I Just Don’t Get It

Music is essential to living. The right song can help us get through any difficult time. There have been many musical geniuses over the centuries, but there is one aspect of the songs which boggles my mind. SOME OF THE LYRICS ARE OUTRAGEUOUS!

I can discuss many examples of ridiculous lyrics, but I will only cover five songs. These are all great songs from talented artists, arguably the best of the best. Most people know these lyrics by heart and are guilty of singing along while alone in their cars. (I must say, catching someone going ultimate karaoke while they are driving, is one of life’s guilty pleasures!)

**I remember a great question from my friend Zig. He posted this on his Facebook page, “I don’t know which is funnier, catching someone singing in their car or being caught singing in your car!” I’m not sure which is funnier, but I’d rather be the one watching!**

The first artist who baffled me is Rick “Rozay” Ross, arguably one of the best rappers of our time. He completely boggled my mind in the song I’m Not A Star. I can’t figure out this lyric, “I’m not a star. Somebody lied…”

I just don’t get what he is saying. Is Mr. Ross being humble? Does he truly believe that he is not a star? Is Mr. Ross being sarcastic? Is he quoting the words of a journalist who challenged his celebrity status? Rick Ross further complicates the matter by ending the verse in two completely different ways.

In one example, he says, “I got a pistol in the car!” At first I thought, he clearly isn’t a star; he is a gangster who carries a gun at all times. Mystery solved—or so I thought. I gave the matter some further inspection and I became more confused. Maybe he is saying that he must carry a gun because he is a big star and crazed fans would attack him?

The second way he ended the verse was by saying, “I spent a milli on a car!” That definitely sounds like star behavior.  He is definitely a star, or is he? If you listen to the lyrics, he talks about selling drugs; that’s not what a star does. I am so confused.

FINAL VERDICT: I just don’t get it!

Rick Ross – I’m Not A Star

My next song comes from one of the greatest bands ever, Journey. They have many wonderful hits, but I have chosen to talk about Faithfully. The song opens with, “highway run, into the midnight sun…“

I love the song, but there is one major error that goes undetected by the causal listener. At first, one would think, there is nothing challenging about the words, but take a closer look. Steve Perry clearly misidentifies the large shiny object in the sky. I don’t know what was going on during his youth, but we have a name for that so called “midnight sun.” In fact, it’s a completely different celestial body than our star. It’s called the moon. There is even a wonderful children’s book which would have been extremely helpful book, written by Margaret Wise Brown and illustrated by Clement Hurd.

     How a grown man fails to learn about the moon is a complete mystery to me.

FINAL VERDICT: I just don’t get it!

Journey – Faithfully

The third artist is one of the best singers, Alanis Morissette. Everyone knows the song and everyone knows the lyrics; I’m talking about her timeless hit Ironic. What everyone doesn’t know is that the only irony is the song is the fact that most of her examples are not ironic at all.

“It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid.” What the heck is ironic about that? It’s pretty much the standard operating procedure. You pay, and then the ride is free. Am I missing something here? (I honestly hope I haven’t been skipping out on the second payment!)

“It’s like rain on your wedding day.” That’s not ironic; it’s just a unfortunate for the guests who spent large amounts of money on a new outfit, new shows, and a new hairdo. In fact, rain on a wedding day is considered good luck. I’m not sure if rain is actually good luck; it may be just an old wives tale. (If anyone knows an old wife, please ask her; I would love to know the truth!)

This song is filled with plenty of great examples, but those are my two favorites. How she managed to pull the wool over our eyes is a complete mystery to me.

FINAL VERDICT: I just don’t get it!

Alanis Morissette – Ironic

All anyone has to say is, “You’re beautiful” and James Blunt’s classic song pops into everyone within earshot’s head. The problem I have is the fact people seem to overlook the obvious truth; Mr. blunt is a crazed stalker. He says, “she smiled at me on the subway, she was with another man. But I won’t lose no sleep on that, cause I have a plan.” “She was with another man?” Hello! She’s not interested, jerk! Leave her alone and stop creeping on someone else’s girl. She smiled because she’s a decent person, not because she wants to ruin her relationship. (People always seem to imagine outlandish situations. It’s like the folks with a bunch of haters!)

Later on, Mr. Blunt says, “and I don’t think that I’ll see her again, but we shared a moment that will last till the end” For her sake, I hope you never see her again. If you do see her, there will be a waterfall of tears flowing down her angelic face, due to the restraints and cold and dark homemade basement dungeon in your secluded home. Furthermore, you didn’t share a moment; you created a moment. In fact, you went on to create an entire fictitious life in which this woman would actually put her safety at risk. You need professional help, buddy!

How this crazy stalker is allowed to walk around without registering as a sex offender leaves me in a suspended state of consternation.

FINAL VERDICT: I just don’t get it!

James Blunt – Beautiful

My final artist is Bruno Mars; I love his song Grenade, but what is this guy talking about? “I’ll catch a grenade for ya!” First of all, you don’t catch a grenade; you jump on a grenade. Catching a grenade does nothing but cause fatal injuries to you and the special person you are “catching it” for. It would be the dumbest thing you could ever do in such a situation.

He also says, “shoulda known you was trouble from the first kiss; had your eyes wide open. Why were they open?” There are millions of relationship books and blogs and advice columns, but I’ve never heard this one. I’m not sure how things go on mars, but on earth, a woman having her eyes wide open during a first kiss is not a sign of trouble.  I honestly think it’s a good thing; shows that she is careful about her surroundings. I’m starting to question Mr. Mars’ motives here. Does he want her eyes clothes so he can film the proceedings?

There are other nonsensical examples from my friend Bruno, but these two help to make my point. To the girl who kept her eyes wide open, I say, kudos! To Mr. Mars, I say, you might be a creep!

FINAL VERDICT: I just don’t get it!

Bruno Mars – Grenade

If there are lyrics that you don’t get, write them in the comments section!

@PeteTeix617

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