amazing, but don’t expect me to sing his praises during our conversation tomorrow!)
Last year, I joined “P” and we attended the Thanksgiving Day game. We didn’t follow the high school football season, but we were hopeful that Latin would continue to dominate. The game started off horribly for the Wolf Pack. English returned the opening kickoff for a touchdown. “Did the boys in Blue pull off the massive upset?” Unequivocally, NO! BLS destroyed their “rivals,” breaking the record for most points scored in the series, 54-12! It was actually a hard game to watch; sort of like a traffic accident; we wanted to look away, but we couldn’t. With six minutes and forty-four seconds remaining in the “contest,” the Wolf Pack quarterback lined up the team in the victory formation. (That’s right! With over a quarter remaining, BLS started kneeling the ball!)
Boston Latin School will continue to dominate the Thanksgiving Day game; I will be there to watch the carnage in November! (Most of you have probably noticed that I am not a gracious winner! English High was lucky I didn’t coach BLS; we would have gone for a hundred!) Hold your collective heads up high English alumni…there is always 1997!
“Shouldn’t the institution be called ‘Boston Latin High School’?” No! The work load is above the college level. Boston Latin Higher School would be more appropriate!
Carpe Diem! Purple and White FOR LIFE! GO WOLF PACK!!!