Tag Archives: Directv

NFL Agreement

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

This post is not what you thing; I don’t care about the real referees coming back. I honestly don’t understand why everyone is excited to have professionals get the call wrong instead of the replacements. (I must have missed the perfect games that were officiated by Hochuli and his gang of zebras!)

My enthusiasm comes from the agreement between the NFL and Time Warner cable.

For years, citizens of New York City and Los Angeles were left in the dark when games aired on the NFL Network. For some reason, the two companies could not agree on a covenant. (Football is my only religion! ORANGE AND BLUE!)

Previously, I couldn’t care less about this dispute because I wasn’t affected (Apathy is the American way!)

Here is how the previous dispute impacted my life:

When we moved to Los Angeles the obvious choice for our viewing pleasure was DirecTV. (Our house is a Broncos home and we need the NFL Sunday Ticket!) Unfortunately, our apartment is located in an area of the building that is not satellite dish friendly. The DirecTV associate said that we could get the regular system, but not the HD box. Personally, I don’t need the HD quality programming, but I live in a world of “Jones-keeping-up-with” and the decision was out of my hands!

We turned to Time Warner, thinking the company was owned by a red-blooded American, but we were wrong. Unbeknownst to us, the CEO is a dumbass! At least he (Or she. I’m not sexist!) was a dumbass!

We didn’t have access to most preseason games, no access to the REDZONE channel (That one still hurts!), and we didn’t get to watch any of the Thursday Night games. Not knowing what to do, we turned to the football gods and made a sacrifice. (There are thousands of homeless people in Los Angeles and I’m sure no one will miss the vagrant that we disposed of!)

***Speaking of vagrants, let me go off on a little tangent. Earlier this year, I came up with a brilliant plan to deal with the homeless people who beg for change. I am not burdened with the guilt that hovers over religious people so I don’t feel the need to care for the “Lazies!” Whenever someone asked me for spare change, I always replied, “sorry, I only have my debit card.” (For the most part, I was telling the truth!) My plan was fool proof, until recently. I stopped at a gas station mini mart to purchase a cold beverage and snack, when I was approached by one of the lazies. He asked for some spare change and I hit him with the standard line. His reply was priceless. “That’s cool; grab me a bag of chips then!” He said. I found his response to be quite amusing, so I grabbed him a bag of chips! (Laughter is a great way to earn an honest day’s handout!)***

     The football gods were pleased with our sacrificial offering. We now have the NFL Network and the REDZONE channel! (I can’t wait to kill, I mean sacrifice another homeless individual when the Broncos go to Foxboro to destroy the Patsies! In fact, I’m going to sacrifice two people just to be safe! You know those deities love murder!)

With the universe back in order, I can now enjoy all that the NFL has to offer! Thanks to the CEO of Time Warner for getting his head out of his ass and finally providing the NFL Network! (I can’t think of anything that is more un-American and treasonous than owning a cable company that doesn’t provide access to football games! Why Obama didn’t deploy Seal Team 6 to that jackass’ house, is a mystery to me!)

@PeteTeix617

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small change BIG CHANGE

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

It’s funny how a minor decision can cause major changes! (The best example of this may be the small decision not to wear a condom!)

Those of you who know me well understand that I am old school, for the most part. I listen to CDs from the ‘90s, I have a television which is not HD, I read books which I buy from an actual book store, I enjoy VHS tapes, I prefer PC to MAC, etc.

I truly believe that technology will cause us to lose basic life skills. Before cell phones, everyone had his or her own mental rolodex, consisting of hundreds of phone numbers. Now, the only numbers I remember are the ones from the past. I couldn’t tell you anyone’s cell phone number. (I can barely recall my own!)

I refused to signup facebook or twitter, but I want to establish a writing career, so I was forced to join the social media sites. Just like I expected, I can’t live without my phone. (How would I be able to forgive myself if I didn’t read the latest status update or tweet? No fucking way? I can’t believe OOMF did that! *It’s a twitter thing!*)

These new phones are magnificent, but make sure to keep a charger close by. My phone’s battery lasts about 23 minutes—half hour on a good day. (I have a charger by my bed, a charger connected to my desktop, a charger in the living room, a car charger, and one at work!) I can remember a time when having a flip phone with a caller ID window on the front was BOSS!

I have made a couple references about my displeasure with Comcast. Don’t get me wrong, the service is great. On-demand is wonderful and the NFL Red Zone channel is unmatched, but I was pissed because my receiver turned off whenever it felt like. I am the type to put up with a lot, so I didn’t do anything about the problem for several months; I just learned to accept the fact that I received a malfunctioning box.

There was an answer, DirecTV. I thought this would be a minor change, but I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Overall DirecTV is great. There are the days when a heavy rain will knock out the connection, but I had a horrible Comcast box so I am used to the inconvenience.

I own a dinosaur. Not an actual dinosaur, I am talking about my desk top. It is old and slow, and I call it Computersaurus Rex. I have an older version of windows with non of the latest perks. I actually used Computersaurus Rex to write my first novel—391 pages! (I am extremely proud of my accomplishment!) Computersaurus Rex can only be compared to an old water heater, which takes a long time to provide hot water. I remember watching Seinfeld and listening to Jerry describe the quirks of his old apartment. Elaine was spending the weekend, apartment-sitting for Jerry, and he said, “Before you take a shower, turn on the hot water, leave the apartment and run all of your errands, when you come back the water will be hot.” Computersaurus Rex is the same way! (I also have an old printer which was top of the line when I purchased it, but now it takes about two minutes to print one page. I wonder if my old typewrite still works? It was the best—the typewriter came with a delete button! That was big; no need for white out!)

In today’s fast pace world, Computersaurus Rex needs to be in the scrap heap, but I love the old machine. “Why are you talking about your computer?” I’ll tell you. Comcast was our previous Internet provider, and Computersaurus Rex was the home computer, which controlled the wireless. When we made the switch to DirecTV, the wireless location was changed. I have all of the necessary products, but Computersaurus Rex is unable to connect to the Internet.

For several days, I had to adjust my writing procedure. Instead of using Computersaurus Rex to write and post my blog entries, I had to ask my brother to use his laptop, for the uploading. I eventually gave in and purchased a laptop. I wasn’t looking for anything fancy; just Microsoft Word and an Internet connection. Did I stop using Computersaurus Rex for writing? HELL NO! I’m old school!

I currently write on Computersaurus Rex, then save the document on a DOK. (Disk On Key. It is an old school USB drive with only 8mb of space. I bet most of you didn’t even know they came that small.) I copy the document from the DOK and use my new laptop to upload the blog entry. I just can’t seem to type on the new laptop; the keys are way to sensitive and so is the mouse. I constantly click on objects by mistake. I once attempted to type on a MAC and I felt like an eighty-seven year old man. I simply don’t like change. (You guessed it, I am currently typing this entry on my old friend.) I honestly don’t think I will ever get rid of Computersaurus Rex! The dinosaur will have to stop working for me to stop using it as my primary writing tool.

I made the small change from Comcast to DirecTV, and I lost the Internet connection to my old friend. He’s just not the same anymore! A small change led to a BIG CHANGE!

I have many idiosyncrasies which people may find un-cool, but I love learning and I love challenging myself. If one was to open any of my old notebooks, he or she would discover several lists of U.S. states and capitals. “Why?” Because I like to test my self and find out how many I can remember!

I’ll try it one more time for old time sakes. (Play along—See how many you can get!)

  1. Massachusetts, Boston
  2. Florida, Tallahassee
  3. Connecticut, Hartford
  4. New Hampshire, Concord
  5. Maine, Augusta
  6. Vermont, Montpelier
  7. Rhode Island, Providence
  8. Idaho, Boise
  9. Louisiana, Baton Rouge
  10. Illinois, Springfield
  11. New York, Albany
  12. Montana, Helena
  13. Mississippi, Jackson
  14.  Missouri, Jefferson City
  15. California, Sacramento
  16. Arizona, Phoenix
  17. New Mexico, Santa Fe
  18. Wyoming, Cheyenne
  19. New Jersey, Trenton
  20. Delaware, Dover
  21. Georgia, Atlanta
  22. Tennessee, Nashville
  23. Kentucky, Lexington - Frankfurt (I never remember this one either!)
  24. Iowa, Sioux City – Des Moines (I can’t believe I couldn’t remember Des Moines!)
  25. Michigan, Lansing
  26. Indiana, Indianapolis
  27. Washington, Seattle – Olympia (How is it not Seattle?)
  28. Oregon, Salem
  29. Hawaii, Honolulu
  30. Alaska, Juneau
  31. Alabama, Montgomery
  32. Nevada, Carson City
  33. Colorado, Denver
  34. Utah, Salt Lake City
  35. Pennsylvania, Harrisburg
  36. Maryland, Annapolis
  37. Virginia, Richmond
  38. West Virginia, Charleston
  39. North Dakota, Bismarck
  40. South Dakota, Pierre
  41. South Carolina, Columbia
  42. Ohio, Columbus
  43. North Carolina, Raleigh
  44. Kansas, Kansas City – Topeka (I always forget this one!)
  45. Texas, Austin
  46. Oklahoma, Oklahoma City
  47. Minnesota, St Paul
  48. Nebraska, Lincoln
  49. Wisconsin, Madison
  50. Arkansas, Little Rock

96% I didn’t cheat, but it definitely took me twenty minutes to remember Arkansas, which is ridiculous since Arkansas plays in the SEC with the Mighty Florida Gators!

Post your results in the comment section if you decide to play along!

These are the types of activities that keep me from ever being bored!

@PeteTeix617

This Actually Happened – July 9th, 2011

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

My recent decision to switch from Comcast, back to DirecTV, reminds me of the first time a technician from the dish company came to install the satellite. The guy was from the Caribbean and he had a thick accent, I had to really focus in order to understand his English. I don’t remember his name, so I’ll call him “Barack.” [If you get through this without picturing the President, every time you hear his name, I will send you a check for 100 Billion Zimbabwe Dollars (ZWD)…don’t spend it all in one place!] For those of you who don’t know, the house is surrounded by trees, so the optimal location for a dish is on the roof. Barack wasn’t too happy about the spot, but he had no choice in the matter. There was a major problem involving access to the roof. A ladder had to be used, since the opening is in the hallway ceiling. The ladder, might I add, is wooden and from the 1970’s; it definitely added to the degree of difficulty. Did I mention that it was November, and I live in Boston; it was a particularly chilly day, and Barack didn’t have on any gloves. Initially, I accompanied him to the roof, but it was just too cold for me, so I returned to the comfort of my heated apartment and allowed Barack to take care of business on his own. Twenty minutes later, the satellite was ready to be connected. A nearly frozen Barack, returned from the roof. I neglected to add the fact that there were near gale force winds, which made the conditions less than ideal. I did my best to understand Barack and the installation went smoothly from then on. All of the wires were connected and Barack was about to program the remote when, I asked the one question that probably still haunts him to this day. “Is that the DVR box?” He looked at his clipboard. “Oh SHIT!” (perfectly enunciated!) “What?” I asked. “The DVR box needs another wire; I have to go back on the roof.” He shook his head. I have to say I felt sorry for the guy. He returned to the “North Pole” and stayed another fifteen minutes; Barack was trembling. The funniest part of the incident was when Barack had to call for technical assistance to complete the install. He had a Nextel phone and the conversation was on speaker. Picture this scene and imagine yourself trying to keep a straight face; I still can’t believe I held it in. Barack had a thick accent so the lady on the line was having trouble understanding him. Furthermore, the woman had a thick Indian accent and Barack was having trouble understanding her. I couldn’t believe it; they kept saying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand that.” There were a few times when I just kept my head down and turned away from Barack. It was the most hilarious conversation I have ever witnessed. The incident happened a few years ago so, regretfully,  I don’t remember any of the dialogue, but it was hilarious. BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

Check back tomorrow for a preview of next week’s blog entries.

On Monday, I will post an entry from a guest blogger…GET READY!!!

@PeteTeix617