Two days ago, I was reminded that I forgot to write about my reasons for not wanting a child. My views on having children have been shaped over several years. This post is about why I don’t want children; please do not think that I am commenting on what other people should do with their lives. (I’m also not commenting on anyone else’s situation! I am simply answering a question, not judging anyone!) Live your lives and do what your heart’s desire! This may be a touchy subject, but I have never been afraid to speak my mind.
First of all, I love children and I always wanted to have my own family, but I have changed. I enjoy being around children and listening to their unfiltered views on life; there is an honesty which is lacking in the conversations with adults. Children have no idea how to be politically correct, which is refreshing.
At most family gatherings, I can be found enjoying a deep reasoning session with most of the children in attendance, but we live in a horrible world. I honestly don’t want to bring a child into this society, which is the true reason I don’t want children of my own. There may come a time in the future when I change my mind; this can only happen if I find myself living off the fat of the land in some remote corner of the world. There are too many evil people and I wouldn’t want my children to suffer at the hands of some sociopath.
To me, bringing a child into this world should be planned out and prepared for. (Obviously, people have unexpected pregnancies, but this entry is about “Why I don’t want children!”) I have developed a get up and go attitude; I need my freedom. There are many goals which I have set for myself and a child would force me to abandon most of those goals. (One goal is moving to LA, and a second is attending the 2014 World Cup in Brazil. Children don’t exactly fit into the picture!)
“You can still accomplish a great deal if you have a child.” This is true, but what would the affect be on my child? If I was absent because I was chasing a dream, is that fair to my son? I don’t think so! (I say son because I’m like Denzel in Training Day, “I only make boys!”)
There are many children who are born into adverse situations and they need someone to help improve their lives. I am not opposed to adopting in the future, but for now, I’ll continue to enjoy my freedom. Children are a major responsibility and I don’t think many people truly understand the amount of work that it takes to be a parent, until they actually have a child. I was once told, “you don’t have a child so you don’t know how difficult it is to raise one.” I replied, “I do know how hard it is to raise a child. Why do you think I don’t have any children?”
We live in a world in which the standard for what is considered a good parent has been lowered. I can remember only nine days during my adolescence that my parents were absent. They went on vacation for a week and the other two nights were only for a few hours so they could attend weddings; I refused to sleep at my grandmother’s house. I stayed up the entire night waiting for my parents to pick me up. Those days sucked! Knowing first hand, how difficult it is for a child to have an absent parent for only one night, how could I ever bring a child into this world without being completely prepared?
I’m not judging anyone for doing as they please, but I wouldn’t want my child to cry for me at night, while I was “enjoying myself” at a club. To me, leaving a child with a grandparent should never be about the parents having a night off; it should be about allowing the grandparent to bond with the child. Parents don’t get a night off, which is why I don’t want children! (For me, children need to be raised by their parents.) If you are not ready to make this type of commitment to a child, YOU ARE NOT READY TO BE A PARENT. (My opinion; I could be wrong! **WINK**)
I honestly believe that I am responsible enough to raise a child, but I don’t feel this world is suitable for anyone; it’s Hell on Earth. *I apologize to Mobb Deep for stealing that phrase!* No matter how great a parent you become, you always have to consider the parents of your children’s friends. I will have rules, and I can’t have my kids going over to a friend’s house in order to break them. (Listen to Hilary Clinton. It takes a village to raise a child! I don’t trust my village!)
I don’t even want to talk about the whores who are around. Am I supposed to have children with them? (I’m not suggesting that all women are whores, but I’m not a gambling man, and I definitely don’t like the odds!) Half of the guys at my baby shower would have already bedded my wife. (No thank you!) I understand that we live in a culture in which promiscuity is commonplace and “normal” if you will, but that doesn’t make it right. (At least not to me! Do as you please!)
Obviously, there are many single women out there who need some help from friends and relatives, because they were abandoned by the child’s “sperm donor.” (I know you didn’t think I would call such a male a father!) The key is to appreciate the help, and not to place the responsibility on someone else. “How come the woman has to be responsible, but the guy doesn’t?” No one said the guy doesn’t have to be responsible. He is not a man and decided to run away from his responsibilities. Do you wish to abandon your child as well? A child doesn’t get to pick who his or her parents will be, take the responsibility and raise your child as best as you can.
Single moms are wonderful people because they do a job that is meant for a couple! That being said, women need to stop talking about how horrible these deadbeats are; after all, the woman is the one who decided to sleep with the loser. She knew he was a “no-good-for-nothing,” and should have left him before allowing herself to get pregnant. Never mind the deadbeat, he is useless. Be strong and move on. At the end of the day, when the absent male witnesses a real man raising his child, he will suffer unspeakable pains!
Your children know whenever you abandon them for a night of fun. Obviously, people are free to do as they please, but children will grow up with resentment. Leave your child with someone else if you please, but understand that when he or she is older, the excuse, “Mommy needed a night to herself, or daddy had to take care of business,” may not be a good enough reason.
So far, it may appear that I am only talking about mothers and their responsibilities, but I am not going to forget the boys. I often here guys mention the need to leave a legacy. I don’t have a desire to leave a legacy through a child. Your legacy can come from achievement; it also can come from the affect you have on someone else’s child. (Hello! I do have a nephew and a goddaughter!) I also wonder if some of these “legacy” men realize that they are leaving a legacy which labels them as a deadbeat! (Great!) TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHIILDREN! Being a father is a responsibility, not a rite of passage. IF YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF PROVIDING FOR YOUR CHILD…DON’T HAVE ONE! IF THE PREGNANCY WAS NOT PLANNED…MAN THE FUCK UP!
I would also like to point out that, to me, being a father is a daily duty, not something that is done sporadically. Also, paying child support without being in your child’s life, is not being a father; the duty requires more than just money! This is why I believe I could only have a child with someone who I KNOW I will be with forever. (I know it’s almost impossible to be sure, which is why I don’t want a child!) Obviously, I understand that some situations make it hard for the father to see his child on a daily basis, which is fine; it’s the society we live in. I understand the mother of your child is a bitch, don’t explain it to me, explain it to your child! (I would never want to go a day without seeing my child, which is why I don’t want one!)
I already discussed the possibility of adopting a child, but I would also consider dating a woman with one or more children. That being said, it would have to be a woman who didn’t want to have a child with me. The woman would also have to be sans “baby daddy.” (I’m not about dealing with that situation!) This would also have to take place in the distant future, because for now, my focus is on moving to the “Left Coast!”
There is no way I can move to LA if I had a child; I love the freedom of not having one. The best part about someone else’ children, is the ability to give them back. (I’m a proponent of treating other people’s children like rental cars! Who cares if they fall every so often, the parents have insurance! Just kidding!)
I find it strange when people ask, “You don’t have a child yet…what are you waiting for?” I’m waiting for you to stop being a dumbass! When did having children become trendy? We don’t live in a perfect world and there are many different situations in which children are not raised by both parents. I can appreciate the complexities of relationships, and I don’t fault people for living their own lives. I’m not judging, I’m just pointing out that I don’t want to involve myself in any of the “baby mama,” “baby daddy” drama!
I believe children should be raised in a household with two people who are together. They don’t have to be married. They don’t even have to be heterosexual. I would much rather see a child being raised by a loving and stable gay couple, than by a single mom who has different men coming in and out of her bedroom on a regular basis. (I’m not suggesting that every single mom has a revolving door in her bedroom!)
Even if I had the ideal situation, being financially stable with a wife and a home, I still don’t want children; at least not children of my own. Any future wife of mine would have to agree to adopt! “What if your wife wanted a child of her own?” Then she wouldn’t be my wife. Marry someone who is perfect for you!
I know all this wife talk may seem like I am hoping to get married to some special lady, but nothing could be further from the truth. I plan on settling down in Gainesville with two bi-sexual FEMALE Florida Gators Fans! I will marry one of the women and the other will be her “best friend” and maid of honor, who “happens” to live with us! I can’t bring a child into that environment! (People usually think I’m kidding when I mention this reality…I’m Not!)
If you haven’t noticed, I didn’t give any praise to men who take care of their children…YOU DO NOT GET A PRIZE FOR DOING WHAT YOU ARE REQUIRED TO DO! Single moms on the other hand do get praised, because they are performing a double duty! (Obviously, I’m talking about the great moms!) I will give a special mention to all the single fathers who raise children on their own. Those men are the heroes of society! Conversely, women who abandon their children are…I don’t even have the capability to spew out the proper vitriol to describe them! I really should say more about how much of a low-life a dead beat dad is, but this post is about why I don’t want children, so I’ll leave them alone. After all, they have to look themselves in the mirror everyday!
There are those people who consider me to be selfish. They may be right. Selfish people shouldn’t have children!
LEGACY? NONE FOR ME…THANKS!