Super Bowl Or Bust, from March 19th, 2012!
GO #1 BRONCOS!!!
This post is not what you thing; I don’t care about the real referees coming back. I honestly don’t understand why everyone is excited to have professionals get the call wrong instead of the replacements. (I must have missed the perfect games that were officiated by Hochuli and his gang of zebras!)
My enthusiasm comes from the agreement between the NFL and Time Warner cable.
For years, citizens of New York City and Los Angeles were left in the dark when games aired on the NFL Network. For some reason, the two companies could not agree on a covenant. (Football is my only religion! ORANGE AND BLUE!)
Previously, I couldn’t care less about this dispute because I wasn’t affected (Apathy is the American way!)
Here is how the previous dispute impacted my life:
When we moved to Los Angeles the obvious choice for our viewing pleasure was DirecTV. (Our house is a Broncos home and we need the NFL Sunday Ticket!) Unfortunately, our apartment is located in an area of the building that is not satellite dish friendly. The DirecTV associate said that we could get the regular system, but not the HD box. Personally, I don’t need the HD quality programming, but I live in a world of “Jones-keeping-up-with” and the decision was out of my hands!
We turned to Time Warner, thinking the company was owned by a red-blooded American, but we were wrong. Unbeknownst to us, the CEO is a dumbass! At least he (Or she. I’m not sexist!) was a dumbass!
We didn’t have access to most preseason games, no access to the REDZONE channel (That one still hurts!), and we didn’t get to watch any of the Thursday Night games. Not knowing what to do, we turned to the football gods and made a sacrifice. (There are thousands of homeless people in Los Angeles and I’m sure no one will miss the vagrant that we disposed of!)
***Speaking of vagrants, let me go off on a little tangent. Earlier this year, I came up with a brilliant plan to deal with the homeless people who beg for change. I am not burdened with the guilt that hovers over religious people so I don’t feel the need to care for the “Lazies!” Whenever someone asked me for spare change, I always replied, “sorry, I only have my debit card.” (For the most part, I was telling the truth!) My plan was fool proof, until recently. I stopped at a gas station mini mart to purchase a cold beverage and snack, when I was approached by one of the lazies. He asked for some spare change and I hit him with the standard line. His reply was priceless. “That’s cool; grab me a bag of chips then!” He said. I found his response to be quite amusing, so I grabbed him a bag of chips! (Laughter is a great way to earn an honest day’s handout!)***
The football gods were pleased with our sacrificial offering. We now have the NFL Network and the REDZONE channel! (I can’t wait to kill, I mean sacrifice another homeless individual when the Broncos go to Foxboro to destroy the Patsies! In fact, I’m going to sacrifice two people just to be safe! You know those deities love murder!)
With the universe back in order, I can now enjoy all that the NFL has to offer! Thanks to the CEO of Time Warner for getting his head out of his ass and finally providing the NFL Network! (I can’t think of anything that is more un-American and treasonous than owning a cable company that doesn’t provide access to football games! Why Obama didn’t deploy Seal Team 6 to that jackass’ house, is a mystery to me!)
*****POST NUMBER 300*****
Writing these posts feels nothing like fighting in a war!
Thank you to all the people who take a few minutes out of their porn surfing sessions to read my posts!
Dumb & Dumber
In an effort to protect the imbeciles, the names have been changed. I feel it is appropriate to call the gentlemen, Harry and Lloyd, in honor of the characters from the movie DUMB AND DUMBER. I’m not completely certain but before they left the apartment I think I overheard Harry say to Lloyd, “when are we gonna catch a break!” This incident happened on April 19th, 2012. I was unable to join the group because I had to work in the morning. The gang decided to eat at Hooters in Hollywood. While walking the boulevard, a large bus filled with hot women pulled up and the hottest starlet stepped out and approached Lloyd. She asked, “Excuse me, do you know what street this is?” Lloyd was enamored with the beauty and he noticed the many splendors aboard the bus; he replied, “It’s Figueroa.” The young woman stared at Lloyd; her inviting eyes were waiting for him to make a move. Lloyd looked as if he was about to make a move, but he failed to do so. Instead, he turned and began to walk away from the stunned magnificence. His left foot led, followed by his right. Just when the onlookers believed that he was a lost cause, something magical happened within those two steps. It was a moment of clarity. Lloyd couldn’t pass up this opportunity. He turned with the confidence of a poor Haitian boy during a math test, pointed to the hot girl, and stated, ”Figueroa near Hooters!” (Hold on a second, “poor Haitian boy during a math test?” That’s not the stereotype!) The young woman couldn’t believe what she was hearing. This clueless halfwit didn’t even make an attempt to get on the bus. At the exact moment that Lloyd began to walk away for a second time, my slumber was disturbed. I woke up in a cold sweat and heard a faint voice, off in the distance. The voice trailed off before I could hear the last portion but I did catch the beginning. I heard, “Wow! Two lucky guys are gonna be driving around with those girls…” The following morning, Harry reported that he was unhappy with the breast size of the Hooters girls. After hearing this tale, I’m guessing he thought they were too big! I did not witness this event, but the story has been confirmed by reliable sources! BELIEVE IT OR NOT!
Again, thanks to everyone who continues to read my posts!
Good luck to the Denver Broncos in this weekend’s NFL draft. (Just kidding! We have Peyton Manning!)
First of all, I’d like to thank Andrew Luck for playing lights out and forcing the Indianapolis Colts to release one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game.
Next, I would like to thank Jim Irsay for making a business decision and allowing the Denver Broncos to sign Peyton Manning.
Thirdly, I would like to thank Eli Manning for destroying the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl, allowing for a wonderful off-season.
Lastly, I would like to thank Tim Tebow for providing the Denver Broncos faithful with a great season; hopefully you will be able to stick around and learn from the best.
I would also like to send out a special thanks to Brandon Lloyd for guaranteeing that he will be next season’s Ocho Stinko!
For those of you who live in a hole, all of the hub bub is about Peyton Manning choosing to play for the Denver Broncos. This means only one thing; the Broncos are going to win the Super Bowl! (It’s obvious!)
There isn’t much more to say about the news; The Broncos are the best team in the league, hands down!
There is a great story unfolding around the big news. The San Francisco 49ers, announced that they were not interested in Manning because they were committed to quarterback Alex Smith, and then they went after Manning. Good luck mending that broken fence.
What the heck, allow me to discuss how great the Broncos are.
**Coach John Fox is a great leader!**
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE ARE THE DENVER BRONCOS!!!
*I am opening the bandwagon to all fans. You will have a week to make the switch; don’t hesitate!*
Please write your e-mail address in the comments section and I will send you an application. Please be advised that your loyalty will be to the Denver Broncos and no one else. You must vow to hate the New England Patriots, the AFC West teams and Philip Rivers! (Absolutely no exceptions!) In order to be eligible to receive an application, please provide a story in which you hated the New England Patriots, in the past. (For those of you who loved the Patriots, you may provide a story about your hatred for Philip Rivers!)
No one is to blame for the Denver loss. The team simply failed to produce on the big stage. My faith in Tim Tebow is as strong as it ever was; for Pete’s sake, the guy took a 1 – 4 team to the playoffs!
The Patsies are not a great team and they will lose, eventually; I’m certain of this fact.
The Broncos my have lost the game, but yesterday was a productive one for us. We met some more great people and put ourselves in a better position to succeed!
We drank our sorrows away at a local watering hole and cmpletely forgot about the game, until, of course, I remembered the need to post an entry.
To the Patsy faithful, I say congrats; that is all!
Go Anyone But The Patsies!!!
Our Friday was the longest day during our time in Los Angeles. We worked the Paramount Pictures Pre-Golden Globe Party. It was basically a who’s who when it comes to Hollywood. The gala was held on the Paramount lot, located in Hollywood. We met some great people and we had a fun time.
There was a lot of work to do, since we helped to prepare the food, prepare the serving tables, and then we spent the remainder of the time storing away most of the dishes, cups, and utensils. (It was a hard day’s work, but we were well compensated!)
The party did have some perks. We ran into a few celebrities. On our way into the studio, we walked by comedian Donald Glover, and I met actor James Caan, briefly. We were busy setting up the buffet table, when the woman in charge asked us to halt for a second. We stopped everything while a man and his small entourage walked by.; the man turned out to be none other than Hollywood tycoon, Sumner Redstone. (If you don’t know, he’s a pretty big deal!)
The party was a great experience and they seemed pleased with our work ethic; it appears we may be working during one of Sunday’s big events.
Now to a more pressing matter; it’s officially Tebow Time! Earlier in the year, my beloved Broncos suffered a suicide-inspiring loss to the lowly Patsies; I had to taste humble pie. (For a recap of my depressing post, click the link: Humble Pie Tastes Like Chicken.)
This time around, things will be completely different! The Great Tim Tebow will lead my battle tested Broncos to victory over the Brady Bunch! So it is written, so let it be done! My Facebook and Twitter accounts are filled with fearful Patsy fans who all know what their team’s fate will be on this beautiful Saturday afternoon. (Pacific Time, of course!)
We will enjoy the dominating performance while scarfing down grilled delights and nature’s happy nectar! (It would be boring to just say beer!) After the game, while all of New England will be curled up in the fetal position, crying themselves to sleep under thick winter blankets, we’ll probably find something awesome to do! (After all, the game will end around 8pm!)
The upcoming weeks will be a true hell on earth for Patsy Nation; I will constantly remind everyone of Tebow’s greatness! I honestly can’t wait!
Broncos 27 – Patsies 13
Sunday started off pretty normal; except for the fact that the first game began at 10am. We agreed to meet a friend of ours at a bar called Happy Ending, near the heart of Hollywood. Unbeknownst to us, the place was a New York themed establishment. The bartender wore his lucky Giants jersey and Big Apple memorabilia littered the walls. One might expect that a Boston fan might dislike the New York homage, but I spent a great deal of time in New York so I felt right at home. (The environment brought back some great memories!)
The New York Football Giants killed the lowly Falcons and which made the faithful more jubilant. It was a great environment to watch the game and we were well prepped for the main event. To our amazement, there were several other Broncos fans in the building and a healthy number of Steelers fans.
The game started off stupendously and the Great Tim Tebow led his team to an early lead. We had some light banter with the Steel City fandom which created for a more enjoyable experience. With the Broncos leading at the half by a score of 20 to 6, I was disappointed to watch the biggest Steelers fan of them all, walk out in disgust! (This guy needs to get a lesson in “gotta support the team!”)
I don’t have to remind everyone about the details; yesterday’s epic playoff victory will go down in history. We will all remember where we were when we saw Tebow Time enter into the post season. I’m not sure where we will watch next weekend’s games, but two of the waitresses are originally from Green Bay and they both promised to wear their jerseys for the big game against the Giants. It definitely should be a great atmosphere!
After the game which ended around five o’clock, locally, we headed for a cookout! (LA is an amazing place to live!) We ended up meeting some great people through one of @EFifdalgo12’s connections and they welcomed us to their home in East Los Angeles. I’m sure many people have their own thoughts about East Los, but we have nothing but positive things to say about the people and the area; we can’t wait to go back!
There was one major hiccup. We planned on buying some alcohol before arriving; we don’t like to show up empty handed. The first liquor store we entered was an experience we’ll never forget. The woman behind the counter notified us that she no longer sold alcoholic beverages. We were definitely shocked, but there was another liquor store directly across the street, so we assumed the competition got the better of her.
We entered and suffered the same fate; there was absolutely zero alcohol in the store. We called the house and explained our situation. In an effort to welcome us to the city, Leo was understanding and suggested that we bring soda. Showing up to a cookout with a couple bottles of soda is not our style, but we had very little choice in matter.
Apparently, there was a crackdown on liquor stores which operated outside of the law and the host, Carlos, was well aware of the situation. Thankfully, we were saved from embarrassment, and the next time we’ll purchase the liquor prior to arriving in East Los!
Carlos and his family were gracious and welcoming. We truly feel as if we are home! Obviously, no city will be able to replace Boston, but LA is definitely going to be where we plan on living for the foreseeable future.
I would have to say that the highlight of the night came towards the end of the evening. We explained that we are die hard Broncos fans and the guys listened attentively to our explanations for why we are all about the Mile High Ponies. They also admired our courage to just pick up and move across the country. Carlos shook his head and said the following, “I think it’s great that you guys flew out here and are trying to pursue your dreams; most people would be scared. I understand why you guys are here, but there is one thing that continues to baffle me. I get the whole explanation about being kids and hating the Patriots, but I just can’t understand why you guys like the Broncos. And I don’t think I will ever understand; it just doesn’t make any sense!” (Leo and Carlos are both Raiders fans; a fact that we definitely enjoyed!)
Los Angeles has its challenges, but for the most part, the people are friendly, helpful, and down to earth. I get the whole superficial stereotype, but we simply haven’t come across those types of people. Tomorrow is another day, and I can’t wait to wake up to a completely new experience!
By the way, getting up at 8am Pacific Time is the easiest thing ever. (I hope I am able to stay on Eastern Standard Time, forever!)
**We definitely had the AC on blast in the car, today!**
Before I display some of the pictures, allow me to celebrate the big win by Mr. Tim Tebow and the boys. The Denver Broncos are the real deal and the Patsies are about to get spanked next week! For everyone who took pleasure in the irrelevant meeting between the two teams, earlier this year, it payback time!
Tim Tebow Is The Man!!!
Pic 1 is the sign that says it all; we have arrived!
Pic 2 is of the wall that we set up in the home.
Pic 3 is of our street.
Pic 4 is of our driveway.
Pic 5 is of the house.
Pic 6 is of the dog that barks every time we walk by.
Pic 7 is of the little dog that lives with us.
Pic 8 is of the closet that someone spends all of his time!
Pic 9 is of our friend the sun, who comes out to greet us every single day!
Tomorrow begins the job hunt! Wish us luck!!!
We find ourselves living in Southern California and as expected, things did not go smoothly. Although we did not have a perfect beginning, we persevered and made it through the day, unscathed! We were forced to overpay for my heavy luggage, then we had to deal with some hiccups at the rental company, which we were able to finally figure out. Everything got back on track when we had to decide between two apartments, but things quickly took a turn for the worst when I returned to our chosen place of residence without the sheets that I purchased. I have control over my OCD, but there is no way I can sleep on someone else’s sheets. We drove back to the store and I retrieved my sheets; not before they checked the surveillance cameras to determine that I was not, in fact, a big fat liar! (What ever happened to the honor system?)
The most important fact is that our first month’s rent is paid and we have a safe place to live. We’ve already met some great people, including Dave, an actor who is up for an Academy Award. (It’s truly exciting that he wants to keep in touch and work together in the future!)
Now that we decided on where to live, it is time for us to tackle our unemployment problem. Hopefully, we will be done with the job search by the end of next week! (If not, it’s to the off ramps we go; someone has to sell those oranges!)
After landing, we were famished and decided to dine at Panda Express. Pretty decent food! Here is a picture from the parking lot. I love living near the mountains!
Tomorrow will be a new day; hopefully we will wake up refreshed and ready to watch the Broncos defeat the Steelers. We are still on East Coast time, it’s only 10pm, but to me, it feels like 1am. The most difficult aspect of the time change is the fact that tomorrow’s big playoff game will start at 1:30pm, locally. (I just hope we wake up in time!)
On January 8th, 2012, the world will witness the best edition of Tebow Time, to date! Everyone is familiar with Tebow Time, but for me, it’s Sleep Time!
Thank you to everyone who has supported our big move; we truly appreciate the love! I’ll keep the updates coming!!!
IT’S TEBOW TIME!!!
Sunday October 9th, 2011 was a low point for the Denver Broncos faithful. The team suffered another gut wrenching loss to the San Diego Chargers’ the Broncos were 1-4. To make matters worse, our quarterback was Kyle Orton. The organization failed to make the prudent decision and start the Great Tim Tebow. (I honestly gave up hope!)
Everything changed a couple days later; Head Coach John Fox saw the light and benched Orton. Tim Tebow was finally given the opportunity to prove himself. Many idiots questioned the move, but as a Gators fan, I knew better. There was no doubt in my mind that Tim Tebow would lead us to the promise land. (I am not referring to the playoffs; the Broncos are going to win the Super Bowl!)
Tebow proved all of the doubters wrong and won six out of the next seven games. On Sunday January 1st, 2012 the Broncos, led by their fearless leader captured the AFC West Championship! Most Broncos fans are happy with the results, to date, but I know what is on the horizon; Tebow is unstoppable!
Anyone can sit here and say, “I knew Tebow was great,” but I have proof. Not only did I predict Tebow’s success, I coined the phenomenon known as Tebow Time!
***For proof, read my post written on the Saturday before Tim Tebow’s first start against the Dolphins! This Actually Happened – October 15th, 2011 (ESPN owes me a few dollars!)***
First, the Broncos will destroy the Pittsburgh Steelers; I’ll watch from the West Side! To Patsy nation; keep your phones and social media profiles, ON! Once we remove the Steelers from Championship contention; the Broncos will head to Foxboro and take apart the Brady Bunch! (I may have to fly back for that game!)
This is truly the most exciting time of the year!!!
Question of the day: With Flynn’s performance yesterday, is Rogers overrated?
I hope everyone enjoyed bringing in the New Year; I know I had blast!
It’s Tebow Time!!!