***THROWBACK POST***
A True Coke Head, from August 9th, 2011!
GO BRONCOS!!!
@PeteTeix617
Tag Archives: addiction
Phone Folks
Usually, my posts are for entertainment purposes only, but there are few instances in which I feel the need to assist my fellow man. (I’m from the ‘80s, before the invention of political correctness so the word man covers both sexes!)
This post targets a specific group of people, the dumb-phonies. “Who are the dumb-phonies?” you ask. I’ll tell you!
Dumb-phonies are people who do not have smart phones. They live in a simpler world in which the information super highway is not at one’s beck and call. I dub their phones dumb, because it is politically incorrect to use the word retarded, and mentally-challenged-phonies seems a little over the top.
If you are a dumb-phonie, I am pretty sure that you may see us smart-phoners and feel a slight sense of envy, but you don’t know what our lives are like, behind closed doors. You may walk by the phone section at Best Buy, or saunter by the cell phone kiosk at your local mall, looking at the plentiful selection and dreaming of the moment when you purchase your own smart phone, but these devices have a dark side. (Don’t lose your innocence!)
My phone made me add the picture!
Smart phones will bring the end of man. Our phones are becoming smarter while we grow dumber by the day. These flawlessly constructed machines also cause death and destruction without any hint of guilt. Homo sapiens are in danger of losing our lofty spot at the top of the food chain; smart phones are slowly replacing us as earth’s dominant species. (There is indeed a dark side and Satan is named SIRI!)
{Phone people are part of a cult and they don’t even know it! Since I brought up Apple, what the heck is up with the new leader? Is this guy insane? (I don’t know who was chosen to replace Steve Jobs as the leader of Apple, but I’m assuming it was a man. IS THAT SEXIST?) Why the hell did he decide to call the new Ipad, “THE NEW IPAD?” What the heck is the next one going to be called? Sometimes, companies make mistakes and promote the wrong person. Apple is going through one of those times!}
For shits and giggles, before leaving for work tomorrow, turn your smart phone off and place it in a drawer. If you can step out the door without making a mad dash for your plastic deity, consider yourself one of the elite! (I, myself, wouldn’t even be able to turn off the device without having a severe panic attack!)
***For diarrhea and side-splitting laughter (Do you see what I just did there?) take someone else’s smart phone and hide it!***
WARNING: Smart-phoners can become extremely hostile and unpredictable in such instances.
To the dumb-phonies, I say abstain. DO NOT BUY A SMART PHONE! Do mankind a favor and continue to live your safe mundane lives. Keeping up with the status updates of your “friends” is not the wonderful life that the smart-phoners make it out to be. We may seem on the exterior, but deep down inside, we are crying out for help. (Everything we stand for is a sham!)
The phones also cause us to neglect the well-being of our fellow citizens. According to recent studies, texting while driving is worse than drunk driving. I can’t recall how many times I almost killed a pedestrian because of my smart phone. Friends don’t let friends text while driving! (I once knew a man who drunk texted while driving. In the morning, not only did he wake up next to a beast of a woman, but he walked outside to find his car parked in her neighbor’s begonia garden!)
The garden hasn’t been the same since the unspeakable incident!
Texting while driving is becoming more and more of a problem. People are actually hoping for red lights so they can have the freedom to type up a quick text. (Honestly, we should be ashamed. I’m pretty sure the LMAO could have waited!)
I write about such things because I am one of the afflicted. The other day, I was waiting for a red light so I could send out a text, and it was green for a mile and a half. I wanted to kill someone. “Don’t these damn traffic light operators understand that I have something ‘important’ to send out!” I yelled, to myself, in my car.
I think my most egregious offense has to be when I drive with my knees, on the highway, going in excess of seventy miles, while texting. I’m ashamed to say that this happens more frequently than not. (OK, I lied; I’m not ashamed to say what I just said. Well, actually, I guess I can’t be ashamed since I didn’t say anything; I wrote it!)
Like any other bad habit, or in this instance; illegal habit, people seem to take the it-will-never-happen-to-me approach. Texting while driving is about as bad as it gets. Anyone who partakes in such a vice is basically telling the other motorists to fuck off! (Don’t tell other motorists to fuck off; it’s mean!)
Click the link to read the tragic story of a Montreal woman who recently died while texting her boyfriend. No one should ever have to go through such a heart-breaking experience. Emy Brochu Texting Death.
Hopefully, my words will be able to encourage dumb-phonies to stay away from the smart phones. If you are a dumb-phonie and you decide not to heed my advice, you will only have yourself to blame! In fact, not only should you not purchase a smart phone, you should set up interventions for your friends and family members who are addicted to their smart phones. (I sincerely apologize for coining the term dumb-phonies! I’m sure the people without smart phones are neither dumb, nor phonies!)
In case anyone was wondering, I am not addicted to my phone like the other smart-phoners; I can stop using my device whenever I want!
Disclaimer: No phone was used in the creation of this post.
@PeteTeix617
Dope Diva
When it comes to singing, Whitney Houston was one of the best vocalists of my era. She truly was a unique talent. That is a fact that cannot be refuted. Sadly, Whitney fell victim to addiction and her life spiraled out of control. (Is there anyone out there who was actually surprised when they heard that Whitney Houston died?)
My first thought when I heard the news, through Twitter, was, I’m surprised she lasted this long. Let’s be honest, drugs will ruin your life, regardless of how much money you have. One thing that really bothers me is when I hear people say, “I don’t care what drugs she was on; Whitney was a great singer.” That is complete nonsense. You do not give someone a pass, because they have talent.
Whitney Houston’s death is a teaching moment for all parents. It is time to make it absolutely clear to your children that drugs are the wrong choice. “Whitney Houston had all the talent in the world and she through it all away!” That is the only message that needs to be expressed.
While the world sat and watched Whitney Houston fall deeper into her addiction, no one did anything to help her. Most people simply laughed at the random updates and how ridiculous her reality show made her family appear. Now is not the time to speak up and lend your support to Whitney Houston. All of the Facebook and Twitter posts are unnecessary and a bit hypocritical. I don’t know what it is that makes people feel the need to write something that has absolutely no impact.
“Whitney, you’re the best. I’ll always love you!”
“Whitney, when I was going through tough times I always listened to your songs to get me through. RIP!”
Why didn’t anyone write that to her while she was alive? Why didn’t people write, “Whitney, your music changed my life and I hope you stop throwing your life away!”
Like all other celebrity deaths, this one has seemed to run its course. I’m happy that I don’t have to read anymore of the nonsense that people write. Addicts are people with problems; they need help not praise. Whitney Houston was not a hero; she was an addict who failed to get assistance for her disease. Please don’t prop her up on a pedestal. Use Whitney as the example of how not to live.
An American Tragedy
Show your children that they can do better with their talents! (Don’t miss an opportunity to send a clear message!)
@PeteTeix617
A True Coke Head
I guess it all started in the ‘80s during the height of the Coke craze. Coke was everywhere. Miami Vice was the top show on television and Brian DePalma’s Scarface was slowly becoming a cult classic.
My parents emigrated from the Cape Verde Islands and established a life here in the United States of America. In a way, you can say that my parents made a living from selling Coke. I know people may not agree with their lifestyle, but a good entrepreneur will always apply the basic economic principles, to make a buck; it’s supply and demand. People were hooked on Coke, and my parents supplied a pure product.
“Never get high on your own supply?” Sorry, tell that to someone who doesn’t have access to all of the Coke one could desire! There are those who prefer a lesser product, but I became a Coke Head.
My mother did her best to keep me from the Coke, but I was hooked. In some ways, she was responsible. I was a little kid—who do you think supplied me with my Coke.
Older family members and friends didn’t do much to stop my addiction to Coke. All I heard while growing up was, “You’re going to take over when your father retires. You’ll be running the Coke business.” I didn’t think that was the best idea. I knew I had a problem and leaving me in charge of all that Coke would be a big mistake!
Day after day, I heard the same thing, “That’s enough, you don’t need anymore Coke!” “It’s almost bedtime, no more Coke for you!” It was torture! My mother provided the Coke, but attempted to limit my use. If I didn’t need her to keep supplying me with the Coke, I would have called child protective services; it was child abuse! You can’t have a house full of Coke and expect me not to enjoy myself.
One vivid childhood memory, was dinner at my maternal grandmother’s house. The food was always delicious, but there was one ridiculous rule which sucked ass! (Sorry Vovo, but that rule will never make sense to me!) “No Coke until after dinner!” Are you bleeping kidding me! How does that make any sense? I need my fix before, during, and after dinner!
It’s not what you think. My parents aren’t drug dealers and I don’t use cocaine! I’m talking about the greatest soft drink ever created, Coca-Cola. (My apologies to real cokeheads who clicked on this blog in hopes of reading about my addiction to cocaine. I can’t help you with your addiction! You do not have a brethren!)
My preference for Coke began in the mid ‘80s. It seemed like everyone was jumping on the bandwagon. (The lesser cola will not even be mentioned in this post! I don’t drink that crap!) I come from a large family and there are a few other Coke Heads, but we are a small minority. Most people preferred the lesser cola, but enjoyed Coke whenever it was the only cola available. I’ll never understand how people can say the dumbest phrase concerning cola, “Coke and the lesser cola are the same!” (There is no competition. Coke is by far a superior soft drink!)
For many years, I developed the practice of asking for Coke, then asking the waiter or waitress if it’s Coke or the lesser cola. (Giving someone the lesser cola instead of Coke should be illegal and a punishable offense. I think a month in the “clink” is enough time to think about the egregious error!) I don’t own stock in Coke, nor do I have any affiliation with the company; I just know what I like.
I don’t understand how people can drink the lesser cola. It’s disgusting; I have never enjoyed the taste.
***Give me a few minutes…just the thought of tasting the lesser cola makes me nauseated!***
[This is completely off topic, but let me take this moment to address something that peeves my pet. Don’t say something makes you nauseous. It’s a misuse of the word. Over the years the incorrect usage of nauseous has been widely excepted…STOP! Nauseous means you have the ability to make someone else sick. Use nauseated! Thank you, and you’re welcome for the free lesson!]
There’s nothing like an ice cold glass of Coke. I can’t get enough! I know coke is bad for you and it can be used to clean pennies, but who cares. I take great caution not to misuse the product. I may drink a couple 2-Litres one day, but I’ll drink a gallon of water the following day. I don’t abuse my Coke!
If you recall my McDonald’s post, I hate when the workers replace my Coke with a diet coke—it happened again the other day and I was forced to discard the drink! I’m going to lose it one day and throw the drink back in the workers face. Wait…what am I thinking. I’ll never do that because I refuse to drink my soda until I am a reasonable distance form the establishment. Why? Because people are sick and I will not give some asshole the satisfaction of watching me drink a contaminated Coke! (I know…I’m weird!)
The worst phrase a waiter or waitress can say is, “we don’t have Coke, will this lesser cola be ok!” No! It will not be ok, you goddamn son-of-a-bitch! (Sorry for the language, but I really hate the lesser cola!) I’ll have a Mountain Dew, thank you very much! (I would never speak to a waiter or waitress in a derogatory manner; I like my food untainted!) It was a tough going in the early days, before I discovered the delicious Olympian-god-nectar named Mountain Dew. I did my best to avoid KFC because they don’t sell Coke. I’d like to meet the man from Dumbazia who came up with that “great” idea! (The place should be closed down. Score one major point for Popeye’s; my new exclusive chicken joint sells Coke!)
People may find this strange, but I can probably count on my hand the number of times I drank the lesser cola in the past 25 or so years. The first incident since ’85 happened during a 2003 road-trip to Rhode Island. I traveled with a friend of mine who was picking up a family member from college, and he asked if I wanted a drink from the vending machine. He returned with the lesser cola and I was in a quagmire. I wanted to decline the drink, but I had to ask myself, “What would Jesus Do?” (The decision was simple, I poured the lesser cola on the ground and walked on it!) Just kidding, no miracles happened, I did the “right” thing and accepted the beverage.
The other lesser cola moments happened whenever I was at someone’s house and I was forced to be polite, or maybe I’ve used the lesser cola a couple times for a mixed drink, but I am not a fan! I honestly have no idea what the drink tastes like.
I know what everyone has been thinking up to this point! “It is most probable that you would fail the lesser cola challenge!” WRONG! I’ve attempted the challenge and have successfully chosen Coke every single time. I even spit back the lesser cola in protest!
That’s right, I was lesser cola free for 18 years. (My golden years!) The last time I had the lesser cola was probably a few years ago; I’m not sure it counts because I was most likely drunk. I wish I could provide a more accurate account of my last encounter with the lesser cola, but I try my best to black out the incidents!
I have decided, my preference is more important than being polite. I will not drink the lesser cola for the rest of my life. No matter the situation, tap water will suffice! There will come a day when a guest will arrive at my house with a bottle of the lesser cola and I will thank them, open the bottle, and pour it into the sink!
When it comes to soft drinks, Coke is #1 and Mountain Dew is 1A. To the other company who produces the lesser cola…FUCK YO DRINK! *Rick James’ Voice*
To say I’m passionate about my preferences, is an understatement. I’m not crazy! I’M JUST A TRUE COKE HEAD!!!
@PeteTeix617
