Tag Archives: Divorce

What’s Love Got To Do With It

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

People often use the term “Unconditional Love” when speaking about the love they have for someone who they consider to be exceptional. The word unconditional is added in order to show that the love is extra special. To me, saying Unconditional love is being redundant. The way I see it, all love is unconditional. The love we have for parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces, our children, and friends, is unconditional. (I know I said “Our Children,” but I was speaking in general. Virgins don’t make babies! *@Efidalgo12 is a jerk! See below.*)

We can even develop a love for an ex, but the love has nothing to do with the desire to be in a relationship with the person; the love is unconditional and is the same as the love that we have for friends and family. (The biggest mistake people make is allowing the love for an ex to confuse them. If you dated someone for a long time, they will always have a place in your heart, but it doesn’t mean you should fight to be with the ex, or that the ex is “the one.” Accept the fact that you care for your ex and move on. Let the past relationship go and cultivate a new one!) We will love all of the special people who enter our lives for as long as we still have a breath to breathe!

“What about when we are no longer friends with someone; doesn’t the love end?” NO! If you lose the “love” that you had for a former friend, the person was never a true friend and you never loved them. It is impossible to stop loving a friend. True friendship involves unconditional love; friendship is for life. (People often call an associate a “friend,” but the truth of the matter is the friendship is more fragile than a falling snowflake touched, in mid-descent, by an exuberant child during the year’s first snowfall!)

“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer!” Don’t ever do this; it’s a dumb statement. Who the hell wants to keep their enemies close? The best thing to do is avoid having enemies. Life is way too short to be worried about what other people think of you. If someone wants to be your enemy, simply allow the person to be non-existent in your life! (Don’t be fake. Tell the person you do not have time for their nonsense and don’t allow yourself to get involved in their pettiness!)

“How can you say, ‘Love doesn’t exist,’ and then say, ‘all love is unconditional;’ ARE YOU INSANE?” NO! When I said love doesn’t exist, I was referring to relationships. I have defined all love as unconditional, which excludes all relationships from involving true love. Relationships are one hundred percent conditional; a relationship is a verbal contract. Two consenting adults agree to join together on a quest for happiness. (Some couples make it to the promise land, but most fail miserably!) It takes real commitment and trust to have a successful relationship. It’s basically like a recovering addict. The couple has to take things one day at a time, because any big mistake can ruin the relationship on any given day. All of the hard work that was exerted to build a wonderful union can be destroyed in an instance with one selfish decision.

People who believe in true love are placing themselves at a disadvantage. The belief in true love can force people to stay in unhealthy relationships. DON’T EVER ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE MISTREATED! The only pain that should exist in a relationship, involves being away from your partner; regardless of what the songs say, being in love doesn’t hurt! We all deserve to be considered special by a partner! Most importantly, never ever get married to someone for the wrong reasons. (Never being married has to be better than being married to the wrong person and getting a divorce!) People often talk about having “cold feet!” If you have cold feet, don’t get married; it’s not normal. If you are engaged to the right person, the two of you should be excited and running towards the altar. If having cold feet was normal, we wouldn’t have a divorce rate that is over fifty percent. (For more on marriage, read my previous post ‘My Proposal To Save Marriage’ – July 1st.)

My views will probably cause people to make the assumption that I do not believe in two people joining together and enjoying a long lasting committed relationship. Don’t ever assume! Have you already forgotten last week’s lesson? (Those who assume, make an ASS out of U and ME!) I’m not some bitter, heart-broken person with a hatred of love. I enjoy life and I do believe in wonderful relationships that can blossom into great marriages, which last forever. (Of course forever means until death. We have no idea what happens upon expiration. *That has to be the most horrible term for death!*) Who wouldn’t want to find a great life-long partner? I’m just not overly concerned with finding a woman with whom I will vow to have repeated one-night stands. (Again, that has to be the worst description of a committed relationship known to man!) I don’t believe there is a special person for everyone. You meet someone and, together, you become special for each other; there is no fate or “meant to be!” (That’s psycho talk!)

What people call love, should really be called “in love.” Those who are in relationships can be in love, but it is never the true unconditional love that I discussed earlier; ‘in love’ can end whenever the relationship sours. In love, is probably one of the most misunderstood emotions known to man. Society places too much emphasis on falling in love, which causes people to force themselves to think they are in love. FYI: In love cannot occur at first sight; that’s called “in lust.” In love takes time and I mean a lot of time. (Only psychos fall in love too soon! Run for the hills if someone falls in love with you before they truly know who you are!) *I don’t know what makes “the hills” a safe place for people to run to, but we’re always being told to run for the hills!*

I hope this entry has explained my views on love. Please allow me to paraphrase Forrest Gump when I say, “Love is like a box of chocolates!” It gets old and stale. At that point, all we want is a new box! (Pun most definitely intended!)

Please disregard the above statement. I don’t think being in love gets old and stale…at least not if it’s a great relationship. (The quote popped into my head and I couldn’t resist the temptation of sharing!) Lucky are those who find an amazing partner to share life experiences. For they have a wealth far greater than the US deficit!

 

**Let me explain the whole @Efidalgo12 statement from above. The guy actually used his monumental two thousand and eleventh tweet to take a shot at me.

@Efidalgo12: S/O to my 2011th tweet. The next time my # of tweets will coincide with the year will be around the time @PeteTeix617 loses his virginity.

Boy, I’ll tell you. These Miami fans have a lot of pent-up anger. It’s not my fault The U sucks!

There is no shame in waiting for the right person!**

GO GATORS!!!

@PeteTeix617

Population Control – Emanuel Fidalgo (guest blog)

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

GUEST POST by Emanuel Fidalgo

The British have always known what’s best for the world. They knew English would become the most important language. They knew to separate themselves from the Roman Catholics and to rewrite the Bible, making the King James Bible the most read. They knew to conquer Native Americans and turn their land into the most powerful country in the world.

Well, they’ve done it again. The same people who brought you Romeo & Juliet. The very same people whose history made ‘Braveheart’ possible. The UK has now mainstreamed the greatest phenomenon since the Spice Girls.

Population Control.

They are actually paying prostitutes to effectively “spay” themselves by swallowing a pill, in order to prevent unfavorable births. Don’t believe me? Look it up. Go to whatever news source you trust and use, and look that shit up.

This is going to catch like Randy Moss. Like Mono. Like 22.

God save the queen.

They’ve done it again. They’ve figured out that in order to eliminate hunger, we must eliminate the possibility of kids being born into hunger. What happens when only parents who can feed their children are allowed to have children? No more world hunger.

What happens when only parents with high moral standards who are fit to teach wrong and right are allowed to have kids? World peace.

I know, I’m starting to sound like a beauty pageant, but doesn’t it make sense?

Obviously we would never personally see the results. It would take at least another 100 years for our “undesirables” to die out and even then we would have to allow another couple of decades to ensure everyone from the old ways are dead and gone. Just imagine India, China, Kenya, Cape Verde, Angola (OK i could probably name 90% of African countries) all without issues of poverty and war. What would immigrants even need the U.S. for? Wouldn’t that make you all very happy, white people?

I’m not saying to force feed this thing to people. We could always just hide it in their water.

And don’t think America is exempt from this pill. Oh no, we are in dire need of it. In the United States, child support is a $500 billion industry. Yes, billion. That means women who have no business having kids will try anything to get pregnant just to collect child support. And child support is just a small piece of the Divorce industry. Go reread Peter’s blog about the divorce party, that could really help us get this shit under control.

I could probably write a book on this, but since it’s a blog I will stop here and urge you to urge 10 of your mostly incapable friends to fly to London and take this pill. Hopefully we can work something out with the US government to pay for their airfare. Let’s spread the word, and make #populationcontrol a trending topic. You will be helping to save our planet.

Instead of going green, go eggless. How about that for a trending topic, #GoEgg-less

And don’t forget to visit GoEgg-less.org and you could help save the world one needless baby at a time.

@Efidalgo12

My Proposal To Save Marriage

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

I grew up in a time when weddings were arguably the most important event in a person’s life. Meeting that special someone to spend the rest of your life with was the ultimate goal. The excitement that followed an engagement was only rivaled by the excitement of one’s parents planning a trip to Disney World. (Unless you went a dozen or so times. Yeah, I was spoiled!) NOT inviting someone to a wedding could create a feud only surpassed by the Hatfield’s and the McCoy’s. TIMES HAVE CHANGED! Today, people select life-partners, as if they are choosing fruit — if it turns out to be a bad one, who cares? They’ll get another one tomorrow.

**Word of advice to any man or woman who is planning on getting married. If you are looking forward to sleeping with or engaging in any sexual activity with one or more strippers, prior to the wedding day – YOU’RE NOT READY TO GET MARRIED!!! In addition, if you plan on sleeping with anyone who is not a stripper prior to or after the wedding day, see capitalized text above!**

I’m a believer in the fact that weddings and funerals continue to be the greatest events. Obviously weddings are more joyous than funerals, but I enjoy both, simply because each brings family and friends together in one place to support one another. (I’ll write about death soon!)

Recently, I attended two weddings and I had a fantastic time at each. More importantly I feel the true love, which was evident, helped to demonstrate that marriages remain essential to a sophisticated society. Not only is the wedding day splendid but the anticipation, leading up to the date, is exhilarating. Although I enjoy weddings, I must say there is one aspect of marriage which truly upsets me. THE DIVORCE! (This entry has been something that I’ve thought about for years.) It truly bothers me when couples break the vow of marriage, especially when they do so, QUIETLY.

People (religious couples) stand in front of their chosen deity and vow to stay together forever. Family and friends stand as witnesses to the new union. The emotional moment brings many people to tears. (Not me! There was clearly something in my eyes.) The ceremony is beautiful, the reception is beautiful, the honeymoon is…well I’ve never been but, I can imagine. Actually I don’t have to imagine. Check out www.hiddenhoneymoons.com, GOOD TIMES! At any rate, the entire wedding experience is what little girls all over the world are dreaming about as you read. Everyone gets eager to see the new couple when they return from their trip to some exotic location. Everything is wonderful.

AND THEN…something goes horribly wrong. A philandering husband, a loose wife, an overly-friendly neighbor, an addiction to porn, a jealous sibling, a forgotten love, a whorish ex, the mailman, etc. Whatever the case may be, the sense of disappointment reverberates through the extended family. In America today, more than half of all marriages end in Divorce, but we never expect it to be the people we know and love. “Not those two; they were made for each other,” we all assume. (Obviously there are some exceptions. We’ve all had that one experience where everyone is thinking, what the hell are these two thinking!)

Divorce always affects me negatively. I don’t know what it is, but I guess there is a part of me that believes in true love. (Yeah I know, SHOCKING!) Sometimes, a couple will  get a divorce without people even knowing.  I know I just found out about one recently. (Always sucks to hear, although I am never shocked.) I’ll never forget where I was when I heard of Tiger Woods’ transgressions. That may have been the divorce that ruined marriage for me. (I was in my bedroom, typing something fantastic, with the television on, if you must know.) Too many people are getting hitched just for the sake of it. Somehow, marriage has lost its significance.

Fortunately, I have the solution to the divorce problem! **The Divorce Party**

That’s right people, I propose something that will prevent couples from jumping into a marriage before they are prepared. We (wedding guests) deserve to witness the divorce. And we deserve to witness it in the same manner – the same Pomp and Stance! What do I mean by “Divorce Party?” Well, I’ll tell you. (After reading this, please send letters to your elected officials to ensure that a law is enacted.)

***Before I divulge the intricacies of the Divorce Party, let me point out that the porn site mentioned above does not exist. I repeat. The porn site above does not exist; I just made it up, PERVERTS! Half of you have already found that out and half were waiting to check it out after they finish this entry. Nonetheless, I’m sure those of you who haven’t, will still attempt the IP address later.***

A Divorce Party, MUST be mandatory. Meaning, no divorce can be finalized unless a government witness, who is to be paid by the couple, is in attendance.

Divorce Party Details:

  1. The person (priest, minister, etc.) who officiated the marriage must be present at the divorce Party. If that person is deceased, a replacement Official of equal importance must be present.
  2. The same location, or one which is comparable must be selected.
  3. A photographer must be hired. If a videographer was hired to film the wedding, you guessed it — one must be hired for the divorce. (Copies of the film MUST be made readily available to anyone who desires one.)
  4. The Divorce Party is a two part event, just as most marriages are.
  5. If a couple is married in a church, the divorce party’s first act must also occur in a church. There must also be a Divorce Mass, if there was one for the wedding. Conversely, if the wedding was not held in a church, then a similar location must be chosen.
  6. Every person who was invited to the wedding must be invited to the Divorce, and the invitations are to be sent out in a timely manner. Furthermore, the invitations are to be sent out with the same grandiose as the ones for the wedding.
  7. Groomsmen and Bridesmaids are to be selected. If an individual who served during the wedding is unavailable, he or she must be replaced. (The suits and dresses are to be paid for by the divorcing couple, and limousines are to be provided for transportation)
  8. For the first act of the event, the couple must sit before the witnesses, and answer any and all questions that will be asked by the Wedding Official. (priest minister, etc) The guests will not be permitted to ask any questions. This will be the Officials time, but guests CAN challenge the truthfulness of any answer. Snickering by the audience is not only allowed, but encouraged. Also, the yelling out of asinine comments, may be frowned upon but, WILL be allowed.
  9. When the Wedding Official is satisfied with the answers given, he or she will allow the divorce proceedings to continue.
  10. At the end of the first ceremony, the couple must walk down the isle side-by-side, detached, with arms folded.
  11. The divorcing couple must ride together in the same car; they are free to select any vehicle. The Bridal Party will ride to the Divorce Reception in the limousines provided.
  12. The main event must be held in a hall of equal or greater elegance as the wedding hall.
  13. The Bridal Party must get together at a chosen location and take photos.
  14. Hors d’œuvres must be served for the guests while they await the arrival of the Bridal Party.

*******MY FAVORITE RULE*******

  1. THE DIVORCE RECEPTION MUST BE OPEN-BAR! (Paid for by the couple, and we’re definitely talking about open-bar all night! And none of that garbage about, “you can only have this or that.” COMPLETELY OPEN-BAR!) To further illustrate my point, the bar must be more open than the vagina of…{This is the portion of the blog where the reader gets to be involved!!! Insert name of someone you know, who has a vagina which is always open for business. Have fun with this; it’s not an assignment. Feel free to add that name in the comment section, tweet it, post it on facebook, or you can text it to your best friend!}
  2. The Bridal Party must be individually announced when they enter the reception hall.
  3. The seating arrangements are specific. The guests are to be seated in the same manner as a typical wedding reception. The members of the Bridal Party are to be seated in the middle of the room facing the elevated main table, which will seat the divorcing couple. (It is essential for the “Divorce Table to be elevated, so all guests can have an unobstructed view of the divorcing couple.”)
  4. There is to be an MC, who will be responsible for all announcements.
  5. A live band or DJ must also be hired.
  6. Each member of the Bridal Party will have the opportunity to either give a speech, or ask questions of the divorcing couple. (They are to answer any and every question honestly. Anyone in attendance will be allowed to challenge the validity of the answers.) The divorcing couple must present members of the Bridal Party with an appropriate gift, after each person speaks.
  7. It will then be the open-mic segment of the evening. This is when the lavish dinner MUST be served. Any and all guests will be allowed the opportunity to ask a question, or give a speech. The MC must ensure that each guest who has a question for the divorcing couple is heard.
  8. Once all questions are answered, and the government witness is satisfied, the dancing can commence. (The guests of honor are not allowed to refuse any dance requests.)
  9. The divorcing couple will not be permitted to leave the reception until all of the guests depart.

If someone has the desire to be promiscuous and free, I have no problem with it. Live your life as you please! Just don’t put on a charade in front of family and friends, by getting married. Let matrimony be for the people who are truly in love – stay single and do your thing. It is my sincere hope that, by implementing my Divorce Party idea, people will think twice before rushing into a marriage for the wrong reasons!!!

@PeteTeix617