The season ending episode of Bagging Up will be posted tomorrow. This entry will be about the late North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-Il. I am not concerned with his politics or human rights record; there are evil people all over this planet. What fascinates me about the “Supreme Leader,” is the weird propaganda that he created.
I will discuss my five favorite Kim Jong-Il “facts!” (Feel free to Google some of the other propaganda creations!)
#5) DIVINE BIRTH:
“Legend has it that a double rainbow and a glowing new star appeared in the heavens to herald the birth of Kim Jong Il, in 1942, on North Korea’s cherished Baekdu Mountain. Soviet records, however, indicate he was born in the Siberian village of Vyatskoye, in 1941. The people of North Korea, many of whom are reportedly battling famine, are apparently told that Kim’s birthday is celebrated throughout the world.” – Global Post
I don’t blame Kim for this one. The followers of Jesus can make up an unbelievable birth, why not the “Supreme Leader!”
#4) TALK ABOUT A RIM JOB:
“While Kim was on his famous 2001 train trip to Moscow, a Russian envoy who traveled with him said roast donkey and fresh lobsters were flown to the train every day.” – Global Post
I guess the saying has been proven to be correct; you are what you eat! (I’ll pass on the ass!)
#3) NO SHIT:
“It is reported that Kim’s official biography on the North Korean state web site, which has since been taken down, claimed that Kim did not defecate. Enough said.” – Global Post
Maybe if someone handed Kim Jong-Il a laxative, he would still be alive today! (What a waste!)
#2) TIGER, EAT YOUR HEART OUT:
“In 1994, it was reported by Pyongyang media outlets that Kim Jong Il shot 38 under par on a regulation 18-hole golf course – including 5 holes in one! That score is 25 shots better than the best round in history, and is made even more amazing by the fact that it was his first time playing the sport. It’s said Kim Jong Il would routinely sink 3 or 4 holes in one per round of golf, and – lucky for the PGA – he has since given it up.” –
Thankfully for the professional golfers, the North Korea Open is closed to non-Communists! (I wonder how many mulligans were handed out during the round?)
#1) I THOUGHT I RECOGNIZED KIM IN THE RAP VIDEOS:
“For a few years in the early 1990s, it was confirmed by Hennessy that Kim Jong Il was it’s best customer, spending about $600,000 to $850,000 annually on the liquor. He is partial to the Paradis cognac, which can sell for over $700 per bottle. In comparison, the average North Korean makes about $1000 per year.” – Global Post
When rappers discuss sipping on Hennessey with Kim, I thought they were talking about some diseased-filled groupie. Who knew the songs are actually about sipping Hennessy with North Korea’s “Supreme Leader!”
“Official records reportedly show that Kim learned to walk at the age of three weeks, and was talking at eight weeks. While at Kim Il Sung University, he apparently wrote 1,500 books over a period of three years, along with six full operas. According to his official biography, all of his operas are “better than any in the history of music.” – Global Post
Too bad YouTube didn’t exist back in 1941 1942; Kim Jong-Il would have been an internet sensation! (Can someone please send me a link to the operas; I can’t seem to find them on Spotify!)
Kim Jong-Il was truly an original guy; mythical tales about a great figure? Gee, I wonder where I’ve heard that before! Obviously, his stories were fabricated, but we all know that religious claims are all true!
Today is December 21, 2011. In exactly one year, the world will end!!!
THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS!!!