Category Archives: sports

“Let’s Go”

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

This rallying cry can be heard from most athletes, regardless of the sport. Whether it’s a shooting guard making a three-pointer, a striker scoring a goal, a defensive end recording a sack, or even a curler who executes a weld in the last game of a bonspiel. (I did say every sport!)

I’m here to reveal the truth; “let’s go” is not only the most overused phrase in sports, it’s arguably the second most egotistical, after “gimmie the damn ball!” (I can’t think of any other phrase that is more cliché than “let’s go!”)

“What do you mean it’s egotistical?” You ask.

It’s simple. Athletes only yell “let’s go” AFTER they do something successfully. What the individual is actually saying is, “I know we’re losing; I’m doing my part, when the hell are the rest of you guys going to pull your own weight?”

I have yet to see a baseball player walk to the batter’s box and yell “let’s go” prior to stepping in to take his swings. Honestly, it may never happen.

“Why not?” You wonder.

Athletes don’t yell “let’s go” before they do something spectacular because that would mean taking responsibility and egotistical players are not about that life. They would never risk looking like a complete ass. On rare occasions, you will actually hear an athlete yell “let’s go” after failing to make a play. This kind of person is the supreme egomaniac. He believes that he has carried the team for most of the season and figures it’s about time for someone else to carry the load.

These jerks are your Lebron James, DWade, ARod types. You’ll definitely see them chew-out their teammates whenever a mistake is made, but no one has the cojones to call them out. (Lebron James usually yells at Mario Chalmers at least twice during each game!)

I really hate watching NBA games in which a team is down by twenty-five and having to see some scrub, off the bench, hit a three and yell out “let’s go!” It’s almost enough to make me lose my lunch! Who the Hell told these bums that they have the right to say anything?

My favorite ”let’s go” of all-time took place in the movie Varsity Blues. Towards the end of the movie, after the players refuse to play for their self-absorbed leader, he makes a last ditch effort to rally the guys; I love that scene!

You can watch the scene here: Varsity Blues.

John Voight is the man!

     I know I mentioned the NBA but I don’t enjoy watching the games anymore; the referees are out of control. I’m not some homer Celtics fan who is blaming the referees for our two losses in Miami, I’m complaining about their calls against the Heat, the Celtics, the Spurs, and OKC. I barely watch the games anymore. I did catch some of the first half of Game four in Boston, but once Paul Pierce was assaulted and the referees failed to blow the whistle, only to call a soft foul for DWade on the ensuing possession, I decided to watch Holmes Inspection on HGTV! I did catch the end. DWade and Lebron James are like two used manual transmission cars, each with over three hundred and forty nine thousand miles on the odometer; you may encounter some problems with the clutch! (Football season can’t get here fast enough!)

***This is completely off topic, but buying a home is scary. There are some piece-of-shit contractors out there. BE CAREFUL, PEOPLE!***

     The NBA sucks ass! The only game I was looking forward to on Sunday was the international friendly between Brazil and Mexico. Although the Brazilians lost, I love watching the “beautiful game!” I can’t wait for the World Cup: Brazil 2014! (If I’m not there, I’m going to contemplate pulling a Seau!)

***Please keep your “soccer is boring” comments to yourself; you don’t want to sound like an uninformed ignorant jackass! Soccer is the most popular sport in the world, the fact that you do not have the ability to understand what is happening on the pitch is probably the result of an under-developed brain! (It is ok to dislike all the flopping!)***

@PeteTeix617

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Did Someone Turn Off The Heat

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

I would like to extend a THANK YOU to the Indiana Pacers for beating the hated Miami Heat!

GO PACERS!

No, not that Pacer; I didn’t even know this paper existed. Let me try this again.

GO PACERS!

Damn you auto-picture correct. Give me the freaking Pacers.

GO PACERS!

What the hell; I guess this will have to do!

     Let me make one thing absolutely clear; I hate the Miami Heat.

     If you’re like me, you have two favorite teams. The first team is your favorite team and the second team is which ever team opposes the Miami Heat. (Everyone actually has three teams but this post is not about hating the lowly Lakers! I don’t have to waste any energy hating them because they suck!)

     My hatred for the Miami Heat is not because they are a great team; it is clear that they have big flaws. I hate the Heat because three stars joined forces in an effort to dominate the league, but they got destroyed by the Dallas Mavericks in the NBA Finals! (I know the Celtics basically did the same thing, but the Celtics won!) I don’t want to see LeBron James and D Wade win until they separate. The other guy is insignificant, and not really a star.

     Chris Bosh, better known as the other guy, was a beloved player as a member of the  Toronto Raptors, but like an asshole, he signed with the Heat and became one of the most hated players in the league. Great decision!

@PeteTeix617

Meta World Lunacy

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

There aren’t many things in this world that shock me, but I was floored by what occurred at the Staples Center in Los Angeles on Sunday April 22nd. Ron Artest (I refuse to call him that nonsense that he created!) lost his freaking mind and assaulted Oklahoma City’s James Harden.

Not only was the act a criminal one, but Artest’s actions were cowardly. An unaware James Harden was blind-sided by an elbow to the head which was clearly thrown with the intent to decapitate. I can’t even watch the video anymore because it is unbelievable that Harden didn’t suffer brain damage. I honestly don’t know how he walked away with only a mild concussion. (That guy is one lucky fella!)

NBA commissioner David Stern finally handed out the punishment for Artest’s unwarranted attack. The lunatic was suspended for seven games, and it appears that the Los Angeles county prosecutor will not pursue criminal charges. (What a shame!)

Many people may believe that the punishment fit the crime, but I strongly disagree. Artest should have been suspended for the 2012 playoffs along with the entire 2013 season. (If Stern decided to ban him for life, I would have agreed with the decision!)

Basketball is a sport. There is no place for thugs. There are impressionable children who love the sport and allowing Artest to get away with (attempted) murder is sending the wrong message. If this incident occurred in any other workplace, the offender would have been terminated on the spot, and criminal charges would have been pursued.

Obviously, Ron Artest does not understand that playing in the NBA is a privilege. The best players in the world compete at the highest level and fans watch to see athletes not gladiators. The NFL got it right; New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton oversaw an organization which placed bounties on opposing players. Payton was suspended for a year. (Hey Stern, I think it’s time to give NFL commissioner Roger Goodell a call!)

Ron Artest thanked his therapist after he won the NBA Championship. It appears that he may need a few more hours of therapy because he clearly has many more demons lurking inside of his cranium. If anyone knows Ron, please inform him that I am available to help him with his problems. I’ll even work at the discounted rate of $650/hour. (I must also request that Mr. Artest is restrained in the same manner as Dr. Hannibal Lecter in the movie The Silence of the Lambs!)

No Ron, I haven’t seen your baseball!

@PeteTeix617

The Drought 30

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

It is finally over! Tiger Woods is back!

     I started watching golf in the early nineties. (By watching golf, I mean playing the sport on video games!) My favorite player was always Jack “The Golden Bear” Nicklaus, and I enjoyed competing against the course and the unfortunate individuals who challenged me. (I’m kidding; I honestly don’t remember who won!)

The video games were fun times, but watching golf on television left a little to be desired. (Actually, it left a lot to be desired!) The sport was boring, and I hated the networks for taking up valuable television time with a bunch of old guys walking around a boring course. “Honestly, who the hell watches this crap?” I often yelled.

Everything changed when a young amateur named Tiger Woods competed in his first Masters. He didn’t win, but it was evident that he was a future star. I watched some of the coverage, and I slowly gained interest in the sport.

In 1997, Woods dominated at the Masters and won the Major by 12 strokes with a final score of (-18). I was hooked; I watched every second of the final day. I became a fan of the sport because of Tiger Woods and the Masters is my favorite tournament. (The fact that the Masters is held in the greatest month has nothing to do with anything; these things happen!)

I was deeply saddened when Tiger became an average golfer. I’m a big fan and it’s great to see him back to his winning ways. I’m assuming that he is also back to smashing random whores. (I apologize for calling the women who elect to sleep with Tiger Woods, whores. I’m sure they are misunderstood, and I probably don’t know them so how can I judge them? ***I was laughing out loud while typing the last statement!***)

Adultery is dumb. I’m not talking about any morality; I am simply looking at the business side of things. If a man plans on cheating on his wife, he should not get married. DIVORCE IS EXPENSIVE! (If you don’t believe me, as Kobe or Tiger!)

To read more about my thoughts on marriage, follow the link: My Proposal To Save Marriage.

Tiger played in 30 tournaments without a win. For a Woods’ fan, Sports Center was was almost unbearable. Thankfully, the golf world is back to normal. Let me see if I can remember the old adage. Behind every successful man is an infinite amount of insignificant sluts! Tiger Woods is winning! (Not in the crazy Charlie Sheen sense!)

Don’t worry, Tiger. You’re not married anymore; it’s all good!

     I don’t know about everyone else, but I’ll be tuned in for this years’ Masters.

GO TIGER!

@PeteTeix617

Super Bowl Or Bust

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

First of all, I’d like to thank Andrew Luck for playing lights out and forcing the Indianapolis Colts to release one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game.

Next, I would like to thank Jim Irsay for making a business decision and allowing the Denver Broncos to sign Peyton Manning.

Thirdly, I would like to thank Eli Manning for destroying the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl, allowing for a wonderful off-season.

Lastly, I would like to thank Tim Tebow for providing the Denver Broncos faithful with a great season; hopefully you will be able to stick around and learn from the best.

I would also like to send out a special thanks to Brandon Lloyd for guaranteeing that he will be next season’s Ocho Stinko!

For those of you who live in a hole, all of the hub bub is about Peyton Manning choosing to play for the Denver Broncos. This means only one thing; the Broncos are going to win the Super Bowl! (It’s obvious!)

I can get used to seeing this every Sunday!

     There isn’t much more to say about the news; The Broncos are the best team in the league, hands down!

There is a great story unfolding around the big news. The San Francisco 49ers, announced that they were not interested in Manning because they were committed to quarterback Alex Smith, and then they went after Manning. Good luck mending that broken fence.

What the heck, allow me to discuss how great the Broncos are.

  1. Elvis Dumervil, the king of sacks is back and healthy.
  2. Von Miller will be even better than last year.
  3. Champ Bailey is and always will be a lock-down corner.
  4. Willis Mcgahee is getting back to his former self.
  5. Knowshon Moreno is back and healthy.
  6. Eric Decker will be the next Brandon Stokley.
  7. Demaryius Thomas is in his third season and he will be a beast.

**Coach John Fox is a great leader!**

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE ARE THE DENVER BRONCOS!!!

     *I am opening the bandwagon to all fans. You will have a week to make the switch; don’t hesitate!*

Please write your e-mail address in the comments section and I will send you an application. Please be advised that your loyalty will be to the Denver Broncos and no one else. You must vow to hate the New England Patriots, the AFC West teams and Philip Rivers! (Absolutely no exceptions!) In order to be eligible to receive an application, please provide a story in which you hated the New England Patriots, in the past. (For those of you who loved the Patriots, you may provide a story about your hatred for Philip Rivers!)

Go Broncos!!!

@PeteTeix617

This Actually Happened – March 10th, 2012

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

Lakers Fans Hate The Celtics

The other day, I drove to the gas station and pulled into one of the pumps. There was a problem with the machine so I had to walk to the window in order to pay the attendant. As soon as I approached the window the guy seemed repulsed. “You just ruined my day, bro. That shirt is my kryptonite.” He yelled in disgust. I looked down and saw that I had on a Boston Celtics t-shirt. I laughed at his antics and assumed the transaction would begin shortly thereafter. (I was wrong!) “Hey Jose, get me my Lakers sweatshirt!” The attendant yelled again. (Again, I thought it was a joke!) He continued to carry-on about how much he hates the Celtics. I apologized and said that I was from Boston; he didn’t care. (Honestly, I just wanted some gas!) After a few moments, he disappeared. About a minute later, he returned to the window with his Lakers’ sweatshirt. “Now that I have on the purple and gold I can help you.” (I was pretty sure I didn’t want to purchase gas form this guy, but I decided to get the incident over with!) He completed the transaction and handed me back my card. “Honestly, the Lakers and Celtics have the best rivalry.” He said in a calm voice. I agreed and quickly filled the tank before speeding off. (To any law enforcement officers who may happen to read this entry, I drove at the legal limit!) If that incident wasn’t weird enough, about a month ago, I was driving through South Central LA and the green Mustang in front of me shocked me. There was a huge Lakers sticker covering the back window and the Mustang logo on the bumper was concealed by large mustard yellow lettering which read, “The Celtics Suck.” (I kid you not!) Come to think of it, I got pulled over by the police on the same day of the gas station incident. I hope it wasn’t the Celtics T. These Lakers fans are out of control! BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

I honestly don’t know what the big deal is; the Lakers are great…to piss on!

Sunday will be the day I find out if the Seton Hall Pirates make the tourney. Go Pirates!

I hope everyone is ready to get those brackets filled out!

@PeteTeix617

Bad Bear

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

Regardless of anyone’s political views, meeting the President of the United States of America is and will always be an honor. This week, Boston Bruins goalie and Stanley Cup Finals MVP, Tim Thomas allowed one to slip past his pads. (Right through the five-hole)

Missing the opportunity to stand at the White House and to allow the President the chance to celebrate your accomplishment should be an honor, but Thomas decided to take the low road and make a political statement.

Instead of being recognized as a hero, Tim Thomas is the nation’s new jackass. Everyone should support his or her political views, but there is a time and a place. The way I see it, Tim Thomas should have missed the start of the Bruins regular season so he could live in a tent and become one of the Occupy Boston ninety-nine percenters.

I’m not clear what he attempted to accomplish with his recent snub, but I’m pretty sure Tim Thomas has displayed the mental acumen to become the party’s next Presidential candidate. In the future, if anyone finds themselves in a position to meet the President, don’t make yourself out to be an ass by turning down the invitation. Tim Thomas is now as un-American as the weird foods that can be seen on Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern! (I don’t even think Mr. Zimmern can stomach Tim Thomas’ actions!)

Tim Thomas is an idiot!

@PeteTeix617

The Beginning of Greatness

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

     Sunday October 9th, 2011 was a low point for the Denver Broncos faithful. The team suffered another gut wrenching loss to the San Diego Chargers’ the Broncos were 1-4. To make matters worse, our quarterback was Kyle Orton. The organization failed to make the prudent decision and start the Great Tim Tebow. (I honestly gave up hope!)

Everything changed a couple days later; Head Coach John Fox saw the light and benched Orton. Tim Tebow was finally given the opportunity to prove himself. Many idiots questioned the move, but as a Gators fan, I knew better. There was no doubt in my mind that Tim Tebow would lead us to the promise land. (I am not referring to the playoffs; the Broncos are going to win the Super Bowl!)

Tebow proved all of the doubters wrong and won six out of the next seven games. On Sunday January 1st, 2012 the Broncos, led by their fearless leader captured the AFC West Championship! Most Broncos fans are happy with the results, to date, but I know what is on the horizon; Tebow is unstoppable!

Anyone can sit here and say, “I knew Tebow was great,” but I have proof. Not only did I predict Tebow’s success, I coined the phenomenon known as Tebow Time!

***For proof, read my post written on the Saturday before Tim Tebow’s first start against the Dolphins! This Actually Happened – October 15th, 2011 (ESPN owes me a few dollars!)***

     First, the Broncos will destroy the Pittsburgh Steelers; I’ll watch from the West Side! To Patsy nation; keep your phones and social media profiles, ON! Once we remove the Steelers from Championship contention; the Broncos will head to Foxboro and take apart the Brady Bunch! (I may have to fly back for that game!)

This is truly the most exciting time of the year!!!

Question of the day: With Flynn’s performance yesterday, is Rogers overrated?

I hope everyone enjoyed bringing in the New Year; I know I had blast!

It’s Tebow Time!!!

@PeteTeix617

This Actually Happened – December 24th, 2011

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

You Betcha

     Although the Denver Broncos lost last week, some good may come out of the game; I made an interesting bet with one of my cousins. At the end of the day, nothing may come out of this, but if one of us wins, it will be epic! Before I reveal the details of the wager, allow me to give some background. My cousin is the executive director of a nonprofit organization. He has an Ivy League degree, and he has never consumed a drop of alcohol. If the Denver Broncos win the Super Bowl, he will be forced to purchase a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label and take three shots. (I hope he doesn’t turn into an alcoholic! *WINK*) If the New England Patriots win the Super Bowl, I will have to attend a mass at St Patrick’s Church in Roxbury, and SING the hymn! (Lucky for me, I have a great singing voice!) I have faith in Tebow! I honestly think the Broncos will come through for me! BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

I RECENTLY EXPERIENCED A MIRACLE! I DRANK A RED BULL BOTTLE AND OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST APPEARED, RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES!!! THANKFULLY, I CAPTURED A PHOTO!!!

HE’S A LOT SMALLER THAN I THOUGHT!

@PeteTeix617

That’s Just Super

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

     The Boston Celtics are truly unique. The 2008 green team is the only group to overcome the odds and win by creating a super team. General Manager, Danny Ainge, combined three legends; Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen joined Paul Pierce to form, on paper, an unbeatable team. The expectation was “championship or bust,” and thankfully, the trio delivered; it will not happen again. (Sorry Miami, but your team will suck again!)

I cannot speak of the super teams which existed before my time because I am not an NBA historian. The first super team that I can recall is the 1996-1999 Chicago Bulls. Legends, Scottie Pippen and Michael Jordan, welcomed super defender Dennis Rodman, and the Bulls won three consecutive championships. (Great team, but Rodman is a weird dude!)

The next super team is the 1996-1997 Houston Rockets. After winning consecutive championships, the Rockets traded for Charles Barkley. He joined two other legends; Hakeem Olajuwon and Clyde Drexler. There was one major obstacle for the super team; Michael Jordan returned to the Bulls and he was ready to reclaim his throne. Tragically, for Sir Charles, the super team didn’t even make it to the Finals. (The loss was bad but Charles Barkley’s golf swing is worse!)

Watch video here: Worst golf swing ever!

     An even greater super team is the 2003-2004 Los Angeles Lakers. Superstar player, Karl Malone, joined the Lake Show to form a super team. Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant were joined by All-Star point guard Gary Payton and Malone; the team was guaranteed to win, except for the fact that they failed to deliver. The loss was so unbelievable that the Lakers separated the unstoppable tandem of Shaq and Kobe. (Kobe lost his mind and became a rapist, ALLEGEDLY!)

*They’re going to love me in LA!*

     We all know about LeBron James, taking his talents to South Beach and riding Dwayne Wade’s coattails to an NBA Finals loss. The team was dubbed the next Big Three, but who the hell considers Chris Bosh an NBA legend? (Future generations will use the analogy: A baby’s bottom is softer than Chris Bosh!)

This year, everyone seems to be attempting to create their own super team, The New York Knickerbockers are the only team to succeed, as of yet. They added defending champion and All-Star center, Tyson Chandler, to their extremely talented tandem of Carmelo Anthony and Amar’e Stoudemire. Fear not Celtics fans; New York will not dominate anything; their last title came in 1973. I actually feel bad for the Madison Square Garden; the world’s most famous arena houses a bunch of losers.  (The Knicks will not win an NBA championship in my Lifetime!)

The reason super teams do not produce championships is the fact that a key element is overlooked; CHEMISTRY! The Celtics won because they combined three selfless stars, who were only concerned with winning. The other teams have self-centered egomaniacs who are only concerned with their own stardom. If you worry about the stat sheet, you will alienate your teammates and ultimately fail to win the big game.

Anyone who plays pickup basketball can attest to the fact that too many greedy players, regardless of talent, will not be successful. There is too much of an adjustment to be made. If someone is conditioned to score, they often find it difficult to figure out a role, creating a group of five individuals instead of a team.

Two stars works perfectly, because they can take turns making plays, but three can only work with a great coach and all of the players buying into the game plan. Once people begin to deviate from the main goal, chaos ensues and the team fails to win the big game.

The Los Angeles Clippers seem to be onto something; the team recently acquired Chris Paul to join Blake Griffin, a future legend. Most people will expect the Clippers to challenge for a championship, but their owner Donald Sterling is a proven loser. This is not the first year that the team has high expectations. Something will go wrong and the Clippers will fail because they are the Clippers. (Enjoy the highlights while they last!)

The Celtics will rally under the leadership of Doc Rivers and produce another Championship. The super teams will bow before the mighty shamrocks and witness a rolling rally through Downtown Boston!

For some reason, I wish the lockout lasted the entire season; the NBA is annoying to watch! (David Stern has too much power!)

@PeteTeix617