Category Archives: music

It Was A Truth Day

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

In the past, I mentioned the fact that I enjoy changing the lyrics of hit songs. This is a rewrite of Ice Cube’s It Was A Good Day. My version is called It was A Truth Day. ENJOY!

 

Ice Cube – It Was A Good Day

(For maximum enjoyment, click on the link and have the song playing while reading the lyrics!)

 

It Was A Truth Day:

Just waking up in the morning never thank “god”

I don’t know why religion is the biggest fraud

No dying on the cross, no mosque

I’d rather believe in Santa and Jack frost

I got my church on, but never bought in

Never figured out why the pastor was ballin’

So hooked it up a later as I left the faith

Will believers let me live, or kill me with their hate

I had to go ‘cause the nonsense would not stop

And since I made the switch, atheism hit the spot

I won’t stop, till I spread knowledge

Basic information people should’ve picked up in college

Now everything is ok

Status updates and tweets filled with whatever I want to say

Calling out the phonies and I’m testing them

Leave the church, and don’t believe what they sellin’

Start me on the subject and I’m hell

Jehovah’s witness stay far away from my bell

Teaching truth every day like MLK  

I can’t believe, today was a truth day.

 

Drove past the church and saw mindless

They waved hello but I saw through the kindness

Cause just yesterday them fools tried to convert me

Saw the good priest and I could tell he wanna hurt me

No stressin, I didn’t even hear what he was yellin’

No thanks for the blessin’  

Went to my friend’s house, they was watching HBO with Bill Mahr

There’s no question he’s a star

He’ll wake ‘em up, wake ‘em up, wake ‘em up, wake ‘em

Hit e’m with enough religious facts to try and break ‘em

There is no heaven, no freakin’ heaven, no freakin’ heaven

Heaven exists only in the minds of the loco

They create the pastor’s cash flow

Ask him to share, and he’ll probably say hell no

Plus nobody I know got scammed from the asshole

Today was a truth day

 

The pastor leaves the church paid

Picked up a tip, he uses the money to get himself head

It’s ironic, he teaches one thing and does another

I don’t like the ways of Jesus’ brother

He drives through the streets in a Caddy

Prostitutes call him daddy, his life is really crappy

His skeletons go deep

So deep

So deep it turns out he’s a creep

Yet he’s ranked number one

To his congregation, this piece of shit is a freakin’ top gun

His brainwashing abilities have no match

Women think he’s a catch but he’s all about the snatch

I’ll be glad if the truth is revealed

Give the people knowledge till their mind’s healed

I dream of the day when the truth rules

Confiscate the pope’s gold and his huge jewels

No investigators looking for the perverts

When priests see the police they get real nervous

Even saw a minister with an Iphone

Might as well call him the devil’s clone

The pastor’s drunk as hell but not throwing up

Half way through the year and his account is still blowing up

He doesn’t even pay taxes when he gets paid

I got to say it was a truth day.

 

Ice Cube – It Was A Good Day

Just waking up in the morning gotta thank God

I don’t know but today seems kinda odd

No barking from the dog, no smog

And momma cooked a breakfast with no hog

I got my grub on, but didn’t pig out

Finally got a call from a girl wanna dig out

Hooked it up a later as I hit the do’

Thinking will I live, another twenty-fo’

I gotta go cause I got me a drop top

And if I hit the switch, I can make that ass drop

Had to stop at a red light

Looking in my mirror not a jacker in sight

And everything is alright

I got a beep from Kim and she can fuck all night

Called up the homies and I’m askin y’all

Which park, are y’all playin basketball?

Get me on the court and I’m trouble

Last week fucked around and got a triple double

Freaking brothers everyway like M.J.

I can’t believe, today was a good day

 

Drove to the pad and hit the showers

Didn’t even get no static from the cowards

Cause just yesterday them fools tried to blast me

Saw the police and they rolled right past me

No flexin, didn’t even look in a niggaz direction

As I ran the intersection

Went to Short Dog’s house, they was watchin Yo! MTV Raps

What’s the haps on the craps

Shake em up, shake em up, shake em up, shake em

Roll em in a circle of niggaz and watch me break em

With the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven

Seven even back do’ lil Joe

I picked up the cash flow

Then we played bones, and I’m yellin’ domino

Plus nobody I know got killed in South Central L.A.

Today was a good day

 

Left my niggaz house paid

Picked up a girl been tryin to fuck since the twelfth grade

It’s ironic, I had the booze she had the chronic

The Lakers beat the Supersonics

I felt on the big fat fanny

Pulled out the jammy, and killed the punanny

And my dick runs deep

so deep

so deep put her ass to sleep

Woke her up around one

She didn’t hesitate, to call Ice Cube the top gun

Drove her to the pad and I’m coasting

Took another sip of the potion hit the three-wheel motion

I was glad everything had worked out

Dropped her ass off, then I chirped out

Today was like one of those fly dreams

Didn’t even see a berry flashing those high beams

No helicopter looking for a murder

Two in the morning got the fat burger

Even saw the lights of the Goodyear Blimp

And it read Ice Cube’s a pimp

Drunk as hell but no throwing up

Half way home and my pager still blowing up

Today I didn’t even have to use my A.K.

I got to say it was a good day.

 

I hope I didn’t offend anyone!

@PeteTeix617

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The Power Of One Word

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

Listening to music is great, but there are those instances when people mishear what the artists say. Sometimes the changes are small and insignificant, but other times they can be drastic. I can remember listening to my cousin misquote Snoop Dogg’s Gin and Juice. In his version, Snoop was sending a completely different message to the world. I don’t believe Snoop Dogg ever admitted to “rolling down the street smoking indo, sipping on titty juice!” (We still laugh about this one!)

Changing one simple word can completely alter a message. Most people who choose to enable the autocorrect on their cell phones know exactly what I mean. I would Google some funny autocorrect examples, but I think that dead horse has been beaten to a pulp.

Here are some examples of how changing one word can completely shift the message of a song. I have chosen a famous line from one of the best rappers to ever speak into a microphone, the late Notorious B.I.G.

These words are from the song, Big Poppa.

“How you livin’ Biggie Smalls? In mansions and Benzes. Givin’ ends to my friends and it feels stupendous.”

     The original lyrics are pretty self-explanatory;   Biggie is asked about his lifestyle and he brags and boasts about some of his possessions and the great way he treats his friends.

{Change 1}

“How you livin’ Biggie Smalls? In mansions and TRENCHES. Givin’ ends to my friends and it feels stupendous.”

If Biggie said this, we would have no idea what he was talking about. People would have heard these words and believed that Biggie was some wealthy patriotic World War I buff who lives like a king on most days, but every so often enjoys digging trenches and reenacting his favorite battle scenes.

{Change 2}

“How you livin’ Biggie Smalls? In CADILLACS and Benzes. Givin’ ends to my friends and it feels stupendous.”

In this second example, one would arrive at the conclusion that Biggie was a complete idiot who chose to spend all of his money on fancy cars, only to be forced to live in the vehicles. This would have been tragic, but at least we know he was ensuring that his friends were living comfortable. Thankfully for him, he was not an imbecile.

{Change 3}

“How you livin’ Biggie Smalls? In mansions and Benzes. Givin’ ends to my TENS and it feels stupendous.”  

If this was the change, it would have been clear that Biggie enjoyed being around beautiful women, who in his eyes were at the top of the one to ten scale, but sadly he would have freely confessed that their services were paid for. Biggie would have appeared to be a lonely man looking for love in all the wrong places.

{Change 4}

“How you livin’ Biggie Smalls? In mansions and Benzes. Givin’ ends to my friends and it feels PRETENTIOUS.”

This is my favorite example. We get to see a man who is not without fault, but completely honest. Biggie would have been saying that he indeed had more money than the average person, but he also would be candid enough to admit that his life wasn’t as glamorous as he was making it out to be. There was still a dark side that proved to be more fatal than anyone expected.

{Change 5}

“How you livin’ Biggie Smalls? In mansions and Benzes. Givin’ HEAD to my friends and it feels stupendous.”

This final example is the most extreme modification. If these were the actual lyrics, Biggie would have been the first openly gay commercial rapper. He would have preceded Lady Gaga as the GLBT community’s most beloved artist. Thankfully, we never had to witness the Notorious B.I.G. in skinny jeans!

Can you guess, which object is no longer in existence?

A) The Notorious B.I.G.

B) World Trade 1

C) World Trade 2

D) None of the above

(Please remember to use a number two pencil on the scansion sheet. Your answers can be emailed to asshole@inappropriatequestions.com)

***Remember, words can be chosen freely, but do as that old dude in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade said; “choose wisely!”***

     Please don’t go changing any of my words!

@PeteTeix617

America’s Next Top Rapper

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

In a previous post, titled Changing Music, I wrote, “if you know of an artist who is indeed blessed with talent, please do the world’s collective eardrums a favor and encourage the individual to put forth their best effort.” (I am going to take my own advice!)

Boston is a small city, in comparison to Los Angeles or New York, but every so often Bean Town produces a star. Recently, Roxbury and Dorchester based rapper Nilton Depina, known to the world of hip hop as 2Face Dejavu, displayed his god-given talents.

     The prominent city of Boston hosted one of the regional finals for America’s Next Top Rapper. Competitors came from far and wide, in hopes to capture the crown, but only one lyricist would prevail. After many difficult challenges, 2Face Dejavu outperformed his opponents and proved that all the hard work and dedication that he devotes to his craft will take him to the top. (The city is proud of its native son!)

To read his exclusive interview on Boston.com, click the link: 2Face Dejavu

The next stop on the journey to becoming America’s Next Top Rapper is Las Vegas, where 2Face Dejavu will compete against the nation’s best talent. (The city is behind our favorite rapper, 100%!)

***Hopefully, my work schedule will allow me to make the short drive to Sin City to give my support!***

Below is an exclusive interview, conducted by @EFidalgo12.

I understand you’ve had a top notch education and plenty of support from a big and caring family, how does that reflect on you as an artist? How does that play into the message of your lyrics?

It shows up in my personality and my character. My lyrics are more intricate than your average rapper. I use some big words, complex metaphors, and my message always involves deep emotions and troubles that we all face, but I speak from a perspective of being self-aware. I value self-education more than any school degree. The motivation to want to learn more is a gift in my eyes. I’m ever curious, so you can expect to hear about all types of topics and perspectives in my content. My point is to make you wide-eyed, interested and open to a world you thought you knew.

Do you think people from your neighborhood can relate to your music? How about people across the globe?

People in my neighborhood tell me they relate to my music. I feel like I’m the type of artists that hits the heavy listeners the hardest. I have a lot of people tell me how I motivated them and how my lyrics shed light on a lot of perspectives untouched by other rappers in my city. My neighborhood is a unique one. There aren’t too many Cape Verdean communities in the US. And out of all of them, we’re probably the most crime plagued. We have a story untold, so as I tell that story, the neighborhood embraces it because they know it’s a unique story that they directly relate to. We have a powerful story.

Congratulations on winning the regionals for America’s Next Top Rapper, tell me about that experience.

Thank you, I appreciate it. The America’s Next Top Rapper competition was great man. It was definitely not a peaches and cream experience. A lot of technical screw ups at the show, but overall, I was just focused that day. Not only that day, but I was focused that entire month and went into the competition with no sleep, rest, food…. man all I had on my mind was the end result of me standing up there as the victor. So when I manifested that, it felt like Dejavu. The competition judges did what they had to to keep the competitors on our toes. It wasn’t easy but I never expected it to be. That’s why I had my headphones on all competition, just vibing to my own secret soundtrack, while a lot of the rappers spent their time freestyling and kickin’ it with each other. Having been in this game for many years, I take this seriously. I’m serious when it comes to this music. It’s more work than play for me. But I love it.

I always hear about people having haters. Do you have haters and how do they motivate you?

Everyone who is doing something — anything, doesn’t even have to be positive — has haters. The more you’re doing, the more haters you got. Hating is a form of jealousy and envy. When people see you gettin’ love, they wish it was them. It’s that simple. Hating is a flaw. It’s unnatural. If you’re focused on yourself, you have no time for hate. The hate I get only pushes me to remember that this game ain’t easy and you gotta take it. You can’t ask for it.

Who is your favorite rapper? Producer?

My favorite rapper? Besides myself, I don’t have one favorite. I love music too much to be stuck on one artist. I’ll tell you one thing though. My first favorite rapper was probably Nas, and then it was Pac. But music is my life so each of my favorite artists has a different aspect that makes him different from the otehrs. I respect all rappers with passion for the music and or the game. I don’t have a favorite producer either. Too many hott producers out there to choose one.

Rappers have a major influence on pop culture – if you could endorse any company which would it be and why?

Right now, if I could endorse any company, it would probably be Adidas, because everybody in my city (Boston) knows we throw them threes and we rock Adidas. I gotta put my city on, you know. Or maybe I would endorse Ralph Lauren/Polo, so I could just get all my Polo hoodies, shirts, and kix for free. (laugh) Oh nah, hold up

Do you still enjoy freestyling? Give me a quick line about how ill I am.

Haha. I’m more of a writer cuz I like being particular about what I say, and like I said when it comes to this music, I taker it serious. But yea, I still enjoy freestyling on occasion.

Where do you go from here?

You will be hearing a new sound from me very soon. Building my team as we speak, and putting the pieces of the remaining puzzle pieces together. But, I’m mostly focused on getting back to making great music, some of which I will be producing myself. I haven’t recorded a song ever since I dropped my mixtape “The Legacy” on June 30. Oh yea, and of course I plan on winning this competition in Vegas and bringing that victory back to my city!

***Follow this future star on Social Media Sites!***

His personal website: http://www.2facedejavu.com/

Twitter: @2FaceDejavu

Facebook: www.facebook.com/2FaceDejavu

Myxer: www.myxer.com/artist/id/41481865/2Face-Dejavu/

MySpace: www.myspace.com/2face

***Download the mixtape!***

http://www.datpiff.com/2Face-Dejavu-The-Legacy-mixtape.266588.html

(My personal favorite song is: Thug Angel!)

     Be sure to give any support that you can; I predict big things for 2Face Dejavu!

@PeteTeix617

Changing Music

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

When it comes to music, I prefer songs that were produced before the year 2002. I enjoy Hip Hop, but I also like to listen to music from all genres. All one has to do is read through my Spotify playlist and my diverse selection will be evident! ***I didn’t bother downloading too many rap songs because I own all of the albums that I enjoy!*** (The list can be found in my previous post: Writing Through Writer’s Block.)

The main reason I prefer older music is the fact that I feel the music industry, especially rap, is completely watered down. There are too many studios and too many record companies. An artist can put out three songs a day, which causes the material to be less than stellar. I enjoyed having to wait two years to listen to a new song by your favorite artist, but in today’s fast pace world, it is almost impossible to keep up with the latest song. People can download entire albums months before the scheduled release dates. (It is a shame that artists losing their songs to hackers!)

I also feel that there are too many untalented people in the music industry. Just because you love to rap, doesn’t mean you should be allowed to. There has to be a way for artist to go through a screening process, in order for them to produce music. It is fine for people to fool around in their homemade studios and produce their own music, but the professional musicians should be forced to walk around with some kind of license. (I think the talented musicians are being overlooked because people with more money are gaining access to the much needed resources!)

I know this is extreme, but it’s time for us to break away from the little league baseball, “everyone is a winner” mentality; some people create the worst music ever imagined and we need to help them find something else to do. Honestly, the family members and friends of these so called “artists” are to blame for the downward spiral that the music industry is on. Do us all a favor and tell your buddy that he or she lacks the necessary talents to be an artist. (Tough love is the only way we can change the music industry!)

Conversely, if you know of an artist who is indeed blessed with talent, please do the world’s collective eardrums a favor and encourage the individual to put forth their best effort. It is time for the public to demand better from the music industry.

***I have a solution to the problem!***

What I propose, is for artists to create a small sample of their work, which is to be played for free over the internet. If the musician receives five million positive responses, they are cleared to produce an album. If the album flops, the artist will be banned from creating music, until his or her dying day.

Agents, managers and producers will also be held accountable in my system. If an album flops, the entire production staff will be banned from working in the industry.

I know this method sounds harsh, but people should be forced to work hard and only send out quality material. In my system, an artist will think twice before claiming that the song is finished. Managers and producers will also be forced to only work with artists who have a natural talent and unmatched determination to succeed. Creating an album is a task which should be taken seriously, the current trend of releasing a new decent song, every single day, has to be stopped!

I am sure there are a select few artists who have the ability to create a hit song in a short period of time, but in my system, the artist will at least sit on a track for a week or so, before sharing it with the world.

The current state of the music industry is the reason we no longer have top ten video shows on television. There is 106 and Park, but they only show snippets of the songs. There is too much garbage being produced and the artists are forced to meet an unnecessary deadline which causes the material to be watered down.

I don’t know about everyone else, but I want to go back to living in a world that has top ten countdown shows which are relevant. There is no more excitement over the release of a new music video. YouTube is not the proper medium for enjoying the latest hit song. We need to get our CD stores back up and running. The internet and its ability to speed up the production process is killing the music industry!

A couple years ago, I was actually laughed at by a “hip” sales associate, because I ask where they kept the CD singles. The children of the new millennium have no idea what they are missing!

I WILL NEVER DOWNLOAD AN ALBUM!

     Long live the classic albums of the past!

CERTIFIED CLASSIC

(I don’t care if you don’t like the album!)

@PeteTeix617

I Just Don’t Get It

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

Music is essential to living. The right song can help us get through any difficult time. There have been many musical geniuses over the centuries, but there is one aspect of the songs which boggles my mind. SOME OF THE LYRICS ARE OUTRAGEUOUS!

I can discuss many examples of ridiculous lyrics, but I will only cover five songs. These are all great songs from talented artists, arguably the best of the best. Most people know these lyrics by heart and are guilty of singing along while alone in their cars. (I must say, catching someone going ultimate karaoke while they are driving, is one of life’s guilty pleasures!)

**I remember a great question from my friend Zig. He posted this on his Facebook page, “I don’t know which is funnier, catching someone singing in their car or being caught singing in your car!” I’m not sure which is funnier, but I’d rather be the one watching!**

The first artist who baffled me is Rick “Rozay” Ross, arguably one of the best rappers of our time. He completely boggled my mind in the song I’m Not A Star. I can’t figure out this lyric, “I’m not a star. Somebody lied…”

I just don’t get what he is saying. Is Mr. Ross being humble? Does he truly believe that he is not a star? Is Mr. Ross being sarcastic? Is he quoting the words of a journalist who challenged his celebrity status? Rick Ross further complicates the matter by ending the verse in two completely different ways.

In one example, he says, “I got a pistol in the car!” At first I thought, he clearly isn’t a star; he is a gangster who carries a gun at all times. Mystery solved—or so I thought. I gave the matter some further inspection and I became more confused. Maybe he is saying that he must carry a gun because he is a big star and crazed fans would attack him?

The second way he ended the verse was by saying, “I spent a milli on a car!” That definitely sounds like star behavior.  He is definitely a star, or is he? If you listen to the lyrics, he talks about selling drugs; that’s not what a star does. I am so confused.

FINAL VERDICT: I just don’t get it!

Rick Ross – I’m Not A Star

My next song comes from one of the greatest bands ever, Journey. They have many wonderful hits, but I have chosen to talk about Faithfully. The song opens with, “highway run, into the midnight sun…“

I love the song, but there is one major error that goes undetected by the causal listener. At first, one would think, there is nothing challenging about the words, but take a closer look. Steve Perry clearly misidentifies the large shiny object in the sky. I don’t know what was going on during his youth, but we have a name for that so called “midnight sun.” In fact, it’s a completely different celestial body than our star. It’s called the moon. There is even a wonderful children’s book which would have been extremely helpful book, written by Margaret Wise Brown and illustrated by Clement Hurd.

     How a grown man fails to learn about the moon is a complete mystery to me.

FINAL VERDICT: I just don’t get it!

Journey – Faithfully

The third artist is one of the best singers, Alanis Morissette. Everyone knows the song and everyone knows the lyrics; I’m talking about her timeless hit Ironic. What everyone doesn’t know is that the only irony is the song is the fact that most of her examples are not ironic at all.

“It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid.” What the heck is ironic about that? It’s pretty much the standard operating procedure. You pay, and then the ride is free. Am I missing something here? (I honestly hope I haven’t been skipping out on the second payment!)

“It’s like rain on your wedding day.” That’s not ironic; it’s just a unfortunate for the guests who spent large amounts of money on a new outfit, new shows, and a new hairdo. In fact, rain on a wedding day is considered good luck. I’m not sure if rain is actually good luck; it may be just an old wives tale. (If anyone knows an old wife, please ask her; I would love to know the truth!)

This song is filled with plenty of great examples, but those are my two favorites. How she managed to pull the wool over our eyes is a complete mystery to me.

FINAL VERDICT: I just don’t get it!

Alanis Morissette – Ironic

All anyone has to say is, “You’re beautiful” and James Blunt’s classic song pops into everyone within earshot’s head. The problem I have is the fact people seem to overlook the obvious truth; Mr. blunt is a crazed stalker. He says, “she smiled at me on the subway, she was with another man. But I won’t lose no sleep on that, cause I have a plan.” “She was with another man?” Hello! She’s not interested, jerk! Leave her alone and stop creeping on someone else’s girl. She smiled because she’s a decent person, not because she wants to ruin her relationship. (People always seem to imagine outlandish situations. It’s like the folks with a bunch of haters!)

Later on, Mr. Blunt says, “and I don’t think that I’ll see her again, but we shared a moment that will last till the end” For her sake, I hope you never see her again. If you do see her, there will be a waterfall of tears flowing down her angelic face, due to the restraints and cold and dark homemade basement dungeon in your secluded home. Furthermore, you didn’t share a moment; you created a moment. In fact, you went on to create an entire fictitious life in which this woman would actually put her safety at risk. You need professional help, buddy!

How this crazy stalker is allowed to walk around without registering as a sex offender leaves me in a suspended state of consternation.

FINAL VERDICT: I just don’t get it!

James Blunt – Beautiful

My final artist is Bruno Mars; I love his song Grenade, but what is this guy talking about? “I’ll catch a grenade for ya!” First of all, you don’t catch a grenade; you jump on a grenade. Catching a grenade does nothing but cause fatal injuries to you and the special person you are “catching it” for. It would be the dumbest thing you could ever do in such a situation.

He also says, “shoulda known you was trouble from the first kiss; had your eyes wide open. Why were they open?” There are millions of relationship books and blogs and advice columns, but I’ve never heard this one. I’m not sure how things go on mars, but on earth, a woman having her eyes wide open during a first kiss is not a sign of trouble.  I honestly think it’s a good thing; shows that she is careful about her surroundings. I’m starting to question Mr. Mars’ motives here. Does he want her eyes clothes so he can film the proceedings?

There are other nonsensical examples from my friend Bruno, but these two help to make my point. To the girl who kept her eyes wide open, I say, kudos! To Mr. Mars, I say, you might be a creep!

FINAL VERDICT: I just don’t get it!

Bruno Mars – Grenade

If there are lyrics that you don’t get, write them in the comments section!

@PeteTeix617

Rapper (Not Really)

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

I was looking through an old folder and I came across an interesting document. It was a rap, written by me while I was at Seton Hall University. For those who don’t know, I’m a beast in ball! (Go ahead ladies, “Every guy says that!”)

Uncovering the rap, gave me the idea to change things up. I already posted an entry for ‘This Actually Happened’ earlier in the week, so the decision has been made to post my song.

While I was on Campus, I won the intramurals championship! (I’m pretty sure I mentioned this fact in a previous post, but I don’t mind writing it once more!) I had an unstoppable crossover and it was in need of a name. (By the way, I have several victims who suffered broken ankles. [Not literally broken. I am talking about making someone fall!])

I eventually decided to call my CROSSover, THE CRUCIFIXION! This is an example of how I believed in “god,” but not the bible.

Here is the unedited rap: (I wanted to add to it, but here is the original version I wrote!)

THE CRUCIFIXION

First Verse

I’ma kick a flow,

Explain some shit to you.

I ain’t bullshittin’,

Yo! This shit is true.

You read the Bible,

Heard Christ died on the cross.

Misinterpretation,

Kid that story was false.

No romans, no nails,

And no blood was drawn.

I’ll explain the truth,

Let’s take a trip C’mon.

Chorus: (2x)

 

Jesus died on the cross,

Yeah he too was caught.

It wasn’t Pilot,

It was Pete Teix’s fault!

Verse Two

It was a long time ago,

In little Bethlehem.

I was dribbling the ball,

When I stepped to him.

Some said he was the greatest,

Even better than me.

John and Mary had his back,

Even Pete.

They all had his back,

And thought he was the best.

They also heard of me,

And how I did the rest.

Confusion set their,

Not knowing whose side to choose.

Finally went to him,

No way that he could lose.

The game was set,

Seven thirty that night.

I was to win the bet,

Cause my cross was tight.

Tighter than the tightest virgin,

On her first night.

His ankles were mine,

I’d take him left then right.

Chorus: (2x)

 

Jesus died on the cross,

Yeah he too was caught.

It wasn’t Pilot,

It was Pete Teix’s fault!

Verse Three

Listen to how he died,

This shit was gruesome.

It’ll happen to you,

Cause the move is ill son.

The crucifixion is its name,

I created it.

It ain’t no fucking game,

You should be afraid of it.

It was seven thrity,

I was ready to ball.

Talking to friends,

Guaranteeing he’d fall.

It was his home court,

So he took the ball first.

He drove down the lane,

Some bullshit reverse.

This move was garbage,

To me a sin.

It was no surprise,

When the crowd OO’d My pin.

I had to clear the ball,

So I took it back.

I drove and made a call,

It was a vicious hack.

The crowd wanted action,

So I checked the ball.

Winked to my peeps,

Let ‘em know it was time to fall.

I crossed left, crossed right,

Heard him beg, Oh please!

The crowd didn’t believe the sight,

He fell to his hands and knees.

In agony he screamed out,

Through his mandible.

It was at that time,

I noticed the broken ankle yo!

Blood gushed on the floor,

Bones snapped in two.

It was then that I realized,

I killed this dude.

People call me asshole,

in disgust.

The reason is,

I shit on ballers so much!

Chorus: (2x)

 

Jesus died on the cross,

Yeah he too was caught.

It wasn’t Pilot,

It was Pete Teix’s fault!

[THE END]

     I didn’t post this rap in order to display my rapping ability, or lack there of. I wanted people to see that my beliefs are not new. This rap was written sometime between 1999 or 2000. I have a friend who is really religious and I e-mailed this rap to him…”You’re going to hell!”

I”VE BEEN HEARING THAT FOR A WHILE!

Keep an eye out for the release of my rap album! SUMMER 2065!!!

One of my favorite hobbies is taking a song and creating a different version. (I will create a new one and post it fairly soon.) A memorable one was the remake of Nas’ I Gave You Power, from his second album It Was Written. In the song, Nas rapped from the perspective of a gun. In high school, we were always busting each others balls, and being gay was a negative thing so I wrote a version in which my friend was Gay. It was written from the perspective of his penis, which was extremely pissed at him for turning down women.

Due to the fact that I didn’t post a new episode of ‘This Actually Happened,’ I will post one tomorrow along with the week’s preview.

@PeteTeix617

The Greatest Rapper Ever Is Not Dead

Posted by Peter Teixeira on

Mention the phrase “Greatest Rapper Ever” and witness the intensity with which people will voice their opinions. Music touches the lives of listeners on a level that is immeasurable. Growing up in the 80’s, I can’t remember a Michael Jackson concert that didn’t involve fans fainting. I even have pictures of myself in a red, leather M.J. jacket. (No, pictures will not be posted on Facebook. At least not today!)

I am the first to jump in and voice my opinion on the matter. There have been many heated arguments over who is the best of all-time. And I mean heated, bad heat, Miami Heat! You would think the winner was debating with the hopes of taking home some unbelievable grand prize. In fact, if I didn’t know my friends well enough, I would have feared for my safety. (By the way, there is no other way to argue about who is the greatest rapper of all-time. You just can’t have a civil discussion on the matter. Also, there should always be liquor involved!!!) The reason people argue with such fervor, is based on the passion that music produces. Rap fans support their favorite artists with the same zeal as the crazed followers of European soccer clubs. (Well, except for all the violence!)

My favorite story concerning this topic happened in Miami. I was visiting my cousin Emanuel, whose favorite rapper will be purposely omitted from this post. This may come as a surprise, but we were sitting at an outdoor bar along with his friend “St. Francis of Assisi.” St. Francis, as he likes to be called, innocently asked Ema, “Who are your top five rappers of all-time?” The response was a list of five usual suspects, Keyser Soze, and the gang. (If you haven’t watched the movie, where did you grow up?)

St. Francis didn’t hesitate to jump into his top five:

“Number one is Jay-Z.”

“Number two is Biggie.”

“Then, Dylan Dylan Dylan!!! That boy spits hot fire!!!” *Dylan fake accent*

That Saint Francis is a funny guy. Great trip! Although, we did end up eating at the worst Hooters in the world. This is an argument that cannot be challenged. I am ready to state a fact: “The Hooters in Coconut Grove, FL is the worst in the world; it is the quintessence of suck!” In the Greek sense, here is my Apology. (I would explain for those who don’t understand, but I’d much rather you take the initiative and educate yourselves!)

1)      There were males on the wait staff. I could understand if these men were surgically enhanced transsexuals, hired to confuse young college students, but they were guys. And they had orange Hooters t-shirts on. What the Fuck!!! [Let me take this time to state another fact: I am not into transsexuals. I said “I could understand;” they have Hooters! It makes sense.] (A guy working as a waiter at Hooters is the very antithesis of what the food chain is all about.) We walked in. “What’s going on fellas!” Nothings fucking going on! This is fucking Hooters and you’re a fucking guy!! What the fuck do you think is fucking going on!!!

2)      Our waitress, a beautiful and top-heavy young damsel, seemed perfect for the position when we noticed her approaching from the other side of the restaurant…UNTIL! We saw her stomach; SHE WAS PREGNANT! What the fuck kind of Twilight Zone Hooter’s is this fucking place?

3)      The second waitress, who brought over our drinks, was, how do I put this delicately? Of course! She was a few cups short of a beer pong game. And to top it off, she was old. “Is this a fucking TV show? Are we being Punk’d?

We were actually the first group of guys who went to Hooters for the wings!!!

[Please forgive the tangent!]

Obviously, the title of this post gives away the fact that I don’t believe Biggie, Pimp C, or Tupac can lay claim to the desired title. No, the title holder is not dead. (To be absolutely, positively, one-hundred percent clear, I mention Pimp C in jest!)

The arguments end today!!!

Who is the greatest rapper of all-time? 50 Cent? Bun B? Rick Ross? Jay-Z? Snoop? Lil’ Wayne? Kool G Rap? Big Daddy Kane? Scarface? Eightball? Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em? (C’mon son!!! We can all agree it’s not Soulja Boy. Although he does make hits; you can’t argue that fact.)

What every rap “connoisseur” is in fact wasting his or her time arguing, is not “who is the greatest rapper of all-time,” but “who is my favorite rapper of all time.”

There can be no greatest rapper of all-time. There is no criteria! What would you base the argument on?

Most records sold? NO!

Most metaphors per sixteen bars? No!

Most consecutive Rhymes? No!

Best free-stylist? NO!

Best battle rapper? No! (I could go on but that would just be ridiculous!)

You will be hard pressed to convince a young man from Oakland that E-40, or Too Short is not the greatest Rapper of all-time. Try persuading a fan from Long Beach that Snoop is not the best ever. You would be the greatest debater of all-time, if you could convince me that a member of the original Cash Money Records isn’t the greatest. (Any time I mention Cash Money, I am strictly speaking of the classic albums, not the Drakes and Nicky Minajs of the label. I’m not saying those artists aren’t talented; I just like what I like!)

No, LL Cool J, self proclaiming yourself the best ever by titling your album G.O.A.T. (Greatest Of All Time) doesn’t make it true. By the way, I believe Canibus out-battled you. His ‘2nd Round Knockout’ was better than your ‘Can-I-Bus.’ Any true rap fan understood that your label helped to promote your “victory” through bias articles in the major industry magazines. LL Cool J, the greatest of all time? C’mon! I mean some of the hits are good; I always enjoyed ‘Going Back To Cali,’ but Canibus was correct “ninety-nine percent of your fans wear high heals!” I’d much rather have unprotected sex with a lesion-covered prostitute, in a dirty motel, in a third world country, and ejaculate inside of her, then listen to Mr. Cool J’s songs all day. (I apologize for the graphic description, but I really want to make my preference clear.) In the words of, arguably, the greatest freestyle rapper of all-time, “Causing problems bringing drama regardless, I get my point across like a trapeze artist without falling” – Canibus.

Quarrelling vociferously over opinion can be fine, but people must be careful to understand what they are disputing. Stop attempting to figure out who is the best rapper of all-time and enjoy the music; that’s why the artists create hits. Isn’t it ironic that most of the arguments end the way they all should have started in the first place, “Well, to me ‘Johnnie Rapper’ is the best!”

For Pete’s sake, (FYI: I’m the Pete in that phrase!!!) the greatest rapper may as well be “god.” Not because he has the sickest verses in the bible, (which he does!) but simply for the fact that he too doesn’t exist!!!

That being said, Lil’ Wayne is the GREATEST OF ALL-TIME!!! Not only has he been making hits since 1995 on B.G.’s album ‘True Story,’ but he continues to dominate and produce classics!!!

I challenge anyone to find better lyrics then his verse on Tha Carter’s  BM J.R.:

*****This has nothing to do with the topic, at all, but Real Time with Bill Maher is currently on television so I’ll share. When discussing Harry Potter’s last installment, he said, “I don’t believe this is the last book; we all know what’s coming next…’Harry Potter and the crippling student loan!’*****

You probably won’t do the song justice so play the actual track while reading!

[Verse 1 - Lil Wayne]
Murder capital, only key to survive is kill
If the elements don’t murder you the riders will fo real
And niggas know I goes hard to the fullest
Get involved and I got’ em’ playing dodge ball with bullets
Yeah
I got the sawed off fully, in the sean john hoody
Get fucked ya play pussy
We hit em’ up when they ain’t looking and them body shots hurt
But the head shots took him
Damn
And if the red dot spot him then the hollow head got him
Knock his top to his bottom jack
You see me grind from the bottom just to make it to the bottom
At the very bottom of the map
Lil-weezy-ana piranhas everywhere you at
You gotta weigh an extra condom and an extra gat
You’re bitch could get it for acting like a man
and niggaz in Pakistan ain’t packin’ like ya man
I back his hand ya man on command
In front of niggaz he cool with the boys on fam
I’m on hot, I adjust in different climates, ducking the animal keep on running wit
my primates
You ain’t did it till you done it like in 5 states,
Weezy hustle no blubber I put on weight
And in a drought I go on I diet and stretch more
Loose all that weight, leave a nigga with stretch marks
You don’t even come up to a nigga chest, paws up,
Pa, what the fuck they play it in the club for ?
Real shit I’m ducking bombs from a drug war,
no religion but the cops swear that I’m a drug lord
Father forgive em’ for they no not who they pushing lord
Father forgive me if I have to send them to ya lord
I’m just trying to dodge the shots they send to the guard
They riding up highway to heaven boulevard
Damn, them niggaz pussy and jive, not even in an eye exam they ain’t looking for “I”
The A and the K will make ya face cook to the side
Now when you smiling everybody gotta look from the side
Cause when you wilding you ain’t looking, you just looking high
and when we hungry you look like pie
Sweet potato ass nigga, you lemon meringue, apple custard, cherry jelly
Don’t make me get the biscuit buster
What up gizzle you my distant brother
Real shit nigga same father different mother, yep
I skip the fronting and sticks to keeping it trill
You not know me for nothing other
I’m something other than people you feel,
I’m deeper for real
I’m deeper than skills, my speakers can kill
Rest in peace

[Verse 2 - Lil Wayne]
Ay, ay
You sleep in a field for trying the dude
I bust ya head until the meat turns ya mind to food
Food for thought, think I ain’t lying to you
I lie his body in grease set fire to him
I tie his body in sheets, put the tires to him
Make him feel the escalade, put his feet in the blade
Damn
I’m near heating and blaze a nigga keep they ways when I’m in the streets with blades
Watch, my nigga hungry, he’ll eat the plate
And if I ask, the homeboy will eat’cha face
yea
And though he got me, you can ask, I’m like a pool table
I keep the eight
Haha
My side pocket sideways when I pop it leave a nigga sideways for five days
Birdman talk to em’

[Verse 3 - Lil Wayne]
Ay, ay,
Check my swag, I travel like sound dog
You play hard in the gravel like ground dog
I’m underground call me groundhog
Lay down laws call me ground law
Don’t confuse me with the law, naw but just confuse me with my pa
Because I am the Birdman J-R
I ain’t tripping nigga, I play the corner like ripkin nigga
With the 40 cal ripkin nigga, rip a nigga
Flip ya vehicle, split ya windshield
Whack ya Baby momma but I let the kid live
And people say that I am a kid still, cause the lil nigga still rides on them big wheels
You feeling animal then come on and get killed
And sig pill bandannas like bananas
Say I’m slight bananas I blow a weekend in Havana
In my cabana with my bottom bitch from savanna
Man a train couldn’t stop ya man
I man up and you not a man
I stand up, say I got my land
I’m the man of my land
Call it lil-weezy-ana
Thats the new plan

@PeteTeix617