Tag Archives: Commercials

The Most Interesting Commercials In The World

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

It is futile to argue, the Dos Equis commercials are hilarious. When it comes to advertising, EuroRSCG knocked this one out of the park. There is no way any beer drinking hominoid can watch one of the commercials and not have an urge to buy a case of Dos Equis on their next trip to the local liquor store. (This is a fact. Dos Equis sales increased exponentially since the ads began running!)

Although I enjoy most of the facts, there are a few that were lacking. Here is a list of the bad facts, and my improvements. (You may think the original facts work, and I’m not afraid to say that you are wrong!)

Bad Fact 1:

“He has inside jokes with perfect strangers.” At first, I thought this was funny, but then I thought about it and it’s not really unique. For example, if you are on a bus and someone slips while stepping off because it’s raining. You can share an inside joke with a complete stranger at their stop. As the stranger is exiting, you can say, “watch your step,” and the two of you will laugh.

My suggestion: “He understands every inside joke!”

Bad Fact 2:

“His small talk has altered foreign policy.” This isn’t anything new; small talk is how foreign policy gets worked out. Things get done when the big wigs have a couple minutes of down time and they let down their guards. Also, you put a couple Presidential aides in a room together and they’ll start chatting it up and foreign policy will be altered.  (Initially, I spelled it “Presidential Aids.” That would be something completely different; I would guess JFK and Clinton may know something about that!)

My suggestion: “His pillow talk has altered foreign policy!”

Bad Fact 3:

“His shirts never wrinkle.” Big whoop! Anyone can walk into Macy’s and buy a wrinkle free shirt.

My suggestion: “The steam from his body heat removes the wrinkles from his shirts, and they always smell April fresh!”

Bad Fact 4:

“He is left-handed. And right-handed.” We have a word for this; ambidextrous. There is nothing unique about being ambidextrous; you can’t read through a baseball lineup without seeing at least one switch hitter!

My suggestion: “He writes right-handed with his left hand!”

Bad Fact 5:

“He owns three sports cars and rents five.” This isn’t interesting. It’s just dumb. Who the hell owns three sports cars then rents more? Unless an owner of sports cars goes on vacation and rents sports cars; not unique! This fact just makes our beloved Dos Equis guy seem like a douche.

My suggestion: “When he rents a sports car, the company pays him for insurance!”

Bonus Bad Fact:

“He built a city out of blocks.” That’s pretty much how cities are built; one block at a time. I hope the ad people aren’t under the impression that Rome was built in a day!

My suggestion: “He built an indestructible  cardboard city for the homeless; 6 million residents live there!”

     I hope these were entertaining! Stay Thirsty My Friends!

@PeteTeix617

About these ads

Enough Is Enough

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

If people want to smoke, it’s time for whoever runs The Truth Campaign to shut the hell up and leave the smokers alone. As long as someone doesn’t smoke near me, I don’t care.

Everyone had to sit through the educational videos in health class and we all read the brochures. We get it; smoking causes cancer. Please do not confuse this post for some sort of smoker’s advocacy editorial; I am speaking up for the nonsmokers who have to sit through these ridiculously annoying anti-smoking advertisements.

The commercials were cool at first. They had some creative ways to share random smoking facts with the world, but there must have been a change at the top, because the new person, who is responsible for creating the ads, SUCKS!

I do not smoke. I have never smoked and I never had a desire to smoke a cigarette. (The fact that I specified cigarette probably makes people think that I am a smoker of marijuana, but I am not. I never touched “the pot.” I do enjoy an occasional cigar from time to time, but that’s all.)

Why am I bombarded with commercial after commercial teaching me how to stop smoking? I DON’T SMOKE! The Nicorette ads don’t bother me at all. I get it, people don’t have the will power to quit smoking and the magic gum, or patch will assist them. I have no problem sitting through such ads.

I do have a problem with the new ad campaign that continues to grow more and more disgusting. I DON’T SMOKE, but I have to sit through a commercial about people and their post cigarette hardships. What the hell did I do to deserve this?

The new spot contains some guy talking about how he suffered a heart attack at age 45 and now he can’t play basketball with his sons; it’s a real tear jerker if you give a shit. (I don’t!) If the first part of his story didn’t ruin your beautiful April day, the man lifts his t-shirt and exposes a nasty scar from the heart surgery. I would like to thank the idiot who approved this nonsense.

***Please excuse me as I go off topic and discuss the weather. April has always been known for its showers, but not here in sunny Southern California! April is even better in Los Angeles!***

     In another spot, there is a man who is barely breathing. I really don’t remember anything about the commercial other than the fact that I probably had to throw out the rest of my lunch which was uneaten and un-vomited.

Let me see if I understand the concept behind the ad. People have a choice. Either you can smoke, or you can choose not to smoke. If you smoke, you understand that you are putting your health at risk. In order to convince the people who ignored the warnings, let’s make everyone suffer through depressing commercials. (There has to be a way to try and stop people from smoking that does not bother the non-smokers! We chose wisely, like Indiana Jones, and it’s not fair to punish us with these commercials!)

Here is the real Truth Campaign. People will smoke because they enjoy smoking and they look cool; leave them alone. More importantly, stop harassing the non-smokers; we didn’t do anything!

It seems like the people at the Truth Campaign have decided that the non-smokers are to be disregarded as collateral damage in their war against the “Butt Heads.” I, for one, will not stand by and take this without a fight. In an effort to protest these horrible commercials, I will purchase a pack of cigarettes each week and hand them out to random people, after they buy Nicorette, in an effort to keep them from quitting! (If that doesn’t work, I’ll write a status update on Facebook and ask people to “like my status if you hate anti-smoking commercials.” I don’t usually like to go to such extremes, but sometimes people get pushed to the limit!)

I never thought I would hate the people who fight against cigarette smoking, but I hate the Truth Campaign! (I guess I only hate their dreadful commercials!)

I CAN’T HANDLE THE…

@PeteTeix617

Troubling Commercial

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

There are several commercials that are troubling, but recently I saw one that caused me to shake my head. It’s an Audi ad.

In the commercial, drivers of other high-end vehicles spot a car transporter that is full of different Audi vehicles. One guy climbs out of his BMW’s sunroof in order to jump onto the transporter and sit inside of an Audi. Several other commuters follow suit.

NICE

     The ad is not necessarily effective, but I am not commenting on the marketing quality. The aspect that I find most troubling about the commercial is the disclaimer which appears during the ad. Audi actually warns people from attempting to imitate the actions of the drivers. (It’s ridiculous that companies have to protect themselves from frivolous lawsuits!)

This Transporter

Not This Transporter

     I don’t want to live in a world where an idiot can cause serious injury to him or herself and then file a claim against a company. That being said, I will continue to live in this world because I have no control over such issues.

The way I see it, people who win such law suits should be forced to wear a Navy Letter! “What is a navy letter?” You ask. It’s similar to a scarlet letter; only navy blue instead of scarlet red. The “A” will be changed to an “F” for Frivolous! (Initially, my idea was to force people to have the Navy “F” tattooed to their forehead, but they don’t call me “Peter the Lenient” for nothing!)

     ***MY POSTS ARE NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RECREATE ANY OF MY ENTRIES. SHARING MY IDEAS MAY CAUSE PEOPLE TO ASSUME THAT YOU ARE INDEED INSANE!*** 

@PeteTeix617

Who Approved These (2)

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

Who Approved These Click the link to read the previous review!

Due to a lack of interest, I watched less television this week. I’m just kidding, I always have an interest for television, but the departure date for the move to Los Angeles is less than three weeks away and I’ve been busy. For this week’s commercial review, I will only discuss one bad ad. (I’m being extremely generous when I call the ad, BAD!)

The commercial is well known to anyone who either owns a television or spends an inordinate amount of time in Best Buy’s television section. (My initial thought was to say, Sears’ television section, but I realized how old that would make me seem, so I went with the younger, hipper, Best Buy!)

Waste of Money:

The bad ad comes from the Coors Brewing Company. Luckily for Coors, their product, Coors Light, is well known and reasonably priced, so there is no real need to worry themselves silly trying to figure out a great marketing campaign; they can afford to create nonsense. (This is a fact which is apparently obvious to the company!) As long as the product continues to remain budget friendly, people will continue to buy Coors Light.

Coors decided to take the easy way out and pay a celebrity to endorse their product rather than take the time to produce something creative. Well known rapper, actor, producer, and director, Ice Cube seemed to be the appropriate choice due to the fact that his name is the quintessence of cold. (Mr. Cube has come a long way from his days as a member of the infamous rap group, NWA!)

In the spot, Ice Cube argues with a can of Coors Light over who is colder. This would probably make more sense if the Coors Brewing Company created a can which remains cold without refrigeration, but they possess no such technology. If you take a can of Coors Light and place it under the hot summer sun, the beer will remain warm; like every other beer can in the known universe, Coors Light requires refrigeration.

The biggest mistake a company can make is to market something which cannot be controlled. Focusing your entire campaign on how cold your beer is; is idiotic. Only a dumbass would approve such nonsense! (I guess Budweiser cornered the market on “Tastes Great” and “Less Filling,” so the Coors Brewing Company felt compelled to monopolize the coldness market!)

Heineken actually has a great advertisement which mocks Coors’ “Cold Certified” label. Heineken shows off its basic can with absolutely no frills or thrills. Heineken reminds consumers that we have our hands to detect whether or not our beers are cold. (Heineken: Great tasting beer, and great marketing!)

The marketing strategy is bad, but the commercial gets worse. Often times, companies will create some ridiculous saying, that confuses the crap out of me. Coors laid a whopper on me. I have no clue what they are trying to convey with Ice Cube’s silly line, “I hope you got a mop in that bucket!”

What the hell does that even mean? It’s one of those dumb things that people say and everyone assumes that it has some significant meaning, but the truth is, the line is unbelievably dumb! In most instances, people are too worried about sounding like an ignoramus so they don’t challenge the words, but not me. I challenge Ice Cube and Coors to explain this nonsense. (In fact, I demand and explanation!)

I get that fact that Ice Cube is saying the can of Coors, which is inside of a bucket of Ice, will melt, therefore necessitating the use of a mop. What I don’t get is why he says it. The original premise is to discover which is colder, Ice Cube or the bucket of Coors Light. Is Ice Cube saying that he is so cold; his coldness will cause the ice in the bucket to melt? Does that even make any sense? What is going on in the world that people can actually produce such garbage? At no point in the commercial is there any source of heat. There will be no melting of ice; cubed or otherwise.

I can’t figure out the commercial and I have yet to find anyone who can make sense of Ice Cube’s asinine line. From this commercial, I take one fact; Ice Cube has reached a level of cold that is so extreme, he actually emits heat! (All I can say is, WOW!)

For the Coors Brewing Company, I have one suggestion. DON’T ATTEMPT TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX, UNLESS YOU EMPLOY PEOPLE WHO CAN ACTUALLY THINK! Stick with the basic and show a bunch of half-naked women, drinking your beer! (The focus on coldness a bad idea, but since they decided to travel down that path, why couldn’t they just have Ice Cube say that the can of Coors light is colder than he is?)

I do not want to drink a can of Coors Light! Not only is the advertisement bad, but it is unfair; there are too many low IQ people in this world who will actually believe that the beer remains cold at all times. The Coors Brewing Company should be ashamed of their horrible marketing strategy!

“I HOPE YOU GOT A MOP IN THAT BUCKET!”

@PeteTeix617

Who Approved These 3

Coming this week (25)

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

This week’s commercial review will be moved to Tuesday.

Monday’s post will be my reaction to the BIG game. (This will be the most enjoyable post to write!)

Wednesday’s episode of the Bagging Up series will be the conclusion of the first season! Season 2 will begin sometime after New Year’s Day!

*************************************************************************************************

This is a reminder to all Patsy fans: Your opportunity to become a loyal follower of Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos will end at 4:15pm Eastern Standard Time. To make the switch and become a winner, post a picture of you Tebowing as your Facebook profile picture! (Don’t miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity!)

Enjoy the game!

IT’S TEBOW TIME!!!

@PeteTeix617

Who Approved These

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

This will be a new weekly post. There are great commercials on television, but some of the ad agencies are failing to deliver the goods. Creating an entertaining thirty second spot for a product is great, but entertainment is not the purpose of advertising; the point of a commercial is to sell a product. Allow me to point out the “bad ads!”

Waste of Money #1:

The first spot which failed to sell the product is for a new car concept. The commercial is creative and innovative. It starts with a gas-powered toothbrush, followed by different examples of a world in which everything is gas-powered. Every time I see the commercial, I find it to be entertaining and thought provoking, but there is one major problem, I can never remember what is being sold.

This Sunday, the commercial aired during TEBOW TIME. I sat in the living room with several other people who had seen the spot previously. We remembered that it was a car commercial, but we couldn’t remember which car. (I saw the commercial at least seven times!) We all attempted to guess the car; it was either a Chevy Volt, a Nissan Leaf, some Honda hybrid, or a Prius. I guessed the Leaf, and I was quite disappointed when a Chevy Volt was shown at the gas pump. My brother was the winner, or so we thought.

It turned out, I was right. The commercial was for an electricity-powered Nissan Leaf. What a horrible ad. There was too much focus on the creativity, and no focus on the actual car. In fact, the car was only shown for a couple seconds, at the end. We actually came to the conclusion that the Chevy Volt was a better purchase since you can fill it with gas in case you run out of electricity. The ad agency should probably rethink placing one of the top competitors in the commercial.

I get the fact that the idea is to remove our dependency on gas, but reality has to set in; there are not enough electricity outlets for the Leaf. What happens if you are on the highway and you run out of electricity? You’ll probably want to have a backup gas tank. (I don’t even want to talk about the electricity bill!)

I do not want a Nissan Leaf. Anyone who buys one is an idiot; you’re not helping the environment. You are simply adding a major inconvenience to your life.

Waste of Money #2:

The next advertisement is for a Volkswagen. I would say which model, but I don’t remember. (If you’re wondering, that’s a bad thing!) The commercial is designed to sell the vehicle’s clear HD audio system. It’s probably my favorite commercial, but again, the purpose is not to entertain; the object is to sell the product.

The commercial shows several people singing the lyrics to Elton John’s famous song; Rocket Man. Each actor thinks he or she knows the correct words, but they are all way off. The words are, “burning out his fuse up here alone.” The people say, “I’m burning out this useless telephone, my hair is gone, all alone, cheap cologne, motor-home.” (I laugh every time!)

Finally, there is a man singing while driving and he has a woman in the passenger seat. He sings the wrong lyrics and she corrects him. This is a great way to end the commercial, if you are selling the fact that the woman is a better listener than the man. The commercial should have ended with the man and woman singing their own incorrect versions of the song, and finally correcting themselves after hearing the crystal clear lyrics over the car’s audio system.

I do not want whatever model of Volkswagen that is being sold in the commercial. This ad did a better job of placing the product on display, but they failed to leave a lasting memory of the product. If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say, “I need a car with crystal clear audio,” I wouldn’t have a dollar!

Waste of Money #3:

The final review for this week is for an Infiniti. The commercial fails to sell the product. In fact, the ad does a great job of helping to sell a BMW. There are several different versions. Basically, someone decided that snowballs are cool. (Clearly, it was not someone with a high level of intelligence!)

In one version, the driver of the Infiniti rolls a snowball down a hill and races it to the bottom. The driver of the BMW reaches their place of employment first and occupies the final parking space. The snowball grows as it rolls down the hill and crushes the BMW, removing it from the space. The Infiniti driver parks in the newly unoccupied space.

From this ad, I take away several facts. The BMW will get you to work faster. Both the BMW and the Infiniti handle exceptionally well in the snow. The drivers of Infiniti sedans are sore losers who resort to dirty tactics. (Are you sold, yet?)

In another version, the BMW driver beats the Infiniti driver to a red light. The commercial shows that both cars are great on the wet road. The BMW driver revs his engine and causes an avalanche to cover his car, thus allowing for the Infiniti to speed off in victory.

These commercials may have some entertainment value, but I do not want to buy an Infiniti. I don’t want to become a sore loser who has to fight dirty in order to out dual BMW drivers. This is a horrible idea. Never make the main concept of your advertisement, “buy our product; you’ll need to cheat to beat our competitor!” Do yourselves a favor and buy the BMW!

I will pick out some more commercials for next week’s installment, but before I end this post, I want to talk about the commercial I hate the most. It’s actually a great ad, but I can’t stand it. I love Coke and the “lesser cola” crossed the line when they created an ad in which the famed Coke polar bear chooses a can of “lesser cola” over Coke. The first time I saw the ad, a tear rolled down my cheek; I refuse to watch it. (I don’t know how people can drink that crap!)

Speaking of Bears, I hope everyone enjoyed TEBOW TIME!!!

@PeteTeix617

Who Approved These 2

Coming this week (24)

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

Over the years I noticed a troubling trend; there are a great deal of commercials that fail to deliver their message to the American public. From now on, Monday will be designated to pointing out the faults of some of the most popular commercials!

I will also conduct an interview with Barack Obama; sort of!

For Tuesday’s post, I will break down the most nonsensical proverbs!

This week, the Broncos will play against the lowly Chicago Bears; there will be no need for Tebow Time because we will destroy the scrubs!

@PeteTeix617